by Reana Malori
“How about I make us something light today?”
“I'll eat whatever you make,” he said with a smile as he came over to stand next to her. “Do you need to go anywhere today?”
“No. Well actually maybe I do. I need to go by my Club also. I need to talk to my president about what's going on. I don't think this will affect the Club at all, but I want her to know what’s happening. We’re a close-knit group and if I don't tell her what's happening, I think she'll feel that I'm keeping secrets. I don't want to do that. I can’t have this become an issue and cause problems within my own Club.”
“Do you think these people know that you're a part of a motorcycle club?” Based on his experience, he was positive they did. But he needed to understand where her head was at. Did she understand the type of people who’d crossed her path?
“I actually don't know. I never talk about my life outside of work. I usually keep that part of my life separate. No one knows much about my personal life except for my family and my closest friends. So, I doubt they'll know about the Club, but I want to be careful. I just need to let her know what's going on,” she sighed.
“Well, I need meet my crew at the Club around three. How about I drop you off and then I head on over to where I need to be? I'll pick you up on my way back.” It felt good to be able to take care of her, even if she could handle herself.
“You don't have to do that. I can drive myself. I can’t be riding bitch on your bike so soon after meeting. I have my own ride, Reed. I need to keep my independence and not get too dependent on you. Plus, I’m tired of hiding. If they’re coming after me, then I’m going to face them on my own terms.”
“Not without me you’re not.”
Chapter Nine
Silence filled the room as she continued making their meal. He could tell she wanted to say more on the subject and he was ready for it. They may be a new couple, but there were certain things he would never allow. One being, he would never be okay with Geneva putting herself in danger. She’d just have to get over. After a few moments, she seemed to get over whatever issues she was working through.
“Tell me a little bit about yourself.”
Smiling at her, he leaned his elbows on the counter. “What do you want to know?”
“I want to know the real Jamison Reed. Who were you when you grew up? Did you like playing hide and seek? Did you like playing football with your friends after school? What were you like as a ten-year-old little boy?” The questions rolled off her tongue as though she’d been thinking about them for quite a while.
“Well, those are some pretty deep questions.” Picking up a piece of the sliced smoked ham from the deli wrap, he slipped it into his mouth. Chewing slowly, he tried to decide the best way to answer her questions. His childhood was amazing. He loved his family. He loved his friends. And he loved where he grew up. But at some point, it was no longer enough.
He wanted more for his life than small town living. The two-point-five kids and white picket fence just didn't interest him anymore. He wasn't excited by that type of lifestyle. And so, he’d left. But how do you tell the woman you're standing across from, the woman you’ve now told you want that whole ideal life. Including the two-point-five kids, white picket fence, and a dog named Spot. How do you tell her you want that life with her? You can’t. He’d have to prove it to her in action and deed. Otherwise, she’d never believe him. She’d think he was all talk.
“Reed? Everything okay?” Her brow was raised in question as she looked at him. Her hands hovered in the air. From the look on her face, he could tell she’d been trying to get his attention for a while.
“Yeah, it's fine baby. I'm just trying to decide which story I want to tell you. My childhood wasn’t anything special.” As he began to share, Geneva’s lips turned up in a small smile. He’d do anything to have her look at him like that all the time. “I was a rambunctious little kid.” Laughing a little, he thought about some of the scrapes he’d gotten into as a child.
He was a rambunctious child. Actually, he was a goddamn troublemaker. If there was an issue going on in his town and the cops had to be involved, he was usually the one starting the trouble. But it wasn't done with harm. He just wanted to have fun. And if that fun meant he was throwing a rock through someone's window one day or putting toilet paper on the tree in someone else’s front yard. that's just what happened. Usually, he was also the one to help fix it and clean up the mess. So he couldn’t have been that bad. Looking over at Geneva, he knew she was still waiting for him to answer her question.
“I guess my life was what you would expect in a small town. My mom and dad loved us and tried to raise us right. Everything they did was for me and my brothers. They worked hard to give us a good life. So, I can’t complain too much.”
“Then why did you leave?”
He moved around the counter, wrapping his arms around her waist. Kissing her neck under her ear, he smiled when he felt the tremor flow through her body. “Well, darling that's the million-dollar question. I guess I just wanted more for my life. I wanted to see the world. I wanted adventure. And I sure as hell wasn't going to get that in small-town Ohio.”
“What did your mom think when you left for the Army?”
Taking a step back, he sighed. “She bawled her eyes out. Begged me not to go. By the time I was ready to join, my dad had retired from the military and was at home living the life they’d always dreamed about. And now her oldest son was leaving for a career that would cause her more nights of stress. Where she didn't know if he'd come home at the end. She didn't want that.” When he thought about it now, he could see that his own selfish desire to leave home had probably caused more hurt for his mother than anything else he’d done since.
“I can understand that. I don't know if I would want that for my son either.”
Nodding his head in agreement, Reed was surprised at how comfortable this felt. His mother, and how she’d felt when he joined the Army wasn’t really a topic he’d discussed with anyone before today. “It was something I needed to do for myself. After a few years, she came to accept the decision and got over her upset. Then her favorite hobby was to brag about me to all of her friends about how she had the military hero son.”
He knew his voice turned sarcastic when he mentioned his mother bragging about him to her friends and others. Right around the time she came to accept his career choice is when the fun changed. This is when memories of what really happened while he was in the military began to take over.
“What about your time in the military? Did you enjoy it?” Her hands moved quickly as she plated their sandwiches and began mixing the salad. Watching her do such a domestic activity made him smile. It was such a small thing. Making them lunch. They were like any other couple on any given Sunday. It felt nice.
“You look good standing over there making us lunch. If you're not careful I might get used to this.” Leaning over, she put her face up for a kiss. Damn this woman made him go crazy. The silly shit he did with her. Laughing silently as he placed a light kiss on her cheek, then her lips as she smiled in response. Man, if his friends could see him now, they’d laugh their asses off. But he knew she hadn't forgotten her question. Today was like the goddamn Spanish Inquisition. But in the big scheme of things, he didn't mind. He wanted her to get to know him. To know who he was. Not Reed, the guy with the leather cut. But Jamison Reed, the man. He was asking her to take a chance on him. If that was the case, then she needed to know what she was signing up for.
“You want to know what I thought about my time in the Army?”
“Yes.”
“Well it wasn't all fun and joy,” he sighed deeply as colorful visions filled his mind. Blood. Smoke. Desert. It was a never-ending cycle.
“No, I wouldn't expect it to be. But can you tell me what you did while you were in?”
Turning his gaze to her, he stared at her face for a moment. He wanted to understand what was in her beautiful head. “Is that something you really wa
nt to know?”
“It is,” she responded with a shrug.
Damn, she’s like a dog with a bone. “Well baby, then you should know the Army didn't train me to be a cook. The Army trained me to do exactly what they needed me to do at the time. And I did it. Was damn good at it too.”
Pausing in her motions, she raised her gaze to his. “What does that mean?”
“It means I spent more time in the desert than I needed to. It means I saw things while I was overseas that I never want to see again. It means the shit that goes through my head when I'm sleeping at night would scare any man. To me, it’s my lullaby.” Glancing away, he allowed the memories to fill his mind and had to close his eyes for a few moments. “I have to tell you, the only time I've gotten any peace since I got out of the Army was when I've been with you at night. Lying with you in my arms, holding your body close. And I'm not giving that shit up. Not for anyone,” he ended on a growl.
“No one's asking you to give it up, Reed. I like what we have.” At his raised eyebrow, she smiled and ducked her eyes. “Okay, okay. I love what we have. After that first night, I thought it would be over. That I’d never see you again.”
“And what do you think now?”
Placing her hands flat on the counter, she stared at him. “I’m not giving you up. I want you. What we have is new, but it feels right.”
“Yeah well, I'm glad we’re on the same page. I'm in this for the long haul, Geneva. You might think what’s happening between us is going too fast, but for me, I knew day one.”
“Knew what?”
“That I was never going to let you go.” Her eyes widened as his words registered. He knew he was coming on a bit too strong, but life was too short. His motto was to live each day as if it were his last. He spent close to twelve-years fighting an enemy that was never going to give up. At any moment he could have been the one being blown the fuck up. Losing a limb. Or simply coming home less of a man than when he left. So, no, he wasn't going to be patient. He was going to make sure he claimed his woman.
“So why did you get out?” Geneva asked the million-dollar question. The one that always made him flinch as he thought about the real reason he’d given up the life he’d come to love. How did he answer her?
Looking into her beautiful gaze, he knew he had to tell her the truth. Something like this couldn't be hidden away. Those events changed the course of his life and made him into the man he is today.
Reed braced himself for her response. “I got out because I saw my friend die. I held him in my arms as his blood left his body. He wasn't even supposed to be on that goddamn mission.” Taking a moment, he stopped speaking and shoved his hands in his pockets.
“Oh, no. I'm so sorry. I never... I'm I just don't know what to say.” He noticed her hands trembling as her eyes turned sad. This was one thing he didn’t want. Sympathy. It wasn't deserved, nor did it help the situation.
“You don't have to say anything. It's just what happened. You asked why I got out, that’s the reason. He was supposed to be on his way home. His orders to go back stateside came through. Just a few more days and he’d have been on the way home to his wife and little boy. But we were short-handed. And the goddamn Colonel asked him to go on one final mission. He should have been packing. He should have been preparing to leave. But no, he was in that damn Humvee with me. Riding along the road we had traveled a million times before.” Voice rising in anger as he thought about the senselessness of the whole fucking situation. Their Commanding Officer should have known better. Any other time, he would never have been approved to go, but their Colonel was chasing that star on his shoulder. So, his team had been expendable for the sake of one man’s career. At her wide eyes, he stopped and took a few deep breaths.
“We knew that village like the back of our hand. Or so we thought. But something must have changed. Because what happened that day should have never happened. And when it was all said and done, I was left with my best friend dying in my arms. As he begged for one more day to do it all over again, to make a different decision, all I could think was why not me. Why wasn't I the one who'd taken the brunt of the IED that day? I didn't have a wife. Or son. I had no one to go home too.”
Geneva broke in, her eyes red with tears, and her hand reaching out to him as if to grab hold of his arm. “But you did Reed. You had your family. Your mother.”
“But, I didn't have a wife. I didn't have a little boy waiting for me who needed a father. It should have been me that day.” Damn, it actually felt good to admit this to someone other than the therapist assigned to him by the Veterans Affairs Hospital. That person was a quack. In less than a week, Geneva had him opening up to her more than he’d ever opened up to that nutjob.
“Don't say that,” her sharp tone cracked against him as if a real, living thing. “It should not have been you. It should have been… Fuck, I—I just don't know. It shouldn't have been anyone. Neither one of you should have had to die. I'm sorry your best friend didn’t make it home. Nothing I can say will make you feel better about that. I just need you to know that I’m happy you’re here. That you made it home. If you hadn’t, I’d never have met you. That may be selfish, but I don’t care. Nothing you say will make me agree that you shouldn’t be here right now, because you should.”
And there it was again. He didn’t even know if she realized how her words soothed his soul. Calmed the beast that lingered just under his skin. “I just wanted you to know why I got out. After that happened, I just couldn't do it anymore. The Army was going to be my life. Then one selfish task from a selfish man caused my friend to die. I had to be the one to tell his widow what happened. How could I look her in the eye and tell her that her husband was never coming home while I was standing in front of her a whole man.”
Geneva walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Laying her head on his chest, she simply inhaled. Her chest rising and lowering in rhythm with his. She didn't say a word, and she didn't really need to. He knew she understood him deeper than anyone else up until this point. “I need you to know I'm a broken man, Geneva. I protect those I love to the best of my ability and will do everything in my power to make sure no harm ever comes your way. I never want to go through something like I did when Nick died. That shit, it changes a person. The way I am now is not the man I was when I left.”
“You were just a child when you left. Life changes you. The things you saw over there... I just don't know how anyone could come back and not be different? Scarred? You did what you had to in order to survive. No one can question you about that. No one can blame you for surviving. You did what they asked of you. And apparently, you did a damn good job of it. Your friend was killed through no fault of his own—or yours. An IED is not something you can expect, no matter how much planning you do. If I know that, I know you do. You are a whole man. You're not broken. You just have scars. We all do. Yours are just deeper than others.”
“How can you be so understanding?” he whispered in her ear, his arms held her close
“Because I've gotten to know you over this past week. If you were as broken as you believed, you wouldn't be standing here with me right now. From day one you told me how you felt about being with me, about what you felt was between us. You never wavered, even as I dismissed what I felt for you. I knew the man you were from the very first moment. If I had any concerns about who you were or how you would treat me, I would have walked away.”
“Maybe it was just my animal magnetism that made you stay.”
A grin spread across her face as she looked up at him, “You just can't help yourself can you?”
“Nope. Not when it comes to you.” Leaning his head down, he kissed her softly on the lips. She could have made this moment a lot worse than it was. But she didn't. She accepted what he had to say, and she didn't look at him any differently. If anything, she looked at him with eyes of understanding. And she supported him. He didn't know what he did in his life to warrant someone like her, but he was damn lucky
she was by his side.
Just as she began to pull out of his arms, he pulled her back, giving her a deep sensual kiss. Her tongue dueled with his as he tried to make her understand exactly how much her acceptance meant to him. Using his large hands to grab her ass, he pulled her closer to his thick flesh fighting to burst out of his jeans. The moans coming from her mouth as he kissed her made him want to rip her clothes off and throw her on the dining room table. If he could spend every waking moment balls deep inside of this woman, he would. As their kiss became more heated, her cell phone rang. Jarring them out of the moment.
“I better check that,” Geneva said, her lips swollen in passion.
"Are you sure?” Reed continued to hold one of her hands as she moved towards the loudly ringing device. If all this shit wasn’t going on, there was no way in hell he’d be allowing her to pick up her phone.
“You are insatiable,” she laughed. Walking over to her phone she grabbed it up, which had now stopped ringing. “Oh, it's just Penny. There’s a text message as well. She's asking what time I'll be at the Club today.”
“Tell her you'll be there around 2:30. I'll drop you off.” Reed watched Geneva respond to the text message. His gaze slid up and down her body as she lounged in her casual clothes. This is what life should be about. Being with the person you wanted most. A slick smile covered his face as he slowly walked up to her. As she put the phone down, he grabbed her around the waist from behind. His lips touched her neck, kissing softly on the skin underneath her ear.
“Reed what are you doing?”
“I'm taking your mind off your troubles.” Nibble. Lick. Kiss.
“By kissing my neck?” A giggle escaped, and she slapped one hand over her mouth. He smiled at that. His woman was always surprised when he pulled those sounds out of her.
