by Jez Cajiao
I struggled back upright, feeling Grizz grabbing me under the right arm and tugging me to my feet. He shoved me forward just as my mana dropped into the toilet, and I staggered again, my second debuff hitting me and making me almost too weak to move in my armor.
“Move it, Legionnaire!” Grizz screamed at me as Tang appeared, taking my left arm and ducking under it, half lifting me as he started to run. Stephanos took my other arm from Grizz and they worked together, half dragging, half carrying me.
Yen was stumbling along with the others, helped by Miren, as Grizz and Jian dragged Lydia along, her metal-clad sabatons dragging along the filthy metal floor raising an ear piercing shriek, one that was quickly occluded by the explosions behind us.
For me, it felt like a giant hand slammed into my back, lifting me and tossing me along the corridor. The entire team was thrown from our feet, tumbling and collapsing as the blast wave washed over us. The majority of the impact was luckily being directed away, instead barreling into the undead creation that had been forming.
The first spear had hit it on the cheek of the massive skull that had begun to form, cracking the structure and blasting the bone apart. The second impacted a millisecond later, to the left and slightly higher, punching deeper into the horned skull and detonating, the explosion peppering the walls, ceiling, and floor with ballistic bone shards.
The blast wave grew, conical in shape, as the next hit to the right by a few inches. It slammed through the monster, taking a dissolving undead Xon’dike in the face and smashing it backwards before it practically vaporized. The fourth hit further, punching through the back of the Xon’dike’s carapace and emerging into a hail of disassembling bones, before the final missile flared through the gap created by its predecessors and detonated.
The blast wave, no longer constrained by solid bodies, but instead meeting flying, magically-dragged individual bones, roared out, clearing the corridor and erupting back into the room beyond, sending thousands of flaming shards in all directions and shredding the hundreds of undead on the far side, the final blast turning the room into a bone grinder.
The overpressure that had punched us from our feet vanished, only to be replaced by the cracking, creaking, and screams of metal as the corridor’s stress tolerances were surpassed by a force never envisioned. The ceiling, walls, and floor abruptly collapsed in a rolling wave of destruction.
We barely escaped, staggering and limping into the room the others had found and falling to the floor in heaps, too exhausted to fight.
I noticed the ceiling above me shuddering, and I closed my eyes, barely able to breathe, let alone escape. The world slipped rapidly from me, turning black.
Chapter Fourteen
When I awoke, it was hours later, judging by the rested, painless state of my body, and my helmet was off. I blinked slowly, trying to reconcile the view before me and the sensation of my intact body with the way I’d felt in my last memories. Confused, I slowly looked around, catching sight of a glowing campfire pushing back the darkness nearby.
I was half stripped of my armor and laid out on my bedroll. My head was cradled in Oracle’s lap, and I reveled in the softness as she sat and stroked my hair back. She was full sized and glaring at me, even as our link spoke volumes about how relieved she was to be able to scold me again.
I lifted one hand, bracing it palm down and levering myself upright. I turned slightly and slid the other behind her head, pulling her in close and cutting off her rising complaint with a hard, relieved kiss.
When I broke it, I glanced around, seeing the amused looks on everyone’s faces, and I grinned at the realization that everyone was okay.
“Now, how come all I got when you woke up was a smack?” I heard Jian whisper to Miren, and I shot a grin at him as I turned and inspected the room. It quickly became clear that we were camped in the last room we’d found at the end of the corridor.
“What happened?” I asked, and Lydia clambered to her feet, stomping over to me and glaring down.
“Yer almost cost us all our lives, is what happened!” she snarled. “I was happy ter die there; I woulda held th’ line! Instead, yer came after me, just like yer rushed th’ damn undead in the first place. Then everyone else had to come stormin’ in to save us both! Yer nearly cost everyone their lives, just ter save me!” I blinked in shock, remembering the chaotic struggle, and feeling that I was being unfairly shouted at.
I remembered the pain, and the damage I could feel happening to my body as I carried her, and I remembered the determination that had filled me.
“You think I should have left you?” I shot back, pushing myself to my feet, only to have her grab the collar of my tunic and pull me forward to glare at me nose to nose.
“Yer damn well know yer should have!” She snapped, fury dancing in her eyes. “I’m yer guard, not th’ other way around!” She shoved me back, gesturing at the rest of the group. “They all had ter come, they dove in ter save us, because their job is ter look after ye! And you, yer stupid son of a bitch, yer were on th’ front line, fighting a goddamn hopeless retreat, because yer too fuckin’ stupid an’ stubborn ter know yer place!”
“I…” I sputtered, before Grizz cut me off.
“She’s right.” He shot a glare at me before dropping his gaze to the fire and turning a section of meat suspended on a skewer over the flames. Suddenly, the smell of the fat dripping into the fire, bursting and popping with flavor, was all I could think about, until he continued. “We’re all here for you. We exist to protect you, and you’re trying to be the ‘tank,’ as you call it. Have you any idea how terrifying that is?” He asked , still not looking at me. “To know that for the first time in hundreds of years, we have a chance at an honorable life? At being the true Legion again? That we could bring it all back, save the fucking Empire itself, as every goddamn Legionnaire who’s ever lived since the Cataclysm has dreamed of doing? And knowing that instead, we’ll have our names and memories cursed for the next thousand years as the incompetent arseholes who let you die?” He growled, turning the meat more than necessary, and I fumbled for my words, when, of all people, Miren spoke up.
“You saved us in the Tower, you gave us a home, but what do you think will happen when you die?” she asked softly. “Do you think everyone will forget what you did and just leave us alone?”
“They’ll drop everything and rush to take your place, to take the Tower and kill any witnesses that see it.” Stephanos added slowly.
“But…” I managed to get out, before Tang spoke up.
“Then they’ll wipe out the Legion, seeing us as a liability, waiting for another lord to challenge them. They’ll use the excuse that we followed you to wipe us out to the last, hunting us down. Thousands of Legionnaires out there who’ve never met you would be slaughtered by the nobility, just in case. It’d be the only excuse they need.” He grimaced, flicking a pebble into the flames.
“What the hell?” I snapped, interrupting the group ‘let’s give Jax shit’ love-in. “Seriously…” I started, before Lydia interrupted me again.
“You’d take all that from us, because yer can’t bear to think about where yer should be. Yer can’t fuckin’ accept that we can fight too, that we can sacrifice…”
“You can’t!” I snarled, cutting her off, and the room went silent in shock. “You hear me?” My voice bounced off the walls and echoed back as I felt the weight, the burden I’d been carrying for so long, lifting as it was released. “You can’t do what I have to do; you can’t be me!” I threw my hands in the air, unable to stop my own words. “You all want me to just let you die, to step back and let you make that sacrifice? Well, I fucking can’t! That’s not what I am!” I glared around at their stunned expressions.
“You think I can’t let you have your place in the line because I’m, what? Too fucking greedy for glory? Is that it?” I growled. “It’s not! It’s that if I’m going to be the next Emperor, the center of all this… this shit!” I cried, waving my hands around,
”then I have to be ME!” I slammed both fists into my chest. “You want to know why I’m on the front line, why I have to fight? Because I’m too fucking weak! I’m too weak to see you die, to see more of you give up your lives for me, because I’m not worth it!” My voice dropped to a whisper as I felt my eyes burning with unshed tears.
“You don’t get it. None of you do,” I said mournfully, shaking my head. “I’ve only ever had Tommy, my brother…” I explained quietly. “We only ever had each other to rely on. Everyone else, and I mean everyone, either died and left us alone or tried to fuck us over. There was only ever him I could count on, and now, there’s you. There’s all of you. I’ve gone from having no one I could trust to watch my back, to having you. You’re my new family, and I’ll burn in hell before I give up a single one of you if I can save you,” I growled. “If I have to be the fucking Emperor, or the Scion, or the Lord, or whatever, then I’ll be that, but I’ll be me, and I’ll do it my fucking way, because you don’t know what I could be! You have no goddamn idea what I could be if I let things slide, if I just said, ‘fuck it’ and took that first little step, and the next. You all think I’m a good man? I’m not.” I shook my head adamantly.
“I’m an evil bastard when I stop caring; I’m a man you’d pray to never see coming in the dark. I’m capable of being the worst monster you’ve ever fucking imagined, so I can’t let myself take that step, let myself walk away. Not if there’s even the slightest chance I can save you all, protect you. Because I’m not a good man, you see…” I mumbled, shaking my head again. “I’m an unbelievably bad man who’s trying to be better, and I can’t be anything else. I can either be this‒this man you see‒or I’ll be him… so you need to pick right goddamn now, because I can’t have this conversation again. Either you accept that I’ll do this, that I’ll always try to save you if I can, or you accept that I’ll use your Oaths… and I’ll make you stay at home. I’ll MAKE you be safe, if I can’t trust you to be by my side.” I turned aside and walked away into the darkness, to stand glaring at the collapsed passageway we’d escaped as I tried to slow my ragged breathing and keep the tears from flowing.
They have to accept it, I told myself, blinking the hot tears away. They have to understand. Either I protected them, protected them all, or I’d be taking a step on that path, the first step to becoming him…
“The worst thing…” I whispered aloud, knowing that Oracle was standing right behind me, knowing that the others had followed me and were standing silently as the tears finally flowed down my cheeks.
“The absolute worst thing isn’t that Amon could have taken me over back in that shithole of a city. It’s that I could see what he was going to do, and there was a part of me that was fine with it. As long as those I wanted to save would be okay, I’d have let it happen, because at last, at long last, I could have just sat back and goddamn relaxed. I could have chilled and enjoyed not being pestered every two minutes. I could have just done whatever I wanted. I could have gone fishing and drunk Mal’s beers, or whisky, or whatever…”
“Yer can still go fishin’… sometime?” Lydia said hesitantly, as though regretting she’d said anything at all earlier.
“I hate fishing,” I mumbled wryly, shaking my head. “I tried it once, and it was boring beyond belief. I… don’t want to be that person… I really don’t…” I broke off, turning around and seeing them all there, even Bane. “But I could be, don’t you see? There are days where I’d choose to go fishing, which I fucking hate, rather than help someone in need, because there’s always more of them. Every time I turn around, someone else needs something from me, and if I turn away, if I say, ‘not today, not right now,’ I’ll end up as him. A single small step is all it’ll take, because the next step will be easier, and then just one more after that. I remember it.” I met their eyes, silently pleading with them to understand. “I remember when Amon took those steps. He had to do it; he let his friends die to save others. Some of them saved thousands with their single deaths, and I know someday, I’ll have to let that happen with you, but I can’t just let it happen now, not when I could save you.”
“I didn’t mean it…” Lydia said, reaching out, taking me in her arms and clinging to me tightly, her armor clattering against my own. “I’m sorry, I... I…” she faltered, and I felt her tear-stained cheek pressed against my own.
“I know,” I said gently, holding her, the fear bubbling up in me that I’d just made a fool of myself in front of all these people who I cared for. I had visions of them starting to laugh and then turning from me, when Grizz moved forward and went to one knee, followed by Yen, Tang, and then the others. Lydia gently disengaged herself from me to take her place by Grizz’s side as Oracle silently stepped up and claimed my hand in her own.
“I’ve served in the Legion my whole life…” Grizz said slowly, staring up at me. “I panicked back there, and then let my anger and my fear get the better of me just now, because you are the reason we live, Jax. You say you can’t do this; you can’t let us die? Then let us live. Let us live by your side and raise the Empire up, back into the light. Every day, you give us a new reason to stand by you, and now?” His gaze bored into my own. “To hear that you have the same fears that drive us, that drive me? Knowing that you’re as terrified of failing or becoming that…. that wretch, as I am? We’ve all got that darkness inside of us; we just never speak of it, we never admit it, until one of us turns, and we all have to put them down, and then we see it in each other’s eyes. The fear that we’ll be the next one our brothers and sisters have to stop. Do you see that, Jax? We all feel it, but the Empire? That’s something golden and true that we can hold onto. It’s the death of our dreams and our hope that does it, Jax. Seeing the Empire rise again? Seeing the wonder and glory of the past resurrected? Seeing kids running free and being able to look at ourselves in the mirror and feel proud?! That’s what you’re bringing back to us, and there’s times I, and we all, need to remember that,” he said, bowing his head and speaking more formally.
“I, Centurion Grizz of the Dravith Cohortes Praetoria, acknowledge anew my Oath to Lord Jax of Dravith, Scion of the Empire. I shall be a shield for the weak, a blade for the guilty, and I’ll do my best… not to be a dick…” He finished, looking up at me and grinning, even as the others said their own vows. Each was slightly different, as they said what was in their hearts, but when Bane’s voice rumbled to a close at the end, I felt… better.
I felt healed, washed clean of all the stress and sorrow that had been building in me since I lost the first of my people back in the Tower, and that had risen to new levels with the deaths of Cam, and the Legionnaires in the raid on the Emporium. I’d not had the strength to ask yet how many had died in taking down the Skyking and escaping with the ships, nor in completing the raid, but I knew I had to, and soon.
“Thank you all,” I said fervently, the firelight bathing the chamber in dancing shadows as I looked from one to another. “I’ll try not to be a dick as well…” I promised, and Grizz stood, replying over his shoulder before walking back to the fire.
“Good, because I can’t take this much emotional baggage, you know? I’m kinda in the mood to chill out now, and I need to get my head back in the game and kill something,” he said, acting all brusque.
“Yeah, yeah…” I smiled, knowing that although he was acting like it was nothing, he’d been the first to bend the knee and give an Oath, somehow understanding that it’d make me feel better.
“So… are you okay?” Oracle asked me quietly, as the others drifted back to the fire, the low undercurrent of frustration and fear that had been present since we first fell into the pit now gone as they sat down, taking the meat that Grizz passed out.
“I am, and thank you. I’m sorry, Oracle; all of this is my fault. If I’d just given you warning about the poison cloud… given you time to make a shield spell…”
“You’d have all been dead,” she said, resting a hand on my arm. “I’ve been thinking about i
t, Jax, and the blast rolled over us so quickly… the poison cloud wasn’t just at the far end, it couldn’t have been… if it had, then I’d have managed to protect us. The majority was there, yes, but the cloud was spreading out, and it must have been damn close to us because of the way it exploded. If you’d waited, it might not have been something I could heal…” She shook her head, dismissing the speculation. “Or it might; we’ll never know, so it’s time to put it down to experience and move on. We’re here now, and we’re at least one step closer to the Vault than we were, okay?”
“Any idea where it would have been?” I asked her, and she pointed back the way we’d come with a half-smile. “Probably that way, and whatever’s controlling the undead is likely trying to get it as well.”
“Joy…” I sighed, and she smiled, reaching up and kissing my cheek before wrapping her arms around my neck. I lifted her up, holding her tightly to me for long seconds.
After a bit, Grizz called out to us, making me snort with laughter.
“Look, boss, if you really can’t control yourself, we can all pretend not to notice, but your meat’s getting cold here, and we’re all going to fight over it in a minute…”
“Okay, okay!” I chuckled, putting Oracle down and walking over to rejoin the group. I sat down slowly, reaching my hands out to the flames and feeling the warmth before taking the tin plate with slices of hot meat that Grizz passed to me.
While I ate, the others filled me in on what I’d missed. Apparently, Bane and Tang had gone scouting below, once they were sure the collapsed corridor was impassible, and the others had set to making camp, with Arrin and Oracle healing everyone.
Now, more than six hours after I’d passed out from exhaustion, and with Oracle nearly recovered from the spell mishap, it was getting close to time to move down to the next level, hoping we could find a way back up to an area where the undead weren’t expecting us.
“So, what did you find?” I asked Bane and Tang.
