The pain and guilt reflected in Ruyne’s eyes was all the answer Shadow needed but Ruyne spoke anyway, “He’s gone, Shadow. He’s joined the sea.”
Crushing grief threatened to swallow him. Shadow fought the urge to lie down and curl up in a miserable ball. To will himself out of existence. “No, you’re wrong. Where is he?”
Ruyne hesitated and looked at Silver. Silver was pale and shaking, staring at his hands. When Silver spoke, his tone was broken. “I saw him, Shadow. The monster took him. He’s dead.”
“No,” Shadow growled to cut him off, surging to his feet and instantly regretting it. He wobbled and nearly fell back down, the room spinning. “We have to go look for him.”
Ruyne’s forceful hand on Shadow’s shoulder sat him back down. “We’re far from the cursed forest now, Shadow. You’ve been in and out for weeks. We can’t go back there. The Band was in danger.”
“You just abandoned Derry?” Shadow whispered, staring at them, horrified.
“He was dead, Shadow! I couldn’t let us all join him. I’m sorry,” Ruyne said in an irritated tone.
“Did you see him? He’s not dead. I know he’s not,” Shadow insisted, narrowing his eyes. Then he glared at Silver. “You saw him dead?”
“What did you see?” Silver countered, avoiding the question. “What happened that day, Shadow?”
Shadow ran a hand through his own tangled hair and took a deep breath. “I woke up and my Song was going crazy. Derry was in danger. So I ran out of the camp toward the forest near the cursed wagon. Derry was there on the edge of a clearing with some shapeless monster. It was made of magic. It was not solid but it was there. It was reaching out to him, it had him entranced somehow. I called out to Derry and broke the spell but then, the creature attacked. I tried to go to him but I fell and everything went black.” Shadow saw the glint of something silver next to him on the bed and picked up the raven’s feather necklace. The one Derry never took off.
“The monster killed him, Shadow. I’m sorry. I couldn’t help him,” Silver whispered, staring at the floor.
“You’re lying,” Shadow hissed as he glared at Silver.
“Shadow!” Ruyne said harshly, crossing his arms. “Silver has no reason to lie.”
Shadow held up the necklace to show them. “This is Derry’s. I gave it to him. He never took it off. If the monster killed him, it must have just brought the necklace to me and let me live.”
Ruyne hesitated at that, looking to Silver.
“He wasn’t dead!” Silver whispered with a sob. “But he wasn’t right. He wasn’t Derry anymore. That thing was inside his skin. He tried to kill me. Then he begged me to leave him, told me he’d kill us, that all he couldn’t control it. He told me to tell you all he was dead and to leave and take the camp far away before the entire Band died. He told me to give the necklace to you so you wouldn’t come after him. I’m sorry!”
“You left him behind?” Shadow roared, again surging to his feet, but Ruyne grabbed him before he could lunge at Silver.
“Silver, outside. Now,” Ruyne commanded as he stepped in between them. He was slightly larger than Shadow and, though worn, he was still in better shape than Shadow was at the moment. He gripped Shadow’s shoulders and looked him in the eyes. “Shadow, it’s not Silver’s fault. I know you are in pain but you need to calm down.”
“You know nothing,” Shadow growled and shoved Ruyne off and sat back down. He clutched Derry’s necklace in one shaking hand as he covered his face. “You left him behind.”
Ruyne waited until the door slammed shut behind Silver, then he knelt in front of Shadow. “I saved the Band, Shadow. I saved you. I’m Leader. I have to protect the Band.”
“Derry was part of the Band! You did a great job protecting him and his parents!” Shadow spat, but the venom he wanted the comment to have faded away. He knew it wasn’t really Ruyne’s fault. “We have to go back for him, Ruyne. We can’t just leave him to whatever that thing was!”
“You know Silver. You know he wouldn’t have just left Derry. You can see his heart is broken over this. If it’s true that Derry isn’t dead but possessed by this monster, and told Silver to tell us he was dead, then he’s lost to us. He’s trying to protect you, Shadow. Derry loved you more than anything. Do you think he’d want you racing back there to get killed by his hand because he can’t control himself?” Ruyne shook his head. “We’re all grieving, Shadow. We all loved him. But I can’t put the Band at risk when Derry himself told us to leave him behind. He loves us and wanted to protect us from whatever it is.”
“We don’t abandon our people, Ruyne. That’s not who we are,” Shadow whispered, frustrated tears rolling down his cheeks, as he looked back at his brother. “If it had been me, you wouldn’t have left.”
Ruyne stood up and frowned. “If it put the entire Band at risk to stay then, yes, I would have, Shadow. I’m Leader now. I know you’re in pain and not thinking clearly, but you need understand this. Not one of us is more important than the lives of all the rest. Please get some rest. I’m sorry Derry is gone. But he is gone, Shadow. You have to accept that. Running back to a dangerous cursed forest to find something you know is lost is foolish and selfish. You know he’s gone. Your Song-Binding is broken. Even I can sense the hole that left behind. Grieve him, brother. Sing him to the sea. Remember him. But move on. You can’t change the past.”
Shadow glared at his brother’s back as Ruyne left the wagon. The door shut behind him and left Shadow alone in the darkness of the wagon with his thoughts and Derry’s necklace.
For the next week, he refused to leave the wagon. He ate and drank to get his strength back, but he wouldn’t join the others. They had a small ceremony for Derry but Shadow wouldn’t attend. He knew Derry wasn’t dead so he wouldn’t join a death ceremony for him. And when the the Band returned to normal activities, he refused to participate in the Band’s performances or sing at all. His Song magic felt broken, disjointed. Derry had taken a large piece of him, and he didn’t know how to make himself whole again without finding Derry.
Rumor spread through the camp that losing the Song-Binding had driven Shadow a little mad. So the others avoided him or pitied him whenever he went into the camp. After a week, he waited until they were all gone to the nearby village for the performance, then he snuck out to sit by a small pond near the encampment. None of it made any sense. He shivered in the chill breeze that made autumnal leaves drift down around him. They had left the cursed wagon behind so Shadow couldn’t even dig through it for answers. He had questioned everyone in the camp that was old enough to remember when Derry’s parents had joined the Band. All he could find out was they had seemed to be running from something and begged to be under the Band’s protection. Bronze thought it had something to do with protecting Derry because they had approached the Leader with the proposition of taking just the child if they couldn’t all come.
Whatever his parents had tried to hide Derry from had found them, it seemed. Shadow rubbed at his chest absently. It ached deep inside when he thought about Derry. How had everything gone so wrong? Part of him felt guilty. He felt like it was all his fault. If he hadn’t seduced Derry that night, would any of this had happened? He had heard whispers in the camp. He and Derry had broken the rules of the Song, and Derry’s family had been punished. That didn’t make any sense, though. It wasn’t Derry’s fault. If there was any fault at all, it was Shadow’s.
Instead of feeling sad and empty as the camp expected him to, Shadow felt angry. Something had stolen Derry from him. He wanted to be reckless. He wanted to take his horse and ride back alone to find Derry. But no one had ever left the Band. It was against the rules. They had been raised to believe the Song would kill anyone who turned their back on it.
So here he sat. Considering whether or not he was too much of a coward to face possible death to find his soulmate. He couldn’t get over the feeling that Derry still needed him desperately. How could he stay here and live with that?
&nbs
p; Everyone encouraged him to move on, grieve and let go. Go back to his old ways. Charming villagers with his songs, finding a new lover every night. Eventually he’d find another he could live with. That’s what they said.
It was rare. They knew it. He knew it. His mother had never Song-Bound with another. No one in their Band ever had. Shadow looked down at his clenched fist and slowly opened it. The silver raven’s wing glittered in the moonlight. Derry had told Silver to give it to him. But what did that mean? He had given it to Derry to remind him to adapt. Was he telling Shadow to adapt to life without him? Was it his way of saying goodbye and telling Shadow to move on? What if he left the Band and found Derry, only to find Derry didn’t want to be found?
Shadow looked up at the sound of voices approaching the camp. The Dusksingers were returning. He put the necklace around his neck with a frown and stood up. By the time the others returned, he was already at his wagon. He paused only to watch Ruyne walk into the camp. He had a choice to make. Would he choose his brother over Derry?
That was the question that haunted him long after everyone else had gone to sleep. The answer to it drove him to scurry around his wagon and throw anything meaningful he had into a bag. He slipped into the sleeping camp and stole food from the supply wagon. He had never adventured out on his own, but he’d gone scouting enough with Derry to know how to survive in the wild outside the camp. Provided the Song itself didn’t kill him for leaving.
Shadow paused only to look back at Ruyne’s wagon. It would break Ruyne’s heart to lose him. He and Ruyne already shared the grief of losing their mother and now Derry’s family. But Ruyne still had his lover. Shadow would not abandon Derry. No matter the cost. If the Band would not listen to him and go back then he no longer belonged with them. He would find Derry and bring him back to the Band. He knew the Band’s route. They traveled to the same towns every year, so it wouldn’t be hard to find them later.
Guilt over leaving his brother overwhelmed him and he paused just long enough to return to his wagon and write a note. Ruyne would understand. Ruyne would have done the same for Silver, wouldn’t he? Well, perhaps not. Ruyne was more tied to the old ways and the laws, and he was Leader now. Shadow was just that, the shadow of his brother the Leader.
He ignored the way his body clenched with fear as he saddled his horse and secured the pack. Then, as everyone slept, he rode silently from the camp. I’m coming, Derry, he thought as he gritted his teeth in determination and, once he would no longer be heard, sent his nervous horse away at a gallop.
Chapter 16
Ruyne
Despite Shadow’s note, Ruyne still felt guilty. He missed Shadow. As much as he wanted to take Silver and go look for his brother, he could not. He was Leader. He had his duty to the Band first. Shadow had willingly chosen to leave them. Ruyne would not put everyone else at risk by chasing his maddened brother. The loss of his Song-Binding had blinded Shadow to everything but saving Derry.
Time passed rapidly. Despite Silver’s protests, Ruyne agreed to Valentra’s terms and accepted her into the camp. He still felt oddly drawn to her. He loved her deeply. He had been since the first time he’d seen her. He couldn’t explain it. When he was near her, he was driven out of his mind with lust and need. It was foolish, and it didn’t make sense. She did not feel the same way about him, and she made that abundantly clear when they were together. She was there only for the contract. Though he treated her well, she did not return the favor. Once she became pregnant, she withdrew to her wagon and refused to socialize with him or the Band.
The arrangement made things tense with Silver as well. Often, Ruyne regretted agreeing to it, but he needed an heir. Perhaps if he had one, the Song would be appeased and all the bad things happening would stop. He just had to keep Valentra and Silver apart as much as possible until the child was born. It would be soon. Any day now, the healers predicted. His Song magic told him that as well. Truyna would be the child’s name, decided by Silver and Ruyne. Valentra had no desire to be involved, and Ruyne hoped by involving Silver, his husband would grow to love the child as theirs and forgive him for the mess he was making of everything.
“Leader!” Silver called breathlessly to him as he ran up. “The healers sent me to tell you that Valentra is having the baby.”
Ruyne’s heart tried to jump out of his throat, or at least that was what it felt like. He swallowed the lump and glanced to his wagon across the camp. The women gathered around it, singing encouraging songs to bless the birthing with Song magic. It was tradition that the men were not allowed inside during the birth. He started pacing, needing to move, restless.
Silver walked with him. His presence comforted Ruyne, their Songs entwining in harmony despite their differences over Valentra. “It will be well. The healers don’t expect it to be a difficult birth. Just in time, we are nearing her village again. She can go home right about the time the child will be weaned.”
Ruyne hid his cringe at Silver’s eager tone. Silver was eager to be rid of Valentra. Valentra was more than ready to leave the camp behind and return to her life. Ruyne knew something they both did not and he had been struggling with when to tell them. He decided now was probably the best time to warn Silver. “She can’t leave, Silver.”
Silver’s tone was as stormy as his grey eyes that narrowed at Ruyne. “You did not just say what I think you said. She has to leave, Ruyne. You can’t keep her. That was the agreement we all made.”
“You don’t understand,” Ruyne grumbled. He looked around nervously, then pulled Silver around one of the wagons out of sight of the camp. He lowered his voice as he leaned close to whisper. “I love her, Silver.”
Silver stiffened. “You signed a contract to release her, Ruyne. You have to let her go. She doesn’t love you. She treats you terribly. I can’t bear to watch it any longer, and she wants to go home. There is no other option.”
“You’re not listening, Silver,” Ruyne said, rubbing his face in irritation. “I am in love with her. I am the Leader of the camp. The Song obeys what I desire. The Song is not going to let her leave. She’s bound to the camp,” Ruyne explained, unable to meet Silver’s gaze, afraid he would see his husband’s eyes grow cold with anger, hatred.
Silver sank against the wagon with a deep sigh. “Ruyne, why? She isn’t even kind to you.”
“I loved her the moment I first saw her, Silver. I can’t explain why, there is something about her, I had to be with her,” Ruyne started to say. “Almost like a spell, a compulsion. I don’t know how to explain it. It doesn’t make sense to me either. You’ve always said it doesn’t make any sense how I act around her. I love you. I’m Song-Bound to you. The Song should not have bound her to the camp, but it has.”
Their conversation was cut short by the loud wail of a newborn baby. Ruyne stalked back around the wagon with Silver in tow. The healer held a tiny infant up before the camp, and the women gathered around the wagon broke into joyous melodies, praising the Song. “Come, Leader! Meet your daughter,” the healer woman called to Ruyne, her face beaming with joy.
Ruyne strode to the wagon, thanking those who congratulated him on the way. He was vaguely aware of Silver trailing behind him and of their Song falling out of harmony as they both grew nervous. The healer hurried over to lay the child in Ruyne’s arms. So wrinkled, so tiny. Downy black hair. The eyes that opened to look at him were a strange prismatic color, unlike anything he had ever seen. As soon as he touched her, their Song magic bound them as father and child. The strength of her Song magic awed him, and it felt strange, different than the Song magic in anyone else in the camp. Normally, infants were not born with such strong magic; their Song developed over time. He didn’t have time to figure it out, as his thoughts were interrupted by the cheers of those around him.
“Name her, Leader! Give her to the Song, then introduce us,” the healer said, looking proud.
Ruyne tore his gaze away from his perfect daughter, his mind going blank. He glanced toward the wagon, the door st
ill open. He could see Valentra lying there, exhausted, but watching him intently. He could not worry about her right now. He turned to the crowd gathered before him and held the child high, as he summoned his Leader magic to bind the child to the Band. “Today, we welcome Truyna to our Band. See her, know her, and protect her always.” As he spoke, the magic within him woke and wove itself like colored ribbons around the child before turning to smoke and disappearing into the air.
The Band erupted with cheers and joyous songs rang out in a myriad of voices. Instruments joined in and soon the celebration was in full swing. Ruyne beckoned Silver to him. “Come here, Beloved. Meet your daughter, for we will raise her together as our own,” Ruyne said gently. He was uncertain how Silver would accept the child.
Silver joined him, curious. When Ruyne laid the child in his arms, he looked terrified, until the baby cooed and wrapped her tiny hand around one of his fingers. Silver stared down at her, instantly entranced. “Oh, she’s perfect,” Silver managed to mumble, overcome with emotion.
Ruyne relaxed and leaned to kiss Silver’s forehead. “It is done, Silver. We have our heir. My duty to the Song is fulfilled. Now we begin our true journey together, as a family.”
Silver reluctantly returned the child. “You should hold her.” He beamed at Ruyne, looking happier than he had in months as he wrapped his arms through Ruyne’s. He leaned close as the Band broke out into the traditional ceremony for newborns. “Her Song, is nothing like anything I have ever felt, and her eyes, Ruyne.”
“I know,” Ruyne agreed but in a way that discouraged Silver from talking about it more. He smiled and turned to join into the celebrations for a while, guiding Silver into the middle of the camp and as far from Valentra as he could, hoping his husband would forget her and the discussion they’d been having, at least for now.
Cursed Song Page 8
