Didn't Sea it Coming

by Andie M. Long

  “Hey, Jax. Please don’t say you’ve come to tell us that the coffee has run out?”

  “No.” She smiled. “I have a date tonight and I need to find something to wear.”

  I felt excitement burst through my veins. Jax was petite with short dark hair and a pretty face. She had huge dark eyes, and a heart-shaped face. This was going to be like dressing a living doll and bearing in mind I’d skipped the whole playing with dolls stage, this was a dream come true.

  “Do you have any ideas of what look you’re going for?”

  She shook her head. “I’ll be honest, it’s been a while since I dated anyone, and also Tristan is like the top-level of Pixies, something I didn’t even know existed a few months ago. I didn’t know if there was any way I was supposed to act or dress.”

  “Yeah there is.” Alyssa said, cocking a hip out. “You act like you want to, girlfriend. No one puts Jax in a corner.”

  “You need to stop watching that film.” I told her.

  “It’s vintage. You should have respect for a classic.”

  “Vintage! That’s it! You’ll look beautiful in a gorgeous tea dress. It will suit your body shape and coming just to your knee will accentuate your lovely legs. Do you have some Mary-Jane style shoes?” Once I knew her size, I grabbed the dress I had in mind and looked around the store for accessories. I found a complementary handbag and a belt.

  “Then with just a hint of make-up and some paste in your hair, oh and this cute headband,” I whipped a white fabric headband with a cute little white bow from the accessories section. “You’ll look good enough to eat.”

  Alyssa raised an eyebrow at me for that one, so I glared at her communicating a large ‘do not say a word’. I think Jax would depart like a startled sparrow if we launched into a conversation about sex with her.

  A short time later, Jax was armed with two bags containing her date night attire. “Thank you, girls. You’ve made me feel like a princess.”

  “Well, hopefully that will continue this evening on your date. Do you know where he’s taking you yet?” I realised I possibly should have asked this question before advising her on her outfit. If they were rock-climbing I’d fucked up.

  “I don’t know. He just said he’d pick me up at 8pm. Hopefully it’ll be a nice quiet meal where we can chat and get to know each other better.” Jax smiled. “Ebony saw us getting together, so I have faith that all will be nice and go well. Anyway,” she looked at us both, “when it’s your break time, it’s coffee and a pastry on the house.”

  “It’s break time now, funnily enough, isn’t it, Charlie?” Alyssa let her yellow wolf eyes flash behind Jax’s back. It was so tempting to have a test run of all the powers I had so far and have my best friend crap her pants, but that wouldn’t be a nice thing to do so I restrained myself. Plus, I was totally ready for a drink, and to drink in the barista eye candy.

  “We’ll just close up the shop and we’ll be around in a few minutes. Thanks so much, Jax.”

  “No, thank you. Ebony is lucky to have you looking after the store while she’s away. It’s in good hands. You’re a natural at picking out outfits for people.”

  She left, and I sighed. Unfortunately, it wasn’t in my destiny to dress Withernsea. More like address Withernsea, as its Queen. I decided more than ever I needed to enjoy the freedom I had now before it was no longer in my grasp. Saving the world could wait.

  We walked through the coffee shop. Alyssa stood staring at the counter, transfixed by the sight of Bartholomew. “Jesus, he is a fine steak all right. I’m worshipping at the feet of the guy who from now on shall be known as Sir Loins.”

  “Behave yourself and come and sit down.” I grabbed her arm and dragged my reluctant best friend over to a table. Jax called my mum and so within a few minutes there was my mum, Kim, Lucy, me, and Alyssa sat around a table nursing hot beverages. Another moment later, Samara from the grooming salon dashed in and plonked herself down. We didn’t see her much. She was happily married and liked to work and go home. She was a supernatural in a way—she was a cupid—but according to my mum, Samara was lazy and couldn’t be bothered to do her job, and that was why my mum had needed to open the dating agency. Apparently, between a lazy cupid and the reign of Satan there wasn’t much love around Withernsea back then. Samara and her husband, a vet, had been the first couple my mum matched together. Samara said she much preferred to spend her time with animals rather than humans. The only time she made an exception was when the Hogsthorpe pack needed a trim as they were a bit too hairy for a normal barber at times.

  “Hey, stranger.” My mum turned to Samara. “If you’re feeling up to it, Jax is out on her first date tonight with Tristan.”

  Samara pulled a face at Jax. “Could Ebony have not got you anyone better than the Pixie King or whatever he is?”

  “Hey, Ebony just sees the future. If you wanted someone better, you should have come out with your bow and arrows and done your biz on Valentine’s.” Kim said.

  Samara fluffed at her blonde curls. “I did dedicate the whole evening to love.”

  “Shagging your husband doesn’t count and you know it.”

  “Kim, my husband's arrows fit perfectly into my quiver. Anyway, don’t you lot start. Cupid Headquarters are doing an audit. I’ve been getting away with it seeing as we have a good quota of couples in Withernsea thanks to the dating agency, but if they dig deep and find out I’ve not done my own personal quota, then I’ll be in the shit.”

  “What happens to a cupid who doesn’t cupid?” I asked.

  Samara shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know.”

  “Does it not say in your rulebook or guide to being Cupid?” I queried.

  “Erm, well… I haven’t ever been bothered to read it. Ah, I’m sure it will all be okay. Anyway, enough about me. What time is Tristan picking you up and where are you going?” She asked Jax.

  “Eight pm and I don’t know where we’re going yet, but thanks to Charlie, I have the perfect outfit.”

  “Oooh.” Samara suddenly became animated. “Show us.”

  Jax ran into the back to grab her new clothes.

  “She’s really excited about the whole thing, isn’t she?” My mum said. “He’d better not step a foot out of line.”

  “But Jax says Ebony foretold it all, so it should be okay, right?” I said.

  “Ebony’s premonitions do come true but as we know the path to true love doesn’t always run smooth. Does it, Kim?”

  “Pack. War.” Is all Kim replied.

  Of course. The war my best friend helped win was about a rival werewolf trying to steal Kim from Darius.

  “Well, I’m still waiting to see how she deals with the fact his dick makes a cocktail sausage look like a python.” Lucy added, causing at least three women around the table to splutter coffee out of their mouth.

  “Here’s my dress.” Jax appeared at the side of us again, and my mum gave everyone a warning look.

  “Oh, it’s beautiful.” Mum stroked the fabric.

  “All your daughter’s idea.”

  “Hey, I was there.” Alyssa said.

  “Yes, you charged my credit card beautifully.” Jax added kindly. She really was lovely inside and out.

  And that’s when I realised what my first little mission could be. I could make sure that Jax and Tristan did end up happily ever after. I’d be a bit like mum. She became a matchmaker before she became a badass and they say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, right? I’d make sure to follow them around and be ready to step in if Tristan fucked up. He didn’t exactly have a reputation for being the nicest guy on earth. So far, he’d proved himself to be nothing but an asshole.

  So yes, it would be my job to ensure the path of true love ran smooth. Someone had to do it and it wasn’t going to be the lazy cupid who had actually nodded off at the table.

  “Samara.” I shouted in her ear. She jumped a foot in the air which I found hugely satisfying.

  “I really must ensure we ac
tually get some sleep when we go to bed at night.” She said.

  The conversation moved on to Polly and Drake and what could be done to ensure their love conquered all.

  “Beached are always looking for new specials. Shall I send a demon to source a side of merman?” Lucy asked.

  “Lucy, are you sure you’re not a devil anymore?” Kim studied her closely.

  “Nope. I swapped forking for f-”

  “Lucy! There are teenagers present.”

  “Oh, my dear, Shelley, you should have seen what some of those teenagers I encountered in Hell had got up to.”

  “Ooh, like what?” Alyssa asked.

  “Seducing old men and then blackmailing them into changing their wills. Then changing their heart medication for tic tacs. That sort of thing.”

  “Ugh, I’d rather be broke than have to bonk an old man. Someone in their early twenties like Sir Loins is my limit.” Alyssa said, once again staring at Bartholomew.

  “Are you declaring anyone over the age of around twenty-five is ancient?” Lucy said in a voice that sent chills down my spine. I gave Alyssa a warning look.

  “Only in my ideal man, not in general.” She uttered quickly.

  “This is a really interesting conversation. Actually, that’s a lie, you are boring my newly lactating tits off. Can we get back to discussing what we can do to help Polly and Drake?” Kim finished her doughnut and then swiped Lucy’s yet untouched one from her plate and started on that.

  “Why not put Grandad in charge of the sea?” I asked my mum.

  “Actually, that’s not a bad idea. He’s had to give up his role as King, maybe he’d like to be a Duke? I’ll ask him if he’s up for it if I can’t find another solution.”

  “The trouble with you lot is you never think outside the box,” said Lucy. “You have to take their vanity, their weaknesses, and exploit them. If you do that, you win.”

  “Care to expand on that, Luce, cos it just sounds like cryptic crap from here?”

  “The only crap you need to think of is your constipated future after stuffing your pregnant body with my doughnut. It might not be the only iced ring in your future. Piles are such a bother I hear.”

  “So, I think of the Duke’s weaknesses and play to them? He’s power hungry. He wants his son wed to a nereid because it could expand his empire.” Mum replied.

  “So, make him see that actually it could shrink it, should the sea worm turn. Show him a different way involving Polly where he can actually become more powerful. In the meantime, I have an idea, but I need to do a little research. What’s this bitch Keto’s details? I need them.”

  “I’ll email them to you.” I told Lucy. “Anything that can help Auntie Polly.”

  “Please don’t do anything that could jeopardize your life here.” My mum told her. It’s no good getting Polly and Drake together and you ending up separated from Frankie by the bowels of Hell.

  “That’s the thing.” Said Lucy. “I can actually do something really great, something really nice and helpful, and yet get our own way with Polly and Drake. Leave it with me. Basically, I’m finding ways around rules.”

  “Rules are for fools.” Samara sang before putting her head back on the table and going back to sleep.

  Charlie

  The first thing I had to figure out was how I would follow Jax and Tristan without them seeing me. I sat at the dinner table with my parents, pondering the best way to go about it. I must have some supernatural powers that could assist? My parents took a slug of O-neg each and a look crossed between them.

  “What?”

  “You’re very quiet, Charlene, and you’re not a quiet child, so either something ails you or you are plotting to get up to no good.” Dad replied. “And you’ve blocked your thoughts, so I can’t read them.”

  “Well, duh, Dad. Here, tell you what I’ll let my shields down especially for you.” I dropped them and fantasised about having Kai’s tongue firmly down my throat.

  My dad fell off his seat and onto the floor.

  Mum smirked. “Charlie, I can guess what you just did and that’s not nice. Plus, if you want your father off your back, maybe letting him in on how you’re feeling about a certain boy isn’t the best idea.”

  “So, you read my mind too, huh? ‘Guessed’, my arse.”

  “Watch how you are speaking to your parents, Charlene Landry.” My dad was back on his seat, arms folded across his chest.

  I took a bite of my burger and followed it with a glug of blood. Being of mixed species, I had to cater for everything in my diet. Hey, I wondered if I could go invisible?

  I closed my eyes and tried to imagine that my parents couldn’t see me.

  My form has disappeared from view. I am now invisible.

  I must have been trying too hard because when I opened my eyes my mum was frowning at me.

  “Do you need the toilet, hun, because you can be excused from the table?”

  “Ew, no. I was wondering if I could go invisible.”

  “We’re supernatural, not superhero characters, sweetheart. I don’t know any of our species that can disappear, except for your grandmother when she’s not substantial enough. Now even if you can tap into that, you’d have to be almost out of energy to do so, which is not a position you should ever put yourself in. It would be far too dangerous.”

  “Yeah, you’re right.” I slumped at the table with my head resting on my chin.

  “The question you should be asking, wife, is why our daughter wishes to go invisible.”

  “It’s best not to wonder too much about the workings of a teenage mind and just hope for the best.” Mum turned to me. “Not only have you teenagedom to get through, I’m guessing you’re wanting to test your powers? Just remember to do the protection spells I taught you first. After that, I guess the best way to learn is by trial and error.”

  “I suppose your method of childproofing would be to let her stick her hand in the fire and find out it’s hot.”

  Mum glared at my dad. “We could be on the brink of the war Ebony has spoken about, thanks to my adoptive parents. Our daughter is our prophecised saviour. Unfortunately, no matter how much I want to protect her, she’s got to stand on her own two feet. All I can do is teach her protection spells and what I know. That’s my fireguard. Watch.”

  She sent blue flashes out of her fingers at me and they bounced off the shield I’d erected around myself, just as she’d taught me.

  “Satisfied, dickhead?” Mum stood up and stomped off.

  Dad sighed. “Oh dear, I’ve offended your mother.”

  “Are you going to go after her and apologise?”

  He shook his head at me vehemently. “No way. She wanted me to take her to the cinema to see one of those emotional female films because Kim can’t sit still that long anymore. I’m not going to apologise until the time the film’s due to end.”

  “Well, I’m meeting Alyssa.” I lied. “So, I’m going to go get ready.”

  “Okay, sweetheart, have fun.” He said, and he sat back savouring his drink while I left the room.

  In my bedroom I dressed in black. Stereotypical snooping wear but what else could I do? At least my hair was dark like my dad’s and not bright red like my mother’s. Plus, thankfully I could whizz in and out of a situation quickly given my vamp heritage, and I’d not have to sit too close to listen in on their conversation. I’d just have to do the whole sitting behind my menu nonsense. That’s if he was taking her out for a meal. Surely that was first date territory?

  At ten to eight I whizzed around to the shops where I hid in the darkness of Ebony’s unlit store until I saw Tristan arrive. He wore a dark suit, white shirt, and grey tie, but although he looked handsome, he also looked like a little pageboy at a wedding. He knocked on the coffee shop door and I watched as he checked out his reflection, straightened his tie, and coughed. Oh, bless him, he was a little nervous.

  The door opened and Jax stepped out, a huge smile on her face. She looked gorgeous in her o
utfit. Tristan took her hand and kissed the back of it.

  “You look beautiful, Jax.”

  “Thank you, Tristan. You look handsome yourself. Let me just lock the door and we can be on our way.”

  Once she’d fastened the door, she took a deep breath. “Okay, let’s enjoy our date.” She gave him another smile. “So, which way?”

  “I want to take you to a place where they serve the most exquisite food. My favourite place to eat in the whole of Withernsea.”

  “Good lad!” I shouted, clasping a hand over my mouth as I saw Tristan look around him before shaking his head and holding out his arm. “Shall we?”

  Jax tucked her arm in his and they began walking toward his car.

  Now what was I going to do? I couldn’t very well whizz along behind it. How was I going to work out where they were going? I could hazard a guess at Hanif’s, the Indian restaurant; Beached, the fine dining place; or Red’s steakhouse that Lucy owned, but what if it was none of those and I missed some valuable part of their date?

  “Got it.” I murmured to myself. A location spell.

  My mum had learned to do these fast, so fast that it had shocked her mentor. Well I was supposed to be even better than her, so I’d give it a whirl. I focused on the wall in front of me. “Please show me where the date is.”

  The wall shimmered. Holy fuck, it was working.

  A vision appeared in the wall, of the local Aldi with jars of dates on it. “Aaaarrrrrrgggh, that’s not what I meant. Where is the car going?”

  A vision of all different roads and all different cars appeared, flicking over like Flash in control of the TV remote. I sighed heartily.

  “Can you please show me the location of Tristan, the Pixie leader’s car please?”

  Finally, a map appeared with a light bleeping on it. I saw where it stopped.

  “You have got to be fucking kidding me. He’s just pulled the car up there, is all. He’s going to walk her down to a restaurant.”

  I closed my eyes and zapped myself to the alley at the side of the fish and chip shop.