by Rinelle Grey
Calrian was struggling right now, and it would take him time to get over the loss of his clan, but Rylee wanted to be there to help him, to support him through this, and hopefully to show him that out of the loss something worthwhile could happen.
Chapter 9
The warmth in his lair as both Rylee and Rowan exuded understanding and caring helped make up for the fact that it was empty and that it would never be full of the laughter of Rian dragons again.
There was a part of Calrian that still felt numb and distant. Perhaps it always would. A part of his life felt like it was over. He knew he would never see his clan again, never have the chance to wake his brothers and sisters.
A part of him would never get over their loss and would miss them always.
But there was also a part of him looking forward to the future with Rylee and Rowan. A part of him that knew the devastating sadness would fade into a dull ache.
And he felt guilty about that.
Realistically, he knew his clan, the dragons he’d known before he entered the Mesmer, had all died long ago anyway. The clan he’d lost now was filled with dragons he didn’t even know. But it didn’t matter. Even if he didn’t know them, they were still his family, and he missed them just the same.
His brothers and sisters—that hurt even more. He might take comfort in the fact that they weren’t dead, but as a single dragon alone, he had no chance of defeating the Trima dragons guarding their Mesmer chambers. He had been lucky Rowan had found him, lucky the Trima dragon guarding his chamber had been asleep.
Without his assistance, it was unlikely his brothers and sisters would ever wake.
A part of him felt like he should still be searching for ways to wake them. They were still alive, and to abandon them was almost as heinous a crime as failing to keep his clan safe. If he could wake just one of them, maybe they would have a chance of fighting off the Trima clan to wake the rest.
But even attempting to wake one of them risked his own life. Or worse, Rylee or Rowan’s. He was sure they would gladly help him, but he’d already risked Rylee’s life once. He wasn’t sure he could do that again.
And to add insult to injury, if he managed to wake Sarian, he was sure Ultrima would pursue her relentlessly. His brothers and sisters had not been enough to protect her last time, even with the help of their clan. Without them, they stood no chance. No, if he woke his siblings, he would be waking them to war and death.
Calrian could see no point to that.
His arguments were all true and valid, but that didn’t stop him from feeling guilty. Maybe he always would. But he couldn’t wallow in it. He was awake and alive and he had a life to live. He cared deeply about Rylee, and even the guilt wasn’t enough to stop him wanting to be with her.
He glanced over at her as she turned meat in a pan over the fire. Rowan sat beside her, telling her some happier story about school, and his heart warmed… he may have lost one family, but he had gained another, and even though he felt guilty about it, the new family in front of him eased the pain of his loss considerably.
It had been sweet of Rowan to ask him to join their family and sweet of Rylee to agree. Calrian hoped they weren’t just saying it because he was sad. He hoped it was really what Rylee wanted. He would ask her later, once Rowan was in bed.
His mind turned back to Rowan’s problems at school, and he frowned. Rylee had seemed upset when he’d told the boy he needed to stand up for himself, but it was the only way. Bullies, like Ultrima, didn’t respect anyone who just kept their head down and ignored them. Because in order to do it properly, to escape their interest, you had to not be afraid, and that lack of fear only came with confidence.
But how could Calrian help the boy get that confidence?
An idea occurred to him, and the more he thought about it, the more he was sure it was perfect.
Rylee looked up from the fire. “Calrian, can you find the plates for me? Dinner is ready.”
Calrian let himself get swept up in Rylee’s nightly rituals, trying not to think too hard about his lost clan, trying to focus on the here and now. Because no matter what he had lost to gain this, this was something worthwhile. Rylee and Rowan were wonderful people, a family he could be happy with.
After dinner, Calrian offered to wash the dishes for Rylee, and as he had hoped, Rowan offered to help. Rylee watched them carefully for a few moments, just as she had done all night, before nodding and going to start setting up the beds.
Her attention warmed Calrian’s heart. She truly cared about him and was worried about his grief and wanted to help. He was lucky to have found her.
And he would devote his life to helping her and making her life easier. That would ease some of the pain at not being able to help his clan.
No, he wasn’t going to think about that, not now. He was going to focus on the here and now.
With that thought in mind, he took the stack of dishes down to the bathing cave, where he washed them in a tub of water from the heated spring. Rowan kept him company, not trying to have a conversation, just drying and stacking the plates in companionable silence. He was a good kid, and though Calrian knew nothing of being a father, he was determined to do his best by his hew son.
Once the dishes were done, Rowan moved to pick them up to return them to the main room, but Calrian stopped him with a hand on his arm. “I wanted to talk to you, Son.”
Rowan looked up at him, and a smile slowly spread across his face. “Does that mean I can call you dad?”
Calrian hesitated. The idea warmed his heart, but he wasn’t quite ready for it yet. “Maybe. I’d better talk to your mother first.”
Rowan nodded, but his grin widened. “She won’t say no. She likes you.”
Calrian was pretty sure the boy was right. But he wasn’t going to assume.
“That wasn’t what I wanted to talk to you about,” he said instead. “I actually wanted to discuss your problem at school.”
Rowan’s smile disappeared and was replaced with a frown. “I wish I didn’t have to go to school. It’s no fun.” He looked up at Calrian. “Do dragons go to school?”
“Not the same way you do, no,” Calrian admitted. “But we do have to deal with bullies. They’re not exclusive to school. Bullies are everywhere, and if you don’t deal with them, they’ll always be able to make you miserable.”
Rowan looked uneasy at that. “Mum said I shouldn’t fight them. That it will only make me the same as them. And I don’t want to fight.”
Calrian nodded. “Your mum is right. Fighting is always a last resort, best to avoid it if you can. But that doesn’t mean you have to just accept what they’re throwing at you. You can stand up to them without having to fight, just like…” he searched around for a comparison, and when the obvious one popped up, he was tempted to ignore it.
He didn’t want to talk about Ultrima, his emotions were still too raw. But it was the perfect example.
“I faced a bully today, and your mum stood beside me,” he said solemnly.
Rowan stared at him wide eyed. “What sort of bully?” His voice was breathless, as though he suspected some exciting story.
And he wasn’t far off the mark.
“It was the dragon who destroyed my clan,” Calrian said solemnly.
“Mum faced up to a dragon?” Rowan’s eyes were as round as the saucers he held.
“Yes, you should have seen her,” Calrian said, memories of Rylee’s bravery outshining his grief. Maybe he could make this story about her, not himself. “She had no hope of being stronger than him. She was a human against a dragon, but that didn’t stop her.”
Rowan’s eyes shone. “Mum? Really?”
Calrian nodded. “She was as fierce as any dragon, and she told him he was wrong to his face.” He smiled at the memory. “She has the heart of a dragon, even if she is a human.”
Rowan’s face was alight with excitement. This was the moment.
Then Rowan’s face fell. “I wish I was brave like Mum.”
“You are,” Calrian said firmly. “And because you are, there’s something I’d like you to help me with.”
An uneasy frown came over Rowan’s face, but he didn’t back down. “What is it?”
“I’ll need to change into my dragon form,” Calrian warned him. “I know there’s not a lot of room in here, but it should be enough. Are you okay with that?”
Rowan didn’t hesitate. “Of course.”
Calrian shifted, growing a tail, wings, scales, and huge dragon teeth. He bent his head down near Rowan and bared his jaws. “I have a loose tooth,” he explained into Rowan’s mind. “The front left one. If you wiggle them a little, you can find it.”
He’d wondered if the boy would hesitate. A full sized dragon, even a friendly one, was an intimidating sight. And his rows of teeth were large and sharp. But Rowan didn’t even blink. He just bent over, wiggling each tooth in turn until he found the right one. “This one?”
“Yes,” Calrian said, glad he didn’t have to move his mouth to use dragon speech. “Can you pull it out for me?”
“Me?” Rowan pulled back far enough that Calrian could see his wide eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It won’t hurt,” Calrian promised. “It’s ready to fall out. Dragons lose teeth all the time. I’ll grow a new one. But I can’t get it out myself.”
Rowan searched Calrian’s dragon face, then nodded. “I’ll try,” he said gamely. He reached forwards, grasped the tooth in his hand, and pulled as hard as he could.
The tooth popped out, just as Calrian had promised it would, with little effort and pain.
Rowan stared at the tooth in his hand as Calrian transformed back and pulled on his clothes. Then he turned and smiled at Rowan. “Thanks.”
Rowan held the tooth out to him. “Here, do you want it?”
“You keep it,” Calrian told him. “Maybe it will remind you that you don’t need to be a dragon or be big and strong to stand up to your fears. You have the heart of a dragon, and if you let that shine, no one will ever be able to bully you.”
Rowan stared at the tooth in wonder for a moment, and then put it in his pocket. When he turned back to Calrian, his face was different. The uncertainty and fear had faded away. He looked at Calrian for a moment, then to Calrian’s surprise, he threw his arms around him. His voice was muffled as he said, “You’re the best dad ever.”
Calrian’s heart filled with love. It was strange. He’d only known Rowan for a few weeks, and he wasn’t his flesh and blood, but he already loved him like he would love a son. And he wasn’t making it up when he said the kid had the heart of a dragon. He did.
Just like his mother.
Calrian had been very lucky Rowan was the one who’d found him, and that Rylee had been his mother.
He couldn’t have asked for a better family.
In the back of his mind, he couldn’t help thinking they were better than any dragon family he’d ever imagined, even if that thought did feel disloyal.
Chapter 10
“I hope you didn’t tell Rowan to fight back against those bullies,” Rylee said firmly to Calrian, once Rowan had gone to bed. “He’ll get hurt if he tries.”
“Did I try to fight Ultrima even though that was what I wanted to do?” Calrian’s reply was a little cryptic, but Rylee got the message anyway.
She heaved a sigh. “No, but I wish you could have.” She gave a shudder. “I can’t believe he thinks your sister would still even consider mating with him after all he’s done.”
Calrian shook his head, but the sadness returned to his eyes, and Rylee regretted talking about his sister instead of steering the conversation in a different direction. He’d seemed almost happy over dinner. And Rowan had certainly been happy with the idea of having Calrian for a father.
She definitely wasn’t averse to having Calrian around. She’d grown used to his presence. She relied on him.
More than that, she cared deeply for him, even loved him.
But deep down, she wasn’t sure she could ever replace the family he’d lost.
“Speaking of mating…” Calrian let the words trail off, but the look in his eyes as he stared at her was intense.
Rylee’s breath caught in her throat, and for a few moments, she let herself believe he meant it. That he felt as strongly about her as she felt about him.
But how could he? He’d just suffered a terrible loss. Now was not the time for him to be thinking of mating.
“You don’t have to let Rowan bully you,” she said firmly. “He likes and admires you, but that doesn’t mean you have to mate with me.”
“But I want to.”
Calrian’s words were short and simple, but they set Rylee’s heart racing.
“Really?”
Calrian took her hands in his and stared deep into her eyes. Rylee could see the emotion in them, almost feel it washing over her.
“Rylee, ever since the moment you met me, you’ve been nothing but kind and caring. No matter how much of an imposition I’ve been, you’ve never made me feel like I was in the way or like you wished I wasn’t there. In fact, I don’t think you’ve even thought it.”
“Of course not…” Rylee started to say, but Calrian interrupted her with a finger on her lips.
“You spend all your time thinking of what everyone else needs and not enough time thinking of what you need, but that’s okay because I want to do that for you. I want to take care of you, Rylee. I want you to never feel alone again. I don’t want either of us to feel alone again.”
His words brought a tear to Rylee’s eyes. It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to her.
And yet, it wasn’t enough. She didn’t want someone to feel she was caring and to want to look after her. She wanted the real deal. She wanted someone who was passionately in love with her and felt like they couldn’t live without her.
She wanted someone whose grief at the thought of losing her was as great as Calrian’s grief at losing his family.
But she didn’t have any right to expect that of him. He’d just lost his clan. It made sense he may not want to take on the risk of another loss like that.
“I don’t think not being alone is a good reason for getting mated,” Rylee said regretfully. “I know dragons view relationships differently, but I don’t want to do that. If I get into another relationship, I want it to be because I can’t bear to be apart from that person, not because I can’t bear the thought of being alone.”
Calrian smiled. “I know, Rylee. You were the one who taught me that relationships could be about more than just mating, that they could be about love.”
Rylee’s heart thudded uncomfortably in her chest. “Do you mean..?” She didn’t dare finish the sentence, didn’t dare hope he meant something more.
But Calrian was nodding. “Yes, Rylee, I do. I love you. I never thought I could feel this strongly about someone without the mating bond, but I do. I want to wake up beside you every morning and lie down next to you every night. I want to be your mate, and I want to give your son the father he deserves.”
Rylee hardly dared believe he meant it. Even though he’d said the words and they were everything she’d ever wanted to hear, she found it hard to trust them. She found it hard to trust Calrian wasn’t being influenced by the fact that he’d just lost everyone else in the world and she was all he had left.
“I know you think that right now,” she said gently. “I know you believe it. But how can you be sure this isn’t just about wanting someone to replace your clan? How do you know it’s not just about not being alone?”
She desperately hoped he had an answer, one she could believe.
“Because,” Calrian said with a smile, “I was already thinking it before I found out about my clan.” His expression darkened for a minute, but then when he looked at her, it lightened again. “I would have said something to you earlier, but I didn’t feel like I could make a commitment to you or to Rowan when I thought I might be going into a war.”
He continued without pause. “I had a responsibility to my clan. I’m their prince, even if I’d never met any of them before. I didn’t have the right to make plans of my own when there was a chance I’d need to lead them into battle. The loss of that responsibility lies heavy on my heart, but there’s also a part of me that’s relieved because it means I have a chance to be with you.”
She should have known he’d have the right answer. She never should have doubted him. Rylee’s heart was singing even as it was aching for Calrian’s loss. “Do you really mean that?” she asked, needing just a little more reassurance.
“I mean it,” Calrian said sincerely. “I wouldn’t say it otherwise.”
Of course he wouldn’t. Calrian had never once lied or hidden the truth from her. Rylee knew she could trust him even if she found it hard to believe what he was saying.
She stared at him, drinking in the sight of him watching her intently, waiting patiently for her response. She knew if she let him, Calrian would be right there waiting for her every day of the rest of their lives.
She knew he’d never let her down, never hurt her as Eric had. She could trust him.
And now he’d said he loved her. She wasn’t sure what she’d done to deserve such a wonderful man falling in love with her, but she wasn’t going to argue. She was going to grab this chance with both hands and never let him go.
Involuntarily, her hands reached out to grasp his even as her eyes filled with tears. “I love you too, Calrian,” she said through her sniffles. “And I’d like nothing more than to be your mate and to have you be Rowan’s father. Even if we do disagree on how to deal with bullies.” She laughed a little through the tears. “Who knows, maybe you’re right? Maybe he needed a father’s opinion, not a mother’s.”
Calrian squeezed her hands. “Don’t ever doubt your own beliefs,” he said firmly. “They come out of a place of caring for your son. He needs to know that. Besides, what I said wasn’t so very different.” He smiled at her and reached out to wipe away a tear that ran down her cheek. “You’ve raised a wonderful son, Rylee. I’m sure he’ll be just fine.”
