by J. R. Grant
“I would have been with you in a heartbeat, Hawk. I would have chosen you any day over Kade. Any. Day. But you never told me. Not once, you’ve kept your feelings hidden from me. Well newsflash, I’m not a damn mind reader.”
Running down the steps, Parker moves straight in front of me, the deep brown in his eyes drawing me in.
“Then be mine now. Say you will give me a chance, give us a chance, and make me the happiest guy in the world.”
This is real… Oh my God, I can’t believe this is happening. I need to pinch myself and wake up.
“What if we lose all of those years of friendship just so we can be together? I want to be with you. God, Hawk, I love you more than words could ever express. But I refuse to lose the one person who keeps me grounded, who keeps me sane, because we’re both acting on emotions. And that person is you. I refuse to lose what we’ve shared, what we’ve built. I can’t imagine not having you in my life, Hawk, ever.”
Moving his hand to my cheek, he looks down at me and smiles. “You not being mine is ruining me, Lani. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want you.”
Tears trickle down my cheeks as I whisper, “Then tell me what to do.”
Pulling my neck back, he leans down and kisses me.
My heart is racing a mile a minute, and my legs feel weak.
I pull back and look at him.
“I need a drink.”
<> * <>
Parker and I walk into the kitchen to get a couple of beers. I needed a minute to breathe, to take everything in. This is a lot thrown at me all at once.
After all this time, I thought Parker wasn’t attracted to me. I mean, he always told me I was beautiful, but I thought he meant in a friendship kind of way. I honestly thought he cared and loved me just as a friend, nothing more. I know Parker is way more affectionate than most guys a girl befriends, but I thought that was just my Hawk. That’s the way he has always been.
I lean back against the stove and chug my beer down. If anything, I need some liquid courage right now.
“Tell me it’s not true,” Parker demands as he stands there giving me a look that says, “you know I’m right so don’t even think about lying.”
But for the first time in front him, I can’t speak. Instead, I close my eyes and swallow the emotions that are lodged in the back of my throat. I don’t know if it’s good or bad to have these kind of feelings for my best friend but they’re here. Honestly, they’ve always been here. They were just hidden deep down within because my heart was preoccupied. Now I wish I would have acted upon them sooner. I wish I would have known.
Could I have been happier with Parker rather than with Kade? Where would our lives be right now?
Pushing himself off of the counter, he makes his way over toward the other side of the kitchen where I’m leaning against the stove and doesn’t stop until our noses are touching, and I can feel his warm breath on my lips.
“Tell me after all this time you don’t feel it. Tell me it’s been my imagination from the beginning and I’ll let you go.” Grabbing hold of my hand, he pulls it up to his lips and kisses it softly.
“Look at me.”
Taking a deep breath, I open my eyes and look straight at him. His eyes are filled with tears, and it makes me want to reach out and hug him.
“For as far back as I can remember, you’re all I have ever thought about; from the time I wake up every morning until I go to bed at night. It’s always been you, Princess, only you.”
Wrapping his arms around my waist, he leans in and gently kisses my neck, sending pleasant shivers down my spine. I close my eyes and take it all in; his warmth, his touch, the soothing sound of his voice.
“Look at me.” Using his finger, he pulls my chin up to look me directly in the eye.
“Do you remember when you came over to my house and asked me to go on a bike ride? I think we were five or six at the time.”
Nodding my head, I usher him to continue. There’s no way I can speak right this minute. My emotions are flying all over the place.
“Your dress was pink. You had on white-plastic high heels that were sparkly, and if I recall, you were also wearing a princess crown that day. Do you remember?”
Holy shit.
“Yes…yes I remember,” I reply in amazement, not believing he remembers all of this.
Great, here comes more tears.
“Do you remember what I said to you that day?”
Shifting my body, I turn and reach for the paper towel holder and tear a piece off, quickly dabbing at my eyes.
“Yes. You said I looked beautiful, just like a princess.”
“And I’ve called you Princess from that day on. But do you remember what else I said?”
My heart immediately starts pounding. It feels like it’s about to come through my chest. I thought he forgot. I thought his words meant nothing since we were so young and now he’s going to remind me? Oh God, I don’t know what to say, what to think. I’ve dreamed of this day for a long time, never in my life expecting it to come true. I thought it was all just my imagination, my dream.
“I said, ‘One day, you’ll be my queen, and I’ll be your king. We’ll have lots of babies, and they’ll be our princes and princesses.”
Wrapping his arms around my waist, he pulls me against his hard stomach. “It’s always been you, but I couldn’t come between what you and Kade had, what the both of you shared. I refused. You seemed happy, at least for the most part. I needed to wait my turn, or at least until the time was right. But now that it’s here, now that you’re free, I’m not letting anyone step in my way again. I prayed my time would come since we were twelve years old, and he took you from me. I never gave up hope. Hope and faith are what brought us here, right this very second.”
Crushing his mouth against mine, Parker kisses me with so much desire, so much love, I feel like I’m going to combust.
Picking me up, without breaking contact with my mouth, I instantly wrap my legs around his waist as he carries me over to the couch and sits down, keeping me on top of him, straddling him.
Once we’re settled, he pulls back and looks me in the eyes, in seriousness, all playing aside.
“I need you, Lani. I need you like I need air to breathe. I want to spend right now, until the end of eternity, loving you and being with you.”
Running his thumb across my bottom lip, he cocks that sexy smile of his and whispers, “I know it’s been some time since your separation from Kade, and I know you’re still hurt. I can see the pain when I look in your eyes every day. But I also know that I can’t wait another lifetime to call you mine. I’ve already waited for what feels like forever.”
Softly brushing his lips across mine again, he looks up at me. “Will you stand by my side and let me show you what it’s like to feel truly loved, to feel cherished?”
I’m speechless. Can I possibly open my heart up again and risk the chance of getting hurt all over? I know Parker would never intentionally hurt me. Regardless, I’m more than certain my heart can’t handle any more pain either. I don’t know if the pieces are mended together enough to fully give myself to him like he’s requesting, but I’m going to try. I’ve never wanted anything in my life as much as I want my Hawk right now.
“Shhhh…” he says as he wipes the tears off my cheek. “I know your mind is running a mile a minute. I know you’re scared shitless, I can see it. I see the real you, Lani, I always have. So, go ahead and fall, Princess, I’ll catch you. I’ve never left your side, not once, and I never plan on it. When you feel lost, I’ll help you find your way. I’ll make you feel desired. There will never be a day that goes by where you’ll feel disliked again. If I haven’t proved it by now, after all this time, then I’ll show you every single day, for as long as you need to be reassured.”
I can’t believe this. I sound like a damn broken record, I know, but I just can’t believe this is actually happening. Whenever I thought of Parker in a different way before, I felt disgusted with
myself. I thought it made me dirty to think of my best friend in any sexual way. He never led on to having these sort of feelings for me, so hearing him say these words out loud makes this all surreal.
“I have one tiny piece of my heart left,” I whisper and close my eyes again, not believing I’m going to say this.
“One tiny piece, and I’m handing it over to you. Just please…please be gentle with it. Because if something happens between us, and if you ever hurt me, God, Hawk, I’ll be done. I’ll have nothing left. Losing you will kill me. It would destroy-”
Before I’m able to finish, he leans in and kisses me fiercely. His teeth softly tug at my bottom lip. A faint moan escapes from my throat the second I feel his tongue inside of my mouth. Gripping my waist, he stands up, and I immediately lock my legs around him, his hands move to the back of my thighs. Without breaking contact again, as carries me into the bedroom, he lays me down on the bed, staying directly on top of me.
“I’ve waited forever to hear those words come out of your mouth. You’re it for me, Princess, I’ll spend forever proving it to you.” Nibbling on my neck and then back up to my ear, he pushes up on his elbows, and smiles. My heart immediately flutters.
“When you’re sad, I’ll be the one to cheer you up. When the world disappoints you, I’ll make you happy. I’ll protect you, hold you close to my heart and make you feel wanted. I refuse to let anyone hurt you or take advantage of you ever again.”
Tears continue to slowly drip from the corners of my eyes, except this time, they’re not caused from pain, hurt, or rejection. For once in my life, I’m happy, and it seems like I’m finally going in the right direction.
“When you need to cry, it’ll be my arms that’ll hold you, my fingers that’ll brush away your tears. You’ll never feel alone, you’ll never be alone. I’ll always take care of you.” Lifting my shirt, he keeps his eyes trained on my eyes and continues. “I’ll worship you, take care of you, and love you until the end of time. You were made for me, Princess, only me.”
As I feel his mouth run back across my lips, I hold him there, refusing to let go. His callused fingers move up my chest and rub over top of my nipple, forcing me to squirm, while his other hand inches underneath my cotton shorts, heading directly to my aching spot.
“I’m going to show you what it feels like to be cherished, to be loved. After tonight, you’re mine, only mine. I’m never letting you go.”
I’m scared. Will he hurt me once this is over? I don’t think I could ever go through another heartache even if I tried. But instead of running like I’ve always had to do, I decide not to let fear control me any longer. Tonight is about new beginnings, it’s about starting over. And tonight, I’m going to see what it feels like to truly be loved.
“Do you want this? Do you want me? Tell me. If you don’t or if you’re having second thoughts, I’ll stop. I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”
Can I really handle this? I’ve never been with another man before.
My anxieties start to kick in, forcing me to feel uneasy. It’s time I tell him.
I push Parker up off of me and lean back against the headboard.
“I have to tell you something first, something you’re probably not going to like…”
Please God, don’t let this ruin things. I want Parker Johnson now more than ever.
Chapter Thirty
Lani
“Whatever you need to tell me, won’t push me away, Lani. Out of all people, you should know me better than that.”
I wipe my cheeks with the side of my hand and look up at him.
“Kade is the only person I have ever had sex with. I lied when the topic came up before my wedding, but I didn’t want to seem like a prude in front of our friends. Everyone else had been with multiple partners and there I was feeling a bit dumb…I know, stupid of me, but I always wanted to tell you. It just didn’t seem appropriate, you know. I didn’t want to sound like an idiot.”
When the conversation came up at the bonfire with everyone that night before mine and Kade’s wedding, I boldfaced lied to Parker. I was never the girl who would be able to have sex with multiple people and sleep well at night. I’ve never been that kind of girl. Regardless, I should have told him the truth. That’s the only lie I have ever told him before.
“I knew you were lying from the beginning. I can read straight through you. I always have. Am I mad? Hell no, you only being with one person is doing things to me right now, you just have no idea. But in the future, I want you to feel comfortable enough to share everything with me, even intimate stuff. If you agree to be with me tonight, I’m not letting you go. Ever. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a million times. You have to say goodbye to the single life.” He smiles and intertwine our fingers together.
“Believe it or not, I had a plan.” Parker laughs, I can tell he’s trying to lighten the mood a little. I don’t want to seem tense, but I’m scared as shit right now.
“I was going to tell you everything after court Tuesday. I know it’s only two days away, but if you feel in any way that you need to wait it out until you’re legally divorced from Kade, I’ll wait for you. I’ve waited this long, what’s two more days, right?”
I can’t help but smile. Why didn’t he open up to me sooner? I guess I’ll never understand the reasoning behind it all. I just wished he had. Maybe I could have been spared a little pain over the years.
He leans in and kisses the hell out of me, showing me just how much I mean to him.
Opening my mouth, his tongue brushes against mine, a soft moan escapes from my lips again.
God, he feels good. I want him, I need him so bad.
“I…want…this…” I whisper against his lips. “I want this. I want you. Please, Hawk, make me yours.”
Without hesitation, he moves in, closing the open space between us.
Using his fingers, he lifts my shirt up over my head and then slides my shorts down my legs, setting both pieces of my clothing beside us. He moves his body up closer to mine and lays beside me, holding me in his arms.
“You’re sure this is what you want? There’s no going back after this,” he asks one more time. I know he doesn’t want me to regret anything tonight, but there’s no way in hell I could. Being with Parker will complete me.
Wrapping my arm around his waist, I lean into his neck and whisper against his skin, “I promise I’ll never regret you, Hawk. Claim me, mark me, make me yours.”
“Shit, I’m not going to last, Princess. It’s been too long since I’ve been with another woman. But I’ll make it up to you, I promise. We’ve got all night,” he says with that sexy as sin smile.
Lifting my arm, he begins kissing a trail down my side before moving over to my chest. Grabbing a hold of my breast, he licks the tip of my nipple and gets it ready. As he continues sucking on it, he lifts my other breast in his hand and run his fingers over the tip of the bud teasing it, making me squirm.
Inching his hand down between my legs, his fingers softly massage my aching spot.
“I can’t wait any longer, Hawk. Touch me,” I beg. I forgot how good it feels to be worshiped.
Pushing my legs to the side, he uses his finger and moves up and down between my folds. My heat is on fire. I’m soaking wet. One finger moves inside of me, and then another. In and out he pushes and pulls until I come so hard, I cry out his name.
I sit up real quick and push his head back against the pillow. He looks at me confused and when he opens his mouth, I place my finger on his lips. “I can’t take it anymore. It’s been too long for me too. Lay back.”
He lays back, and I grab a hold of his throbbing dick. Pushing my right leg over his side, I place his hardness at my entrance and gently slide down on top of him.
“Ahhhhhhh…” He feels so good. “You can make love to me later. Right now…I need you.” God, I sound desperate.
Once he’s all the way inside me, I take the hair tie off of my wrist and wrap my hair in a
messy bun. Wiping the sweat off the top of my forehead, I place my hands behind me, on Parker’s legs, and start moving my body in a circular motion, pushing him in and out of me.
“Ahh…Parker…Oh, God…” I scream, not meaning to be so loud. My moans echo throughout the room. I quickly stop when I hear a noise outside the door. I’m suddenly reminded the boys are here sleeping. “Shit. What was that?” I look at Parker frantically. “The boys…”
He pushes me off of him and walks over to the door. Opening it up, he sticks his head out in the hallway and looks around. A few seconds later, he makes his way back over to the bed, and stands directly over top of me.
Lifting both of my legs up to his chest, he takes my right foot and starts kissing it, moving his lips down my calf. Taking his other hand, he licks his finger and brings it to my center. Rubbing against me, he works him magic and I feel like I’m about to lose it again.
God, the way he intently watches me, touches my body, makes me lose all control. I never want this gratifying feeling to go away.
“Please, Hawk….I need you.” I moan, and grab a hold of the pillow, placing it over my mouth.
Without warning, he thrusts his dick back inside of me. Trying to be quiet right now is impossible. He feels so freaking good.
“I’m gonna come…ahhh…right there,” I moan, digging my nails into his back.
Pure ecstasy rushes through body and my release hits like never before. Continuously, he slams in and out me, and before I can catch my breath, he’s calling out my name.
Setting my legs down, he walks into the bathroom and comes back over with a warm cloth. Cleaning me off, he sets it down on the nightstand and crawls in the bed beside me.
“I love you, Princess. Thank you for giving us this chance. I promise you won’t regret anything. I’ll never let you down.”
I pull his head over to me and look him in the eyes. “I love you too. Thank you for never giving up on me, on us. But tonight, this isn’t over. We have a lot of years to make up for.”
“Then what are we waiting for?” His lips crash into mine, slow and sweet.
