People are brought into our lives for many reasons. Over time, we find out what those reasons are. Some are to be a temporary acquaintance while others are there for life. Dana was in Easton’s life as a temporary acquaintance. She’d made him a better person by giving him Cheyenne. It didn’t turn out as they had planned, but that was life. You never know when it will be your last day, so live with no regrets. Love with no regrets. It’s better to know what would happen than wondering what could have happened.
Just—fly!
As I stared at his baby blues, I thought about a quote I had read not long ago:
“It’s easy to look at people and make quick judgments about them, their presents and their pasts, but you’d be amazed at the pain and tears a single smile hides. What a person shows to the world is only one tiny facet of the iceberg hidden from sight. And more often than not, it’s lined with cracks and scars that go all the way to the foundation of their soul. Never judge, learn to respect and acknowledge the feelings of another.” –Unknown
I was hiding the way Jared really made me feel.
I was hiding how bad my shoulder pain really was.
I was hiding. Period.
I was hoping that both things would work themselves out, but the more Easton talked to me about me, he was breaking down those walls.
Easton has had his fair share of tears in his life with Dana dying. At first, I judged him as a player, but really, he was hiding his pain from everyone as well. We both needed more in our lives and we were challenging each other to open up and show our true selves and not care if the other person would run for the hills. The right person won’t run. They love you for you.
Easton and I weren’t running.
“You look—wow,” he said.
“Thank you. You look very handsome. Where’s your mask?”
He pulled a small black leather mask from his pocket, dangled with his finger and then asked for me to help put it on him. I did as Nicole helped Avery.
Avery was dressed like Easton in a black and white standard tuxedo. If it weren’t for the shade of their hair, it would be hard to tell them apart with the masks on—but I wasn’t watching Avery; my attention was only on Easton.
We walked into the ballroom. Music blared from speakers and neon lights bounced off the surface as people danced in the dimly lit room. We took our place on the dance floor, moving to the beat. People danced around us, making out and practically having sex on the dance floor. If Be My Baby by the Ronettes were playing, it would be like the opening credits of Dirty Dancing.
Over the night, we lost track of Nicole and Avery, but I assumed they were in the room, enjoying their final night together on the cruise. No one knew what real life would be like once we were off the ship.
I stole glances at Easton as we danced. We both smiled, enjoying each other for one more night. I didn’t want it to end.
What fairy tale do you ever want to end?
“You know this isn’t goodbye, right?” Easton whispered in my ear.
I leaned back, looking into his eyes. “I know,” I nodded.
But what if it was goodbye? What if Easton was my temporary acquaintance?
For the past fifteen years of my life, I had been hiding my feelings with sex. When I was a horny teenager, I hid the anger I felt when fighting with my parents, the anger from losing baseball games, and when I failed classes by fooling around with chicks. Sex was my way to get my mind off everything that caused stress in my life.
When Dana and I got married, most of the reason why I cheated on her was because we fought all the time. We weren’t meant to be together, but I felt stuck because we had Cheyenne and I wanted to give her the perfect family. I was a fuck up who turned to sex and women to forget about Dana and my peanut; to forget about making the perfect family.
The day Dana died, I called my attorney and met her at her house while my parents and Cheyenne slept at mine. I fucked her to hide the hurt I was feeling with Dana dying and leaving me to raise Cheyenne on my own. I fucked her to hide the anger I had toward the old man who’d ran the red light and plowed into her. I fucked her to forget for thirty minutes—but that’s as long as it lasted. Allison and I kept our relationship going until the day I moved to New York. And by relationship, I mean we fucked. She thought we were a couple, but I knew all along that she was temporary. I didn’t want another wife; I just needed to hide my pain.
By the time Cheyenne and I moved to New York, my heart was healing, but I was still hiding my feelings and stress by hooking up with chicks. I didn’t always fuck them, but I always got off. I needed the release and the distraction. I didn’t have a job when we moved and I was stressed about money and providing for my peanut.
Foreplay and orgasms made me forget.
I had never gone more than seven nights without a blow job or at least a hand job. There was always someone I could find to suck my dick, but these last six days I hadn’t needed to hide anything. Brooke didn’t make me forget; she helped me see how my life should be and how I was selfish for not raising Cheyenne in a stable household.
My life should have Brooke in it—forever.
Of course, having her sleeping in the same room as me was killing my morning wood. I woke up every day to Brooke’s green eyes. She would catch me staring at her—or I’d catch her staring at me, and then she would smile. Fuck, her smile made my dick hard every time. I was going crazy. My head wouldn’t stop talking to me about how the cruise was coming to an end and Brooke may walk out of my life forever. Who knows what Avery and Nicole would end up doing, but I needed Brooke in my life. She was turning into my best friend, but there was something in my heart that knew I needed her to be more. I couldn’t go back to New York and never show her how much I wanted her. I didn’t want her just for sex and I was trying every day to show her that I wanted more, but I really didn’t know how to show her. I hadn’t been in a committed relationship in a long time, but she had opened up my eyes to show me what I had been missing.
Her.
I didn’t believe in love at first sight, but since the moment I saw her on the first day of the cruise, I hadn’t looked at another girl. Hadn’t wanted to fuck another girl. I’d fallen for her the moment we met. Her smile, her laugh, her beautiful jade eyes and smoothed legs had been enough of a distraction and I didn’t want it to end. No woman had ever had that effect on me and thinking about her going home to Jared scared me to death.
She deserved so much better and I would fight to prove it to her. I needed to be true to myself. I couldn’t hide or lie anymore.
I love her.
I love her?
I love her!
I stared into her eyes behind her mask while we danced. The night was coming to an end and I needed to show her. I could only talk so much; I needed to take some sort of action. I needed to show her that I wanted to be more than friends. The way we were dancing would portray that we were in love. I spun her around and around and fell more in love with her as we laughed and never left each other. I knew we were perfect for each other.
The DJ slowed the tempo a bit, changing the song to It Will Rain by Bruno Mars. The opening verse rang true to me. If she didn’t go home and break up with Jared, my life would be dark again. I would go back to hiding my feelings with random women.
“You know this isn’t goodbye, right?” I whispered into her ear.
She leaned back, lifting her head from my shoulder. “I know,” she nodded with a sad smile.
If I didn’t show her tonight, I might never have another chance. Cupping her face with both hands, her mask beneath my fingers, I leaned in and tasted her. My lips pressed into hers, parting a little as she mimicked mine. My body instantly relaxed, my tongue slipping in and licking against hers. I felt her body relax too, her hands around my neck tightened as she deepened the kiss.
The people dancing around us disappeared and I thought of nothing but the way she let a whisper of a moan escape her mouth into mine. I’d never had a kiss as intense
as our kiss. It made me forget my own name, made me forget to breath—I couldn’t think of anything but that moment. It was a feeling I’d never known, a feeling that felt better than any other kiss over my thirty-one years. Better than the first kiss I had with my neighbor, Paige, growing up.
The kiss made perfect sense.
My dick started to stiffen in my black tux pants, my head spinning as I leaned forward, ours bodies flush and still swaying to the words of the song. She rubbed her body directly on my cock, moaning again as our tongues swirled around each other and it became hard to breathe. I wasn’t pulling away. If I died from kissing her, I would die happy.
But then everything came crashing down.
I felt Brooke stiffen beneath me and I wanted to go back ten seconds and capture the moment when everything was perfect. To never let go of that feeling and to kiss her for the rest of my life.
But I’d kissed her.
I’d fucking kissed her.
I couldn’t take it anymore and now I was here with her in my arms, pretending that it didn’t happen. Her body was still tense against my body as we danced, but I just wanted her to relax.
I shouldn’t have kissed her.
I was so far off my game it was ridiculous. Easton Crawford didn’t let women regret being with him. I gave them what they wanted and they gave me what I wanted.
Fuck.
I shouldn’t have kissed her, but I just couldn’t wait any longer. Tomorrow she would be back in Boston and I might never get the chance again. I had to know what her lips tasted like and they fucking tasted perfect.
“I … I’m tired. I’m going to call it a night,” Brooke said, leaving my arms and walking out the doors.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck—fuck!
I tossed and turned all night, replaying the moment Brooke’s lips met mine. The way they felt, the way they tasted like a mix of cranberry and champagne, the way her body tensed after she felt my cock pressed into her and the way I’d forgotten everything but her for a moment in time.
When we got back to the room, she showered and then went to bed. Everything was awkward. We didn’t say more than a few words to each other and now the sun was starting to rise and I knew that we would arrive back in Los Angeles at any moment.
I reached for my cell. After a few seconds, it turned on and read that it was six fifty. I got up, quietly getting into the shower and replayed the evening over and over in my head. I couldn’t believe that I’d fucked everything up. Everything was perfect between us. The kiss was perfect—almost.
I stepped out, grabbing a towel to dry myself off, and slipped on my boxers and jeans. I looked into the steamy mirror, scolding myself for fucking things up with Brooke and not having time to fix them.
The Captain announced over the loud speaker that rooms would be called shortly when it was time to deboard. I exited the bathroom into an empty room, and my heart dropped as I realized Brooke left without even a goodbye.
Walking to my bed, I picked up my phone to look at the time—seven thirty. I groaned, setting it on the nightstand between the two beds, when I noticed a torn receipt with her writing.
Easton,
This isn’t goodbye. I need time to think and figure out what I need to do with Jared. I know things are awkward right now, but I’ve never cheated on someone before. My head is fucked up. Please forgive me and give me time.
Brooke
“I’m in love!” Avery said, barreling into the room as I finished reading the note for the tenth time.
“What?”
“I’m in love, dude.”
“Good for you.”
“What the fuck is your problem?”
“Nothing.”
I folded the flimsy paper and stuck it in my pocket. I had no idea that I wouldn’t get to say goodbye to Brooke, but if her note was true, I didn’t fuck up. How much time would she need? She didn’t even leave me her phone number. Did that mean she didn’t want me to contact her? Did she want me to wait for her?
“Why are you in a bad mood? I’m the one leaving the woman I love.”
Usually, Avery’s talk about love and shit wouldn’t piss me off. I would tell him that he couldn’t fall in love with someone so fast and laugh at him. But I was in love with Brooke, and I’d fallen for her in the same amount of time as Avery had fallen for Nicole—actually longer if you considered the ten minutes we stood side by side during the safety speech.
“I kissed Brooke and she didn’t say goodbye. Sue me, all right?”
“She didn’t say goodbye?” he asked.
“No,” I sighed.
“Wow, you fucked up.”
“I know.” Even though Brooke told me in the note that I didn’t fuck up, I felt like I had. I felt like I would never see her again. The girl who stole my heart had left me with just a note. “Let’s talk about you. I don’t want to talk about this shit.”
“Dude, Nicole is—fuck man, she is fucking … I can’t even comprehend how fucking amazing she is. And not just in bed. I’ve never had this connection with anyone before.”
I knew exactly what he meant. Brooke and I shared something on an emotional level. A level that scared the shit out of me, but a level I wanted to dive head first into.
“Daddy!”
Bill and my peanut had picked Avery and me up at the docks once we’d disembarked the ship. I had no idea how long they’d waited for us, but it took over an hour for them to call our room number. We didn’t see the girls leaving the ship, didn’t see them in customs, and didn’t see them waiting for any of the airport buses.
“Hey, Peanut, I’ve missed you so much!” I dropped my bags, picked Cheyenne up in my arms and twirling her around as I hugged the shit out of her.
After a few spins, I kissed her cheek and set her down. She hugged Avery before we climbed in the backseat of Bill’s car. Avery got shotgun after putting our bags in the trunk.
“Hey,” I greeted Bill.
“Have fun?”
“It was awesome!” Avery answered.
“I got you something, Peanut,” I said, reaching into my pocket.
Cheyenne’s eyes lit up bright. “You did?”
“Of course.” I handed her a bag that was folded small enough to fit in my pocket.
I’d had no idea what to get Cheyenne. I knew magnets were lame for a ten-year-old, she’d quickly grow out of T-shirts, and I figured my girl would be grossed out by a worm in a sucker. Then I’d looked at jewelry.
At first the look on her face was, “You gave me a necklace of a sea lion? You could have at least given me one of a dolphin, Dad!” But as I told her the story about Cassandra and how we’d had the chance to swim with her, she instantly loved it. She hugged me tight, thanking me, and I didn’t let her go until we arrived at our hotel.
Our flight to JFK wasn’t until the morning, so we were staying in the hotel for the night. After Bill had dropped us off, we took Cheyenne to the indoor pool, played Marco Polo for an hour or so, and then ate room service.
Cheyenne told us all about her week: how she went to Disneyland and California Adventure, visited Dana’s grave, and took in a pre-season game of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.
Avery called Nicole, talking to her until she boarded her plane. I didn’t bring up Brooke and apparently she didn’t bring me up either because Avery only talked about himself and occasionally made kissing noises into the phone.
Fucking pussy-whipped bastard!
As I listened to Avery snore and Cheyenne texting on her phone instead of watching the Pay-per-view movie we ordered, I couldn’t stop thinking about Brooke and how she’d schooled me about becoming a better father. Before the sun set, I decided I needed to go to Dana’s grave and talk to her myself. I needed to talk to her about introducing Cheyenne to Brooke. I felt as though I needed her approval. “Hey, can you watch Cheyenne for like an hour?” I asked Avery, shaking him a little to wake him up.
“Of course. What’s up?” He yawned.
“I need to ru
n an errand.”
He looked at me, eyebrows raised. “Okay …? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just need to clear my head.”
I called a taxi to come and take me to the cemetery. I knew Brooke was genuine and wouldn’t do anything to hurt Cheyenne, but I needed to talk to Dana. I had the cab stop at a grocery store first so I could run in to get some flowers. Once I arrived at the cemetery, I walked slowly to her grave, trying to think of what I was going to say.
Taking a deep breath, I placed the white roses on Dana’s tombstone, got down on my knees and began to tell her about the last seven days, starting from the beginning when I met Brooke. The way Brooke had tried to set me up with other women and how I’d never left her side. How I didn’t have eyes for anyone else. How her smile had turned me into a lovesick fool and how I’d fallen in love with her.
“So I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I know you’re probably laughing at me, right? Anyway …” I cleared my throat. “Every day I regret the way I acted the last time I saw you. Everything was my fault. If I had been a better man—a better friend, we would have never been at the courthouse and you would have never left mad. You wouldn’t have died that day. And I’m sorry.
“It’s taken me a long time to realize how much of an asshole I was. I blamed you for years—blamed your nagging ways and how you tricked me into staying with you instead of living my dream. When you died, I was so lost … I didn’t know how to be a single father—didn’t want to be a single father.
“I always thought that you would be here to help me raise our baby girl, but you’re not, and I’m sorry. I’m truly fucking sorry. I’m sorry for being a jackass and I’m sorry that you died unhappy. I never imagined Cheyenne growing up without you and not seeing how much of a good person you truly were. I’m sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye to her. I’m sorry that she didn’t get to say goodbye to you.
Tattooed Dots (The Halo Series Book 1) Page 12
