Kate could never refuse anything Nathaniel asked of her. She slowly turned to face him, with tears spilling down her cheeks.
His glacier-blue eyes with his shaggier-than-usual hair and day’s growth of dark beard pierced her defenses. He was even more handsome than she remembered.
While she’d been away in Milwaukee, she had pictured him wearing the eternal smile that could melt her down to her toenails. He was not smiling now. He looked like a man who had walked through perdition—beaten down and broken beyond repair.
For a minute, Kate wondered if he was going to say anything. He gazed at her, a thousand different tragedies reflected in his eyes. “I’m so sorry.” His deep voice wavered, but it was still the most beautiful music Kate ever heard.
She folded her arms and stared down the hall where Hannah had disappeared. “The damage has been done. Why open the wounds again?” Or did he want to inflict new ones?
His voice spoke of anguish. “I can never atone for the pain I have forced on you, but I beg your forgiveness anyway.”
Kate could barely find the composure to speak. “If the thought of being with a woman who has killed a man is disgusting to you, I cannot blame you.”
“Kate, I thought… How can I tell you this?” Nathaniel reached out his hands then dropped them to his side.
Kate still loved him, heaven help her. She still loved him more than life itself, and she couldn’t bear to watch him suffer. “If you came to do penance, I wish you wouldn’t have. I just want to forget you.”
He looked as if she had slapped him across the face.
“How can I ever be whole again when the mere sight of you rips a fresh wound in my heart?” Kate said. “Please go away and don’t come back.”
“Kate.” Her name burst from his lips. “Will you hear what I have to say?”
Kate brushed an imaginary crumb off the cupboard.
“And then I promise to trouble you no further.”
Kate wrapped her arms tightly around her chest to shield her heart against his crippling influence.
Nathaniel anxiously fingered the hat in his hands. “There were rumors and gossip. I shouldn’t have listened. Someone saw that man from Milwaukee touching you.”
“Carlos?”
“Jah. I came to town to find you, to find the truth. I saw you with him. I thought he was your boyfriend and the baby was your baby. I could not bear the thought.” He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.
“You believed I had a baby?”
Nathaniel hung his head. “I am ashamed at how ready I was to believe.”
She backed away from him. “I tried to call you to explain. Why wouldn’t you listen?”
“I feared that if I heard your voice, my resolve to do right would weaken. I cannot resist you.” Nathaniel hung his head. “You cannot understand how my sins have tortured me. This is my doing. I confess it all, even though the confession might make you hate me forever.”
Kate could not bear to watch his torment one more minute. “How could I ever in a million years hate you?” She kept her gaze steadily on Nathaniel’s face. “I forgive you. Don’t be troubled by this anymore. You can go back to Wisconsin with a clear conscience.”
And marry Sarah and have children and live a happy life. Without me there.
“How can I to return to Wisconsin without you? I love you, Kate.”
Kate pressed her hand against her cheek as she felt the blood drain from her face. Her fingers were ice-cold. She swayed unsteadily and, in alarm, Nathaniel rushed toward her and wrapped his solid arms around her. All thoughts of guarding her heart vanished. She didn’t care the reason. It felt glorious to have him close again. Savoring his powerful presence, she regained her balance, but he did not release his hold.
His mouth was close to her ear when he whispered, “Kate, can you ever love me again?”
Nathaniel did not seem to mind that Kate was soaking his clean white shirt with her tears. “I have never for one day stopped loving you,” she said.
She felt his arms tighten around her. “Then will you have me? Again and forever?”
“Even though I killed someone?”
“To save another. That would never stop me from loving you. I want you more than ever. Even if you don’t want me.”
“Of course I want you. I would do anything for you, Nathaniel King.”
She looked up. There was the smile she ached for. He slowly lowered his face to hers. Their lips met with a tenderness Kate had not dreamed possible. The weeks of heartbreak and uncertainty, the pain of wasted days, and the despair of unfulfilled dreams released her like winter surrenders its ruthless grip on the frozen earth in early spring.
Did every first kiss hold such promise? Well, technically the second kiss, but it was decidedly better than the first.
Nathaniel pulled away to catch his breath. “I have wanted to do that for eleven years. This time I did not have to chase you around the playground.” He flashed his white teeth. “It was better than I ever imagined.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and tugged him nearer to her heart. “Me too.”
“How could I have been so foolish? I almost proposed to Sarah.”
“Jah, I heard.”
“I am so ashamed. I made her believe something that could never be. It was cruel of me to pretend. She was hurt, badly hurt.”
“Poor Sarah. I know how it feels to lose you. It is horrible.”
He shuddered and tugged her closer to him, if that was possible.
Kate nuzzled her cheek against his chest. “Ada must have felt it keenly. She had such high hopes.”
“Ada and Aaron had their own troubles. After your dat made known to everyone what he did, Aaron was shunned. He will not embrace humility willingly, but I hope in time he will want to make amends for his grievous sins. I have to reach deep in my heart to forgive him for lying to me and then betraying my confidence about the baby I thought was yours. But forgiveness is easier now that I have you again. In my happiness, I have almost forgotten his transgressions. And I will forget every misery if you say you’ll marry me.”
Without hesitating, he boldly kissed her a second time, lifting her off her feet to bring her closer. Kate felt like soft and wobbly tapioca pudding in his arms. How could a kiss throw her completely off-kilter? Intoxicating couldn’t begin to describe the feeling.
“I think I’m dreaming,” Kate said.
“I know I’m dreaming. Happiness like this cannot possibly happen in real life.”
“Yes, I will marry you, Nathaniel King. I could not want for one more thing to make me perfectly happy.”
Nathaniel drew her to him for a kiss more heart-stopping than the first two. When Kate gathered her scattered wits, she said, “That’s three kisses. Aren’t you getting a little carried away?”
“I am making up for lost time. If we were back in Apple Lake, we’d be married already.” In exultation, he lifted her off her feet and twirled her around the kitchen. “I know I don’t deserve you, but not even Shannon can talk me out of keeping you now.”
“Shannon?”
“Yes, your academy friend, who thinks she knows more about me than I do. She called me a ‘jerk’ about twelve times.”
Kate looked at Nathaniel in astonishment. “You talked to Shannon?”
Nathaniel reached into his pocket and pulled out the business card that Shannon had given Ada. “Ada gave me this the day she returned from Milwaukee. ‘The way of a fool is right in his own eyes.’”
“Did the passage make you angry?
“No,” Nathaniel said. “I thought it was a message for Ada. I almost threw the card away, but by the grace of God, I stashed it in a drawer in my desk and forgot about it. Then Elmer literally knocked some sense into me and I needed help and didn’t know who else to call. I was desperate to talk to you, but I knew if I set foot on your property, Elmer would break my nose.”
“Elmer would never do that.”
“You’d be amazed w
hat he will do when sufficiently provoked. He can be quite fierce when defending the honor of his sister. I called Shannon. After she cataloged all the reasons why I don’t deserve you, she took pity on me and agreed to drive me the ten hours to Ohio.”
“Shannon drove you here?”
“First she made me grovel to the dust, and then she told me I would have to wait three weeks before she could miss a class. I tried to put the extra time to good use.”
“But Shannon actually drove you here?”
“She spent eight of the ten hours lecturing me on how a man should treat a good woman. By the time we drove over the Ohio border, I felt worse than I ever had in my entire life. I don’t know how that guy puts up with her.”
“That guy?”
“Shannon recruited Carlos because he has a truck.”
“Why did you need a truck?”
“I brought you a present,” Nathaniel said, instantly downcast. “If you would be kind enough to accept it from a fool.”
Kate took his hand and laid a kiss on each knuckle. “Cum, show me.”
With his arm firmly around Kate, Nathaniel led her outside into the frosty evening. A beat-up red Chevy pickup stood in the lane, a blue tarp secured over the truck bed. Shannon and Carlos sat uncommonly close in the front seat, sharing a pair of earbuds plugged into Shannon’s phone. When Shannon caught sight of Kate, she slid out of the cab and hugged Kate enthusiastically.
“Kate,” she whispered, “Carlos asked me out the night after the opera closed.”
Kate squeezed Shannon’s hand and smiled widely. They were a perfect couple.
Nathaniel busily untied the rope anchored to the truck. Carlos jumped out to help him.
“Hello, Kate,” he said. “It’s good to see you again.”
She grinned. “It is very good to see you too.”
“I didn’t see your smile much in Milwaukee. You’re even better looking when you smile.”
“Carlos,” Shannon said, “don’t say that. Her boyfriend is standing right here.”
“A guy likes to know that other men think his girlfriend’s hot. Isn’t that right, Nathaniel?”
Nathaniel glanced at Carlos. “Don’t need anyone else telling me what I already know.”
Nathaniel unwound the rope and pulled a tarp away from an exquisite rocking chair. He studied her face with hopeful anticipation.
She gasped with pleasure. “Oh, Nathaniel, it is beautiful. It’s…it’s the finest rocker I have ever seen.”
That attractive smile of his always stole her breath. Nathaniel gently put his hands around Kate’s waist and helped her climb into the truck bed for a better look. Her fingers explored the feather-soft armrests and the intricate design carved into the headrest. Then she sat down and rocked slowly, savoring the smooth motion that made her feel as if she were floating. This rocker was no assembly line, mass-quantity piece of furniture. Nathaniel must have invested countless hours and extreme care to craft it.
Kate looked down at her hands and quickly laced her fingers together. She was actually trembling.
“What’s wrong?” Nathaniel jumped into the truck and knelt beside her. “Are you upset?”
Kate wiped a tear from her cheek. “I don’t deserve this. How can anyone be worthy of such a man?”
Nathaniel put his hand over hers. “I will strive my whole life to be worthy of you,” he said, raw emotion in his throat. “This is only my first attempt.”
She put her hands on either side of his face and kissed him eagerly. He responded by raising her from the chair, embracing her properly and thoroughly, and kissing her into distraction.
Carlos’s voice intruded on their bliss. “That’s not a real good place if you’re looking to be discreet. You’ve got three Amish people staring at you from that house.” Carlos motioned in the direction of Hannah’s bedroom window. Hannah ducked from view as she saw Kate look her way but then, deciding she had been caught, reappeared and waved enthusiastically at the two couples. Two of Hannah’s nieces in the main house peeked out an upstairs window. They couldn’t be heard outside, but it looked as if they giggled hysterically.
Nathaniel helped Kate from the truck, and Kate motioned for Hannah to come outside. She appeared a minute later, wrapped in her shawl. “What do you think you are doing out here in this weather? You’ll catch your death of cold.”
“Hannah,” Kate said, unaware of any temperature but the warm glow inside her, “these are my friends, Shannon and Carlos.”
“Nice to meet you,” Hannah said, keeping her eyes glued to Nathaniel.
“And this,” Kate said, taking Nathaniel’s hand and pulling him forward, “is my fiancé, Nathaniel King.”
Hannah squealed in delight and threw herself into Kate’s arms. Kate almost toppled onto the gravel. Nathaniel’s mouth would not fit on his face if he smiled any wider.
Hannah couldn’t catch her breath. “Ach, the trouble you put us through! Kate has cried herself to sleep every night since she’s been here, and she’s barely eaten anything. I thought we might lose her.”
Nathaniel’s face clouded over and he turned his back on Hannah. Hanging his head, he rested his hand on the truck and kicked the gravel at his feet.
Shannon glanced at Nathaniel and frowned. “We’ve been hard on him,” she muttered to Kate. Then her countenance brightened and she turned to Hannah. “Can we see your house? I’ve never been inside an Amish home before.”
“Sure enough,” Hannah said in delight. “There’s shoofly pie waiting. It’s the best thing you ever tasted, except for my bread pudding.”
Kate watched the trio stroll to the house then rested her hand on Nathaniel’s arm.
He fixed his gaze down the lane. “How will I ever make up for the pain I’ve caused you?” he said.
“You could give me a kiss for every tear ever shed,” she teased.
His mood did not shift. “I almost lost you,” he said. “In a hundred ways, I almost lost you. That knowledge tortures me every second. I dreamed of you and waited for you and loved you for eleven years, and in one moment, I almost lost it all.”
Kate lifted his arm and put it around her shoulders. Then she wrapped her arms around his waist and nuzzled her cheek against his chest. He responded by bringing his other arm to the small of her back and resting his chin on the top of her head. They stood motionless, eyes closed, their senses saturated with each other.
Kate started to sing. “‘Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on when we shall be forever with the Lord, when disappointment, grief, and fear are gone, sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored. Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past, all safe and blessed we shall meet at last.’”
“You are the music of my life, Kate. Promise me our song will play forever.”
He brought his lips to hers before she could respond. She kissed him back with every bit of love and life her soul possessed.
He had his promise.
About the Author
JENNIFER BECKSTRAND grew up with a steady diet of William Shakespeare and Jane Austen. After all that literary immersion, she naturally decided to get a degree in mathematics, which came in handy when one of her six children needed help with homework. When daughter number four was born, she began writing, and between juggling diaper changes, soccer games, music lessons, and dinner preparations, Jennifer finished her first manuscript in just under fourteen years. Rachel’s Angel, a historical western, won first place in two writing contests. Soon Jennifer turned her attention to the Forever After in Apple Lake series, about three cousins who find love in Wisconsin’s Amish country. Her debut novel, Kate’s Song, is the first book in the series, and two more books, Rebecca’s Rose and Miriam’s Quilt, will release in 2012 and 2013, respectively.
Jennifer has two Amish readers who make sure her stories are authentic. No matter the setting, she hopes to pen deliriously romantic stories with captivating characters and soar-to-the-sky happy endings.
A member of RWA, Jenni
fer is the PAN liaison in her Utah RWA chapter. She lives in the foothills of the Wasatch Front in Utah with her husband and two children left at home. She has four daughters, two sons, one son-in-law, and one grandson.
Kate’s Song Page 26
