by Lux, Vivian
Keir would be furious, of course. But they could find another guitarist for Ruthless. Maybe Casper would want to stop slumming it in teeny-bopper land and come back to playing with the big boys.
I wouldn't be one of those big boys anymore, though. Because the second I get out of this bed, I'm punching Keir in the face and walking out of Ruthless forever.
Chapter
Madeline
"Doesn't it hurt when I touch you?" I whispered.
"Not as much as when you stop. Come here. Kneel right there. I need to kiss that sweet pussy."
When I hesitated, he opened his eyes. "Are you really going to deny me my dying wish?"
"You're not dying, you idiot."
"Yes. I am. I have a terminal case of blue balls."
I sighed heavily. "Why did I think this accident might change you?"
"Did you really want it to?"
Several battles warred inside of my body. The most bloody and vicious between my brain and my heart.
"No." I sighed again when my heart emerged, victorious. "No, I don't want you to change."
The smirk faded from his lips. "I would. If you wanted me to. For you and you alone."
"Don't you fucking dare." I put a knee up on his bed, careful not to jostle him. His eyes darkened, all traces of the smirk gone. "Yeah," I told him, with a smirk of my own, "I'm not planning on changing either." My calf was pressed up against the side of his ribcage and it had to hurt, but he didn't wince once, only kept his eyes fixed on mine as I swung my leg over his chest and knelt above him. "I'm still a crazy bitch."
"You are," he breathed, sliding his good hand up my bare thigh.
"I'm ice cold."
"You don't feel ice cold to me," he rasped, circling his hand around to cup over my panties.
My breath caught. "Well, I'm definitely crazy anyway." I couldn't stop myself from arching into his palm, pressing right there, the center of my need. "Demanding too."
"Tell me your demands." In the dark shadow that fell across the hospital bed, his stormy gray eyes looked almost black.
"I want you to...." I trailed off, my words dying on my tongue as he idly stroked upward with his thumb, sliding across my clit. I felt the downward surge of wetness, ready and aching.
"Say it," Rane growled.
"I want you to touch me."
"I am touching you."
"Harder. Press harder. Oh god, right there. Dammit, Rane..." I leaned forward and pressed my lips frantically to his, trying to muffle the scream that was building in my throat. He arched up into me, his fingers moving with blinding speed, and suddenly I was exploding over him.
His lips stretched into a smile against mine. "Look at that, Princess. I can make you cum with one hand tied behind my back."
I pulled back, feeling my muscles turned to jelly. "Don't you ever get tired of being a wiseass?"
"Better than a dumbass," he said with a yawn.
"Am I boring you?"
"We need to build up my stamina again."
I settled next to him. The bed rail was against my back and my elbow dug into my side, but I was pressed full-length against his good side, and nothing would move me from that spot again. "I'll help with that," I told him, kissing his bearded cheek.
"Fuck," he exhaled as my fingers closed around his cock. He was hard in an instant.
I buried my face into his neck and inhaled. There was a whiff of chemical to his skin, but underneath that was that warmth that I knew, that I craved. I flicked my tongue out, tasting him as I slowly stroked upward with my hand.
He squeezed his eyes shut and groaned through his clenched teeth. "Does it hurt?" I asked, nipping at his earlobe.
"Yes...," he hissed.
I stopped. "What should I do?"
He yanked his hand out from under me and snaked his fingers into my hair. "Kiss it better," he growled.
I bit my lip. His rough words went right to my core, and I felt the downward ache of desire clutch at me.
Licking my lips, I looked up at him. His gray eyes were wide, fixed on mine as I moved carefully over him. Pulling the sheet back, I let out a soft, inadvertent sigh when I saw him exposed. His lip curled into a smile. "I missed you too, Princess."
"Shut up," I said, taking him into my mouth.
He groaned, lifting his hips upward. I felt the silky slide of him moving past my lips and I was suddenly eager to take all of him, as much as I could. It didn't seem possible, but he somehow grew even harder as I began to move my head.
"Fuck," he chanted, a profane prayer. "Fuck, Maddie, goddamnit, I fucking love you."
I wrenched myself upward with a gasp. His hand was still tangled in my hair and he yanked me upward to bruise my lips with his. "Ride me," he growled into my mouth.
Chapter
Rane
Her mouth was exquisite, but I couldn't let go. Not until I felt her from the inside. Not until I made her break into pieces around me. I needed to feel Maddie come, from the inside out.
She hovered over me, half eager, half hesitant. "You're not going to break me, Princess," I promised her. "It hurts more that I'm not fucking you right now."
Those October sky eyes were like sapphires, the most precious jewels I'd ever seen. She blinked, biting her lip. And then she lowered herself on to me.
"Shit," I cursed. "This is what I needed."
She rolled her hips, doing this undulation thing that felt like nothing I had ever come close to feeling. My eyes rolled back in my head. "Aren't they feeding you the good drugs?" she asked, pressing her hands lightly on my chest.
"Ain't no drug that's better than this," I said. That rolling hip thing she was doing felt incredible, but I needed more. I needed to fuck her deeper.
I arched my hips, ignoring the stab of pain, and gripped the creamy white softness of her ass. She yelped as I drove upward, the satisfied smirk on her lips falling away with a gasp. "Rane!" she cried, driving herself back down to meet me.
For a moment, the only thing in the world was her ragged breath in my ears, the smack of her skin against mine and the white-hot blaze of pleasure gathering in my chest. I reached upward, grabbing the back of her neck and yanking her down to my lips. Her forehead pressed into mine, so that the only thing I could see, the only thing I wanted to see, was the blue of her eyes as they went wide the second before she cried out. Her body shuddered above me, around me, and just when her last spasm subsided, I surged upward with a gasp of my own. But I didn't close my eyes as I came. Because I never wanted to stop looking at Maddie, my Maddie, when I was inside of her.
She kissed me as I came, gasping against my mouth and then I felt her lips curve into a smile.
"What?" I asked.
"I wondered if you'd be happy to see me," she said, burying her face into my neck with a sighing laugh. "I was so worried."
"Nothing to worry about," I told her. "You've never got anything to worry about, with me."
She slid to my good side, immediately curling her slick body so that it pressed against mine. "But...."
"No buts," I told her, turning and pressing my lips to her forehead. I could taste the salt on her skin. "I've made up my mind."
"About what?
"What I'm doing when I get out of here."
"And what's that?" she sighed, snuggling closer.
"Being with you."
She stiffened a little.
I licked my lips. "Gotta say, Princess, that's not the reaction I was hoping for."
She lifted herself up on her elbow. "Being with me...meaning what, exactly?"
I was confused. "What else could it mean?"
Maddie pushed herself up, sliding her dress back down. I wanted to yank it back up again, pull her back down next to me, but I was stuck in this goddamned bed.
"What does 'being with me' me to you? Because I've gotta say, I've been kind of freaking out about that. Us? Together? At the expense of what? Your career? The band? Your brother? Keir hates me, Rane. He blames me for what happened to you.
He told me not to come by."
"Fuck him," I growled.
"You don't mean that."
"Sure I do."
"He's your brother, Rane. Your bandmate. You told me yourself, no one is closer to you, no one knows you better."
"You do."
"Do I? I love you but I'm not getting in the way of your family. That's not right."
I swallowed hard, pushing back down the string of obscenities that were gathering, waiting to be let loose on Keir...on her. "Can we just...not talk about this right now? Come here. Lie with me."
She looked reluctant, but she snuggled back down with a sigh. Her body was still stiff against mine, but she relaxed my degrees as I set about kissing her forehead, her cheek, her mouth. Kissing away her worry. While ignoring my own.
Chapter
Madeline
Forever after I could remind myself that I tried to do the right thing.
I knew he was stubborn. I knew he was reckless, but I had no idea just how willing he was to torpedo his entire life for the sake of his desires.
An uneasy dread fell over me even as he sighed into my neck, kissing me everywhere. But the heat of his kisses couldn't melt away the icy cold running in my veins.
What was he doing?
What he was doing was falling asleep.
I lay there, frozen with nerves. Should I stay? Be with him like he wanted? Should I sneak away, give him rest and space and talk about this madness another day? Should I dissolve into a puddle of indecisiveness on the floor?
A squeak of rubber sole on the linoleum brought me back to reality. A nurse, I told myself.
But nurses didn't growl curse words under their breath.
I opened my eyes, my heart sinking even before I saw Keir standing there.
Fuck.
I unwound myself from his brother. He inhaled sharply, his nostrils pinched white.
I wanted to run, but there was nowhere to run. I wanted to hide, but he had already seen me. Seen me cradled in his brother's arms. My stepbrother. Who still had traces of me on his fingers and lips.
I swallowed and opened my mouth to speak. To apologize and explain.
"Don't," he growled, holding up his hand. "Fucking spare me a bullshit explanation."
Rane's eyes fluttered open. "Keir?"
Keir was a raging bear. He looked like her could tear the room apart, shatter windows and rip the doors off the hinges. His words came too fast, in a flood of hurt accusation. "Didn't you think?" he exploded. "Don't you ever fucking think, Rane? Or do you just say fuck it to everything? Fuck it to the band, fuck it to Dad and Sylvia? Did you ever think about what this...this..." He seemed to swallow back his disgust, and shame burned a hot hole in my heart. "This...means?"
I felt Rane stiffen next to me, pulling me protectively closer. Keir saw it too.
"And you!" He whirled on me. "I knew what you were when I met you." He twirled his finger near his temple, his eyes mocking and wild. "You're batshit. Completely crazy. Yeah, I knew that. But I didn't think you were this crazy. I didn't think anyone could be this fucking certifiable."
"Keir," Rane growled. "Watch your fucking mouth."
"I'm going to go," I said, sliding off the edge of the bed. If I stayed here one more second, I was going to break down sobbing.
"You should," Keir snarled. "Get the hell out of here, before you ruin everything all over again."
I stumbled as I hit the floor, in a blind panic to escape them. Keir growled as I shoved past him, while Rane roared curses, shouting my name, shouting for me to stop, but I kept running.
I ran headlong down the hallway, tripping over my sandals, my stupid sandals, the same ones I had worn on the hike with Rane. The ones that made me hang back, whining and distracting him, the ones that made Rane fall. I kicked out violently, sending one strappy, little jeweled thing skittering down the hallway. Wrenching the other off my foot, I hurled it after its mate.
I knew, I knew this would happen and I came anyway. All my pep talks in the mirror, all the therapy, all the pull yourself togethers, and the get ahold of yourselfs. All that work I had done and I still could not control my basest urges. I was still slave to my wild tumult of emotions.
I really am Mad Maddie.
As the elevator door closed, I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflective surface. Flushed and wild-eyed, with sex-snarled hair, barefoot and gasping.
I was a raving lunatic. There was no use denying it any longer. And my craziness was no longer just hurting me anymore. No, now it had torn two brothers apart.
Chapter
Rane
Red rage hovered at the edges of my sight, blurring my brother's body so that I could barely see him as I told him, very calmly. "I'm going to kill you for that."
"You are, huh?" Keir's voice was bitter and biting. "I should break your other arm, you ungrateful piece of shit."
"Ungrateful?" I spat. My mouth was still tingling from where Maddie kissed me, my lips still tasted like her. "Now I'm supposed to be grateful to you for butting into my life?"
Keir stalked to the window, his eyes darting everywhere at once. "I spent the last few weeks standing over you," he said. His voice was no longer bitter. No, I recognized this Keir. He'd gone from angry to fucking dangerous. "Hours, days, fucking weeks, Rane, doing nothing but watching and waiting, and yeah, fucking praying for you to wake up." He shook his head. "People kept telling me, 'go home, get some rest,' but I couldn't. I had to be here the second you opened your eyes. 'He's my brother,' I told them."
He swiveled on his heel and turned to face me. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets but I knew that his fists were balled and ready to punch something. Maybe me. "And you're going to kill your brother over a girl?"
"She's...not...just a girl!" I exploded, lurching upwards with a roar. From outside of myself, I heard machines dinging and felt the sting of something ripping my skin, but I cared only about wrapping my broken hands around my brother's throat. "If I wasn't strapped to all this shit, I swear to god I would make you pay for that!"
"Fucking hell," he swore. "Have you lost your mind?"
"Yes! I have. I've lost my mind. And my heart. Do you even know what that's like? Or are you so serious and self-controlled that human emotion is an alien thing to you?"
Too late, I remembered Scarlett. Keir's face pinched tight. "Fuck you, Rane," he hissed under his breath.
"Keir, I'm sorry."
"Damn straight you are."
"But I'm not going to stop seeing Maddie. I've made up my mind."
"So you're choosing her. Is that what you're doing?"
"Choosing her?"
Keir straightened. "You're fucking up your entire life by being with her."
"You're the one who told me to go for her in the first place!" I screamed.
"I was drunk!" The cords in his neck stood out as he roared and slammed his hand into the side table. "I was thinking about fucking Scarlett and being stupid. You can't do this, Rane. It's a fucking mistake."
I clenched my good hand. "Who says? You? Are you trying to fucking fix me, Bulldog? I don't need to be fixed, I'm not fucking broken in the first place."
His eyes flashed. "You're going to get tired of her, Rane."
"No, I'm fucking not."
"You are. You're gonna get bored and want to move on. You'll say fuck it when things get hard, and then you know what happens? It's going to break up our family. Sheila will take Maddie's side and Dad'll take yours, and there's two more lives your stupid decisions will ruin. You'll get fucking depressed and quit the band, and there's three more people you fucked over with this."
"You've got a hell of a lot of fucking nerve."
"And I can't stand by and watch you do it. I know I can't fix this, it's already too far gone. But hell if I'm going to stand by and watch you set your whole world on fire." He crossed his arms over his chest and if I wasn't watching I wouldn't have seen the way his eyes glinted with unshed tears. "Her or me, Rane."
I
opened my mouth to answer, but he seemed to lose his nerve right at the end of his speech. Because instead of hearing my choice, he turned and left without saying another word...
Just as a nurse came hurrying into the room and started shouting for an aide to help hook me back up again.
I glared after him, then winced as the nurse reattached the IV. "Fuck all of this shit," I growled.
There was a hot sting, then the feeling of cold running under my skin. "This will help you calm down," the nurse said, her voice already sounding miles away.
Chapter
Madeline
"Ten million?"
My agent sounded like she was going to burst with pride. "Ten million," Jen repeated. "It just hit that number today. Congratulations, Maddie! You're viral!"
I leaned against the baking brick exterior of the studio. All morning, I had been immersed in the world of Skyline Drive. Jonathan Neil was every bit the director of my dreams—quick with notes, precise in his direction. He left very little to chance and hated improvisation. My kind of guy. I threw myself into working, desperate to prove to myself that I could handle it, and had been so wrapped that I forgot that my breakthrough was still floating around out there.
"Ten million hits," I repeated. I liked the sound of that.
"And here's what's even better, Mads," Jen continued breathlessly. "I've got a stack, no, not a stack, a fucking mountain of scripts on my desk. You're hot property again, girl. Everyone wants to grab you while you're the talk of the town. You can have your fucking pick."
"No shit?"
"No. Fucking. Shit," Jen enunciated in her strong Long Island accent. "You're about to make me rich, baby. Haven't I always told you you're my favorite client?"
I had to laugh at her brashness. "You've never told me that."
"Well, it's time for me to make up for that. I could kiss you for making that video. Sure, you went behind my back all sneaky-like, but I forgive you, baby girl. You made the right move."
I licked my lips. Did I? This victory felt hollow.
I hadn't seen Rane, hadn't dared to call him. I didn't want to come between him and his brother. I never wanted to cause a problem and yet I had caused a huge one. Regret flooded my stomach even as Jen kept on yammering.
