by J. R. Grant
The rest of the time spent outside is in sheer silence smoking cigarette after cigarette. Smoking is something I have only done in the past, when I’m partying or extremely pissed off, but today I’m making an exception. I need something to help calm my nerves before I completely lose my shit, and right now, I could use the peace and quiet getting my nicotine fix before the truth begins to untangle. At the rate I’m going, I’ll ending up blowing through this pack quick.
Brandon stands up beside me and throws his soda bottle in the trash. “Come on, dude. Let’s head back inside. I’m sure everybody’s wondering where we’re at.”
Flicking my cigarette in the can, I stand up from the bench and stretch my arms before the both of us make our way back in the hospital.
Once we walk inside, I immediately head straight back toward the room Lani was put in, while everyone patiently sits in the waiting room, waiting for an update on Kade.
“There you are. I have been worried about you,” Lani says as I walk through the door. “I thought you were grabbing a drink and coming right back. You okay?”
I make my way over to the side of the bed, and she sits up and wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me. I can tell she hasn’t stopped crying since I left, and it qualms me. I don’t know how the girl has any more tears left. I feel like they have been streaming down her cheeks forever now.
“I am fine, Princess. I just needed a little air. I hate being in this place. Hospitals give me the creeps.”
“Me too,” she whispers against my chest, keeping a tight grip around me.
<> * <>
Between taking shifts with Lani and Kade’s parent’s, on top of running the office, I haven’t had a chance to breathe. To top it all off, Kelly, my office manager, met with me a couple of days ago and asked to be demoted since time away from her twin baby girls is starting to be too stressful on her family. I could tell she was stressed, the bags under her eyes were evident.
We placed an ad in the Daily Times and have had quite a bit of response, however I’ve not been able to sit in most of the interviews seeing how I’ve been on the road nonstop checking on Lani, Owen and Kade, and helping with the boys.
Through all of the time Kade’s been unconscious, I have discovered new things about the guy I have grown up with, things that have shocked the shit out of me. But now is not the time to bring these issues up to Lani. It’s going to have to be very soon, though, regardless if Kade wakes up from the coma or not.
Lani’s mind has not been in the right state, and I refuse to put any more on her than needs to be right now. Albeit time is critical, there are some things she needs to be made fully aware of before they backfire in her face. That’s the last thing I ever wanted to witness.
Chapter Seven
Lani
Eleven days have passed since my husband’s accident, and every minute that goes by continues to tears me apart. Today has been by far the hardest day I’ve ever had in my entire life.
Dr. Moore and Dr. Fiber have been through four surgeries with my husband. On top of all his injuries, Kade has a severe contusion on his head, two black eyes, and a broken nose from the accident. His right arm is also broken and will be in a cast for six to eight weeks.
During his forth surgery, Kade suffered a small stroke, causing minor damage to the right side of his brain. How much damage? We don’t know right this second. The doctors keep saying, “Only time will tell,” but all of this waiting and worrying is driving me freaking crazy. I feel hopeless just sitting here doing nothing but staring at my beat up husband who just so happens to be hooked up to more tubes and machines than I can possibly count.
Five days after Kade’s surgeries were complete, he was taken back out of the medically induced coma. Since then, my husband has made very little progress. The doctors at the University of Maryland Shock Trauma Center seem to think that Kade is within normal healing range due to his circumstantial injuries, and yet here I sit, feeling like he is never going to come back to me.
I’m beginning to wonder if my family will ever make it through all of this. I just don’t know anymore. Maybe once Kade’s up and feeling better, we’ll all be able to readjust again. Unfortunately, it’s getting there that seems to be the biggest issue.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m beyond thrilled my husband is alive, but it’s extremely hard sitting here watching the man I love suffer, knowing there’s not a damn thing I can do to make him feel better. I’m the one who fixes everything in our home; I’m the wife, the mom, the healer, and the protector.
<> * <>
Sitting in Kade’s hospital room with the boys next to me on their iPads, we continue to patiently wait for the man of our house to come back to us. If he would just open his eyes or give me some kind of sign, I think I would be able to relax more and function better. But as of now, we haven’t gotten any new changes, and I’m worried sick.
I have not left Kade since he first arrived here. I refuse. I’ve barely eaten, and I feel like I am ready to break. Holding it all together for my kids and our family has been nearly impossible, but I’m slowly managing. I have to get through all of this, especially for my two little boys. They need their momma strong, even though I think I’m more fragile than I’ve ever been in my entire life.
“You boys want to go grab some lunch?” My dad bends down and asks Justin and Zakrie.
My parents have truly been a godsend with the three of us lately. They’ve taken shifts between my in laws, Parker, and my other best friend, Ryder, driving up and helping me with the boys, as well as making sure they are taken care of at night while I’m here with Kade. My mom and dad refuse to leave my side, no matter what I tell them or how much I insist they go home, neither one of them listens. I know they are worried sick about me, and I can’t say that I blame them. I’m worried about myself.
“You hungry, Momma?” Zakrie looks up at me with such sadness in his eyes.
God, I hate this.
Looking over at Kade, tears well up, threatening to fall, but I refuse to cry. I cannot show my boys any signs of weakness. They need me to be strong right now more than ever.
They’re counting on me. I’ve got to keep it together.
“No, love bug. Momma’s not hungry. Y’all go ahead though, I’ll be fine.” Hugging his little body tight, I pull him back and kiss his cheek. “Get something good for you and your brother, okay? And no junk food. The Lord knows y’all have had enough this past week alone to last a lifetime.”
Without being told, Justin and Zakrie pick up their toys and put them in their bags before leaving with my parents. Once the door is closed, I push the light switch down and crawl into the bed with my husband. He may not be able to hold me, but I can hold him- or at least try to.
“I love you, Kade.” Wrapping my arms gently around his waist, I cling to him tightly. “You’ve gotta pull through this. Justin’s trying to be the man of the house and show no emotion. But I know he’s breaking inside. I’m so worried about him, babe. And Zak…he’s just as miserable. He doesn’t fully understand what’s going on, and he hates seeing me so upset like I have been- so sad all the time. I just wish you would wake up already. We need you here with us. I miss you so much.”
<> * <>
I’m exhausted. My body feels like it’s going to give out on me at any second. Still, I refuse to leave my husband’s side. It’s been fourteen weeks since the accident, and I’m so scared that Kade’s going to wake up if I leave, and I’ll miss any sign of him coming back to me. What if something happens, and his heart gives out on him? I know they’ve been monitoring everything closely, but still…I’m scared to pieces.
The boys have been staying between my parents’ house and Kade’s parents’ house for the time being. Parker picks them up a couple of times a week to take them out- to burn up some energy. I hate the fact that Justin and Zakrie are being shifted around like yo-yos, but I can’t go home. I’m not quite there yet- ready to take the next big step and leave Kade all alone.
Parker has been an amazing best friend! I could never imagine my life without him. He has faithfully come to visit with me, talking with me, and waiting patiently for Kade to wake up by my side, never complaining once.
Ryder has helped take shifts with my parents coming back and forth to the hospital, but she is unable to come up as much as Parker since she doesn’t have anyone to watch her daughter Lauren. I understand. Being here, looking at her friends this way is probably making her nervous as well. Hell, I know I would be too. Besides, she needs to be home with her baby girl. Lauren doesn’t deserve being put on hold because of the accident. It was just trying to make Ryder believe I was okay enough for her to leave and not worry about me.
Ryder and I have been best friends since high school. She moved to Ocean City from Pennsylvania our freshman year. We clicked right away and have been inseparable ever since. I was never close to many girls growing up, until Ryder came along. There was something about her spunky personality that drew me right in. The girl is feisty! I love her to pieces.
Chapter Eight
Parker
Six Years Before…..
“Mr. Johnson….. Parker Johnson?” The secretary of the court steps out from behind the counter and calls my name.
Rising from the bench, I walk directly over to greet her.
“Is your attorney present with you today?”
“No ma’am. It’s just me here today.”
“Very well. Please follow me over to room two oh four. We have your test results in this afternoon. I’ll need your signature on a couple of different documents and a driver’s license to verify who you are before you can take your copies home with you today, or to your attorney, whichever you prefer.”
Following behind the woman down the brick hallway, my nerves are about struck. I have impatiently waited nine long months to find out if my ex-wife, Jules, had her son, Lucas, by me, or if he is a product of an affair she had with some prick around town who’s been too much of a bitch to show his face.
This has been the longest nine months of my fucking life.
We stop in front of room two oh four, and the woman ushers me inside.
“Have a seat, Mr. Johnson. Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” she says.
Sitting down at the table before me, I wait for this to be over. All I need to hear is a yes or a no. That’s it, and I’ll have the answers I need.
A part of me knows the baby’s not mine, and yet, a part of me wants him to be. Lucas doesn’t have my last name, so that would be the first thing I would change if the results show I’m his father. Second, I’ll be sure to kick the bitch out of my damn house and keep Lucas with me. Jules deserves nothing but a swift kick in the ass for what she has put us all through these past two years. I knew I should have let Lani beat her ass when I had the chance in the beginning. But no, I was too wrapped around her little finger to clearly see my own fucking wife cheating on me, right in front of my face.
I met Jules our freshman year at Salisbury University. She was from Baltimore, and I, of course, was a town local. I’ve lived in Ocean City all my life, never having the intention of leaving. The beach is my home, my safe place. I’ll live here until the day I die.
Since I was a younger, I always knew what I wanted to do, and had gone after my dream. But my life changed drastically and went nowhere except downhill when I asked that evil bitch to marry me. I hate calling Jules names, I do. I’m not “that guy”. But the girl has fucked with me in more ways than one, robbing me of every ounce of happiness- sucking me dry. You name it, my ex-wife has done it.
Jules and I hooked up at an end of the year party that was thrown at Secret’s right off of Coastal Highway. She was with a bunch of girls she befriended at SU, and I was with my normal group of friends including Lani and Ryder. This was the same year Kade and Lani were getting married, and Lani found out she was pregnant with their son, Justin.
I had always known Lani and Kade would never leave each other’s sides since we were kids, even though I prayed she would open her eyes and see what was right in front of her. But she never did, and I had no other choice than to move on and start a life of my own.
It was childish really, for me to second-guess my heart and think she would come around to me eventually. Lani never knew I carried those kind of feelings for her, and I never wanted her to. The way she wrapped her life around Kade made me sick to my stomach. I hated the fact that those two were so wrong for each other, yet still together. Regardless of the emotional feelings I harbored in secret for as long as I can remember, I never wanted to ruin what Lani and I shared in our friendship. Some may think it sounds stupid. Hell, so do I. Nonetheless, I valued what we had, and never wanted the bond we built together, to be destroyed over a crush I had.
Lani and I were inseparable growing up. She has been by my side through some of the darkest times in my life. Therefore, it took every ounce of dignity I had in me not to tell her how I had really felt over the years. But for whatever reason, I held back, not ever being able to follow through with it.
Kade had always been my boy. Hell, we have been through a lot of shit over the years. But when it came to Lani, he rubbed me the wrong way, leaving an extremely uncomfortable feeling. I don’t know if it was because Lani had been my best friend since before we could walk, or if I just loved her too much. Either way, Kade Foster didn’t deserve my Princess. To this very day, I hate the fact that she’s with him and not me. Then again, there’s nothing I could have done that would have changed her mind. If anything, speaking my feelings out loud would have ruined everything between Lani and I, and I refused to allow that to happen. After all, losing her was my biggest fear, and I never wanted that particular fear to become my reality.
I invited Jules to come as my date to the Foster’s wedding. We initially hit things off pretty smoothly or so I thought. Jules was all sorts of beautiful even though she had a reputation that backtracked a mile long. Regardless, before I could’ve stopped any of those feelings from happening, I fell in love with her.
With long blond hair and a nicely toned, bronzed body, Jules was every man’s wet dream standing right before me. At that time in my life, I thought I would have been a damn fool to pass on someone like her. Little did I know, my life would turn upside down, and I would live my worst nightmare just by making one simple mistake.
Jules swore all she had ever wanted was a change in her life, and I had been the one who made her happy. Come to find out, her words were nothing short of a bunch of lies and straight-up bullshit. All the bitch ever wanted was someone to take care of her lying, cheating ass, and I was the fucking idiot who fell harder than I’d ever done before.
Damn, just thinking about the bitch puts me in a bad mood.
A couple of months after Jules and I had been together, I surprised myself and married the girl I thought loved me. I gave her my heart, my soul, and all that was within me. As time went on, Jules found out she was pregnant, and the baby could’ve very well not been mine.
Story of my life.
So for the past nine months, Jules has lied, cheated, stole, and robbed me of my happiness. She has used me, abused our situation, and has not given a damn about my feelings at all. What I never understood was how the chick slept at night, knowing how badly she had hurt me- someone who gave her their whole world.
Looking back, I wished I would have sucked it all up and went after the one girl I had always been in love with and lived my life for, no matter who or what got in the way. But I didn’t. I was a bitch, always putting other people’s feelings before mine. Now look where it got me. I’m suffering the consequences every fucking day.
Last month, Jules delivered Lucas and like a stupid asshole, I was right by her side through it all. Even though I had been afraid to get close to the baby, another part of me wants to get on my knees and beg for his forgiveness when his mother is not around.
What if Lucas is really mine and all I have done is pushed him away?
Can he forgive me, being that little, or will I not be able to live with the guilt, knowing how I had treated my own child?
Deep down, I know just by looking at the little boy that he’s not my blood. Hell, he looks nothing like Jules either. Whoever Lucas’ father is, is one lucky son of a bitch to have a beautiful baby boy who looks just like him. Sad part is, if I’m not his father, Jules swears she doesn’t know who is since there had been one night she had let loose at a party and allowed a couple of guys to tag team her.
Do I buy her story? Hell no. Do I care? Honestly, no. But the truth is, if Lucas is mine, I want this girl as far away from me as possible so I can give my son a good life. If he’s not my son, Jules needs to take her baby and get the hell away from me as soon as I get home. Either way, I refuse to stay with someone who has hurt me this badly.
“Thank you for being patient, Mr. Johnson.” The secretary comes out of the office door and stands in front of me. “May I have your driver’s license please? I’ll go ahead and make a copy so we can begin.”
Digging in my wallet, I pull out my driver’s license card and hand it over to her.
This is highly embarrassing.
She makes a copy and hands it back to me. Pulling a chair out, the woman sits down and separates the papers into three different piles. Picking up a pen on the table, she circles the places for me to sign and then looks up at me.
“Okay, let’s begin,” she says. “The moment you’ve been waiting for…”
My nerves are shot, and my heart is racing a mile a minute. It’s a simple yes or a no lady. Just spit the shit out already, would you?
“Mr. Johnson, I’m sorry to tell you, you are not the father of Lucas-”
Slamming my hands down on the table, I don’t give her time to finish as I grab the pen in front of me, and scribble my signature where she circled.
I knew it. I fucking knew it. Relief, as well as a shot of pain, douse through my body, giving my emotions a run for their money.
