Didn't Sea it Coming

by Andie M. Long

  “Yes. Otherwise the more salubrious characters who live in the sea would steal our treasures and try to sell them ashore.” Duke Brishon came into view, his belly wobbling up and down as he walked. He was dressed in a sea-green tight lycra outfit. I didn’t know where to put my eyes. The Duke, who looked portly and on the early side of sixty, was wearing a cap sleeved lycra crop top and the tightest leggings known to man. It would appear there were two limpets and a sand worm captured around the groin area. Goddamn it, I’d looked. My lunch threatened to make a further reappearance. I made my gaze head higher, higher than the rotund hairy belly, higher than the moobs, up to his face. God help me, how long was I supposed to endure this?

  “Queen Shelley. Thank you for joining us here in Wyvern Sea.” He bowed.

  “Thank you, Duke Brish- aaarrrrgghhhhh.”

  Out of nowhere a seeming ton of sea water emptied over me like a shower, drenching me from head to foot. Everyone else in my party looked sophisticated and very, very dry.

  Theo came to my side and took a crab out of my hair.

  “Shall we?” The Duke indicated inside of the massive sandcastle. I nodded my head, and we followed him through the entrance.

  “I trust you had a good journey over?” Brishon chatted as we entered an enormous living room. To say the outside resembled a sandcastle, inside was like a footballer’s mansion, with no expense spared. I had thought the decor would all be about the sea and there would be shells everywhere, but I realised that was stereotypical thinking. I lived on earth but didn’t have a house full of mud. Instead it was painted entirely white, with zebra print rugs, and leopard print cushions. An enormous television covered part of one wall, and classical music played through speakers dotted throughout the room.

  “Take a seat on one of the many comfortable sofas and I shall arrange refreshments.”

  Once we had given our request for drinks to a member of his household staff, I began to ask the many questions I had buzzing around my brain.

  “How does this work, Brishon? How come we can’t see the sea underwater? I thought we’d have to wear a scuba kit or something.”

  “Well, that would be highly inconvenient for everyone who lives here wouldn’t it? The sea as a liquid is an illusion, cast to deter humans from entering our realm. In reality it is an adaptable substance. Therefore, fish can swim here but we can also live here as you would above the water, without the need for equipment. For anyone swimming underground, the sea will disguise the buildings and trick divers into swimming around things. It’s probably best to just accept it rather than try to understand it. The main thing you need to know is that you are currently not drowning due to the fact you are Queen, and your guests are alive because they are part of your entourage. For example, was Polly to attempt to visit here alone, she’d find herself coughing, spluttering, and moments from death.”

  So, we were getting straight to the point.

  “However, should she come as a guest of your son, Lord Drake, she would be able to visit, wouldn’t she?”

  “No. Not without my blessing. So, you see we have a situation where you can overrule me if you believe this union is watertight, pardon the pun. Otherwise there’s a problem as Drake cannot live on land for long without a visit to the sea, and if he doesn’t follow the rules of my kingdom, then I can ensure the water doesn’t let him in.”

  “Are you threatening to kill your own son?”

  “Oh, he’d not die. He’d just look like a 150-year-old who’d smoked 50-a-day and sat in the sun without lotion for all of those years, crossed with a dried-up prune. He’d not be able to move much either due to the tightness of his skin.”

  Polly looked mutinous and opened her mouth. I tapped her arm and shook my head. “We only just got here.” I whispered. “Give me time.”

  She closed her mouth but the look she gave me told me she wasn’t about to take Brishon’s shit much longer.

  “So, we understand you got Drake a different gig with a sea nymph?” Charlie said.

  Brishon turned around to address my daughter. “Yes. Her father rules the neighbouring kingdom so it’s the perfect partnership. When they marry Wyvern Sea and Horn Sea will be able to unite as one big realm.”

  “So, if Kings and Queens here become Wyverns, what happens to the ones in Horn sea?” Charlie winked at Brishon.

  Colour me surprised when Brishon actually laughed.

  “They do actually get horns on their head. But yes, it would be amusing if it meant they were permanently horny. Hahahahaha, Oh, Princess Charlene, you are a delight.”

  “I’m a princess?” Charlene’s mouth dropped open.

  “Well of course. Your mother is the Queen of Wyvern Sea. As her daughter you are a princess.”

  “Holy hell. That’s frikkin amazing. Wait ‘til I tell Alyssa. I’m gonna make her curtsy to me. Freaking A.”

  “Alyssa will probably slap you with a large paw.” I told my daughter. “Just bear that in mind.”

  “You spoil everything, you know that?” Charlie huffed. “Anyway, Brish, so we need something to work with here because Drake and Pol, they’re in lurve, mate. So, what can we do?”

  Brish?

  “My hands are tied as far as Drake and Polly are concerned. She is human. She has no worth here.”

  “How very dare you. I’m right here.” Polly spat.

  “My apologies, Miss Linley. It is not easy for me to say these words, but this is the kingdom I have been looking out for, for many years now. As a human with no vast property, what do you have to bring to the table? Drake’s union with Keto will create a new blossoming realm. She is the nereid of the sea monsters and so would be instrumental in adding to our armies. You could bring war. Your parents are threatening to out my community. Even if I hadn’t already promised Drake to Duke Horn Sea’s daughter, I couldn’t take a risk on you. However,” he turned back to Charlene. “Obviously as future Queen, you would take priority over Keto.”

  “Thanks, Brish, but my heart is set on another. He is also from the sea.”

  “Oh, yes?” Brishon’s face had gone taut, his jaw set.

  “It’s just a teenage crush my daughter has, Duke Brishon. Nothing for you to worry about at this point.” I did my best to convey with my expression alone that Charlie needed to shut up. If she chose Kai, it would make him more important than Brishon and Drake, and I didn’t know how the Duke would feel about that.

  “Duke Brishon. I will need some time with you to discuss this matter further before we leave.”

  “I shall be happy to grant your request, Queen. Though I doubt you will be able to change my mind.”

  “We’ll see.”

  “My wife can be very persuasive.” Theo said.

  “Is that so?” The Duke elbowed Theo in the arm. “Then one-on-one time is most definitely being added to mine and your wife’s agenda.”

  Theo’s eyes turned vivid red and his fangs descended.

  Brishon smacked him on the back. “I’m just messing with you, Theo. I hold our Queen in high esteem and would never view her in that way. As a desirable woman that is. To me she is the Queen, the ruling wyvern beast of the sea.”

  Yeah, all women love to be described as a beast.

  “Right, if everyone is refreshed, I should be honoured to escort you to the formal dining room where you shall meet a few invited guests.”

  We left Brishon’s home and boarded a carriage led by large sea creatures. They swam for around ten minutes in seeming mid-air before pulling up outside a vast building made of stone.

  “This is the court of Wyvern.” Brishon announced.

  A shimmering blue carpet led from the carriage up the steps into the reception of the white stone building where men and women dressed in silver lycra stood around. All their hair was long and held back with silver scrunchies. Two of the staff approached, bearing trays that were actually large flat shells, each carrying flutes of an iridescent sparkling drink. “This is our specialty drink and is called ‘The Wyve
rn Wave’. It is a blend of the finest champagne and drops of the water that are caught inside the wall of pearls. Something you will see when we enter the formal dining hall.” Brishon explained.

  “Perfectly safe to drink and most delicious.” My father encouraged, taking a glass. We all followed suit, and he was right, the drink was absolutely spot on and I wished Kim was here and not pregnant. She’d have loved it.

  “Is it possible to get a bottle of this to take home?” I asked.

  Brishon shook his head. “I’m afraid not. Otherwise-”

  “People would try to sell it for vast amounts of money.” I interrupted.

  “Yes. And try to mount missions to come and pilfer from the wall of pearls. Man likes nothing better than to try to ruin the waters. Why otherwise would they dump so much filth here? It’s only the fact we have certain sea creatures who have found ways to re-use some of the plastic and filter the filth that we remain alive. As it is, we have had to develop sea-fill sites for the waste.”

  “For that I can only apologise on behalf of the people on shore.” I suddenly felt the need to start an environmental campaign on land and made a mental note to see if there was indeed anything I could do to help in Withernsea.

  “It’s another reason I do not want a union between my son and the human girl.” Brishon flashed a look at Polly. “We do not want humans connected with our realm.”

  “Now, listen here-”

  Polly’s voice was drowned out by the sound of a huge booonnnnnng noise, followed by a loudspeaker announcement saying dinner was served.

  We walked through to the dining room where a beautiful, large, circular dining table was surrounded by a number of chairs. They were all white and looked like they were made out of pearl. As I cast my eyes further around the room, I saw the wall of pearl that Brishon had spoken of. It was as he’d said, a wall completely festooned with pearls of all different colours, and there were pearl covered ‘pockets’ interspersed along the wall where the liquid ran that went into the drinks. The lights of the room were designed to highlight the sheer beauty of the wall, and I noted every one of us, bar my father who’d no doubt seen it before, were awestruck.

  “May I look closer?” I asked the Duke.

  “Of course.”

  When I reached the wall itself a quiet melody was emitted, soothing to the ear.

  “This is indeed a thing of beauty and I can see why you want to keep your secrets, Brishon.”

  “I’m glad we have an understanding. I have nothing against your sister. She is just not a suitable match for my son.”

  “Oh, that is not what I meant. I just meant why you keep your secrets away from those on land. We have yet to discuss the relationship between Lord Drake and Polly. But when we do, we will make sure to listen to what your son and my sister want, and what is best for the sea and the land. I am Queen of it all.”

  “No matter how much it offends my Queen, if it affects the sea, it will not be allowed.”

  I could see I wasn’t going to get anywhere with the Duke at this stage and decided it may be better to wait until his stomach was full of drink and food before I began my bargaining.

  And so, we made our way away from the wall and back to the beautiful dining table.

  “Allow me to introduce this evening’s guests.” Brishon announced to us and those seated, who had arrived while we were looking at the wall. Polly’s eyes immediately shot to those of Drake. He smiled at her in reply to the beam he had received, but his eyes held caution in them. Brishon introduced us first, and each guest bowed or curtsied to me which I still couldn’t get used to. Then Brishon went around the table.

  “This is my second-in-command, Demeter, and his wife, Estelle. Then we have my chief officer, Lance, and his wife Tia. You know my son, Lord Drake. Finally, this is Duke Gill of Horn Sea and his daughter, Keto.”

  I couldn’t believe he’d done this. Actually, invited them to dinner with us. Theo quickly approached me and grabbed my hand which made the blue webs at my fingertips disappear.

  “Don’t do anything where he then has ammunition against you. Brishon is playing a game and you need to take him on and win.” My father whispered in my ear.

  I placed a smile on my face.

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you all.” I lied as I spotted the smug smirk on Keto’s face. “Now I’m rather hungry and it’s ill-mannered to delay people dining is it not?” I fixed a glare at Brishon to let him know he could bring it. I’d read up on the rules and I was ready for him.

  “Indeed. Let us dine and show you what the sea does best when it’s left to just be.”

  Keto rose, her long brown hair swirling around her face. “This chair is uncomfortable, would you mind swapping with me please, Demeter?”

  “Of course, M’lady.” Demeter rose and swapped seats which meant that Keto had placed herself in a seat right next to Drake.

  “Where would you like to sit, my Queen?” Brishon asked.

  “None of my party have any particular desperation to be seated in any seat.” I caught Keto’s eye. “Please, sit wherever you like.” I told them.

  Polly took the seat at my right which placed her directly in Drake’s eye line. He shuffled his seat away from Keto. “Please excuse me, Keto. I’m all elbows when I eat.”

  “Then I shall look forward to what you are when you’re in bed.”

  Polly gasped. It was indeed a good job she was human because had she had any powers at all I’m sure Keto would have just felt the full force of them.

  “I shall remind everyone at this table that they are in the presence of their Queen.” My father said. Good old Dad.

  Keto bowed her head.

  “I apologise, my Queen.”

  Nodding at her, I realised that this wasn’t going to be as simple as I’d first thought. Keto was indeed a rival, and a daughter with sway over the rule of the neighbouring sea, and that made her a potentially dangerous enemy.

  I’d need to watch my back.

  Polly

  So, this dickhead duke could diss me and invite my love rival, but I was just supposed to sit back and do nothing? Fabulous. It’s not like I could protest against it either seeing as Shelley was the Queen under this water. The Queen. If I married Drake, I would be a lady I thought, entering into a daydream of me wearing the most beautiful pale blue dress looking a lot like Cinderella, while my groom, Drake, waited for me at the chapel on a beach-side location looking out over the water, the perfect venue for our backgrounds. This would mean guests could attend from both land and sea. I wondered if there was a special under the sea ceremony you had to have when marrying a Lord of the Sea?

  “Polly.” Shelley elbowed me out of my dreams and back to the pain in the arse reality currently happening. “Keto was asking you something.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry.” I looked at the bitch, annoyed she’d blocked my daydream wedding, just as she was trying to block my real-life romance. Why did she have to be so alluring? She was all glossy brown locks that fell in waves, sculpted cheekbones, a perfect pink pout. Her eyebrows were on point, and she had a mole on her cheek. How was Drake going to resist her? She gave me a ladyboner. I noticed Shelley was frowning at me.

  “Are you all right, Polly? She’s asked you a question twice now and you’ve zoned out.”

  “Please excuse me, I’ve not slept well. Could you repeat it once more?”

  “Of course. I wondered what you did for a living in Withernsea?”

  “Oh, I’m a fitness instructor and I also teach swimming lessons.”

  “Ah, right.” She answered like I’d just said I had to coat myself in manure and eat other people's shit for a living.

  “And you?”

  “I’m a marine biologist. I study all types of sea creatures. So, I’m an expert on what each species needs to keep them happy.”

  Well that just bloody figures doesn’t it?

  “You and me both. I do that at my dating agency.” Shelley responded. “The main thing I find is tha
t the person who initially looks perfect on paper, when you get to know them deep down—which I do through questionnaires—well, you find they seldom end up with the type they think they belong with. Usually that’s actually where they’ve gone wrong in looking for a partner. In assuming they know exactly what they’re looking for. It’s so true about assume. It makes an ass out of you and me.” Shelley gave Keto a sickly-sweet grin though I could tell she wanted to wrap her webs around Keto and throw her around the room like the Hulk with Loki at the end of The Avengers.

  “Your being Queen is an interesting role. One we don’t require in Hornsea. There my father rules both land and sea as shall I as the only heir when I take over. What exactly is it you do?” Keto raised a hand. “Not at the dating agency you own, I think we can guess as to what you do there. But as Queen. There can’t be a lot if you can work full-time at the agency?”

  Whoa. I was expecting a catfight any minute. My sister didn’t take any shit before she became supernatural.

  “My mum is so badass at what she does, she can do both. This is the woman that took down Satan. Might be an idea to remember that.” The threat in my niece’s voice was plain to hear. “Then her other role, her most important one of all as Queen, was to give birth to me. The prophesised one who will rule and stop a war.”

  “Ah look, the starter is arriving.” Brishon announced as more of the silver lycra wearing staff came towards us carrying plates on large silver platters.

  I looked down at my plate. There was a dark green bobbled mass on it.

  I could feel Keto’s eyes boring into me and I reluctantly raised my gaze to hers. “Liver of the water troll. They expel them through their mouths once a week and then grow another one. It’s quite something. Enjoy!” She took a large bite.

  “It’s seaweed, Polly.” Dylan informed me. “Gill, do you think you could keep your daughter in line? Not all of us are appreciating her sense of humour, or the fact she seems to be dominating the dinner table conversation, when we are in the presence of our Queen. I would also appreciate a chance to get caught up on matters of the past few years while I was in captivity, find out if some of my old friends are still around or what happened to them. I think making a joke about the food when in fact Duke Brishon has served us a rare delicacy is an insult.”