by Emma Doherty
Brett’s eyes are glued to me, but this time he’s not smiling; his face has turned altogether more serious.
“And you want to know what the best part is? It’s not the kids clapping around them or her mom joining them for the hug.” I have to blink harder because I’m dangerously close to tears now. “No, the best part is that her dad, this huge big soldier who has probably seen all kinds of atrocities all over the world, is crying too…crying his eyes out as he hugs his daughter who he hasn’t seen in so long.”
I bite down on my lip as I remember that video and the hundred of times I must have watched it.
“I mean isn’t that incredible?” I ask Brett. “Can you even imagine a dad loving his daughter so much he’d sob in public just because he’s been reunited with her?”
Brett just stares back at me.
“Can you actually imagine that happening? A world where a dad loves his daughter that much?”
A shadow crosses over Brett’s face as he still doesn’t say anything, and then I see it.
Sympathy. Pity.
I’ve gone too far.
I’ve revealed too much about myself. I basically just told him my dad would never do that for me.
“Abigail—”
“Let’s get back to the work,” I interrupt. “I think you’ve let me distract you for long enough.”
“Abigail—”
“Seriously, Brett. You can tell your friends I get emotional over cheesy reunion videos and I’m not the wicked witch they all think I am.”
“That’s not what I was going to say. If you—”
“Don’t. Please don’t. Whatever you’re going to say, I don’t want to hear it.”
He stares at me for a couple of seconds as he watches me, and I hold my breath. If he asks me to confide in him, if he asks what my relationship with my dad is like and why I love those particular videos so much, I’m not sure I’ll be able to not tell him.
Eventually he nods and reaches for his textbook. “Okay, page 257.”
25
I barely slept last night. All I could think about was Brett’s face and the pity he felt for me.
I hate the thought of him pitying me.
We’re not scheduled for a study session this morning so I know he won’t be at school early, but I pull into the parking lot early anyway, sitting in my car, waiting for him to arrive so I can talk to him right away.
There’s a rap on my car window as I wait, and I turn to see Aaron and Chase standing outside my door. I force a smile at them, expecting them to move on, but instead they stand there at the front of my car. It takes me a second to figure out that they’re waiting for me, and I know it will be too weird if I wave them off and just remain sitting silently in my car.
“Are you feeling alright?” Chase asks the second I join them.
“Huh?” Surely I don’t look that bad. I know I’m stressing, but still.
“You’re here early.” He smirks.
I roll my eyes at his attempt at humor as Aaron snickers at me. “What gives?”
“I’m here early all the time now.”
“Yeah, when you’re studying, not when you’re just sitting in your car.”
I stare back at Chase. This is something that once upon a time I could have confided in him about. I would only have to say what happened last night and he would understand in an instant and get why I’m stressing out. Aaron probably knows enough about me to understand it too, but looking at them both now, I find that I don’t want to rely on Chase and speak to him about my feelings. If I’m going to talk to anyone about what happened last night, it’s going to Brett…and even then it’ll only be to smooth things over.
Chase seems to realize I’m not about to share anything and starts walking toward school, dumping his bag onto one of the wooden picnic tables outside and sitting down. Aaron and I join him just as his phone beeps with a bunch of messages.
He pulls his phone out and reads them before tapping out a reply, a smile on his face.
“Livy?” Aaron asks.
“No. It’s Ethan,” Chase replies, naming his good friend from Texas whose dad is richer than God and who might just be the only guy I’ve thought comes close to rivaling Chase in the looks department.
“Oh yeah, how’s he doing?”
“He’s good. Feeling a lot better and ready for college I think.”
“Are he and his sister still at each other’s throats?” I ask. I remember right at the start of the year Chase told me Ethan’s sister had moved in with them, having to relocate from the UK after their mom died. From what Chase told me, it was not an easy move and they were fighting constantly.
“Nah, I think his accident made her realize all that was stupid.” His face lights up. “I finally saw a picture of her.”
Aaron looks more interested in this than I am. “No way, show me.” Aaron turns to me as Chase starts tapping away on his phone again. “Logan said she’s stupid hot.”
I roll my eyes as Chase chuckles. “Don’t let Finn hear you say that,” he says, naming another guy from Ethan’s friend group. They all came to visit last year so I know them all.
Chase hands the phone over to Aaron, who lets out a low whistle at whatever he sees on the screen, and despite myself, I reach for the phone. My jaw nearly drops when I see the supermodel-esque girl in the picture.
Damn.
Beautiful girls everywhere. No wonder my self-esteem is always at rock bottom. Like I could ever compare to someone like this, or Livy or Sophie.
It’s like Chase can read my mind. “Stop it, Abs. Do not let one picture of Ethan’s sister send you on one of your crazy diets.”
“Shut up,” I mutter back, because I really don’t need to be lectured right now. That’s the thing when you have low self-esteem—it doesn’t matter what anyone else tells you. You think what you think until that changes.
At least I’ve been told it changes. I haven’t quite gotten there yet.
“Do not let Brendon see this picture,” says Aaron, who’s grabbed the phone back from me. “He’d be on the next flight to Texas.”
Chase chuckles, taking his phone back and stretching his arms out over his head, revealing just the slightest trace of his abs as his t-shirt rises, and I look away. I don’t need to be drooling over Chase’s abs. “So what are you doing here so early?”
I shrug. “Just woke up early.”
“Oh.” Aaron waves a hand at me. “I’m booking our limo this week—how many spots do you want?”
“Our limo?”
“For prom.”
“You’re getting a limo?”
“Yeah, we’re going old-school, remember? Jennifer, Jackson, and Jenna are getting one too if you’d rather go with one of them, but I figured you’d be with us.”
If the thought of prom didn’t make my stomach turn, I’d actually think it was sweet that he’s including me without me even having to think about it, but prom is the last thing on my mind.
“Who’re you going with?” Aaron asks.
I shrug. I haven’t even thought about it. I’m definitely not going if I don’t pass. It would be too humiliating to attend prom with my friends and not graduate with them a week later.
“Why don’t you take Brett?” Chase asks.
My eyes snap to him. “Why?” My eyes flit between them both. “Did Sophie say something? Did Sasha?”
Chase’s eyes widen. “No one said anything.”
Aaron smirks. “Why? Is there something to tell?”
I roll my eyes. “No, idiot.”
Chase holds his hands up like he’s holding off an attack. “I only meant that you guys have been spending so much time together, and since you’re not dating Dan Summers anymore, you should take Brett as your friend.”
He hesitates.
“That’s true, isn’t it? You’re not with Summers anymore?”
It is just too weird to be sitting here discussing my love life with Chase. I turn to Aaron. “Who’re you taking?”
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He shrugs nonchalantly. “I haven’t asked anyone yet. Maybe I’ll ask Sasha.”
I raise my eyebrows in surprise. Aaron could definitely get someone to go as his date-date rather than taking Sasha as just a friend, but maybe that’s not the vibe he’s looking for. “You just want to take a friend and have fun, huh?”
He doesn’t answer me, but I catch Chase sending him a look that tells me there’s something else going on there. I let out a long sigh as I think about Sasha. “Well, don’t get your hopes up with Sasha, because if Brett gets his way then it’ll be me you’re stuck taking.”
Aaron screws his face up in confusion.
“Brett has a thing for Sasha and she thinks he’s cute, so if he builds up the guts to ask her, maybe he’ll take her and they’ll be love’s young dream together.” A look passes over Aaron’s face that tells me he’s not entirely happy with that idea. “Whatever. I don’t even want to think about that yet. The only thing I’m going to be focusing on from now on is my tests and my grades.”
“Good plan.”
“What’s a good plan?” Jackson has appeared next to us with Brendon and Jennifer.
“Focusing on my grades and not thinking about prom,” I tell him.
“Ooh, prom!” Jennifer’s face lights up at the very word, and she sinks down next to Aaron and starts immediately telling them all about how excited she is.
I tune her out as everyone around me starts talking about an event I’m almost certainly not going to, my eyes scanning the students who are making their way toward the front entrance, more and more people streaming forward now that the bell is about to ring for the start of homeroom.
I’m almost ready to give up when I see him walking along with Jason, laughing at something he says.
I stand up immediately, saying a hasty goodbye to Chase and everyone else, and I dart through the crowd to meet him just as the first bell rings.
“Hey.” I stop right in front of him and Jason. “Can I talk to you?”
Jason looks from me to Brett before waving a hand in goodbye and continuing on into school.
Brett smiles at me warmly. “Hey, how are you?”
I clear my throat. “I’m good, good.”
“Still full from last night?” he asks. “I had a second helping of apple pie after you left.”
I try to smile at that, him being so normal with me, but I can’t.
“Um…I just wanted to clarify something I said last night,” I tell him, not really looking at him directly, my eyes kind of hovering over his left shoulder. “About what we were talking about.”
“Okay?”
“So when I was talking about those military reunion videos and how nice they are and that one with the high school girl? I feel like I was maybe being weird and acting like it was something special.” I lick my lips, my mouth suddenly feeling very dry. “Like, the video is awesome and everything, but there’s nothing unusual about a kid and her dad loving each other that much.”
He doesn’t say anything.
“And I feel like I just made it weird and maybe you misinterpreted it.”
He still doesn’t say anything.
“So yeah, I just wanted to clear that up.”
“Abigail—”
“My dad is really cool and I miss him when he’s gone.” I force a chuckle. “In fact, he’s been working in New York for the last couple of months and I’ve really missed him, but he’s back in a couple of days and we’ll probably re-enact the video.”
He raises an eyebrow.
“Seriously, everything’s cool.”
“Okay.”
“Well, that’s all I wanted to say.” I pause for a second, uncertain about what to do next, but then the second bell rings, telling us we’re late and letting me off the hook for having to make further conversation. I turn and enter the school doors probably quicker than I ever have before.
26
“Serious question now.” Sophie appears next to me as I walk down the hallway a couple of days later. “Does this lipstick look good on me?”
I eye her lips, a sort of pale pink which is barely noticeable. “It does if you’re going for the natural look.”
She pulls a mirror out of her bag and exams her lips. “Is it too pale though?”
“Well, you’re tanned so usually warm colors would work better on you.”
She pauses in thought. “You’re right. I asked Livy what she thought and she didn’t even notice I was wearing any.”
I snigger. That sounds about right. Livy barely wears any makeup and wouldn’t have a clue about makeup tones to suit individual skin color.
“I need to wipe this off.” Before I even know what she’s doing I’m side checked in the direction of the female bathroom and she’s herding me toward the mirrors above the sink. I guess she wants company when sorting out her makeup.
I watch as she grabs some makeup wipes out of her bag (a girl after my own heart) and then wipes away her lipstick, before rooting around in her bag and pulling out a bunch of lipliners and lipsticks and holding them out to me. I select the one I think would look best on her and pretend not to feel too happy that she’s treating me like a friend whose opinion she trusts.
She finishes her lips, pouting at her reflection and then turns to me.
“So why were you just aimlessly strolling down the hallway?”
I blink. Is that what I was doing?
“You looked like you were lost in thought.”
I guess I was. I’ve kind of avoided Brett over the last couple of days. Only spoken to him when necessary about studying and we haven’t had any of our normal conversations or chats. The truth is I’ve missed him, and I’m pretty sure he’s noticed a difference in me. I’m the one that’s made it weird between us and I’m not sure how to fix it.
A mischievous grins crosses Sophie’s face. “Daydreaming about Brett?”
I roll my eyes. “Stop!”
“Thinking about how you’re going to ask him to prom?”
“I’m not asking him to prom. I probably won’t even go.”
“Whatever, of course you’ll go. With Brett. You’ll be the new hot couple.”
“Would you shut up?”
She laughs in my face. “Hit a nerve?”
“You know,” I grumble. “Maybe it was better when we weren’t friends.”
Sophie smirks. “Oh, so now we’re friends? Do you want to be my best friend?”
“Urgh! You’re impossible.” I can’t help smiling at her though. She might be impossible but she’s fun too. “I’m going to lunch.”
She just laughs at me as we leave the bathroom and she heads off in the direction of her locker while I head to the cafeteria.
“Hey.”
I look up at the familiar voice and my heart actually does a little flutter at the sight of Brett standing in front of me. “Hi.”
“You heading to lunch?”
“Yeah.” I still feel awkward about letting down my guard with him and now I feel awkward about making it awkward.
“So you’ve been pretty busy the last couple of days.”
“I’ve been doing all the work,” I assure him. I might have left the second one of our sessions was finished, not sticking around for any small talk, but I’ve made sure I’ve been putting in the maximum effort into my studies. “I haven’t been slacking.”
“I know.”
There’s a silence between us.
“I just meant…” he trails off. Yeah, I’ve definitely made it awkward between us. “Did I do something to offend you?”
“No! Not at all. I’m just stressed about these tests.”
He doesn’t look convinced. “You’re sure?”
“Totally sure.”
He seems to accept that.
“So you’re heading to lunch now? You have people to meet up with?”
Huh? “Um, yeah. It’ll be the same people as always.” That’s a weird question.
“Cool.”
There
’s a silence. “I just need to make sure that I ignore anything with spaghetti because we always have that a bunch of times when my dad is home.”
Why on earth am I telling him that?
“Like I said, he’s home this weekend so we’ll be eating that lots.” What is wrong with me? He’s not bringing up my dad and has accepted that he’s cool so why am I pushing it? “I actually can’t wait to see him. I’m really excited.”
It’s a bare faced lie but Brett seems to buy it.
“That’s really cool that he’s home. I know how crappy it is when my dad is away for months, so I get you’re excited.”
I nod. “Yup, totally excited.”
“So you’re going to lunch?” he asks again.
“Yeah, it is lunch time.”
“It is.” He hesitates for a moment, looking down at his watch. “You know I’ve been craving a burger all day. I reckon we’ve got enough time to hit the drive thru before lunch is over.”
Wait. Is he suggesting that we spend one on one time together without any study involved?
He misunderstands my delay. “I mean we don’t have to…only if you want to. I know you’ve been busy recently and you probably have people to catch up with, but I just thought…”
He almost sounds nervous. Surely not?
“And you don’t have to get a burger. I know you’re still on that crazy unnecessary diet.”
I smile. Unnecessary diet. He doesn’t think I need to lose any weight.
“Forget it. You probably just want to hang with your friends.”
I laugh. “Brett, relax. Lunch away from school sounds good.”
“It does?”
“Yeah, it sounds really good.”
In fact, it sounds like the best offer I’ve had in a long time.
27
The doorbell rings just as I pick my nephew up out of his high chair and drop sloppy kisses all over his face while he giggles and squirms away from me. Ellie laughs at us from her seat next to his and starts cleaning up the damage Eric Jr. has left behind. Spaghetti sauce is everywhere, including all over Eric Jr., but I don’t let that stop me from cuddling my nephew. I haven’t seen him in a couple of weeks and I’ve missed him.
