“No. It wasn’t about punishment. I just couldn’t tell you. I have been so foolish. You know the type of people I became entangled with. I feared for my life. It’s true, I take digitalis for my heart. I was warned about the toxic effects it could have if taken improperly, but in small doses it was harmless, even beneficial. That’s when I got the idea. You are my brother, Magnus, and I love you. I would never have harmed you, never. It was just a little bit to make you ill, so I could get to the money. It was my life, for God’s sake! You know the men I’m dealing with. It cost you nothing, just a touch of illness now and then.”
He stopped, as if hearing the words spoken out loud made him realize what a terrible thing he had done.
Magnus watched him, steeling himself against the rage of emotions in his breast. David turned and went to a chair. He threw himself into it, slouching and burying his head in his hands.
“Oh, God, what the devil have I become? I always admired you. But I hated you a little bit, too, I think. How could I have done it if I hadn’t? I told myself you had been given unfair advantage by our parents, by birthing you first if nothing else.” He raised his head. There was true anguish in his face. “I would never have given you enough to do harm. That one time, I saw you. You were so bad. I hadn’t realized. I must have given you too much. It was awful. I swore no more, but then the moneylender sent these two apes to ‘speak’ to me, and I had to do it again, but only a little. That’s why the attacks got milder and less frequent. I was going to stop. When I was safe, I would have stopped. I would never have hurt you, Magnus. Never.”
Magnus thought perhaps he would stay silent, not speak the words screaming in his head, for if he begun to give voice to the horror he was feeling, he might not stop. He would lose control.
In the end, he started calmly. “You keep saying you didn’t wish me to come to any harm. It’s almost like a litany. I wonder if you yourself believe it. How could you have ever deluded yourself into thinking I was not being harmed?” His voice rose and his hands curled into fists at his side. “I thought I was dying. Dying, David. I looked at every day. as it passed, each month, each season; and I thought I would never see another. Do you know what that was like? Do you know what torture it was for me to know every moment that my very hours were numbered? How could you think that you were not truly harming me?”
“But you changed,” David protested in a high, whiny voice. “It was upsetting for you, I know, but you weren’t really going to die. You just thought you were. I hadn’t planned that, but the doctors told you so and suddenly you wanted to have a family. You stopped all your selfdestructive ways and decided to settle down. I hadn’t seen you that determined in a while, in years. It was good. And then you met Caroline, and I knew it was all going to be all right. She is so lovely, so kind, in every way a woman worthy of you. And now she carries your child. It would have never have happened if it weren’t for me. You would have been miserable and alone forever, waiting for a miracle to cleanse you so you would be free. Don’t you see, Magnus? In a way, I gave you that miracle. I set you free.”
Magnus could hardly believe what he was hearing. “Is that what you tell yourself in order to sleep at night? That you were doing me good? Have you ever experienced the effects of digitalis? The nausea, being out of control of your body? The fever and the delirium, the terrible nightmare images that assault you in your weakened state?”
David spread his hands out in front of him, palms up. A gesture of pleading. “I know it must have been horrible. I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry: Yes, that makes up for it.”
“But think about Caroline. You wouldn’t have her, and you have to admit she is wonderful.”
Magnus felt a tight curling in the pit of his stomach. David had come to Magnus’ own most profound concern. “She is wonderful, David. And you are right—there is no possible way we would have even met had I never been fooled into thinking I was ill. But think about this, dear brother. Caroline married me for the money to purchase medicines and treatments for her brother. And the promise of wealthy widowhood. Now, her brother is on the mend and shall soon be in no need of expensive sanatoriums or doctors, and I am not dying. So tell me, what good does having a wonderful wife do me when she has no use for me anymore and I have outstayed my welcome in her life?”
Shaking his head, David protested, “But she cares for you, Magnus. I can see it.”
“Yes, she cares for me. Enough to want me around for a lifetime? It’s not what she bargained for. Therefore, before you congratulate yourself too heartily, think about the facts. You made me suffer untold tortures, of the mind and the body, and you took an innocent woman and put her in an impossible position. You have caused so much misery, even your pathetic lies to yourself about all the good you did can’t make it better.”
“I know, I know.” David began to weep. Magnus turned away from him in disgust, angry at himself for the effect those pitiable sobs were having on his resolve.
“Magnus,” David gulped, “what are you going to do?”
Magnus made him wait for a while before answering. “Cut you off. Banish you from my households, rescind your stipend and take possession of your town house.”
“Wh-? I. You can’t mean it. How will I live? Magnus, don’t you realize they will kill me? These blokes don’t play lightly. I wouldn’t have resorted to such drastic means had I not been completely desperate. If you cut me off, I can’t pay them back, and they’ll break my arms and legs and throw me into the river. They told me so.”
Magnus stood rigid, immutable, hoping to appear impervious to his brother’s pleas.
“Dear God, Magnus, you are condemning me to death!”
“You did that yourself. Would you rather I report you to the authorities? I will do it if you like, and ride out the disgrace to our family, if that is what you prefer.”
“No,” he exclaimed. “I wouldn’t. But this, Magnus, this is unconscionable. Think of how it would reflect on you, if nothing else.”
Magnus snorted, giving his brother a prize scowl over his shoulder. “I have no fears of sullying my pristine reputation.”
David rose, stepping slowly toward his elder brother. “Magnus, I’m begging you—begging. I’m as good as dead if you do this. As good as dead.”
Turning, Magnus laid a companionable hand on David’s shoulder. “Take some advice from someone who’s been in your shoes. Facing your own end square in the face has its rewards. You said so yourself. Think of all the good it will do you.”
He stayed only a moment to see David’s face crumple before he walked away.
“See yourself out,” he said as he strode out the door.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Even after all of the things Magnus had borne in his life, one of the hardest ordeals was sitting through dinner that evening and making pleasant conversation with Audrae and her fiancé. Roger was a pleasant fellow, someone Magnus would have thought beneath him at one time, a ploy he used with all people he met whom he perceived as good. He named them fools and basked in a false sense of superiority. The truth was, men like Roger, steady, kind, good-hearted, had always made him feel inadequate.
Thus, it was something of a revelation to find himself liking the man. It was gratifying to see Audrae so happy. He liked her, and after what he had found out about her first husband, she deserved to be happy. Caroline was nervous. He sensed it, and he knew it was because of him.
James, the mysterious and miraculously healed brother, was silent during the entire meal. Though Magnus didn’t make a habit of keeping company with children, he had enough knowledge of them to know this behavior was exceedingly unusual. A curious child. Judging from the frequent covert glances he cast Magnus’ way, the boy was intrigued with him as well.
It gave him an idea. After the meal was concluded, and the ladies had arisen to adjourn to the parlor, Magnus invited James to stay with the men. The lad looked shocked. He appealed to his mother, then to Caroline. It was Audrae who nodd
ed, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.
When the two women had gone, Magnus wasn’t sure he had done a good thing. The boy looked painfully unsure.
“Come over here and sit,” Magnus said, indicating the chair on his right. “Don’t worry, I won’t force you to smoke a cigar.”
“Yes,” James answered, his voice trembling a bit. “Mama wouldn’t like it.”
“Of course, most mamas don’t care for that sort of thing. My mother, on the other hand, didn’t mind at all. I had tasted seven kinds of wine before my tenth birthday and on that day she started me on hard liquor.”
“How extraordinary,” Roger said.
“It was her belief that a boy should learn to hold his alcohol, and if it was not thought of as some kind of reward one gets for coming of age, then one would not be tempted to overindulge.”
Roger frowned. “I don’t see the logic.”
“Will you let your son drink before he is a man?” James asked. Magnus grinned, knowing the lad was too interested in the conversation to stay quiet for long.
“I’m in agreement with Roger on the matter. It was my mother’s belief, not mine.”
The boy looked relieved.
Acting on impulse, Magnus said, “Roger, would you excuse James and me? I feel like a stroll, and I imagine some light exercise would do the boy good. Feel free to relax and enjoy your cigar.”
Roger nodded, not at all put out at being abandoned. It would not have mattered to Magnus if he were. He was still enough of his old self to disregard someone’s feelings in a pinch.
“Tell the ladies we shall not be long. Come, James. Your mama will not mind.”
This didn’t allay the child’s trepidations completely. His eyes were big and wide, his steps unsure as he followed Magnus to the cloakroom and then outside the front door.
“See,” Magnus said as they walked to the end of the short driveway. He was pointing to the park. “We are very close to where the queen lives.”
“I know. Cara showed us yesterday.”
“Cara? Do you call her that as well?”
The boy looked up at him. He had an extraordinarily winsome face, Magnus noted, then thought how odd it was for him to have such a thought. “Yes. I always did. Do you?”
“Well, I always thought she was more of a Cara than a Caroline. Caroline is much more…stiff.”
“She tries to be stiff, but she isn’t,” James observed.
Magnus smiled at the adept insight. “No, she isn’t at all.”
There was a brief, companionable pause as they walked along. The gaslights had been lit and there were others out on this mild winter night.
“Do you like her?” James asked.
“Who? Your sister? Yes, James, I like her very much.”
“She likes you. She’s worried you don’t like her. She didn’t tell me. No one tells me anything. I just know.”
“Ah, the burdens of childhood. No one recognizes your worth, do they?”
James gave him a thoughtful nod and a smile. “I thought you didn’t like me. That’s why I had to be a secret. But I think you do.”
“It’s true. You’re a fine boy.”
“Why did you want to talk to me alone?”
Magnus shook his head in amazement. This child’s perceptiveness was uncanny. “I wanted to see you alone because Caroline has told me about how you were ill. She didn’t tell me for a long time. She thought 1 wouldn’t like it, that it would make me not have chosen her as my wife.”
“I know. She said you wanted her all to yourself.” There was a tinge of mournfulness in his voice, not enough to be maudlin, but enough that even a thickheaded clod such as himself could not miss it.
Magnus pointed just up ahead. “We’ll go up to the corner and turn around, is that all right? Do you feel up to it? Good. Well, about Caroline, yes, she thought I would want her all to myself, but to tell you truthfully, James, it would have made no difference. You see, when I met Caroline, I knew she was the one I wanted. I knew it right from the start.”
“Golly.”
Magnus laughed. “An apt term. In any event, the reason I wished to speak to you alone was that I wanted you to know I don’t mind about you having been sick at all. I’m very happy to know you, and had Cara told me about you, I would have been glad to help in any way I can. So you are not to be concerned. I’m going to take care of everything from here on out.”
“Did you tell Cara? Because she’s been worried. She’s very unhappy. I can always tell because her smiles don’t make her eyes crinkle in the corners. So, if you tell her, it might make her feel better.”
“You’re right, of course. I should tell her. And I shall. I have been rather busy of late, but that is over now and I shall tell her the first chance I get.”
“You should,” James said with a definitive nod. “Women don’t like it when you keep them waiting. I know. I’ve lived with Mama and Cara all my life. If you don’t tell them what you’re thinking, they’ll imagine something worse. So, it’s usually best to let them know.”
It struck Magnus at that moment that he was discussing his marriage with a seven-year-old. More incredibly, he was hearing some of the wisest reflections on women he had ever heard.
“Time to go in now. Are you ready?”
“Yes, thank you, my lord.”
“You can call me Magnus. I am your brother-in-law, you know. May I call you James?”
James giggled. “Of course. That’s my name.”
Just then, Magnus glanced up and there was Caroline standing in the doorway. His heart reacted, bumping up against his ribs with an erratic rhythm. She might have been poised on the deck of a ship, or on top of a cliff, with her loose hair dancing on the wind, her dress blown back to reveal the slightest of bulges beginning to take shape low in her belly. She had no wrap. Her arms were clasped around her, and she was shivering. Coming to the bottom of the three steps, Magnus put his right foot on the first riser and gazed up at her.
She stared down at him. A goddess addressing her petitioner from her oracle. Her face held no trace of expression, and her voice was devoid of emotion. He knew her well enough by now to know it meant her guard was up. “I didn’t know where you had gone,” she said.
“Just for a short walk. Sort of getting to know each other. Man stuff. Right, James?”
“Right, Magnus.”
Magnus laughed at the way her mouth dropped open at her brother’s familiar address. “Come on, James, we should get inside. Your mama probably wants to get you home to bed.”
“All right, Magnus.”
Something had changed. Caroline could sense it, feel it sizzling around Magnus like the way the air gathers and tenses just before lightning strikes. He moved differently, exuding an aura of excitement and expectation. It was in the way he looked at her, his eyes dark, holding a tantalizing blend of unfathomable emotion.
Something had indeed changed. And something was about to happen. It filled her with dread.
After her mother and Roger left, the latter encumbered cheerfully with a dozing James, Caroline retreated to her chamber. There she paced, waiting, her mind racing while her stomach knotted.
This state was not good for the baby. It was this sensible thought that ignited her maternal instincts. She sat, forcing herself to breathe deeply, calmly. Her eyes darted around the room.
When the soft knock came, she nearly jumped straight out of the chair.
“Magnus?” she called. Her voice quivered.
He entered. Caroline’s mouth went dry. He looked much as he had on their wedding night. His shirt was open, cuffs rolled up to bare muscular forearms. He still wore his dark trousers and polished shoes. She was hit with a wave of desire and sadness and regret. She tried to swallow.
“I want to talk to you,” was all he said. She watched as he crossed to a pair of Sheraton-style chairs. He moved like a panther, she thought. He picked up one and brought it over, setting it down in front of her. Then he sat. Their
knees were only inches apart.
His gaze held hers as he settled his elbows on his knees. “I want the truth, Cara.”
Cara. The old endearment registered, sparking a flutter of her heart.
She nodded slowly, half fearing, half savoring the hope beginning to take form in her breast. His next words stifled the tender emotion.
He said, “Tell me about your father.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
A small sound escaped her. A cry, as if he had struck her physically. The intensity of his stare didn’t flicker. “Tell me, Cara, tell me the truth. If you can’t bear it, then tell me so, but don’t lie to me. For God’s sake, don’t lie to me.”
Frigid fingers of terror tripped lightly up and down her spine. She wanted to flee. She wanted to stay.
She wanted to tell him.
“My father,” she began, “was a bastard.”
He waited. She dragged in a breath and closed her eyes. It was only when she did this that she felt the moisture on her lashes. Something deep inside her rose up, feeding her voice.
“He was never a loving father. Remote, self-centered in his early years, but anything good in him deteriorated into a disgusting evil man later. It was drinking that did it, but he was a rotter to begin with.”
She couldn’t look at his eyes, so she studied his hands. Those hands that had touched her, loved her, cherished her with passion and tenderness. “I despised him before he died. Afterward, when we found out about his debts, his other women, the way he mortgaged everything to indulge his base appetites when his son needed so much.” She darted a glance full of appeal, begging for reprieve.
Magnus did not move. “What did he do to you?”
She waited a heartbeat, then the words tore out of her, almost not of her conscious volition. “He touched me. Once. And. He tried to.to kiss me. Like you do, not in the way a father should. I hit him. He was so drunk, he didn’t feel it.”
The words evoked no flood of memory, no connection to that terrible night. Only anger. It filled her, curling her hands into fists on her lap, spurring her breath into shallow pants.
A Rose at Midnight Page 24
