by Lucy Wild
“Hello, George,” I said into the phone. “What can I do for you?”
Chapter Twenty
Walking away from him was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I shouldn’t have gone to his office in the first place, I should have known it would end badly. Alison had told me not to. It wasn’t often that she was right but she was absolutely spot on about that one.
When Sally from Temps Ahoy had turned up at my house, I’d hardly recognised her. She was in a blind panic, as if her entire family would be killed if I didn’t go see Mason bloody Radcliffe. “I’ve got no intention of ever seeing him again,” I told her. “Or you.”
I went to close the door but she wouldn’t let me, getting her foot in the way and pleading with me to change my mind. “You’ve got to see him. Please, do it for me. I’m begging you, Natalie, just go to his office, hear what he has to say.”
Like an idiot, I gave in, despite Alison’s best efforts to keep me at home.
“What if he’s willing to forgive me,” I said as I pulled on my coat.
“You’ll regret it,” she replied as I walked out of the door.
She was right. I did regret it. I regretted it the moment I saw him. He looked so handsome and sexy and smug and arrogant and gorgeous and by God I wanted to leap over his desk and fuck him. Instead I let rip at him and then he terrified me. He became Daddy. We might have been playing before but we weren’t playing anymore. I had made him angry and he was going to take it out on me. He was going to discipline me.
I froze to the spot, knowing I was a bad little girl. I was his princess but I’d done a bad thing and I had to take my punishment. When he yanked my knickers off me, I let him. I should have kicked him in the balls and run out of there, screaming blue murder as I went. But I didn’t. I’d done a bad thing and Daddy knew what was best for me. I just wanted to make him happy.
It would be wrong to call it a regression. It wasn’t like I became a child again. Or maybe it was. It’s hard to explain. I just was his little girl and that was all there was to it. So when he brought out the stool and told me to sit on it, of course I sat. I didn’t want to make him any angrier.
Then he’d left me, locking the door after him. I sat facing the back wall, the wood making my bottom sore. If I shifted in place at all, it dug into my skin and it hurt. I could have left. I should have left. I know I should have left. But I didn’t. Daddy had told me to stay in place so I had to do as he said.
He came to check on me at one point, there was a click of the lock and then the door opened.
“Is that you, Daddy?” I asked, but he didn’t answer. The door closed again a second later and I was left alone until the sand in the hourglass had run through.
Only then did he reappear and I so wanted to run into his arms. I couldn’t do it though. It seems crazy to think about it now but at the time I didn’t want him to win. I couldn’t admit to him how much he’d gotten to me, how I’d spent the entire time away unable to think about anything but him. I needed him as much as I needed oxygen to breathe and I couldn’t admit that to myself, the thought was just too scary.
I couldn’t handle the depth of my feelings for him. Especially as he seemed only interested in controlling me. I knew what he was really like. He’d done me a favour by doing that. It told me what he was really like, how controlling he would be.
He wasn’t controlling you, a voice said in my mind as I walked away from his office, refusing to look back. He was looking after his little princess like you asked him to. You gave him your permission.
Shut up, I told myself as I stepped into the lift. Just shut up.
You didn’t want to go to the party. He did you a favour.
Shut up, just shut up.
I had to fight back tears on the way home. I collapsed into Alison’s arms seconds after getting in through the door. I lay slumped on the sofa whilst she just listened to me. “I should have taken Mr Mitchell’s money,” I said through my tears. “That would have shown the bastard. I should have dropped out of college and taken the money and gone to Gambia and put a fucking ocean between me and him. I should have thrown his sodding pretentious stool out of his office window.”
Alison didn’t say a thing, a first for her. Even after I’d fallen quiet, all the anger and vitriol drained out of me, leaving me an empty shell, she still didn’t say anything.
I fell asleep at some point, waking up to find myself alone on the sofa. I could hear Alison cooking in the kitchen, the smell of burning wrinkling my nostrils. I sat up, glancing at my phone. I saw a notification and for a second, I thought it might be him. Then I cursed myself for even caring. I hoped he’d never contact me again but by God, I wanted him to text me, to ring me, to beg for forgiveness, tell me he’d do anything to make it up to me. The notification was asking if I’d had a car crash in the last five years. Yes, I thought. I have, it’s called my life.
I put my head in my hands and groaned.
“Someone rang,” Alison said, walking in with a plate in her hand. I don’t know what she was having for her tea but it looked like it had been cremated. Twice.
“Was it…?”
“No it wasn’t. It was the foundation. They wanted to thank you.”
“Thank me? What the hell for?”
“No idea. I left the number over there.”
“Thanks.” I reached across the sofa and picked up the scrap of paper that was leaning against the vase of dying flowers on the windowsill. I punched the number into my phone and listened for the ringing. Within seconds a voice had answered.
“New Rainbow Foundation.”
“Oh, hi. This is Natalie Brook. I had a message asking me to call.”
“Miss Brook? Oh, it’s you. We’ve been bouncing around since your donation. I wanted to thank you personally for what you’ve done for us.”
“Donation? What donation?”
“The donation you made this afternoon.”
“I’m sorry to disappoint you but I’ve been asleep all afternoon.”
“What? Hold on, let me just bring up the details. Here we are. Two hundred thousand pounds donated on behalf of Natalie Brook. That is you, isn’t it? The same Miss Brook who’s been donating five pounds a month for the last, oh my goodness, for the last five years without fail.”
“I’m sorry, I’m not sure I understand. You’re saying that someone donated two hundred thousand on my behalf?”
Alison raised her eyebrows from the armchair opposite me. “Was it Daddy?” she mouthed.
The voice on the other end of the line was still talking as I tuned back in to her. “-not just an orphanage but a play centre for the village and we can extend the library. I can’t thank you enough, Miss Brook, you’re going to make such a difference to so many of the children-”
I let her carry on, waiting until she was finished before saying goodbye as politely as I could.
“So,” Alison said when I’d hung up. “Are you going to thank him?”
I looked up at her. “He tried bribing Temps Ahoy to get me back and now he’s trying to bribe me. I’m not falling for it.”
“Oh for crying out loud,” Alison said, slamming her fork down on her plate. “You really are a child at times.”
“What do you mean? What are you talking about?”
“You couldn’t be sulking any more if you were dressed in a t-shirt with ‘I am sulking,’ written on it in huge letters.”
“Are you done?”
“So you’re not sulking then?”
“No, I’m not. Now can we forget about him and watch something trashy, please. Preferably whilst eating cookie dough ice cream.”
“All right but not too much ice cream.”
“Why not?”
“Because you need to look good for tomorrow’s party.”
“Oh, God, I’d forgotten about that.”
“Don’t make that face. It’ll be fun.”
By the time Tuesday night rolled round I’d spent roughly sixteen hours reading in bed
. I only got out because Alison hammered on my door for more than a minute. “Is your hand not hurting?” I shouted out to her.
“A bit,” she replied, pushing the door open. “Come on, you need to get up and get glammed up ready to get chatted up and fucked up. They’ll be here soon.”
“I told you, I’m hibernating until next spring.”
“You need to get up.”
“Why?”
“Because your room’s going to be the coat room.”
“Right, great, thanks.”
So that was how I ended up slumped on the sofa in the living room, a book in my hand, a scowl on my face, while around me people stood laughing and dancing, paying no attention to just how much my evil eye was trying to force them out of the house so I could go back to reading in peace.
“Bookworm, eh?” a slurred voice said.
I looked up to find a swaying figure leering down at me. “Hmm,” I replied, hoping he’d move onto someone else. Instead, he slumped onto the sofa next to me.
“My name’s Colin,” he said, holding a hand out towards me. “I’m not sure we’ve met.”
“We have,” I replied.
“We have?”
“At the world’s dullest man convention,” I added quietly. “You were the keynote speaker.”
“What you reading?”
“David Copperfield.”
“Never heard of it.”
“That doesn’t surprise me.”
“Why don’t you come and dance with me?”
“Thanks but I’m happy here.”
“No you’re not,” he said, standing up and grabbing my arm. “Come on, stop being such a misery.”
“No!” I snapped, pulling my arm away. “I’m not interested.”
“Why? What’s wrong with me?”
“You’re not my type.”
“Just have one dance with me.”
“No.”
“Why not? Worried what people will think?”
He lunged down for my arm again but as he did so, someone grabbed him, spinning him away from me. I looked up to see who it was. “She’s worried what her Daddy will think.”
My heart skipped a beat as I realised it was Mason. The drunk took one look at his face before turning and stumbling away.
“Mind if I sit down?” Mason asked, sinking onto the sofa next to me.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, torn between slapping him and kissing him.
“Alison invited me.”
“What?”
“She rang me, asked if I’d like to come along to the party.”
“She did that?”
He nodded. “Don’t worry, I won’t stay and embarrass you, I just wanted to give you this.”
“What is it?” I asked as he held an envelope out towards me.”
“Call it a goodbye present,” he said, reaching over to kiss me on the cheek. I froze at the feel of his lips on my skin and by the time I was able to move again, he’d gone, leaving me with my book in one hand and an envelope in the other.
“Was that him?” Alison asked, appearing in front of me.
I nodded slowly, still in a daze.
“Wow, he wears the fuck out of a suit. Hey, what’s that?” She nodded towards the envelope.
“He called it a going away present.”
“Well, come on, get it open.”
I looked down at the envelope, turning it over slowly in my hand.
“Oh for God’s sake,” Alison said, snatching it off me and tearing into it.
“No, don’t,” I said too late.
“Oh, wow,” she said, pulling out the contents. Mama gets her diamond tiara after all.”
She spun the paper around and I saw it was a cheque, the ‘To’ line left blank. Underneath in solid capital letters were the words, ‘Fifty thousand pounds only.’
Chapter Twenty-One
I was at home when the phone rang, inviting me to their party. The call from Tilly’s housemate was unexpected. What she told me was even more unexpected.
I’d come close to throwing the phone out the car window after my conversation with George. I was very glad I’d resisted when I got home and it trilled into life. “Hello,” I said to the unknown number, expecting to a brief expletive filled rant at an auto-dialler from somewhere in the other hemisphere.
Instead of that, it was a woman, a woman I didn’t know but who knew me very well.
“So you’re Mason,” she said. “I wondered what you sounded like.”
“Who is this?” I asked, sinking into an armchair.
“Alison Moorhead.”
“Who?”
“Alison Moorhead, Natalie’s housemate.”
I sat up dead straight in the chair. “Go on.”
“I just thought I’d invite you to tomorrow night’s party.”
“Is this some kind of joke?”
“I don’t think it’s a joke and I know Natalie isn’t laughing.” She let that hang in the air for a moment before continuing. “Besides, it’s going to be a great party. Lots of people there. Might even be someone you know.”
“Look, Alison, is it? Why are you calling? Did she tell you to ring me?”
“She misses you.”
“What?”
“She misses you.”
“Did she say that?”
“She didn’t need to. It’s obvious and if you want my opinion, you’re a fucking idiot, Mr Radcliffe.”
“It’s funny, you’re the second person to call me that today.” I thought about George, ranting down the phone at me until he ran out of breath.
“Why’d you take her phone?” Her question was heavy with subtext.
“Because she didn’t want to go to the party. What is it with her and her phone? Why did she fly off the handle when I touched the bloody thing?”
“It’s not my place to tell you all the details, she’ll tell you if she thinks she can trust you.”
“Please, at least give me a clue.”
“Someone did something bad to her a long time ago. She tried to ring for help but they took her phone off her so she couldn’t.”
“What?”
“I’m not telling you anything else. Now you need to apologise, promise not to do it again and then treat her like the princess she is, you fucking idiot.”
“Do you talk to everyone like this?”
“Only the morons.”
“Thanks,” I said, rubbing my forehead as a headache began to build.
“Come to the party, say sorry and give me back my housemate, not this bucket of despair you’ve left me with.”
“I’ll think about it.”
She talked more and I listened but it amounted to the same thing. Natalie wasn’t over me. She was as far from being over me as it was possible to be. In fact, in Alison’s opinion, she was falling for me.
When I hung up, I leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes. She was falling for me. Could that possibly be true? I wanted it to be, more than anything.
I made a very expensive phone call that evening, after a long time of staring out of the window and thinking. Once the call was made, I climbed into bed, undecided whether I’d go or not. She had made it pretty clear she didn’t want to see me again. But then, if I didn’t give it one last shot, I might regret it for the rest of my life.
I ended up at the party after twice turning the car round and heading home again. When I got there, the place was heaving but she outshone everyone. Just sitting on the sofa, trying to read while some moron sleazed up to her. She looked like an angel. She also looked like she wasn’t enjoying the party.
I gave her the cheque and said goodbye. I didn’t want to say the word. I wanted to sweep her up in my arms and carry her out to my car, head over the horizon to be her Daddy for the rest of time. But I didn’t do that. I said goodbye. The look on her face when I saw her gave me more truth than Alison had in the entire phone call. She didn’t want to see me anymore. I’d fucked it. She didn’t even react when I kissed
her cheek.
I’d been home for an hour when the doorbell rang. I forced myself to my feet, putting down my glass of whiskey before walking through the hallway to answer.
I swung the door open and there she was, standing on the step with the cheque in her hand. “I can’t take this,” she said, holding it out towards me.
“Come in,” I said, waving her inside. “Please.”
“I can’t take this,” she said again in the hallway. “I can’t take your money.”
“It’s not for you. It’s for your orphanage.”
“You can’t give away a quarter of a million, it’s madness.”
“What are you talking about? It’s only fifty k.”
“And the two hundred thousand you gave them over the phone.”
“That was supposed to be confidential. You weren’t supposed to find out about that.”
“Then why put it in my name?”
I shrugged. “They weren’t supposed to tell you.”
“Well, they did. Please, take it back.”
“Send it to them. Send it to anyone. I don’t need it, really I don’t.”
I reached out and folded her fingers around the cheque. “Keep it. Make it do some good.”
“Oh, God,” she said, putting her hands over her face. “What am I doing?”
“I’ve no idea,” I replied. “Drink?”
“Yes, for the love of all that’s holy, a drink would be good.”
I led her through to the lounge, placing another glass next to my own and filling them both. “There you go,” I said, passing hers over. “To orphans.”
“To orphans,” she replied, perching on the edge of a chair. She took a sip from her glass. “Christ, that’s strong.” She winced as she set the glass down on the table next to her.
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “I’m sorry I took your phone.”
“I wasn’t going to come tonight,” she said, draining her glass with one gulp. After her coughing fit subsided, she continued, “but I realised something when you left the party.”
“What was that?”
“That I need my Daddy.”
I wanted to reply but my mind detached from my mouth and I couldn’t say a thing.
