by Paige Toon
‘Don’t shush me,’ I loudly reply, and he groans, slumping down on the end of the bed.
‘Thought we were past all this,’ he moans sadly, and I immediately feel sorry. Yes, I’m annoyed with him for staying out so late and no, I’m not comfortable with the whole Zoe thing, especially now that my work friends have become involved, but I want to see Nathan. And if that means James seeing Zoe, well…
‘Alright,’ I say graciously, and slide back down underneath the duvet. ‘Let’s just forget it.’
I call Nathan the next day, making a point of doing it in front of James. This is no big deal, my sign language is screaming, we can all be friends here.
‘Hey,’ he answers. ‘I was just thinking about you.’ I’m dying to know what exactly he’s been thinking, but I can’t ask in front of James. Instead I ask him how his first week at work has been, willing us to return to normality.
‘Good, thanks. Bit of a culture shock.’ He’s working on a large hotel near Wembley Stadium and is finding his new boss to be a ball-breaker in comparison to the guy he worked for on the boutique hotel in Manly. It’s a much larger workforce here, and a lot less responsibility. In other words, less challenging and not more fun. I suspect he misses his home-renovation work too.
‘Have you done any sightseeing?’ I ask, not wanting him to dwell on the downsides of his job. The last thing I want is for him to start missing home and looking forward to leaving.
‘No, nothing. Still feeling a bit jet-lagged, but we might go into town later.’
‘You should. Hey, maybe we could meet you for a drink tonight?’ I glance down at James, who rolls his eyes.
‘Yeah, that’d be great,’ Nathan replies. I try to keep a relatively straight face. I don’t want James to pick up my excitement.
‘Why don’t you call me when you’re setting off and we’ll make plans?’ I suggest.
‘Cool. I need to go and get a new mobile because this one is costing me a fortune.’
‘Sorry…’ I say, but he laughs.
‘No, I didn’t mean you.’
‘Okay, well, speak later.’
We ring off and I turn to James. ‘That’s alright, isn’t it, hon? It’d be good for you to meet him.’ We’ve got to make this less of a big deal. Nathan is only here for three months and then he’ll be buggering off home again.
Ouch. The thought gives me a nasty little shock. Is that really the first time I’ve fully comprehended the three-month thing? That’s not long. At all. I turn away from James, not wanting him to see my troubled face.
Well, I think eventually, I don’t know why we’ve all been getting our knickers in such a twist over it. Nathan will be gone soon. Zoe, on the other hand, is here to stay. And I don’t like that thought, not one iota.
Nathan calls to say that he and the others are going to be at the Walkabout pub on Charing Cross Road from about 7 p.m.
What a cliché, I think. James says it out loud and we grin at each other.
I’m on edge as we walk into the packed bar, not quite believing I’m about to introduce my boyfriend to the guy I haven’t been able to stop thinking about for months on end. James seems fairly relaxed. He’s wearing a dark green long-sleeved T-shirt and grey cargo pants and looks pretty sexy. Nathan is taller than James by about two or three inches, but James is broader, more manly. He’s also four years older. They look very different.
I try to steel myself against Nathan as I scour the crowds, giving James’s hand a quick squeeze before letting go. I’m here with my boyfriend. My boyfriend.
I spot Ally and the dark-haired girl from the flat–I can’t remember her name–and another tall bloke with short brown hair who I’m guessing could be Richard. James takes my hand again and we make our way through the crowd towards them.
Suddenly I see Nathan, heading back to his flatmates with four beer bottles. I stall for a split second, resisting the urge to drop James’s hand, but I keep walking. I don’t think James notices.
It’s odd seeing Nathan greet James. Very odd indeed. There don’t appear to be any uncomfortable undercurrents between them, though, and I’m relieved, realising I was holding my breath for the duration of their introduction. I force myself to concentrate as Nathan introduces his flatmates. Billie, I remember, when it’s the turn of the girl with multiple piercings. I was right about her; she is short.
Ally looks even better out of her PJs. She’s wearing hardly any make-up and has the clearest skin. When she and Billie go off in search of the toilets, James turns to Nathan and Richard.
‘Is she single?’ he asks them.
‘Sure is,’ Richard answers.
‘There you go, mate,’ James says, nudging Nathan good-humouredly. ‘You could be in there.’ Nathan grins, but doesn’t say anything. A sharp pain shoots through me.
I can’t catch Nathan’s eye, and it’s driving me slightly barmy. Why won’t he look at me? I have every intention of being a good girlfriend tonight, paying James lots of attention, but right now I’m distracted. James and Richard are having an animated conversation about rugby which is boring me to tears and Nathan doesn’t seem to be interested, either. Eventually he turns away from them and stares at the big screen where there’s a football match playing. I can’t take it anymore. I leave James’s side–he’s so caught up in his conversation about scrums and who knows what else that he doesn’t even notice.
‘I didn’t know you liked football,’ I ask Nathan, for want of something to say.
‘I don’t mind it. Better than rugby,’ he says, giving me a sidelong glance as the corner of his mouth curls up in a half smile. ‘You alright?’ he asks.
‘Yes, thanks.’ I move around to stand in front of him, forcing him to turn his attention away from the football and onto me. I manage to restrain myself from prodding him in the stomach. He looks down at me, amused, as if reading my thoughts.
‘Isn’t he the guy you did that bar launch for?’ he asks, nodding back up to the football. I turn round to the big screen to see Gian Luigi take a penalty. He misses.
‘Yeah, that’s him. Well done for remembering.’
Nathan doesn’t reply, just carries on watching.
I rack my brain for one of the many jokes I heard weeks ago but never called him about. One comes back to me.
‘Hey,’ I say. ‘Two biscuits in a tin. One of them says, “Where do you live, then?” And the other replies, “I’m not going to tell you, because you’ll come and steal my washing.’”
‘You are such an idiot.’ He chuckles and my heart lifts. I peek over his right shoulder at James. He’s still caught up in his conversation with Richard. I return my gaze to Nathan, whose bluey-grey eyes are watching me, steadily.
‘You don’t really fancy Ally, do you?’ I screw up my nose, as though fancying Ally is the last thing anyone on this green earth would ever want to do. He laughs in what seems remarkably like disbelief, and for a worrying moment I think he’s going to refuse to answer my question, but he just shakes his head.
‘No, Luce, I don’t fancy—Ah, where have you two been?’
Eek! That was close. Ally and Billie return after a twenty-minute hiatus.
‘On the pull,’ Ally exclaims. ‘No fit men in here.’
‘On that note, I think I’ll leave you girls to it,’ Nathan dismisses himself and rejoins James and Richard. My heart sinks as I watch him leave. I shake myself and try to focus on my earlier intentions to be a good girlfriend.
‘Where’s Ned?’ I ask the girls, impressed that I remembered his name, at least.
‘Gone out with his girlfriend,’ Billie replies.
‘So James is your boyfriend, then?’ Ally asks.
‘Yes,’ I say, and she gives me a funny look. What does that mean? Does she fancy him? ‘We thought Nathan was,’ she says discreetly, and looks at me meaningfully. Oh…It clicks. They must’ve assumed that when I came downstairs from his bedroom last Saturday. I hope they don’t say as much to James.
‘No, we’re j
ust friends from Sydney,’ I tell her, straight-faced, and ignore the mischievous look she gives me.
‘So what do you do?’ I turn to Billie.
I don’t get another chance to speak to Nathan alone. All I want is to go away to a dark corner with him but it’s just not going to happen this evening.
Though I do my best to be attentive to James, I can’t help but tense up when he wraps his arm around me and pulls me back into him on a few occasions. Each time my eyes dart towards Nathan to clock his reaction, but he seems to be steadfastly evading me.
James gives me the nod just before eleven so we leave them to it. He shakes the boys’ hands again while I stand there awkwardly and smile my goodbyes. Nathan meets my eyes for a split second but then takes a swig of his beer and heads back to the bar. I try to mask my disappointment at the apparent demise of our familiarity. I should just be feeling enormous relief that James appears to be over his jealousy.
‘That was okay, wasn’t it?’ James says, looking across at me from inside the cab I persuaded him to get.
‘Do you like him?’ I ask casually.
‘Yeah, he’s alright.’ He grins.
‘What?’
‘You don’t really have the hots for him, do you?’ he asks, with a mix of surprise and mild distaste. ‘If it was Richard, I could understand; he was a good laugh, but Nathan is a bit of a weird one. He doesn’t say much, does he?’
I force myself to laugh. ‘No, he doesn’t really.’
At least James doesn’t think to ask about our long phone conversations. Because Nathan does open up. He opens up to me.
But it’s okay. James doesn’t need to like Nathan loads. In fact, it’s probably better that he doesn’t.
‘So, how did it go?’ Chloe asks excitedly the minute I arrive at work on Monday morning. Gemma manoeuvres her seat over and is all ears.
‘It was fine,’ I respond.
‘Fine?’ Chloe’s voice is disappointed. ‘What, no fist fights, broken bottles, nothing?’
‘Stop it!’ I laugh. ‘No, it was fine. They got on fine.’
It was fine. It probably was a good thing that Nathan was a bit detached with me. I have to start thinking of him in a platonic sense. This is the reality of my situation now.
‘Boring!’ Chloe yawns.
‘Oi!’ I snap playfully.
‘Sorry, I’m just fed up with my own tedious existence. When are we going out with James for Friday-night drinks again?’ she asks.
‘Do you still want to?’ I grin. She’s obviously over her Bryce snub; the silly Canadian who snogged her but never called.
‘Yeah, I wouldn’t mind getting to know William a bit better.’ She smiles.
‘That’s the spirit, girl.’ I laugh. Now that was a fun night. I promise her I’ll arrange another one.
Karen and Reena both call me that week too, wanting to know how it’s going. I’d expect nothing less, but naturally I get completely different reactions from both. I speak to Reena first, who seems happy to accept that I’ve turned a corner and am determined to consider Nathan a mere friend. Karen, on the other hand, tells me I sound like a children’s TV presenter and thinks I’m away with the fairies.
‘Oh, bugger off,’ I laugh irritably.
‘Come on, Lucy. When you saw him again for the first time, did you or did you not want to get into his pants?’
‘Shut up!’ I’m outraged. I’m sitting in Soho Square on my lunchbreak. Karen’s husky Yorkshire voice laughs down the line, then she grows serious. ‘I don’t know why I’m teasing you; you know I don’t approve of all this.’
‘Well, then, you should be encouraging me to think about Nathan platonically instead of accusing me of being in La-la land.’
‘Yeah, yeah, whatever. So when am I going to meet this surfer dude?’
‘Well, it might be sooner than you think…’
Friday is my twenty-sixth birthday. Karen and Alan, Reena and Paul, Chloe, Gemma and Martin, are all coming to Marylebone for the evening. Yesterday James even suggested himself that I invite Richard and Nathan along, which of course I’d done already.
While my friends are desperate to meet Nathan at last, I’m mortified by the idea. I hope they don’t give anything away. I’m trying to keep my anticipation in check about seeing him again, reminding myself that he’ll be different with me in public to how he is when it’s just the two of us. What if he’s detached and distant to the point that my friends wonder what all the fuss is about? I shouldn’t care, especially as I’m trying to get over him, but I do. Of course I do.
The girls spoil me rotten all day at work and Mandy buys me cakes in the afternoon. James sends a massive bunch of flowers to the office, which sends Chloe bonkers with jealousy. But that’s nothing compared to the look on her face when I show her the necklace he gave me this morning. It’s a white-gold chain, with a large diamond solitaire to match my earrings.
It’s beautiful. I love it. And I also hate it with a passion because every time I look at it I feel like a duplicitous bitch.
We’re well into October now, the nights are getting longer and colder and I’m starting to travel by tube again. I want to go home first and get ready, instead of going out straight from work. And I’ve invited Richard and Nathan for a quick drink at the flat. We’re meeting the others in a bar on the High Street later.
I soon regret my tube decision. People pile in behind me and we’re like sardines, packed in tightly.
Just as I’m thinking about getting off at the next station and walking rather than suffer this unbearable squash, the train comes to a halt in the tunnel. There’s a fire in the next station, apparently, and it’s being evacuated. The woman next to me feels faint, and I have to shout at people to move further down the carriage to try to give her some air. A nightmarish half an hour later, the train finally starts up and moves off.
I always do my make-up in front of the wardrobe mirror, sitting cross-legged on the floor. I dig out a black headband and drag it over my forehead, pulling my fringe away from my eyes. Then I fish out my tinted moisturiser and squeeze a tiny amount onto my palm.
The doorbell rings. Oh, bollocks, they’re here and I’m not ready. I look around the room: unmade bed, half-covered with clothes, make-up spilling over the floor…I won’t be showing Nathan the bedroom, then. I listen to James’s welcoming voice as they come up the stairs. He’ll sort them out with beers until I get out there. Done with my foundation I quickly hunt out my green Shu Uemura eyeshadow and rub my finger over it, smudging it across one eyelid. I do the same on the other eye. Then I rummage around in my bag for my mascara. There’s a knock at the door. Shit! ‘Come in?’ I pray it’ll be James.
‘Hi,’ Nathan says as he peers in. ‘Happy birthday.’
‘Thanks. Sorry, I’m still getting ready.’
He opens the door further and comes in. I desperately want to pull the headband off my head.
‘This place is amazing,’ he says, talking about our flat. He towers above me and then sits down on the floor behind me, beer in hand. I swivel around to face him, my feet almost grazing his leg.
‘Did you find us okay?’
‘Yeah, no problem. Good directions.’ He takes a swig from the bottle.
‘I was running a bit late; got stuck on the tube,’ I explain, turning back to the mirror and picking up my mascara wand. It doesn’t look like he’s going anywhere so I may as well get on with it and try to ignore the mess.
‘Oh, really? Which line?’
‘Listen to you, which line. You sound like a Londoner already.’
He chuckles and I tell him about my journey, while I finish my make-up. Finally I tug off my headband and fluff out my fringe.
‘Okay, done,’ I say. He pushes himself up and holds his hand down to help me up. I squeeze by him, palm still ablaze from his touch, and lead the way out towards the kitchen. Damn it, damn it, damn it!
James and Richard are watching the rugby. ‘No!’ James shouts, as one team–I think it�
�s pretty safe to assume the opposition–scores a try. Nathan follows me into the kitchen and leans against the counter while I open the cupboard, searching for some honey-coated peanuts and cashews.
‘Nut?’ I offer him, trying to sound normal.
‘Thanks.’
‘Do you need another beer?’
‘Nah, it’s okay. Still going.’ He’s wearing a black jumper and dark blue jeans. They look new. I pour myself a glass of white wine and we look at each other sideways, locking eyes until it starts to feel uncomfortable.
‘Where are we off to tonight?’ he says finally.
‘Just down Marylebone High Street,’ I reply, and turn my attention to finding a cashew amongst the peanuts.
My stomach seems to be hosting a birthday party of its own.
Chloe and Gemma are already at the bar when we arrive, brimming with anticipation. They don’t know which one is Nathan and they look quite comical, eyes darting from guy to guy, waiting to be introduced.
‘Hello, you two.’ James smiles and kisses them.
‘Chloe, Gemma, this is Richard and this is Nathan…’
‘Phwoar!’ Chloe exclaims in my ear as soon as the boys move aside to queue at the bar. I urge her to keep her voice down, but naturally I’m delighted with her reaction.
‘That Richard’s a bit of alright, too.’ She giggles.
‘Single,’ I tell her and the look on her face makes me want to laugh. She’s unstoppable.
Reena and Karen arrive together with Paul and Alan and shower me with kisses and presents. It’s Karen’s birthday next week so I wish her a good one in advance and hand over her gift, a leather washbag from The White Company. Definitely not a freebie.
‘Is that him?’ she whispers in my ear, looking at Richard and barely acknowledging the parcel in her hand.
‘No,’ I whisper back. ‘He’s at the bar.’
‘Which one?’
‘Stop looking. Here he comes now.’
‘He is gorgeous,’ she concedes and my heart fills with joy for a split second before she continues. ‘But that’s no excuse to fuck James around.’
‘Oh, Karen, please don’t start.’
‘Alright. I’ll let you off. Seeing as it’s your birthday and all.’
