“You’re asking a guy who opened a music store when I didn’t have a pot to piss in.”
“That just gives me hope, like it’s something I should think about.”
“Maybe you should,” he said supportively.
“I don’t know. I have a job people would kill for. A job I would have killed for two months ago. But what if I was wrong? What if I don’t want bigger and better or the people that come along with bigger, better? What if I’m really meant to blaze my own trail, defined by my own beliefs and creativity?”
“Then that’s not wrong, Serena. That’s a choice. It means you started down one path and it led you to another.”
Was this a sign? Could this be the right path for her? “This is so hard.”
“I know. But breathe, baby.” His lips curved up in a tender smile. “Remember how you said I didn’t make myself into a liar by getting together with you after I said I couldn’t?”
“Yes. I said your first inclination was just a bad idea.”
He shrugged one shoulder. “Don’t you see the similarities? Just because you change your mind doesn’t mean it was wrong to begin with, or in this case, even a bad idea. This is how you learn and grow, whichever way you decide to go. Just know this. I want you to be happy. No matter where or how that has to happen. Okay?”
She nodded, feeling like she couldn’t breathe. “You have to go. Everyone’s waiting.”
“Hold on.” He grabbed her messenger bag and dug out her notebook. “Let’s make pros and cons lists and figure this out. I’ll text Rick and tell him to leave with the others. I can rent a car and drive home later.”
“Drake…” She shook her head and set the notebook on the coffee table. She couldn’t make lists when she wasn’t even able to see clearly. But Drake was a fixer, and she knew he was doing it out of love. “I adore you. You know that, right?”
“I hear something bad coming.”
She climbed onto his lap and took his handsome face between her hands. “Not bad. I know you want to fix this for me, or help me fix it, but I think I just need time to think things through. It might be a great opportunity, but I have clients who are counting on me, and buying a business is a huge deal. I’m not even sure I want to risk my savings—the money I was hoping to use to buy the cottage I’m renting—on a business. I don’t even know if I can get a loan that fast. It’s about the same amount as a car loan, but I think it’s a different process when you’re buying a business. There’s just too much to try to figure out right now.”
“I told you I’d give you—or lend you—the money.”
“I know, but please don’t offer me that ever again.” She softened her words with a touch of her hand. “I could lose my shirt and have to start over, and there is no way in hell I’m going to borrow or take money from you, so please stop.”
“But you won’t—”
She pressed her lips to his, silencing his support. “I love you for believing in me, but I have to be smart. I have to make a decision that’s right for me, weigh the risks, second- and third-guess myself. And I need to do that on my own.”
His jaw clenched, bringing out that telltale dimple. She kissed the indentation and then brushed her fingers over it. She was fooling herself if she thought Drake—and even her friends—didn’t play a role in what she wanted. Or that Drake’s happiness and his need to be near his family wasn’t of primary importance to her. He’d never be happy in Boston, that far away from everyone he loved. Those were all things she needed to think long and hard about, and as much as she loved him, she couldn’t think clearly about those things while looking into his supportive eyes. “Please don’t be frustrated with me.”
“I’m not. I just wish I knew what the right answer was. I don’t want you giving up everything you’ve worked so hard for just to be closer to me, and I also don’t want you staying somewhere that makes you unhappy.”
“As much as it hurts to say it, as much as I don’t like feeling like I’m on a hamster wheel running back and forth to the Cape, whatever decision I make won’t be just about you or certain aspects of my job. It’s about me as a woman, a career person, and a friend. If I learned one thing from my mother, it’s that if I’m going to be the type of girlfriend I want to be, I have to first be happy with all the pieces of myself and my life before you can even consider moving to be with me. Big firm? Little firm? Cape? Boston? Those are things I have to pick apart. The only thing I know for sure is that I want you, and thankfully, you’ve made it abundantly clear that you want me, too. I just need to figure out what else I want.”
“WHY DO YOU look like you’re going to kill someone instead of looking well f—” Rick glanced at Hagen and said, “Loved?”
Drake gritted his teeth as Mira joined them. He thought he’d be able to get back to the Cape without having to talk about Serena’s situation. “Because I don’t know up from down right now.”
“What’s wrong?” Mira asked. “Is the distance getting to you guys?”
Drake wished it were that easy. “No. Did you know Justine was selling Shift?”
“What? No. I haven’t heard anything.” Mira turned around, and before Drake thought to stop her, she called to the girls, “Did you guys know Justine was selling Shift?”
“No. She is?” Desiree asked.
Emery ran over. “Can Serena buy it?”
“I don’t know,” Drake answered.
“Why not?” Rick asked. “Then she could be closer to home.”
“Rick, you know Serena’s always wanted the type of job she has now.” Mira put a hand on Drake’s shoulder. “You want her to try to buy it, though, don’t you?”
“Yes!” Emery said. “I want her to, even if you don’t.”
Desiree joined them and said, “She’d be great running her own shop.”
“That’s basically what she did with us, but on a bigger scale,” Dean added. “She set up everything, designed all the cottages, the office, your apartment, the rec center…”
“So that’s why you’re mad?” Mira asked.
“No!” Christ, it was like arguing with a committee. “I’m not mad at Serena. Jesus, Mira, you know me better than that. I stayed away from her for all those years because I didn’t want to stand in her way or make her feel like she had to choose between me and her dreams. Do you really think I want to pull her back now?”
“Hey, calm down.” Matt stepped between Drake and Mira. “She’s only trying to figure out why you’re chewing on nails.”
“Sorry,” Drake ground out. “I don’t know why I’m having a hard time.”
“Uncle Drake?” Hagen asked sweetly.
Drake turned, meeting his nephew’s inquisitive gaze and feeling guilty as hell that Hagen had witnessed him getting upset. “I’m sorry, Hagen. I shouldn’t have snapped at your mom.”
“I know why you’re unhappy,” he said with all the confidence of a little boy with an innocent view of the world. “Serena is gone. I miss her, too.”
Drake’s throat thickened. He lifted Hagen into his arms, stepping aside for Rick to drive the boat. “You’re right, Hagen. I do miss her.”
“So bring her home,” Hagen suggested.
“I want her with me every day, buddy, but sometimes adults aren’t sure if they’re going to be happiest in one place or another.”
“Daddy moved here to be with us,” he said matter-of-factly. “So maybe you can move to Boston to be with Serena. But you need to still come visit us, or I’ll miss you both.”
“I will, too,” Mira said.
“That’s good advice, buddy,” Matt said as he took Hagen from Drake’s arms. “What do you say you and I see if we can spot any fish while Uncle Drake tries to figure things out?”
After they walked away, Emery said, “I bet we can come up with whatever she needs to buy the business. I have some savings.”
“Me too. How much does she need?” Desiree asked.
“No, you guys,” Drake said sternly. “Don’t you think I�
�ve already told her the money is hers if she needs it? I could buy three companies for her if that’s what she wanted. I appreciate you wanting to help, but this is Serena. She’s not going to take money from any of us.”
“Not in a million years,” Rick agreed.
“She doesn’t know what she wants right now,” he explained. “I just don’t want her to make the wrong decision and regret it, whether that’s staying where she is, buying this company, or something different altogether. I laid all my cards on the table. The next move is hers.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
SERENA TRUDGED INTO the office Monday morning thanking the heavens above that she didn’t have any face-to-face client meetings today. She’d been up late last night talking to the girls, who had each pressed her for details about her thoughts on Shift. Chloe had given her the best advice. Don’t think about Mom while you make this big of a decision. Once she’d taken their mother out of the equation, her thoughts had become clearer. She’d called Drake, and he’d tiptoed around their earlier conversation. She knew it was killing him that she was suddenly unsure of what she wanted to do with her future. Drake was a fixer. A planner. A guy who had stepped back just so she could move forward. It was that, and all the unknowns, that had kept her tossing and turning all night and left her looking like a zombie this morning. Hopefully the makeup she’d used to cover the dark circles under her eyes would do the trick and no one would notice.
She checked in with Laura and Spencer, passed by Gavin at the coffee machine and kept on going, ducking into her office to hide out for the day. She was so exhausted and confused, she didn’t trust herself not to snap at Suzanne if the opportunity arose.
A hand with a coffee cup appeared in her doorway. “Is it safe to come in?” Gavin asked in a cartoonish voice.
“The coffee, yes. You? Probably not.”
Gavin sauntered in with a cocky grin and a cup of coffee in each hand. He guided the door closed with his foot and said, “I’ll take my chances.”
“You’re either brave or foolish.” She waved to the chair across from her.
He set a coffee cup in front of her, then sipped from the other as he sat down. He crossed an ankle over his knee, sat back, and said, “Definitely both, but wow. You look like hell. Breakup, nookie night, or PMSing?”
“None of the above.” She came around the desk and sat in the chair beside him.
“Don’t get handsy with me,” he warned.
She smiled. “I need advice.”
“Should I get cookies?”
“Probably, but there’s no time, so just go with it. Let’s say you got an opportunity for a new job.”
He wrinkled his brow. “Didn’t we just play this game?”
“Different job, and it’s in a place you love.” She sighed. “It’s too hard to be hypothetical. I’m exhausted, so I’m just going to say it, but it stays in this room.”
He pantomimed slipping something over their heads. “Cone of silence. Go.”
“The woman I used to work for, Justine, is selling her company, Shift, the small design firm in Hyannis I told you about. I just found out yesterday. She has an offer on the table and is supposed to sign the papers Tuesday.”
He leaned closer, listening intently. “My interest is piqued. That’s the place you said you loved working, but they didn’t have the business to hire you full-time, right?”
“Yes. But if I bought the business I could market it and, honestly, she said she earns fifty thousand working part-time. I could live off that if I needed to.”
“But is she going out of business because the business is failing? Can the local economy handle it? Was there too much competition?”
“No. She had a baby and wants more time with her. I know Justine. I know how much she loves Shift. She built it from the ground up. But when she had her baby, she changed. She became a mom, and I get that.”
“Will she let you look at the books?”
“Yes, but I don’t even know if I want to buy it.”
He blinked hard, like he was trying to make sense of what she said. “Doing what you love in the area you love. What’s the issue?”
“A couple things. I have a solid job here.”
“With a boss.”
She was too tired for games. “What does that mean?”
“You have issues with authority. Did you not know that? Sorry. I thought you did.”
She couldn’t suppress her smile. “Okay, that’s fair. I do, but only when I think my ideas are better.”
“Like I said. Issues with authority. What else?”
“I don’t know. That’s the problem. What if I haven’t given this place enough time? What if things fall into place and my weekends become my own? What if Suzanne eventually respects me enough to let me handle Laura and Spencer the way I want to?”
He pulled out his phone, navigated around, then handed it to her. “This is my schedule for last month. You tell me—will things change?”
She glanced at the calendar. He had appointments on almost every Saturday, three evenings each week, and on one Sunday. She handed him back the phone. “Then there’s the biggest problem.”
“I know. The whole too-good-to-be-true thing.”
She rolled her eyes.
“No Kane’s Donuts around the corner?”
“Crap. I hadn’t thought about that. She named a doughnut after me and Drake. Perpetual Bliss. Pretty cool, huh? I bet Abby would mail them overnight delivery if I asked.”
“First of all, that’s wicked cool, and second, maybe you can convince her to move to the Cape.”
She sipped her coffee and said, “Look at you, strategizing my life.”
“Someone has to.”
“That’s just it. Nobody has ever had to figure things out for me. I’ve done it myself forever. That’s why this is throwing me off so badly.” She got up and went to the window, gazing out over the city. “This was what I thought I wanted. A big city, posh clients, and a job with a big-name firm. I wanted everything my mother didn’t want to achieve.”
She’d told Gavin about her mother the other night, and it hadn’t fazed him in the least. He’d said, Every strong woman I’ve ever met had a parent who failed them, a parent who did well by them, or siblings to compete with. There’s no magic. We all become who we are because of someone else.
She turned around, taking in his sharp blue suit and shiny shoes. She had fancy clothes, but she still felt like an imposter in them. Her heart would never be in this company.
“I know what I want, and it’s not this,” she said confidently. “I want to go to work every day without the fear of being hamstrung by a boss or having to take on projects I don’t want to. I don’t care about the money. I care about doing what I love and being around family—Drake, Chloe, Mira, Rick, Emery. The whole gang.”
“Great. So what’s the issue?”
She plunked down into the chair again. “I have savings, but not quite enough, and I’m not sure I want to sink every penny into something so risky.”
“I thought you said the business was solid.”
“It is, but what if I screw up?”
He laughed, then coughed to cover it. “Wait. The woman who has no issue going up against Suzanne Kline has confidence issues? Bullshit. What’s this really about?”
“Okay, fine. I know I won’t screw up, but something could go wrong. The building could catch fire. The economy could change.”
“Both true. So you get good insurance, and if the economy tanks you get a new job. Or you can sit around here, work six days a week, and hustle to and from the Cape, and if the economy tanks, you start over anyway.”
She assessed his words and his expression. She trusted Gavin to be honest. He had no ulterior motives to get her to stay or leave. “So you think this is actually a good idea?”
“You don’t belong here, Serena. You keep telling me that in different ways. ‘If this were my company, I’d do this,’ and ‘If I were the boss, I’d do that…
’”
“I know,” she finally admitted. “I think I’m just scared to get my hopes up. What if I can’t pull it off? What if Justine doesn’t want to change course and goes with the other buyer? What if I can’t get a loan?”
“Do you want a loan?” He sipped his coffee, casually watching her.
“Nobody wants a loan. You get them because you have to. She’s asking fifty grand, and I have thirty-two, but I’d be left with nothing. I don’t have a car payment or carry any credit card debt. I figure I can probably borrow twenty-five and still have a few thousand left of my savings. It means giving up the hope of buying the cottage I’ve rented for the past several years, but that’s a trade-off I think I’m willing to make.”
“There are other ways to make businesses work. Would you consider a partner?”
“Like Drake buying the business and me being a kept woman? Never.” She crossed her arms against the idea.
“I said a partner, not a sugar daddy.” He leaned forward and brushed something from her shoulder.
“What…?” She looked at her shoulder.
“Nothing. Just trying to get that big ol’ chip off your shoulder.”
She sighed. “Okay, I’m stubborn. No secret there.”
“Serena, I’m being serious. I think you’ve got a chance at something awesome. I’d love a shot at partnering with you. I don’t have contacts at the Cape, but I’ve got plenty of contacts here in Boston that aren’t affiliated with KHB. And in case you haven’t noticed, clients like me. I can work the system. I’m an honest guy, and you and I get along well. I know when to toss you cookies and when to back off. I know you’re sharp as hell and your ideas are usually spot-on, but when they’re not, I know you can handle a little criticism, if worded correctly.”
“I didn’t kick you in the balls when you told me I was going in the wrong direction with that one idea I had for Seth and Jared, did I?”
He shook his head. “That’s how I know you’re not an asshole. We can make this work. We can build something incredible of our own, taking on clients who respect us and, equally important, clients we respect.”
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