by Matt Shaw
Maybe I should have brought Ava in with me too. I doubt he would manage to ignore her as well - not without coming across as really rude anyway. Mind you, he probably doesn’t care and I, for the sake of a conversation, I don’t think I’d want a shotgun waved around in Ava’s face!
I took the last item, a roll of black sacks, from the shelf and staggered across to the counter with the rest of the goods I wanted to buy. The old man didn’t even look in my direction when I dropped everything on the counter. He just stood there, staring out the front of his store. He didn’t even bat an eyelid when the roll of black sacks rolled off the counter and onto the floor by his feet.
This is ridiculous. “Look, I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t like the way they were talking to my daughter. I just thought I’d have a little fun that’s all. No harm, no foul.”
The old man turned to me, “You live in New York?” I nodded. “Thought so. You big city folk are all the same...You come through here thinking you’re better than everyone...”
“No. That’s not true. Come on, man, let’s not do this. Can I just buy the stuff? I’ll get right out of your hair and, if you’d rather, I won’t even come back.”
The old man went to say reply but stopped short when he noticed someone enter the store behind me, “Now look, I don’t want no trouble...”
I span around to see who had him spooked; Josh. He looked angry; angrier than he had appeared earlier, outside of the shop during our confrontation. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t feel I needed to, not with the knowledge of the old man’s shotgun waiting behind the counter for times like these. Josh didn’t say anything.
“What the hell you want, boy?” the old man suddenly blurted out.
Josh reached inside his jacket and pulled a handgun from within. Both the old man and I jumped back in shock, neither of us having expected that.
“Not nice is it,” said Josh as he waved the gun between the old man and I, “having a gun shoved in your fucking face. How’d you like it?”
“Now look, son,” said the old man, “we don’t want any trouble...”
“Come on, Josh...That is your name, yeah? Come on...I’ve got a daughter waiting for me outside.”
“Fuck you!”
Out of the corner of my eye I saw the old man slowly try to reach for his own gun. “Look,” I said, “let’s all calm down...” I cautiously edged myself between the old man and Josh. Whilst I was nervous of Josh’s trigger finger, I knew for certain the old man would shoot without hesitation. No one needed to die. “I’ve got money,” I said. “Whatever you want, you can have it...Just name it.” At this point I’d offer anything to get him to lower the gun. “Come on, I have a little girl in the car. You don’t want to do this. What’ll it take?”
“An apology,” said Josh. He aimed the gun directly at my forehead.
“What?”
“You heard me!” he shouted.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for covering you with dirt earlier,” I said. I knew an apology wouldn’t be enough to make him lower the gun. He was just playing the power card; showing me he was the one in charge. He is the one in charge too. For now. If I side-step to the left, or the right, and the old man has the shotgun in his hands...Josh won’t be in charge of shit. “Come on, I’ve said sorry.”
“Beg.”
“What?”
“Beg for your fucking life.”
I couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t pull the trigger. I didn’t know him; didn’t know what sort of person he was. I knew nothing about him. Not even his family background. For all I knew he was on day release from the asylum, or the retreat as they prefer to call it these days...No, he couldn’t be from there. He’d have never got his hands on a gun so quickly.
“Step aside,” the old man urged me.
“I can’t do that,” I said. A statement aimed at both Josh and the old man behind the counter. If I did step aside, Josh would be dead; just another statistic. Maybe he’d get a shot off as he gets hit and the old man would die too? And I don’t want to beg for my life. I’ve given him the apology he most likely deserves but I’m not begging. Not even with a gun in my face.
“Step aside,” the old man said once more with a tone, in his voice, which suggested he wasn’t messing around.
“Ava!” I suddenly turned to the door. Josh turned too which was just what I wanted him to do. Ava wasn’t stood there but it gave me the distraction I needed. With a sudden surge of adrenalin, I Iunged forward and grabbed the barrel of the gun. A bit of a scuffle as Josh tried to maintain control of his weapon and a loud, ear shattering bang as he accidentally released a bullet from the chamber. A hard punch to his face was all that was needed, after that, to make him release the gun completely.
“Don’t shoot!” he screamed, putting his hands in the air, as I turned the gun on him.
“Call the sheriff!” I urged the old man. He didn’t answer. I turned to address him face to face, in case he didn’t hear me due to his ears ringing from the gunshot. As soon as I saw him stood there, I felt my life stop. He was looking down at his chest. Blood was seeping through his shirt’s material. He looked up at me and tried to say something but couldn’t. Before I knew what was happening, he dropped to his knees before falling to the floor behind the counter.
“You shot him!” screamed Josh.
I didn’t do it. Did I? No. Josh pulled the trigger. He did it. That doesn’t matter now, though...The smoking gun is in my hand. My prints all over it. “No, that’s not what happened,” I said. “That’s not what happened...You did it,” I said, “you had control over the gun...It was your finger which squeezed the trigger...”
“Fuck you! You did it!” Josh moved towards me.
“Don’t fucking move!” I screamed. Josh hesitated for a moment before he called my bluff and moved closer still. I need to get out of here. “We’ll call the sheriff...We’ll tell him what happened...” I reached into the right hand pocket of my black pants and pulled my cellphone out.
“What are you doing?”
“We need to call the sheriff...”
“I can’t let you do that!” Josh suddenly ran towards the counter. I knew exactly what he was doing. He was going for the old man’s gun. “You’re not calling the sheriff! I can’t go back...”
No time to second guess what he meant by that, as he dove to the floor behind the counter. I turned and ran from the store, keeping the gun in my hand. I can call the sheriff from the cabin. Let him know what happened. Explain it. As I hastily approached the truck I hid Josh’s gun beneath my jacket - tucked neatly into the top of my pants. Ava’s innocent face was looking at me through the slightly tinted window.
“What was that noise?” she asked as I climbed into the driver’s seat. I didn’t answer her. I couldn’t. Didn’t know what to say. I had just killed someone...No...We...Josh and I had just killed someone.
Quickly I turned the key in the truck’s ignition, firing up the engine, and sped from the scene - Josh, in the rear-view mirror, was standing in the road with the old man’s shotgun. I kept watch of him, not caring what was in front of the truck, as he raised the gun in our direction. Please don’t fire. Please don’t fire. Please don’t fire...Not with Ava here with me. Please don’t fire.
No shot came.
“Daddy you forgot my chocolate!” Ava noticed.
4.
By the time I came to stop the truck, outside of the cabin, my hands were still shaking and my ears were still ringing. I can’t believe he’s dead. Had I not left the youths in a dust cloud...Had I not answered them back, outside the store...Had I begged for my life...Had I not tried to wrestle the gun from Josh...The old man might still be alive. He might still be running his store. He might have sold me the cleaning products I needed...The group of teenagers might still have loitering outside, by the road...Teenagers...Teenager...Josh is a fucking teenager...Why’d he have a gun?! I swear to God this country has gone to shit.
“Craig?!”
I looke
d up from the steering wheel and saw Susan standing in the cabin’s broken doorway. No doubt she was waiting for the cleaning products.
“What are you doing?” she asked. I didn’t answer her. I just kept on staring. Truth be told, I’m not sure what to say. “Did you get the cleaning products?” I shook my head.
“Daddy, what are you doing?” asked Ava. I only registered I needed to answer after she shouted, “Daddy!”
I turned around to talk to her, “Wait here, baby.” I climbed from the truck and called out, “Jamie!”
“She’s inside. What’s wrong? You look upset...”
“Can you get Jamie, please.”
“Honey, what is it? You’re scaring me...”
“NOW!”
Susan leaned into the cabin and called out, “Jamie, your father wants you...”
Seconds later and Jamie appeared at the doorway. Susan stepped to one side so Jamie could talk to me. “What is it?” she asked.
“Get in the car, please, it’s time to go.”
“What? I’m in the middle of cleaning...” she started to say. I gave her a look to shut her up. Honestly, I ask her to clean and she starts an argument with me. I ask her to stop and she starts an argument...
Susan knew something was wrong and backed me up, “Get in the truck, Jamie.”
“Fine. Whatever.” Jamie pushed past Susan and stormed over to the truck.
I waited until I heard the obligatory door slam before I stepped up into the cabin so the girls couldn’t hear me. It was bad enough Ava heard the bang, I didn’t need her catching wind that someone had died...I didn’t need either of them hearing. Susan followed me in, “What’s the matter? Why were you gone for so long?” I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to break it to her that I had just witnessed someone die and, more than likely, was to blame for it. “Craig! You’re scaring me! Say something!”
I tried my best to hold back the tears, “It was an accident.”
“What was?”
I need to tell her. I have to. “There’s been an accident.” I pulled the gun from under my jacket.
“What have you done? Who’s fucking gun is that? Craig?!”
“There was an argument at the store. Josh and the rest of the group blocked my path from getting into the shop...The old man came out with a shotgun and chased them off...”
“Who’s gun is that, Craig?”
“Josh. He came back, whilst I was shopping for supplies...He had this with him...”
“Then how come you’ve got it?” she asked. Her face had gone as white as mine felt.
“I wrestled it from Josh but it went off...The clerk was hit in the chest...” I couldn’t hold the tears in anymore, “I think he’s fucking dead, Susan...”
“What?”
“We killed him!”
“Where’s the boy gone?”
“I went to phone the sheriff...Josh went for the shotgun...”
“What?”
“He didn’t want me calling anyone...said something about not wanting to go back...You don’t understand, I thought he was going to shoot me. I ran...”
“My baby!” Susan screamed as though she suddenly remembered Ava had been with me.
“She didn’t see anything. She was in the truck. She only asked what the noise was when I got back...I didn’t tell her. Of course I didn’t. She’s fine. She didn’t see anything...” and that was a relief. A girl so young, I couldn’t stand to have her innocence destroyed at such a young age. I know I do a bad job of it but I even try and protect Jamie from the badness which oozes from the world. I’d do anything for my girls.
“What are we going to do?” asked Susan. I had been wondering the very same thing myself. All I know is, this is my mess. It’s nothing to do with them and I don’t want them caught up in it. “Craig? What are we going to do?”
“You need to leave.”
“What?”
“You have to go. Now,” I said.
“I’m not leaving you here.”
“I’ve just witnessed a murder, Susan...Just saw an old man gunned down before my eyes. I need to stay and fix this.”
“Fix this? What are you talking about? How are you going to fix this?”
“I need to tell the sheriff what happened...”
“What if they try and blame you? What if they say you shot the clerk?”
“I don’t know, Susan, I don’t know! I can’t just leave it. I can’t just drive off. You realize how bad that would look if they did trace anything back to me?!” I felt myself getting wound up by the stress of the situation and tried to reel it in a bit. After all, there was no sense shouting at Susan.
“You left the scene anyway. That won’t look good!”
“He was going for the other gun! Josh...The boy...He ran for the store clerk’s shotgun...Had I stayed...I didn’t want to have to shoot him and I sure as Hell didn’t want to get shot! What was I supposed to do?!” She didn’t answer me. She knew I was right. What was I meant to do? It wasn’t a situation I had ever found myself in before. “Take the girls up to your mum and dad’s house...Stay there until you get a call from me. I’ll call the sheriff and ask him to meet me here...”
“I can take you to the station...”
“No! I just want you out of here...I don’t want the girls getting wind of this. None of you need to get in the middle of this. I’ll call you just as soon as everything is sorted. I promise. I could even get a cab up to you...We’ll take a completely different route home so as not to have to pass through this town again...It’ll be fine. It will all be fine. I promise.”
“What do I tell the girls? Jamie’ll know something is up.”
I paused for a moment before hatching an idea, “You can just tell her I’m staying here to make sure this place is secure and sorted and I’m joining you all later on. A couple of hours. Worst case, I’ll be with you by morning. Just tell her this place isn’t fit enough to stay in. She’s seen it in here! It’s not exactly a lie!” I cast my eyes, briefly, around the living room - the lack of cleaning products had certainly slowed down their progress with regards to sorting the mess out. Not that the mess is really an issue anymore. It’s taken a back seat along with my novel.
“I don’t like this,” said Susan.
“I don’t either but it’s for the best. The girls don’t need to know. Everything will be fine. The sheriff will know it was an accident. It’s not as though I have a record to worry about. What’s the betting the same can’t be said for the lad? He said he didn’t want to go back...Want to bet he’s been on the wrong side of prison bars before?” Susan didn’t say anything. “Look, go to your mum and dad’s, don’t tell them anything other than I’ve stayed on to sort this place out...”
“They’ll want to know why we didn’t stay to help. You know they will,” she said. Her voice was shaking.
“I really need you to hold it together Susan. It’s fine. Everything is fine. This is my mess and I’ll put it right. I promise. Look at me...” she looked me in the eyes, “I swear I’ll put it all right. I’ll sort it. Tell your parents you went on to their place without me because I told you to. I didn’t want the first day of the girls’ holiday to be spent cleaning...Okay?” She didn’t answer. “Okay?” I repeated.
“Okay.”
“Good. Now, give me a hug.”
I put the gun down on the side cupboard. She moved in close and put her arms around me. I put my arms around her and rested my chin against the top of her head. I’m not sure whether the hug was more to calm her nerves or mine. I pulled her closer.
“I love you,” I said.
“I love you too.”
I pulled back slightly and kissed her on the forehead. “Everything will be fine.” I stepped back and wiped a rogue tear from my eye, “come on,” I said, “put your happy face on...The kids will be wondering what’s taking so long.”
“Okay,” she said. She too stepped back, wiped her eyes, and then - together - we both took a deep breat
h and stepped out of the living room and out of the cabin, towards the truck where the girls were patiently waiting.
As we neared the truck, I passed her the key.
“Call me when you get to your mum and dad’s,” I said, “let me know you’ve got there okay.”
“Okay,” she opened the truck’s door and sat down in the driver’s seat. “You sure you’ll be okay?”
