by CK Dawn
She braved opening her eyes and peeked out of one at the room. It was simple. A sturdy side table, a trunk, and a large man in the corner. Her eyes widened at the sight of Hayjen. He looked haggard. His shirt was askew and stained, his hair rumpled, and dark circles under his eyes. “When’s the last time you slept?” she blurted.
He barked out a chuckle. “Not a full night since Mer.”
Mer.
Her breathing stuttered as she remembered the night before. Hayjen surprising her. Falling. Hayjen discovering her secret. The pain. Then darkness. His gaze never left her face as she remembered the night before. She had many questions, but she settled on, “Where am I?”
“My home.”
That really shocked her. “Your home?”
“Do you remember anything?”
Lilja winced. “The last thing I remember is you scrambling away from me.”
He frowned. “You hit your head.”
“That would explain the pain.”
His lips thinned further. “There was a lot of blood. I didn’t know where to take you because of the…” he gestured to his neck. “So I brought you home. My sister knows a little healing.”
Her hand went to her gills self-consciously. They had sealed completely. Hayjen’s eyes rested there and then darted back to her eyes.
“She gave you stitches.”
“Thank you for caring for me.”
“Don’t thank me. It’s my fault you’re hurt in the first place.”
“It was an accident. You didn’t mean to push me into the desk.”
“I had a dagger at your neck.”
True, but she didn’t think he would have done it. “I spent enough time with you on that ship to know that you wouldn’t hurt me, no matter what you said.”
He shifted, agitation in the movement. “You’re wrong. You don’t know what I was thinking, Lilja.” Hayjen’s eyes squeezed shut. “I wanted to hurt you.”
Sympathy filled her. “Grief tends to change us.”
“That doesn’t excuse my actions.”
“No,” she sighed, “but it explains them. Lucky for you, grief and I have been close companions in the past. So I am familiar with how it works.”
Hayjen lifted his eyes, shame coating him like a cloak. “I am so sorry.”
“I know, and I forgive you.”
Shock filled his face. “I don’t deserve it.”
“Most of us don’t.” Lilja carefully pushed up from the bed, ignoring the pain. “That’s why forgiveness is so precious. It’s a gift.”
Silence filled the room as he took that in. He nodded to himself and gestured to the chair. “May I sit?”
“It’s your house.”
He smiled at that, managing a chuckle as he sat. They gazed at each other in silence for a few minutes before he spoke up. “So where does that leave us?”
“Us?” she questioned.
“Are you going to hurt my family?”
She frowned at him, making her headache even worse. “Why would I do that?”
“We know your secret.”
That was a problem. “Can I trust you? Can your family take my secret to the grave? It’s not just my life that depends on it.”
“We will keep silent.”
“Then we don’t have a problem.”
He leaned toward her and stared harder.
Lilja stared back. “Something interesting?”
“Where did they go?” he asked curiously.
She gestured to her neck. “They seal after a couple hours. They’re only visible after I have been in the ocean.”
“Huh,” he grunted. “And Mer?”
“She won’t get her gills until she hits puberty.”
Another grunt.
“Use your words.” she teased.
“I had a lot of time to think last night. If I hadn’t seen your g-gills,” he stuttered over the word, “I wouldn’t have believed you. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that not everything is as it seems in the world.”
“Some truths are a burden to bear.”
“Indeed.” Hayjen lifted his scarred wrists. “Sometimes we wear them, too.”
“You’re not alone,” she whispered, staring over his head. “The Scythians will pay for what they’ve done.”
“That sounds personal.”
“It is personal.”
“Care to share?”
Her eyes dropped to his steady gaze. He opened his arms with a wry smile. “You saved and jailed me. I’ve threatened and fought with you. You’re one of the few that know I was captured by the Scythians, and I’m one of the few that know you’re a Sirenidae. We’re practically family.”
She chuckled at his warped logic. “Oddly, that makes sense.”
“I saw how you looked at the Scythians on the slaver ship. More than justice was in your eyes. You were seeking vengeance.”
Her laughter died as she sobered. “They took something very precious from me.” Lilja stared into his blue eyes and found herself wanting to tell him her story, to commiserate. “Many years ago, the Sirenidae decided to recede from society. They could see what Scythia was becoming. They could see the perversion in their ideals, so they disappeared into the sea and away from the kingdoms. Every hundred years or so the decision would be revisited and voted on again. It was safer for our people to stay below, but there was one Sirenidae that thought it was wrong to leave the kingdoms ignorant of Scythia’s experiments. She wanted to help all people, not just her own. She held ideals that maybe Scythia had changed over the years—that maybe they could change with the proper perspective.”
“You.”
She met his eyes. “Me.” Lilja dropped her eyes to her lap. “Sirenidae live a long time and are wise, but even so, they’re not perfect. I was expected to fall in line when my opinion was not the consensus, but I couldn’t let go. I had the power to help, so it was my duty to do so. One thing led to another and I was given a choice. Stay and follow the rules, or leave and never return. So I left.” She smiled bitterly. “I was so hopeful when I entered Scythia. I was going to change the world, make a difference. By all appearances, Scythia seemed to be thriving and peaceful. It was nothing like I was raised to believe. I was welcomed warmly and lulled into a false sense of security. The warlord was utterly charming—the picture of beauty and hospitality.”
She lifted the cup and took a drink, hoping it would fortify her to tell the rest of her story. Lilja placed the cup in her lap and met Hayjen’s concerned eyes. “I never saw it coming. I became very tired during dinner and retired early to my room. The next moment, I was strapped to an odd table in a room made of material I’d never seen before. Healers came and went, poking me with sharp needles and making me drink different concoctions. I asked many questions but no one would answer me.
“One day the warlord visited me. He looked the same as ever and yet there was this glint in his eyes that made the hair on my arms stand up.” Lilja shivered, but continued. “I asked why he had imprisoned me. Do you know what his answer was?”
Hayjen shook his head no.
“That animals deserved to be chained.”
Hayjen cursed.
“That was my reaction, too. He laughed at me and said that despite my disgusting heritage, I would change the world just like I wanted to. A very large warrior entered at that point and stood in the corner, watching the spectacle.” She paused to gather her thoughts, ignoring the sick feeling churning in her gut. “After the Nagalian purge, many Scythians were wiped out in the aftermath of the war. Because of their ideals, they kept experimenting with their people. Striving for perfection.”
“That’s what caused the Nagalian purge in the first place,” said Hayjen. “They believed the Nagali people were an abomination.”
“Indeed. But something happened that they didn’t anticipate. Their women couldn’t bear children. The warlord explained all of this to me and said that this was where I came in. To breed more little warriors, they needed fertile
women.”
Horror morphed Hayjen’s face as he connected the dots. “That’s why there were so many women on the slaver ship.”
“Yes,” she gritted out. “Since women were scarce, only his most faithful warriors received brood mares.” Lilja waved her hand as tears pricked her eyes. “I will spare you the details, but I unwillingly became pregnant.”
A stifling silence filled the room. “Oh Lil, I’m so sorry.” A pause. “The baby?”
“I lost her.” Hot tears filled her eyes. “I had enough one day and I fought back. It was an accident. I pushed too hard and he pushed back.”
The bed dipped and large arms wrapped around her. “Those bastards.”
A tear slipped down her face. “But I was right. Not all of the Scythians were bad. There was one who was willing to sacrifice everything to help me escape.”
“Blair,” Hayjen breathed onto the top of her head.
“He was the bunkmate of the warrior I was given to, so we lived together. He protected me and took care of me while I was pregnant.”
“I just—there aren’t words.”
She wiped her face. “No, there aren’t. Nothing can describe the helplessness of being taken over and over again without a choice. It pales to the pain you feel when you lose a child. You lose part of yourself that won’t ever heal.” They sat there in silence holding each other as her tears dried. Lilja looked up into Hayjen’s pained face. “I understand what you’re feeling right now. The anger will turn into something ugly unless you channel it into something positive.”
“Like you have?”
“Like I have. I protect others from my fate.” Lilja pulled away her head, which was pounding harder after her crying. “That’s why I need to return to my ship. We accomplish important work.”
“I want to help.”
Lilja froze and turned to him. “What?”
“I want to help. What can I do?”
She placed a hand on top of his. “Live a happy life with your family.”
“Gwen’s married.”
Her lips pursed. “I know.”
He gave her an odd look. “How?”
She shrugged.
Hayjen shook his head. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. I have no place here.”
“What are you talking about?” She stabbed a finger at the door. “You have a family right outside that door.”
“My whole life has been about raising and taking care of Gwen, but now she has someone else to take care of her.”
“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t need you.”
“No, but she’s a woman now. She has her own life and now I can choose my own.”
“What are you saying?”
“I want to leave with you on the Sirenidae.”
Lilja gaped at him. “A day ago you wanted to kill me, and now you want to join my crew?”
“A lot has changed in that time. I want to make a difference, and I don’t want anyone to suffer as I did. It seems like joining your crew is the best option.”
She blinked. “That’s a big decision.”
“It is.”
“It’s a hard life.”
“My life has always been hard.”
Lilja changed her tactic. “Have you told Gwen?”
“No.”
“Speak with your family before you make any hasty decisions.” She stood and moved to leave.
“Where are you going?” Hayjen asked, standing from the bed.
“To my ship.”
“You’re hurt.”
“I’m fine. My head hardly hurts.”
His eyes narrowed.
Lilja unwrapped her hand and held it to the big man. “I heal quickly.” The cut on her hand was sealed and a shiny pink color.
“Seriously?” he growled.
“What?”
“You heal at an extraordinary rate, too?”
“Sirenidae.”
“I’ll escort you back to the ship.”
She held her hand up. “I would prefer to go back by myself. Thank you for caring for me.” Lilja opened the door and paused, looking over her shoulder. “We leave port tomorrow at dawn.”
With that parting remark, she slipped out of the room and down a hallway to the kitchen. A petite brunette woman with hazel eyes smiled at her from the table.
“How’s your head?”
“Fine, thanks to you I’m told,” Lilja replied with a smile.
The brunette stood and offered her hand. “I’m Gwen.”
“Lilja. I hate to be ungrateful, and I wish I could stay, but I must return to my ship. Thank you for your care, and for sharing your home with me.”
Gwen moved to the door and opened it. “My pleasure. Safe travels.”
Lilja surprised the woman by hugging her before she left the home. Outside, she set a brisk pace toward the fishing district. Blair was probably ripping apart the dock searching for her. She grimaced. He would not be happy.
Twelve
Lilja
She sucked in the salty air as she meandered down the dock to the Sirenidae. She couldn’t believe how much had changed in the last day. Exhausted as she was, happiness bubbled beneath the surface. Lilja had fixed things with Hayjen. He was no longer out for revenge, or hating her for a crime she didn’t commit. That was a success in her book.
A shout went up when she arrived at the Sirenidae. She inhaled a deep breath. It was time for the interrogation. Lilja smiled broadly as she boarded, her crew huddling around her.
“You okay, Captain?” Johnathan asked, gesturing to her head.
“I just took a nasty fall.”
“It was some fall. It took hours to get the blood out of your carpets.”
Lilja forced a smile to her face and held Blair’s gaze. “Yes, well, you know head wounds bleed a lot.” She gestured to herself. “As you can see, I am in perfect health. Now, prepare the ship. We leave at dawn.” With her dismissal, her crew dispersed, leaving Blair glaring at her.
“Would you like a word, First Mate?” she asked while moving to her study.
“Indeed I would, Captain,” he growled.
Lilja noted the absence of her favorite rug as she entered her study. She turned and sat in the window seat. “I’m sorry.”
Blair crossed his arms, eyeing her. “Are you okay?”
“I am.”
“That was a lot of blood, Lil.”
“I was taken care of.”
“By whom?”
“A friend,” she hedged.
He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I was so worried. I had men sent out discreetly to find you. You didn’t leave a note.”
“Well, I was kind of unconscious.”
Blair scowled at the sarcasm in her voice. “It’s not funny.”
She held her thumb and pointer finger together. “It is a little bit.”
“I was worried.”
Lilja dropped her teasing. “I know. I didn’t mean to worry you, but I’m okay. I had an accident.”
“How did you get to a healer?”
“Hayjen took me.”
Blair’s eyes widened. “Hayjen? How did Hayjen get on the bloody ship?” His face darkened. “Did he do this to you? Are you protecting him, Lil? So help me if—”
“He didn’t crack my head open. We did fight,” she explained, “but we’re on good terms now.”
“How?”
“He knows.”
He stiffened. “Please don’t tell me you were stupid enough to tell him.”
“Hey now,” she cautioned. “I am not stupid. It was the Lure.”
“The Lure?”
“Yeah—what you experienced last night?”
He blanched.
“He caught me off guard. We fought, he saw my gills, and I passed out. He took me to his sister. They took very good care of me and promised to stay silent about my heritage.”
“And you trust them?”
“I do.”
Blair kept silent, thinking things over before b
lowing out a breath. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
He flashed her a faint smile. “Okay.” He stared at the floor for a beat before meeting her eyes. “I need to speak to you about something.”
Her stomach dropped at the tone of his voice. “What?”
“Last night I made a decision.”
“A serious one?”
“Indeed.” He blew out a breath and met her gaze squarely. “I’m going back.”
“No,” she breathed, staring at him in horror. “No, you can’t.”
“I can and I will.”
“No, I won’t allow you to.” Lilja jumped to her feet. “I will never let you go back to that hellhole.”
“I have to.”
“Why?” she cried.
“We need to know what’s going on beyond the wall. We need someone on the inside.”
“They’ll kill you on sight.”
“They think I’m dead. They don’t know I escaped with you.”
“You’re just one person.”
“I can help the slaves there.”
Lilja’s eyes filled with tears. His decision was final. She saw it in the way he stood. “You’re leaving me?” she asked, her voice cracking.
Blair’s stern face melted into sorrow. He pulled her from the window seat and wrapped his arms around her. “You don’t need me.”
The tears burst free. “I’ll always need you,” she sobbed into his shirt. “How can you leave me? Is it because of what the Lure did to you last night?”
He pulled her wet face from his shirt. “The Lure is the least of our problems.”
His face blurred. “Then why now?”
Gentle fingers wiped the tears from her face and serious, deep brown eyes searched her eyes for something. “I’ve felt this way for a long time. The only reason I didn’t leave sooner is because I wasn’t ready to part with you, and I knew you needed me. You don’t need me anymore, Lil. You haven’t for a long time.”
“What are you talking about? You’re my first mate and my best friend.”
“Can you survive without me?”
“Yes.”
“Can you run this ship on your own?”
“Yes,” she stuttered out.
“You want me here, but you don’t need me. Others need me, Lil.”
