by Lucy Coleman
Suddenly my phone begins to ring and it’s Aiden.
‘Sorry, guys, back in a minute. Aiden, can you hear me?’ I hurry outside and scramble up the grassy bank to get a better signal. There’s lots of static. ‘Aiden, can you hear me?’
‘Fer—’
‘Aiden.’
‘Fern. That’s better. Where are you?’
‘I was in a big barn down in a dip, but I’ve just clambered up a steep slope to get a better signal. More to the point, where are you?’
Wherever he is, there’s a lot of background noise but, thankfully, it sounds like general traffic.
‘We’ve stopped for gas on the outskirts of Adelaide. It’s just after midnight. Bit of an interesting journey, but everything is fine now.’
His voice is so clear it’s hard to believe how many miles there are between us.
‘What happened?’
He grunts. ‘Turned out the guys I hooked up with didn’t own the land but leased it last year. This was their second season, but they began mining before the new contract had been agreed and signed. A truck full of men turned up and shots were fired. It’s pretty rough territory and isolated. One minute everyone was working and the next it was like a war had broken out. It wasn’t what we signed up for, that’s for sure.’
I close my eyes, grateful that at least he’s in one piece.
‘You said we?’
‘Oh. Yes. I’m travelling with new friends called Eddie and Joss, now. Eddie’s been backpacking for a couple of years, but Joss was the cook at the mine.’
Joss. She must be the woman in the photo.
‘Well, I’m just glad to know you got away without getting hurt – I don’t want you putting yourself in danger. At least you now have companions and there is safety in numbers. I don’t like to think of you going it alone, Aiden, and this incident proves that you must be vigilant at all times. What are you planning next?’
Someone calls his name in the distance and he shouts out, ‘Okay. I’m there.’ Then he says, ‘Look, babe, I’ve gotta go. We need to sort a place to stay tonight and it’s late. I love you and I miss you. Even more so now that I’ve heard your voice. Take care and I’ll be in touch when I know where I’m going from here. Bye.’
I quickly blurt out, ‘Love you, too,’ but I don’t think he heard me. ‘And I’m fine. Really. Thank you for asking,’ I mutter as I make my way back down to the barn. ‘France might not be as scary as an opal mine,’ I continue through gritted teeth, ‘but there are still surprises coming at me from every turn.’
‘Are you too tired from your hard afternoon to take a stroll with me down to the lake?’
Patricia catches me gazing into thin air. My head is trying to deal with a wide range of thoughts that seem to be bombarding me from every angle.
‘No, not at all. Just a bit achy in a few places. I’m discovering muscles I didn’t know I had,’ I admit.
Pushing back on the chair, I quickly scoop up my plate, mug and cutlery. Placing them on the trolley, I pick up my phone and follow Patricia outside.
‘You were deep in thought and frowning. I wondered if you wanted to talk about whatever it is that’s troubling you,’ she enquires as we amble out across the courtyard.
‘I’m just irked. You know when someone disappoints you, someone you trust? You start looking at them in a slightly different way. Then you begin to see things you maybe didn’t notice before.’ I pause, realising I sound like a moaner. ‘Oh, ignore me, Patricia. I’m feeling cranky. I’m used to a routine and… well, I function best when I know that the people I love are doing okay. And now I have no idea what’s going on with any of them from day to day. Just snippets when we briefly have contact. They seem fine at the moment and my brother, Owen, is safely back from his little excursion to Salisbury Plain, so it’s all good; but there have been a few panicky moments already. It’s hard when there’s nothing I can do to jump in and help out.’
‘Ah,’ Patricia gives me a sympathetic smile. ‘It’s not easy for you. I’m sure they’re all thinking about you, too, and how you’re adjusting to life here.’
‘Hmm. Some maybe, but not all of them. Oh, I don’t mean that they don’t care, but I’m the sensible one. I’m the worrier and it’s not in my nature to be the person other people worry about. In fact, I don’t think anyone has had to worry about me since I was a teenager – well, until now. And that’s only because of the distance between us all. My parents were horrified when I broke the news to them that Aiden and I intended to get married.’ I begin to laugh, softly. ‘And I did say it just like that. Bold and to the point. He hadn’t even asked me formally at that stage, but we both knew that was the first thing we would do once we had our degrees.
‘Of course, everyone assumed we’d break up while we were away at uni, but we survived and even managed to get a small nest egg put away. But it was tough studying and working evenings and weekends. That’s the reason we never got engaged, as it was a luxury we couldn’t afford. I still only have just my wedding band.’
Her eyes light up. ‘I think that’s a lifetime of worry right there.’
‘I know. But I’m sensible, and I always do the right thing. That was the right thing, even way back then and I have no regrets at all, but maybe I’ve become a little too complacent as the years have passed. I loved my life the way it was, but things change and there’s no point in pretending that isn’t the case. The problem is that now I’m beginning to feel a little unsettled. My husband is off doing things that are out of character and that’s worrying.’
We saunter past the two barns and begin to climb the grassy mound. I offer Patricia my arm when she begins to struggle a little.
‘It’s a bit slippery. Grab hold.’
‘Thank you, my dear.’
At one end of the lake, there’s an intricately carved, albeit rather rickety, wooden bench beneath an old willow tree. We make our way over to it and once we’re seated Patricia turns to look at me, pointedly.
‘Are you saying you think he wasn’t content with your old life, and that’s becoming more apparent now that you are apart?’
‘He hasn’t said anything quite that blunt, but he’s different in some way. For example, Aiden rang and he didn’t ask me how I was and it didn’t occur to him I might have my own issues. I know he’s not having an easy time right now, but it made me feel unimportant. Taken for granted, if you like. I assumed we’d share every little detail of our respective journeys, but our calls are always cut short and he never emails, only sends one-liner texts.’
‘From what you’ve told me about him, it sounds like perhaps he’s floundering a little. I think most people reach an age where they stop and look back, as well as forwards, for the first time. In the spring of your life, it’s all about tomorrow. In the summer phase, it’s often about being so caught up with family demands and working, there’s hardly time to take stock. But there comes a point when suddenly there’s another crossroad and big changes that affect the rest of your life. It’s a period of adjustment and people cope in different ways.’
I know what Patricia is saying, that this is about Aiden finding himself and to do that requires a lot of introspective thought, with no outside pressures. It’s not about being one half of a couple – well, until he returns.
‘What if I discover that there’s a different me buried deep down inside, too? Some unknown me who isn’t simply a wife, a daughter, a sister or a friend?’
Patricia stares at me for a moment and I wish I hadn’t blurted that out, because her look is one of real concern.
‘People can come to regret the mistakes they don’t make, as much as they regret the mistakes they do make.’
I’m stunned. That wasn’t at all what I was expecting her to say. This rather refined, very gentile lady is such a surprise in so many ways. I can’t help feeling that Patricia’s life is complicated, too.
‘If only is such an emotive phrase, isn’t it? I’ve spent my entire adult life so far, being sensib
le and cherishing every single moment spent with the ones I love. They are my reason for being and if they’re happy, I’m happy,’ I confess.
‘It sounds perfect. But life is rarely that, I’ve discovered. And somewhere within that is you – never forget that you are equally as deserving of “me” time, as anyone else.’ Her face reflects a sorrow that can only come from within. I have no idea what troubles Patricia has had in the past, but I can see something is weighing heavily upon her. She’s waiting for me to continue, unable or unwilling to share her private thoughts. I wonder if I open up to her, whether she’ll change her mind about that.
‘I had an older sister, Rachel. She died in a tragic accident in 2010. A loss of that magnitude changes how you look at everything. We rarely talk about her because my parents have never let go of their grief. I felt I had to step up and take over her role while missing her so much, because she wasn’t just my sister, she was my best friend. A truly beautiful soul.’
‘I’m so sorry for your loss, Fern, that can’t be easy even now.’ The empathy is real and I give Patricia a tearful smile.
‘I wonder now what would happen if I stepped outside the lines I’ve drawn for myself, for a while. Would I simply be content to cross back over again and lead a life that has always given me everything I wanted? Or would I, like so many other people out there, become dissatisfied and ruin what I have? Rachel would be disappointed in me if I did that.’
Patricia reaches out to place her hand on my arm, gently giving it a squeeze. ‘I think you are a sensible enough woman to make the right decision for the right reasons, Fern. Wherever that leads you. Human beings aren’t perfect and we all make mistakes. But the human condition includes forgiveness, as well as reminding us of our mortality.’
I feel my eyes beginning to well up with tears as she stands, and I ease myself upright to take her arm. Tears for Rachel and tears for Aiden.
Suddenly Patricia looks very tired and I realise this conversation is done.
‘Time to stroll back. I’m painting this evening.’ My voice isn’t quite as bright as I’d like it to be, but Patricia gives me an encouraging smile.
‘Ceana was telling me, in confidence, about the plans they have for expanding the facilities here. I think it’s a wonderful idea, don’t you?’
I’m not surprised Ceana has taken Patricia into her confidence about the proposed changes if she was looking for an unbiased opinion. Judging by the way Patricia is looking at me, Ceana also told her that I’m aware of what’s going on.
‘I think that a lot of people would benefit if they can pull it off. What I like about this place is that it isn’t solely about profit. Nico doesn’t just care about the visitors but he cares about the people who work with him, too. It’s like an extended family. In this day and age, that’s refreshing.’
As I help Patricia down the grassy slope, her voice is full of admiration. ‘I thought so, too, Fern. It restores one’s faith in mankind. Despite what we read in the papers and see on the news, there is a lot of kindness in this world.’
14
Emotions Run High
With Ceana heading off to Scotland feeling – as she declared – like a new sparkly version of herself, it marks the start of a string of goodbyes today.
After a group breakfast, with everyone appearing more or less on time for a change, this morning’s gardening session was spent harvesting fruit. It was a team effort as everyone had been enlisted.
Despite a tinge of sadness in the air, there was a lot of chatter and laughter, too – the culmination of a pleasant stay and the creation of some great memories. Stefan, I noticed, wouldn’t let Patricia wander far from his side. He hooked the branches, pulling them down within her grasp so she could pluck off the firm little plums to place in their wicker basket.
Margot, too, sat with us for lunch and we lingered over it for a couple of hours. Everyone seemed happy to join in, even Bastien was a little less reserved. And, to our great surprise, after a little prompting from Nico, he sang a song. It was in French, of course, but his deep baritone voice was a joy to hear.
Inevitably, the final parting of ways was tearful for some. Hearing Kellie promise Patricia she’d keep in touch as she tried to pin a smile on her face was very emotional. I could see they both had tears in their eyes. Patricia is one of a kind, a gentle spirit with a good soul. Whether Kellie will bond with any of the new arrivals on Monday is a real concern for me. I fear that it will push her closer to Taylor, rather than encouraging her to make an effort to make new friends. Especially if there’s no one she feels comfortable being around.
As Patricia released her arms from around me, she whispered, ‘Go with your heart, Fern. Paths cross for a reason. Like spotting a shooting star, sometimes you find yourself in the right place at the right time and you get to experience that moment of pure joy. This has been my moment, thanks to you, Kellie and Stefan.’
Turning the handle and entering the studio, Nico turns his head towards me, the brush in his hand poised mere inches from the canvas in front of him. ‘I thought you’d turned in for the night. Can’t sleep?’
I nod. ‘My mind won’t switch off. Bit of an emotional day. I don’t want to stop you, though, so say if you’d rather be alone.’
‘What I’d love is a cup of coffee to keep me going,’ he replies, his eyes pleading as he raises his eyebrows. ‘There’s a kettle through there in the workroom. Everything you need is on the shelf.’
As I step through, it’s more like a big cupboard and it has no windows, just one of those annoyingly bright overhead lights. I switch on the kettle and grab two mugs.
‘Is Kellie okay?’ Nico calls out.
‘She was a little upset, but she spent the evening with Taylor again.’
As I carry the drinks through, Nico turns to look directly at me.
‘You’re worried about them?’
‘She’s eighteen, Nico. He’s old enough to have seen a fair bit of the world already. What if they fall into something and it all goes wrong?’
Nico grabs a cloth to wipe off his brush. ‘Come, let’s take these outside.’
He accepts the mug and concertinas the glass doors back with ease.
Outside, it’s a balmy night and the silence is only broken by the chirping of the cicadas, which never ceases, and a group of bats swooping back and forth, performing one of their elaborate dances in the dark.
Rising up in the distance, blending into the darkening sky as if it’s the work of an artist’s palette, are the mountains which many refer to as Europe’s Grand Canyon. In daylight hours, it’s the bordering forest slopes which stand out. At this time of the night, the eye is taken up towards the lightest part of the sky, and it’s the silhouette on the distant horizon that becomes the focus of attention.
This is a far cry from the view I’m used to seeing and I still find it a little incongruous that this is my temporary home. Even though, for some reason, Provence has a comforting sense of familiarity to it for me. Is it possible to feel you belong somewhere simply because you’ve been uprooted and are desperate to make the best of an uneasy situation?
Nico indicates for me to take a seat at the little bistro table. The air carries with it a blend of floral notes, but somewhere close by there is a profusion of jasmine, which is quite dominant tonight. It eclipses the fragrant perfume of the wonderful roses even.
It’s very private here, mainly because of the height of the shrubs and the wildness of the garden within the three stone walls. A tranquil place nestled within a forest, protected by the mountain ranges.
‘This is a beautiful little oasis, Nico. I bet it drives Ceana mad, plants tumbling over each other in unorchestrated chaos. But it would be such a shame to tame it.’
He smiles, a dimple in his cheek turning it into a rueful look. ‘At the end of the summer, she’ll appear with shears and I have to look the other way. The plants repay her kindness and hard work in the spring.’
I tilt my head, looking up at th
e night sky once more and as my eyes adjust I begin to notice the stars. I can feel Nico watching me.
‘Kellie is a troubled young woman, I can see that, but she has a mind of her own. It’s a strong and determined one. And I know Taylor well enough to vouch for the fact that he would never take advantage for the sake of it. He’s had his heart broken in the past, so you can relax. If anything develops between them, then it will be because they have feelings for each other. That’s not wrong, is it?’
I stop looking up and turn to face Nico. He stares back at me anxiously, as if it’s important that I agree with him on this.
‘No. But she’s very young and fragile.’
‘No more fragile than Taylor, Fern. He bears the scars of his biggest regret as if it’s his penance. But he didn’t commit a crime. Is your concern stemming from something closer to home? Kellie is a similar age to your sister, I believe?’
‘Yes. But they are two very different personalities and it’s not about that. As for Taylor, how sad that the jagged line on his cheek is a constant reminder of a bigger hurt than just the physical pain.’
‘That’s life, Fern, you don’t get to choose the hand you are dealt. And you know full well that you cannot shield the ones you love from life’s troubles, or make their decisions for them.’ His voice takes on a factual tone, almost totally devoid of emotion now.
‘Sometimes a word of caution is prudent,’ I reply.
‘I disagree. The time to solve a problem is when it presents itself, and then take action based on the information you have. You can’t live your life worrying about things that might not happen. Or inflict that upon other people.’
He can be as infuriating as he can be charming, at times.
‘I think maybe my reactions are born out of experience, Nico.’
