by Emma Doherty
“You’ll have a good time,” I tell her. And she will. She’ll have such a good time without even realizing it.
“Abigail,” she says gently, reaching out her hand to rest on my arm. “I don’t think it’s me Brett wants to date.”
“Of course it is,” I tell her impatiently. “He’s mentioned it a bunch of times.”
“Recently?”
Recently? No, I guess not. It’s been me, if anyone, who’s brought it up.
I look back at him, and he’s still watching us, only this time he’s not glaring. This time he’s wearing an expression on his face that I don’t understand.
“Abi—”
“Just agree,” I plead, feeling dangerously close to tears. I just want it done. I just want it over and done with so I know and then can go lick my wounds in private.
Poor Sasha doesn’t have a clue what the right thing to say in this situation is, and I take the decision out of her hands, reaching down to grip her hand then dragging her out of her seat and across the yard to Brett until we’re standing across from each other.
“Sasha, you know Brett,” I say, not taking my eyes off him. “Here she is,” I tell him. “I delivered. Go ahead and plan your date.”
Then I brush past them both, heading inside and straight upstairs to my room, because I know if I stay in front of everyone else for another second, they’ll see me burst into tears.
I haven’t even been in my bedroom for five minutes when there’s a knock on my door.
“Go away!” I call, not looking away from the ceiling. I’m sprawled out on my back, listening to the noise of the party with no intention of moving for the next thirty minutes. I need to calm down and process this.
Whoever is at the door completely ignores my request, and I hear it open.
“Abigail.”
I turn my head at the sound of Brett’s voice. “Go away.”
He does the complete opposite of going away by stepping into the room and closing the door behind him.
“I said go away. I don’t want to talk to you.”
“No chance. Do you know the sights I saw looking for you in all these bedrooms?”
It takes a couple of seconds for me to process what he means.
Ewww. It’s not even six PM yet.
I reluctantly sit up on my bed, crossing my legs as he walks toward me, stopping just in front of me.
“Look, Abigail, about what I said before…”
“Forget it,” I snap. “I don’t want to hear it. It’s pretty clear what you think about me.”
“That’s not what—”
“I don’t. want. to. hear. it.”
“Well you’re gonna.”
“Go away.”
“Would you just shut up for a second?”
“You know you have some nerve coming into my house, into my bedroom, and telling me to shut up.”
“Ugh, you are so frustrating, do you know that? You have got to be the most annoying girl on the whole planet.”
“How charming of you.”
“Would you just—”
“Shut up? You want me to shut up in my own room?”
“I’m sorry!”
That shuts me up.
“I’m trying to tell you I’m sorry about what I just said to you.”
His eyes lock with mine, and I can’t look away.
“I’m really, really sorry. I know you, and I know you wouldn’t try to pull anything shady on Livy Chapman. You’re not that kind of person.”
You’re not that kind of person.
Does he really mean that?
“Then why did you say it?”
He shrugs.
“Because I really am happy for Chase and Livy now. They make sense, and I know that.”
He’s watching me carefully, not moving.
“And even if I wanted to get back with Chase, which I definitely don’t, I know it wouldn’t happen. He’s in love with her, and look at her—she’s beautiful. Like I’d even stand a chance.”
“Don’t do that,” he snaps back instantly. “You always do that. You’re more than a match for any girl in this school.”
My body stills as he takes a step closer to the bed.
“I didn’t like it…seeing you talking to your ex, him hugging you. I didn’t like it.”
My breath hitches.
“Just like by the end, I didn’t like it when you went out on those dates with Dan Summers.”
What is going on?
“Just like I don’t like it when I see any of the guys who walk past you checking you out.”
Oh my god.
“Just like I hate it when people have an opinion about you when they have no idea what you’re actually like.”
“What? What—”
“I was jealous downstairs. That’s why I was a dick to you.”
My breathing is getting heavier.
“I get jealous when I think about you with another guy, and I get even more out-of-my-mind jealous when I see you with another guy, even just as a friend.”
“But you like Sasha.”
“So you keep telling me,” he says with a small smirk. “I feel like it’s all you tell me these days.”
“You don’t like Sasha?”
He shrugs. “She’s cool. Seems like she’d be a great friend to have.”
Friend…he wants to be her friend?
He grins at me. “Just to go back, when I say jealous, I don’t mean in a possessive, controlling way. I just want to establish that.”
“In what way then?”
His eyes hold mine, and he steps right up to the bed so he’s within arm’s reach. “In an ‘I need to tell her how I feel’ way, so you can make up your mind and I don’t have to feel stupid jealous all the time.”
I feel like I’m going to cry. I can’t believe he’s saying these things to me.
“But at the beach the other day…you didn’t want to…you didn’t care.”
“I messed up. I didn’t know how you felt about me, and I didn’t want to push you when you had so much going on. But I know how it looked to you, and I wish more than anything I’d just had the guts to kiss you.”
I feel like my whole body is on fire from the way he’s looking at me. He did want to kiss me after all?
“Abigail, ask me how I feel about you.”
I shake my head. I can’t. I really can’t.
I can’t handle it if he’s going to reject me, even after everything he’s just said. I can’t cope with that.
“Ask me,” he tells me softly.
“How do you feel about me?”
“I’m crazy about you.”
The first of my tears spill over at his words.
“I think about you all the time.”
I brush a couple of tears away as he smiles at me.
“Like constantly, all the time, and I’m so proud of you for pulling your shit together enough to graduate.”
That does make me smile.
“I told you to come to my house to study that time because my mom wanted to meet you. I kept talking about you, and she wanted to meet you for herself.”
“Wait…really?”
“Yeah. I’ve been crazy about you for what feels like a long time now.”
“Are you being serious?”
“Deadly serious. I think you’re a really special person who is going to be crazy successful at whatever you choose to do in life.”
That might mean the most to me, those words right there.
“And I’m pretty sure I’ve fallen in love with you.”
My whole entire body freezes at his words as he stares back at me.
I’m shaking my head before I know it, and his face contorts into a frown.
“Don’t,” I tell him. “Don’t say that unless you mean it.” I brush away an errant tear.
“I mean it.”
I’m still shaking my head. “But Sasha—”
“Is your good friend who told me if I didn’t come up here a
nd hunt you down then I was an idiot.”
“But you have feelings for her.”
“I don’t. I have feelings for you.”
“I can’t do it again, Brett. I can’t be someone’s backup girlfriend until a better option comes along. I already did that.”
He reaches forward, leaning down to grab my hand then pulling me gently up into a kneeling position so we’re facing each other, our faces level.
He doesn’t let go of my hand, squeezing it gently before he takes my other hand in his and weaves our fingers together.
“You could never be my backup, Abigail.”
I’m searching his eyes, trying to see if he’s telling the truth, but all I see is him.
Brett.
The guy who hasn’t let me down since I met him. The one who’s pushed me and challenged me and made me better.
“How do you feel about me?” There’s the slightest of stammers in his voice, like he’s not quite as confident about the question as you’d think he’d be.
How do I feel about him?
Well, I think I might love him too, of course.
But in this moment when he’s standing there staring into my eyes, being everything I’ve ever wanted, I don’t think I have the words to tell him just how much he means to me, how much I think of him, how much I want him.
So instead I show him.
I lean forward without another thought and I kiss him.
And I kiss him and kiss him and kiss him.
I kiss him until I’m sure he knows just how much he means to me, until he knows I feel every single thing he does for me, right back at him.
And then I kiss him some more.
Epilogue
“I can’t believe how different you look,” Sasha tells me, taking me in.
I pat my hair self-consciously. “Good different?”
“Great different. You look amazing.”
I allow a small smile as I look back at my reflection in the window of the school building.
I dyed my hair yesterday, to a rich dark brown, about as far away from the blonde I’ve had for the last few years as could be. It was a shock initially, seeing the stark difference, and my mom flat-out hates it, but I don’t give a damn. I like it, and really that’s all that matters. It’s time I stopped pretending to be someone else and fully embraced being me. And for the first time in a really long time, it doesn’t seem so bad being me.
It’s time for a new start.
I look around at everyone milling around outside, the whole senior class of Grove Valley High School, while we wait to walk to the seats where graduation will take place out back on the football field. Everyone is standing around laughing and joking, taking pictures in their gowns and adjusting their caps. The excitement in the air is palpable, and I inhale a deep breath as I take it in, all of it, feeling so happy and proud and relieved.
I very nearly wasn’t here.
“Oh god, don’t tell me you’re getting emotional,” Sophie says from her spot across from me next to Livy and Jessie.
I’m about to tell her of course I’m not, but that would be a total lie.
I look at Chase, who has his arm wrapped around Livy’s shoulders, looking so handsome in his gown. I have nothing but platonic feelings for him anymore, and he winks at me. I can’t help grinning back.
“Thank you,” I tell them all, surveying them, all of my closest friends. Sasha and Jennifer, Chase and Aaron, Brendon and Jackson, and—miraculously, somehow—Sophie and Livy. “Thank you for helping me. Thank you for making sure I got here.”
I wipe away a tear before it falls down my face and offer them a watery smile.
Turns out I didn’t mess up high school at all.
They all smile back at me, murmuring their answers of “It’s fine” and “No worries” and “You did it yourself.” Even though this is a happy moment, even though these people right now mean so much to me, I know after today, it will never be the same again. We may never all be together at the same time in the same place again, and even though I’m happy—really, really happy—that makes me sad.
“Oh fuck it,” Brendon says, looking fairly emotional himself. “Come on, group hug.”
Not one person tells him he’s being sappy. Instead, everyone starts pulling each other into the middle in a big group hug, squeezing each other tightly. I’m squashed in the middle, surrounded by people who care about me, and even though I’m sad that this is the end, I know I’m lucky.
I’m really, really lucky.
We stream into our seats, going in the order that has been drilled into us by the graduation coordinator again and again, meaning I’m nowhere near most of my friends as we’re seated in alphabetical order in our chairs.
I look up at the stage that has been set up, where we’ll receive our diplomas, to see that most of the teachers are already up there along with the senior class’s salutatorian and valedictorian. I blush as I lock eyes with the valedictorian—Brett, my boyfriend, the person I want to be around all the time and who I haven’t been able to keep my hands off of the last couple of weeks, as he sends me that same old private half-smile I can’t get enough of.
I still can’t believe he’s mine.
We settle into our seats, and the speeches begin. Usually this is when I would zone out and stop listening, when I’d start daydreaming about later tonight or a makeup look I want to recreate, but I don’t this time. This time I hang on to every word, savoring every minute because I so nearly wasn’t here and I want to take it all in.
Finally, the principal starts to call the names of the students, and I watch as the first people in my class collect their certificates, my heart filling with pride as I wait for my own. I stand in preparation, shuffling out of my row and lining up by the side of the stage, waiting for my turn. My eyes scan the crowds, the rows of families watching the ceremony, and my sister waves wildly, animated and excited for me, from her seat next to my subdued parents, who stiffly told me congratulations this morning before promising me a sum of money for graduation, which I never expected.
I’m going to use it to buy a one-way flight to LA where I’m going to be a makeup artist. I haven’t figured out all the details exactly yet, but it’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to be a success, I’m going to make sure of it, and then I’m going to give my dad back every last cent of the graduation money he’s given me because I never, ever want to have to rely on him or my mom again.
I’m going to survive on my own so I never have to end up like either of them.
But I’m not going to California right away.
No, instead I’m going to get a job working at one of the department stores in town, saving my money and practicing my techniques at the makeup counter on anyone who will let me. And I’m going to be with Brett, as much as I can be, all summer long.
Then when he goes off to college and I go to LA? Well, then we’ll figure it out. It’s important to both of us to make it work, and even though I know I don’t know much about long-distance relationships and you hear all the time about couples breaking up when they’re in different places, I know that won’t happen to us. Don’t ask me how; I just know it.
“Abigail Baker.”
I snap out of my daydream, realizing I’m at the front of the line and it’s my turn. I break out into a smile as I take my first steps, the cheers of my sister and my friends ringing out across the field as I stride across that stage, shake Principal Roberts’ hand, move the tassel on my cap, and accept my high school diploma.
My high school diploma.
I did it.
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The End
Exclusive bonus scene
Want to see an exclusive scene of Abigail, Brett and the rest of the gang heading to their prom? Click here.
Also by Emma Doherty
Grove Valley High Series
(Books can be read as a standalone but do involve the same people).
Book 1
Want to see how Chase and Livy
started? Check out The Stand-In Boyfriend
Novella
Check out Playing with Fire to see how Sophie’s summer fling before senior year nearly jeopardised her relationship.
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The Carlington Twins Duet
All That’s Left
Izzy Kavanagh is devastated when she is forced to move to the US after her mother’s death and live with her estranged father and the twin brother who abandoned her.
All That’s Been Said
Izzy Kavanagh hates her new life in the US and she’s proven that to everyone…perhaps a little too much. Now she’s not sure she can make amends to the twin she’s hurt and his best friend who she can’t pretend she’s indifferent to.
Also by Emma Doherty
Four Doors Down Duet
(Books can be read as a standalone but do involve the same people).
Four Doors Down
Becca McKenzie’s only goal is to make it through her senior year of high school and hang out with her friends and her gorgeous boyfriend. Ryan Jackson, her former best friend and bane of her existence, does not fit into those plans.
Four Years Later
Becca is now in college and happier than she ever thought she would be until one terrible, unforgettable night changes everything and leaves Becca questioning everything she’s ever known.
About the Author
Emma Doherty is a writer from England, UK.
Most of her time is spent day dreaming and creating new stories. Far too much time is also spent looking up flights as she plans her next getaway in the sun!
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