by Jez Cajiao
A stab came in from the right; the small blade, barely better than a penknife, clattered across my greaves. I grabbed the gnome’s extended arm, twisting it backwards and yanking the limb straight before slamming the heel of my palm into the locked elbow, drawing a scream of pain as the bone shattered.
I released the limp wrist, snatching the penknife as it started to fall and ramming the blade home into her eye before spinning and bracing as another figure ran at me.
This one leapt at my groin, mouth wide open, and the little fucker had the metal teeth, as well as the stone-skin that the recent majority had lacked.
What he didn’t have, though, was a solid stone’s weight, or any kind of magical work-around for Newtonian physics. I practically chuckled as I brought my right knee across my body, sweeping right to left, and deflected him to the side, catching him by the left arm with my left hand as I turned to follow his trajectory, finally grasping his right leg with my right hand.
I pulled back with my right, shifting my left-handed grip from his flailing arm to his other leg, and went to work.
Suddenly, I had a good-sized weapon that was coated in stone, and I put it to good use.
I had a sudden memory of a meme from years ago, entitled, ‘Ever been so pissed, you beat a mother-fucker with a mother-fucker’. The image had been a guy swinging another guy at a third guy, and I couldn’t help but grin as I mimicked the move, realizing, as Grizz had demonstrated before, that sometimes it was good to go ‘old school’ and just beat your opponents to death in a damn impressive way. I smashed first one, then two, then five of the gnomes out of my way, sending them all reeling with broken bones, and I realized that apart from the worry about the rest of the team, I was starting to enjoy myself.
I swung the gnome-club back, spun around, and heaved him as hard as I could at a new stone-coated guy that had just stepped inside.
He left.
He actually left very quickly, while making a new hole for a window and breaking my current ‘weapon’. I dropped the bloody mess that I was holding, suddenly realizing I didn’t know how long he’d been flesh for, then shrugged. They’d started this, after all.
There was a sudden lull in the fighting, as the gnomes fell back, unsure, and I nodded to myself in satisfaction at causing a race of apparently regressing, rabid, drug-abusing psychopaths to pause and reconsider their lifestyle choices.
I glanced around the room, disgustedly observing the way everything was now spattered in a thick coating of blood and viscera, and I carefully reached up to wipe my hand down the outside of my helm, then glanced at my fingertips.
Yup. Coated in lumps and blood.
I paused for a second, staring at it, when I heard a scream of pain from above and saw Miren’s symbol flash from green, to yellow, to red, and I growled in renewed fury.
These little fuckers were keeping me from saving my people!
“You think I’m bad now?” I whispered, rolling my shoulders and drawing my ‘Dagger of Ripping’ free of its sheath. Holding it in my right hand, I made a ‘come here’ gesture with my left. “You aint seen anything yet.”
When they paused, I didn’t. I lunged forward, grabbing the nearest gnome to the door and yanking him in, ignoring the cudgel he wielded with a trio of spinning blades affixed on it. I drove the dagger into his throat, then yanked it aside, sending a spray of blood out to coat the walls even further. Whipping around, I threw the dagger at another gnome who’d been creeping up on me through a hole Oracle had blasted in a wall earlier.
That did it, as I reached down and lifted the cudgel the frantically squealing and bleeding out body on the floor by my feet had borne. First in ones, then twos, then ten, the small, wild creatures ran, more and more of them sprinting away in terror as I flicked the trigger on the side of the cudgel and watched as the three circular saw blades that were set into the cudgel revved to life.
“Oh yeah!” I growled out, spinning the cudgel and rolling my wrist through an offensive strike form. “You and I are gonna be real good friends!”
I stepped over to the gnome, who was slumped half in and half out of a hole in the wall, staring at the dagger still stuck into his chest. He drooled a long, bloody streak as he tentatively fingered the hilt, and I smacked his hand away. Planting my booted foot on his shoulder to brace him, I ripped the dagger free, then wiped it on the shoulder of his tunic as he slumped forward.
Cautiously, I moved over to the door and actually had to kick some of the corpses aside before I could clamber out, having to hunch down to pass through the small doorframe, and looking around as I emerged. There were still a dozen or so gnomes in sight, but they’d backed up and were watching me from a distance.
I stomped clear of the small river of blood that flowed out of the ruined house and searched around, spotting the house that I thought Oracle had meant, up and to the right of my current building. The roof had clearly been demolished by something smashing through it, and there were a handful of gnomes up there fighting over something.
I quickly scanned the ‘street’ I was in, noting the rusty, slumped, and collapsed buildings, the festering pools, and the hatred which the gnomes showed for basically everything around them. I frowned as I considered another home, observing the remains of a garden and a tiny picket fence, long since subsumed into the muck, and broken in dozens of places.
They’d clearly been built after the gnomes had come here and colonized the cavern, and had been designed with care and an impressive degree of craftmanship, judging from the variety of designs and the fact that so many of them had lasted this long. Something had changed, and it had done so in an unbelievably bad way. Clearly, whatever had mutated the gnomes had either been very gradual, over lots of years in little ways, or it’d been a significant effect that was much more recent.
I looked back up and down the street, trying to figure out the best way to go, and two things struck me at once.
First, my mana was dropping like a stone, and I tugged out a mana potion, downing it and licking my lips at the minty taste, then casually throwing the vial at a half-hidden gnome. Second, there wasn’t an easy way up from here; in fact, the only way I could see was at the far end of the street, where a dangling rope ladder swayed, gnomes fighting to climb up already.
I took a few steps out further into the street and looked around, frowning as I tried to make sense of the layout and determine whether I could climb up, when the decision was made for me.
In the distance, the mobile siege tower-thing had started up again, and it rolled into a position where whoever was controlling it clearly saw me.
It turned, noisily clanking around until it was lined up on my position, then raised one arm, pointing it in my direction.
“Well, that’s not happy-making,” I muttered to myself as the ‘arm’ shuddered, with blasts of gas and plumes of electricity rocketing out, and a half second later, the first of the Badunka Riders erupted from the end of the ‘arm’.
This one was a two-wheel design, looking more like a traditional motorbike, if you discounted the jets of blue-white steam that rocketed out of the sides, the blades that reflected the dim light, and the screaming trio of gnomes that hung on for dear life as it flew through the air. It vanished from sight behind a building just as a second racer flew out of the arm, this one bouncing off the end of the platform and twisting before slamming into the side of a second building and erupting in flames.
The third and fourth Badunka Riders flew free and vanished from sight as well; then the structure began turning away, facing the side of the cavern and clattering away out of sight behind a building. I swore, hearing the roaring of the mad little bastards approaching on their bikes.
The gnomes that had been creeping forward and hiding themselves poorly around me, suddenly turned and began sprinting frantically, clearly wanting to be nowhere near the Badunka Riders when they arrived. I took advantage of the sudden desertion and turned, searching for the best combination of a low roof and intact walls out of the nearby
buildings.
I spotted a low-hanging corner of a roof three houses along that looked like it wouldn’t collapse as soon as I touched it. I flicked the lever to power down the cudgel as I started to run, shoving it into my bag and jumping to kick off the wall of the building next to the one I wanted, and launching myself as high as I could.
My fingers caught the lip of the roof, and I grunted, pulling myself up and feeling my boots scraping on the wall as I tried to find purchase. It took a few seconds of huffing, but I managed it. Just as I pulled my ass up over the edge, the building shook, and a wash of heat and flame tossed my legs upwards, flipping me further onto the roof.
I slammed down on the metal and rolled, my armor clanging as the building shook again. I peered over the way I’d come and cursed.
The first Badunka Rider had found the street I was in, and his creation had a small seat on the back. Another gnome was balancing on the small perch as he fired blasts at me from a wand that sparked and bucked in his hands.
“Goddamn crazy bastards!” I growled, rolling to the side and coming dangerously close to the edge of the roof as I dodged another blast.
The passenger howled in triumph and gestured again, firing another flaming orb that flew through the air like a mortar, slamming into the building next to the one I was on and taking out an entire section of the wall.
I shoved myself to my feet and looked behind me, seeing a row of blocked-off passages nearby that formed the ‘wall’ of the cavern, which then stepped back a couple dozen feet overhead from my position, to form the second level, where the building I wanted stood further up the slope.
I ran at the closed-off passages, jumping, grabbing onto a section of the wall, and heaving. Frantically scrabbling my feet as I went, I managed to drag myself up, searching for the next handhold, the next grip or crack, and I climbed.
I climbed in full Legion armor, the weight alone obscene, and I had a momentary mental image of me doing this on TV back home, watching as swarms of fans gasped and ‘oh-ed’ and ‘ah-ed’ as I went, slipping, up the side.
“God, I’d be rich if I had a camera…” I grunted to myself as I went, imagining the social media posts.
I reached out and grabbed onto a large section of the wall that had a crack in it, and as my fingers wiggled in, holding on as best I could, I felt it shift slightly. A scream suddenly rose from inside, on the other side of the crack, making me try to pull my hand free, but finding my gauntlet caught on a jagged section of metal.
I pulled again, and a third time, finally yanking it free and almost falling off the wall with the force, until something hit the other side of the wall, and the edge of an axe blade crashed through where my hand had just been.
Whoever was in there was majorly pissed at me for climbing their wall, and I swung back, digging my feet in and jumping, forcing myself upwards, inch by inch and foot by foot.
Climbing in full armor was a terrifying experience, not lessened by the blasts of fire that flew up randomly from below, or the screeching and crashing from the other side of the wall.
In armor, not only could I not feel the grips properly or bend as well as I had years ago when I’d frequented climbing weekends and excursions to indoor walls, but with the helm, I couldn’t see as well, either. My breathing grew more and more panicked and frustrated, until I heard a clatter above me, and as I pulled myself up the last few inches to grab the edge of the next level, a gnome stepped into view, clearly not realizing I was there until too late.
We both froze, me looking up and him down, and he slowly grinned at me and finished pulling his dick out, obviously intending on pissing on me, then kicking me off.
I dug my feet in and jumped, relying on the grip I had on the edge of the level, and practically flew up the last few feet, grabbing the edge of a building and rolling myself over to kick his legs out from under him.
He slammed into the floor, both nose and pecker making unprotected contact with the jagged, rusty ground, and he shrieked in pain and fury as he glowered up at me, before meeting my boot coming the other way.
I stomped hard on his upturned face, then kicked him off the edge, hearing the roof below stop his fall with a crunch. I rolled onto my stomach, forcing myself to jump to my feet as I searched my surroundings.
The majority of the gnomes I’d seen earlier were gone, a veritable small mob running away down a street that disappeared to my left, and I dismissed them, sprinting for the house Oracle had indicated. It was less than a minute’s lumbering dash to reach the door, which hung half off its hinges, swaying crazily.
I kicked it in, taking it fully off its remaining hinge as I stepped into the gloom. My DarkVision painted it in greys and greens… and I swore viciously.
The room was filled with bodies and blood, and the hole where something had torn through the roof was centered over the middle of the pile.
My naginata was gone.
Chapter Twenty
I turned abruptly, rushing back outside, and saw the cavern before me, taking the time to try to figure out who and where. It didn’t take long.
There was a running battle being fought by dozens of gnomes as they blitzed across the cavern, heading right for the large building on the far side that the red robed figure was stationed atop.
As I watched, he fired a barrage of silvery darts through the air, and they slammed into a glowing, icy-blue shield that blocked off the entrance to my team’s area.
The shield flickered and pulsed, but I could see my people hiding behind it as gnomes scaled the wall. Worried, I reached out, calling to Oracle.
“Are you all okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, but the walls are starting to give way; whoever that is, they’ve got a LOT of mana, and Yen says her ‘Scan’ identify spell wouldn’t work, so they’re at least level thirty…”
“Well, fuck,” I sent back. “They’ve got my naginata as well; looks like the little bastards are taking it to the boss.”
“Dammit. We’re getting hammered here. I can probably get out to you, though? Once the shield falls, I can sneak through if I have Lydia wait until she uses hers…”
“And if the goblins use that opportunity to get in to reach you all? Or if they manage to land the spells at the right time?” I asked. “No. I’ll create the diversion, see if I can get my weapon, and storm the building. When they turn to come for me, use the distraction to hammer that fucker hard.”
“I don’t like it!”
“Neither do I, but shit happens. Good luck,” I grunted, receiving a sensation of frustrated agreement and love from her in a confusing welter of emotions.
I drew a deep breath as I watched the fighting group clear another street and disappear from view, just as the Badunka Riders appeared at the bottom of the bank that led up to where I stood.
“Looks like it’s time to play,” I muttered, watching them as they raced towards me. The passenger stood up, wobbling as he aimed with his wand again.
“On the upside, two problems can cancel each other out…” I said to myself, and I felt the grin stretching my cheeks as I reached around and picked up a short spear from the ground.
I didn’t want to waste my own good weapons on a stone-covered monstrosity, after all.
I took a few deep breaths, squinting at the oncoming riders as they closed the distance and the first spell-mortar lofted towards me. I checked the mana I had, just over half, and I nodded in satisfaction.
Then I triggered Mana-Overdrive and sprinted forward.
My feet seemed to fly across the ground, rubble and debris changing from impediments to things I could use to push off even faster. Planting my foot on a wall, a pile of rubble, even a dead gnome’s corpse, all became useful as I raced at the riders, and they raced at me.
I jinked left, then right, rolled under a Fireball that screamed past, and leapt to my feet, heaving the first spear through the air at the nearest bike as it closed the distance between us.
He skidded left, then swayed right, barely
staying upright, as the spear flew through the space he’d been about to cross.
His passenger, though, had been swaying and barely clinging on before they’d had to swerve, so when the Badunka straightened up, the rider looked back to find his passenger screaming as he fell, hitting the street, hard.
As the rider’s head was turned, I swept up a nearby rock and flung it as hard as I could, followed by another; then I ran forward, closing to a dozen yards as the rider looked back at me and frantically swerved again, before flipping the bike and slamming into the floor.
My second rock was aimed at the next Badunka in line, and it was a hell of a miss, but it still made them swerve, and the passenger from the first Badunka was right in their way.
There was a scream; then the spiked wheels ran over him, shredding his body and sending blood spraying as I changed direction, rushing the gnome driver of the first Badunka as he groaned and stirred.
I leapt at the tiny figure, leading with my right foot to kick him in the chest, bowling him over before he could get up. I swept up another rock in my fist and slammed it into his head, knocking him back, hard.
His skin was the white-grey of stone, but the cracks and fractures meant it wasn’t going to last long, by my guess. I grabbed his shoulder and flipped him over while he shook his head, trying to overcome the stunning blow; then I was pinning him face down and kneeling on his back. I grabbed his chin in my right hand and the back of his head in my left, wrenching my hands around and breaking his neck.
I saw the death’s head rising and knew he was dead, as I grinned at the Badunkas continuing to head towards me. The first, having coated itself with the blood of the passenger, had spun out and crashed, while the final one had taken a side street, clearly deciding to loop around and get me from behind.
I jumped onto the nearby riderless, idling, smoking Badunka and hunched down. The seat was suspended between the wheels, and made of steel bands, with a space that I could barely hunch into, while the second seat was just too far back to be comfortable. The controls were a pair of levers, and I gripped them tight, twisting them and nearly snapping the damn thing in half as the wheels tried to go in opposite directions.
