But I knew I couldn’t let him.
••••
Pound, pound, pound.
The moment my eyes pried open, my head began screaming bloody murder at me. Vodka had come out victorious yet again. The twisting knife in my head didn’t cease when I slowly sat up in bed and looked outside to see the sun slowly rising on the horizon.
“Eden, please open the door.”
Ky’s deep voice penetrated through the hotel door. I desperately looked around the room for an escape, but there was nowhere to run. I climbed cautiously out of bed, pulled the hem of the dress that had risen to my hips down over my thighs, and stumbled toward the door. I didn’t even need to look in the mirror to know that I looked like a tragic hung-over mess. With shaking hands I unlatched the chain lock and then unclicked the main lock.
I took a step away from the door, not opening it.
“It’s unlocked,” I said just loud enough to be heard. It took less than two seconds for the door to fly open and for Ky to rush in. He still wore the same outfit he was wearing the day before, and he looked like he hadn’t slept a wink.
I watched him closely. His eyes searched the room around us and the moment they landed on the empty bottles of vodka he sighed and ran his hands over his face. Great, not only did he think I was a crazy woman for fleeing, he now thought I was a drunk.
He took two steps toward me and I backed up, my hand feeling behind me for something to hold onto and my eyes dropping to the bright blue carpet on the floor below. My hand met the fabric of the chair in the corner, and I was trapped.
“Look at me.” His voice came out soothing, not one ounce of force behind it. “Eden, please.”
My eyes ran over his body as I lifted them from the floor and made their way to his face. Sadness, confusion, and wariness met me when I fell into his eyes.
“Why did you run?” he whispered in question.
“I said no. I didn’t want you to hurt me for saying no. I shouldn’t have said no.”
The color immediately drained from his face, and he took a step away from me. I watched him closely not knowing what to expect. His presence confused me, he intimidated me, yet he drastically captivated me. The thought of him hurting me left the moment he looked at me with eyes that were bristling with concern, like he was fearful and regretful.
“You thought I was going to hurt you?” His words were barely a whisper and he stared at me awaiting my answer. “Eden, answer me. Did you think I would hurt you?”
“Yes. I don’t know,” I choked out, and for one of the first times ever, I was using yes honestly.
His face paled, and he swayed on his feet as if I had just taken the air from his lungs. He dropped to the edge of the bed and his head fell into his hands. I had no clue what to do so I remained standing, watching a man who demanded respect and who held such a strong presence crumble before my eyes.
“I would never hurt you Eden. Never. I should never have thought of kissing you.”
“So you didn’t want to kiss me?” I spat out before I even had a chance to stop myself. I slammed my eyes shut at the stupidity of my question. Here I was with the man I fled, but now I couldn’t ignore the twinge of disappointment I felt when he said he didn’t want to kiss me.
Ky lifted his head from his hands and his eyes darkened as he looked at me. He hesitated for a brief moment before he rose from the bed and took a step until his chest was mere inches from mine. I could feel the heat coming off his body, and I was sure that he could hear my heart pounding in my chest.
“I want nothing more than to taste your lips, but I know I shouldn’t. Fuck I want to kiss you Eden but I also need to learn to behave myself when it comes to you.” He crossed his arms over his chest as if he was trying to stop himself from reaching out and touching me. “You interest me Eden. There is something about you that I want to have. You have this innocence about you, but then I see a glimmer in your eye that tells me that there is a sassy woman locked away who needs to be unleashed, who needs the opportunity for freedom. You grabbed my attention the very first time I saw you, and it hasn’t been lost ever since.”
“I never thanked you for what you did,” I admitted sheepishly. “For saving me from that guy.”
“You never have to thank me for protecting you. I should have done it earlier, and I will forever regret that.” His voice faltered at his words, and he shook his head slightly. “I should go.”
Ky moved to the door with strong strides and stalled when he reached for the door handle. He looked at me over his shoulder, and his eyes pleaded with me. “Never be fearful of saying no to me Eden. I know there will be a time when I’ll need you to say no.”
She thought I was going to hurt her.
She thought I had the potential to fucking hurt her.
I rushed out of the room moments before the twisted hands of anger took hold of me. Everything she had admitted sat with me like a tormenting reminder of how fucked up life could be. I had crossed a very hazy line yesterday when I had gone to kiss her. What the fuck was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking, and that was the fucking problem. Eden Rivers was quickly making me lose all sense of reality.
Leaving her in that hotel room was the smartest thing I could have done. If I had stayed one more minute, I would have broken. I would have asked her to kiss me and with Tori’s words constantly haunting me ‘she can’t say no’ I knew that it was only a matter of time before I broke.
With frustration seeping from every pore, I sped back to my apartment. I needed a distraction, I needed to satisfy and put to good use the endorphins running rampant through my body. I couldn’t stop thinking about her and my mind continually taunted me with memories of her face as she admitted her fear.
I threw my keys on the kitchen island and forcefully ripped my phone from my pocket and dialed Josh’s number. After two rings he picked up and I didn’t give him a chance to speak.
“Josh I need to work out,” I roared down the phone as I stepped into my bedroom and headed toward my dresser.
“And hello to you too big brother.”
“Are you working out with me or not?” I had no time for his smart-ass remarks.
“I’ll meet you at your place in ten.”
I didn’t bother replying. I hung up the phone and threw it on my bed and watched it bounce off the mattress and drop to the floor. My head tilted to the ceiling and a deep sigh erupted from my chest as my emotions bubbled over. I couldn’t fathom her fear toward me. It was beyond unjustifiable. It was unwarranted. It was uncalled for. The one thing she didn’t know about me was that I was a stubborn prick and now I was more determined than ever to get inside her head. To twist my way into her thoughts, her fears, her seemingly dangerous habit of saying yes to everything. I would make her say no to me and mean it and see that there was no fear to be had.
“Where’s the cranky bastard?” Josh questioned from the living room.
“Bedroom.”
Moments later he filled the doorway and gave me an inquisitive look. “So what’s crawled up your ass and died?”
“Let’s just go to the gym.”
Two hours later I had punched, run, rowed, and kicked every ounce of leftover frustration out of my body. Sweat dripped from my body and my lungs ached as they craved air that had been stolen. Finally calm filled me. Josh watched me closely, waiting for me to open up about what had caused my sudden pissed-off mood. We both grabbed a shower and then headed to the closest bar we could find.
“So spit it out,” he demanded, sitting beside me at the bar after ordering both of us a beer.
One thing about my brother was that he would never give up on finding out what was bothering me. Throughout everything he knew what to say or do to get me to open up, even if it was in the most brutal way. He was there during my darkest of days, when regret tore through me, when I believed that I didn’t deserve the life I was given and he had talked me off the ledge more times than I’d like to admit.
“I almost kissed Eden yesterday, and sh
e completely freaked out. So I went to see her earlier today and she was so scared, like terrified of me. She thought I’d hurt her because she said no to me.”
“What the fuck?” he exclaimed with wide eyes.
“She is doing things to me man. I thought I could resist her. Fuck, I need to resist her, but ever since that first night I just need to have her in my sight. I am drawn to her like a fucking moth to a flame.”
“Does she know?” He questioned softly.
I turned to Josh and sighed before responding. “She knows nothing.”
“You are treading in dangerous waters brother.”
I knew he was right.
••••
Two days had passed since I had seen Eden. I hadn’t contacted her, and she hadn’t contacted me. Our conversation and everything that happened still filled my thoughts. It was so fucked-up, because the longer I was away from her, the more I thought about her. I dived into work, I worked from sunup until way after sundown yet everything still reminded me of her. I’d see her name pop up in emails, I’d hear that she had come in to pick up things from Josh or Lauren, and I swear I even smelled her perfume in the elevator once. I was completely and utterly screwed.
The door of my office swung open and Ashlyn strutted in like she was a woman on a mission. I raised my eyes from my laptop as she made herself at home on the corner of my desk. It was close to five p.m. so I knew I still had a long night ahead of me.
“You’re leaving,” she stated matter-of-fact.
“And why would I do that?” I huffed in response.
“Because I’m sick of seeing you in this fucking rut you’ve wedged yourself in. You are coming to my place for beer and Chinese.”
“I’m not in a rut.”
“Whatever you say Ky. Get your ass up and out of this office. I’m parked out front, be there in five minutes.”
••••
I collapsed on Ashlyn’s couch and threw my head back against the plush cushions. She had won. I had left the office. My eyes closed, and I felt the first waves of exhaustion crash within me.
“You look like shit.”
I pried open my heavy eyes at the sound of Ashlyn’s voice and watched her sink down on the couch beside me. I grabbed the beer she held out to me and I almost devoured it in one gulp.
“Have you spoken to Eden lately?” I asked without thinking.
So much for subtleness Ky.
Ashlyn’s eyes widened, a reaction I didn’t miss. She turned to face me and threw back the bottle of beer as I awaited her response. The longer she took the more frustrated I got. I clearly wasn’t a patient man.
“Yep, I had breakfast with her this morning and then we worked on some ideas for her first shoot.”
Ashlyn fell back against the couch and focused squarely on me, in such a way that I felt incredibly on edge. She was notorious for being able to read me like I was the world’s most open book. I didn’t have to say shit, and she knew what I was thinking. This wasn’t good. I had seen this look before. She was taking everything in, she was sorting through my thoughts, my words, my concerns, my fears, and she would ultimately come to a realization.
“She is getting to you,” she whispered. “No wait! She has already gotten to you. Ky, this is doing a number on you. You have to stop. Step back.”
“I don’t know how.”
••••
Somewhere between sitting on Ashlyn’s couch and flipping my phone over in my hand for the hundredth time, I had an epiphany. I couldn’t ignore that Eden was getting to me any longer. Hell, if I was being honest, I knew that she got to me that very first night when I decided to ride in like a knight in fucking armor. This was where the problem lay. Women never got to me, because I never allowed it. I shut down. I put up my walls. I was sometimes an asshole. But now Eden was getting to me. I had allowed her to get to me. There was no chance that this would end well because it had the potential to destroy both of us.
I needed to find a distraction, and I knew who would have a solution.
I scrolled to Josh’s name in my phone and my knee bounced as I tapped at the screen.
Ky: I need to go out tonight.
Josh: Hang on a minute. Is this really Ky Crawford?
Ky: You’re an asshole.
Josh: What’s got into you or should I say who has got to you?
Ky: No one.
Josh: Cough Eden Cough. Come to my place at nine.
Ky: See you then.
••••
My idea to go out was squashed when I arrived at Josh’s apartment to find that he clearly had no plans to go anywhere. I heard the music the moment I stepped out of the elevators and when I opened his front door I was swamped by blaring guitars and drums that mixed with the sounds of laughter and chatter. Josh lifted his chin to greet me from across his apartment. I said hello to a couple of people I knew, skimmed over who was here and then went straight to the fridge and grabbed a beer.
“I heard a rumor you’d be turning up tonight.”
I twisted around to find Anna, a girl who seemed destined to get into my pants since college. Her eyes were ablaze with want, and her tits were spilling out of her incredibly tight dress. Did she not know that it was fucking winter outside?
“Yep. Here to get drunk. That’s it.” I dismissed her and stepped out of the kitchen. My escape halted when her hand grabbed hold of my arm. I turned to face her, only to find her putting on puppy dog eyes and pouting her lips. “Anna, it’s not going to happen.”
“So you are rejecting me. Again.” Her voice was breathless, and her face thundered with anger, like she couldn’t believe it was happening. It wasn’t the first time so it shouldn’t come as a surprise.
I groaned and ripped my arm away from hers. “It’s not rejection Anna, it’s avoidance.”
I left her standing—mouth agape, hands on hips, fury flooding her face—and moved to the couch.
Soon enough I was opening my fifth beer and a buzz was swimming through my veins. Thankfully Anna had left me the fuck alone, and I was enjoying the peace and quiet. I twisted my body as the couch dipped beside me and with the bottle to my lips and through hazy eyes I found Eden staring at me with a shy grin.
“Are you ignoring me?” she asked innocently, her brow rising in the process.
She looked fucking phenomenal in her tight jeans and black top that clung to her body, and her hair flowed over her shoulders in an ‘I just got laid’ look. I was in trouble. The beer had dissolved my resistance and now there wasn’t a chance that my dick and my brain would communicate because my dick twitched just at the sight of her.
I downed the rest of my beer, watching her over the bottle. Her face was passive and unreadable, but I loved the pink tinge sweeping over her cheeks. The party swirled around me, but right there on the couch it could have only just been me and Eden and I wouldn’t have cared for a second. She pulled her leg up so it was under her and leaned back, her face resting in her hand, her cheek to her palm as she continued to watch me. It was like we were reading each other, awaiting the other’s next move. I lowered the empty bottle from my lips and let it fall to the ground below me.
“I didn’t know you were here so I couldn’t be ignoring you.” Her face fell and instantly I felt like an asshole. “You should have said something to me when you saw me,” I offered with a smile.
“You had a girl with you. I didn’t want to interrupt your date again. I’ve already done that once,” she stated, her comment throwing me back to our meeting at Delights when she accused me of being on a date with one of the local girls there.
I shook my head and smirked. “I’ve told you before. That girl at Delights wasn’t my date, and the girl you saw me talking to tonight simply wanted a good time. She was blond anyway, and I’m pretty sure I’ve made it perfectly clear that I am more into brunettes.”
“So you discriminate against blondes?” She returned my smirk and her fingertips ran through her hair in an action I couldn’t be ce
rtain she knew she was doing.
“Well let’s just say if you were to dye your hair blond I wouldn’t discriminate against you.”
Fuck! I was flirting with her. Her eyes widened fleetingly under the suggestive words I had spat out, I clearly had absolutely no consideration of whether she’d run for the exit door or stay here. The briefest of smiles touched her lips which further intensify the inappropriateness of my thoughts. I needed to reel it in. I couldn’t flirt with her, she wasn’t like any other girl I had met before, and it would be so fucking easy to completely freak her out, just like almost kissing her did.
“So how’s all the prep going for the photo-shoots? I am looking forward to seeing what you come up with. You definitely have a lot of work ahead of you,” I mumbled in a pathetic way of changing the subject. I internally groaned at the stupidity of my question.
She narrowed her eyes and shook her head at my absurd statement. “Um, yeah. It’s going great. I have a lot of ideas and I’m actually working on it pretty solidly next week.”
“Pretty girl, your drink is ready!” Josh voice sounded from across the apartment. Eden turned and the biggest of smiles spread across her lips as she looked back at my brother.
“I guess I’ll see you around,” she murmured softly as she pulled herself up from the couch. Our eyes locked on one another, and I knew I was getting sucked in. I was losing. Fuck you beers. Why did I think drinking would be a good idea?
Eden took off quickly, crossing the crowded living room and every single guy in the room turned and eye-fucked her as she passed, drinking in the curves of her body and the way her hips swayed with every step she took. I was sure as shit that they were all imagining what was under those purple jeans. She got to Josh’s side and his arm fell to her shoulders and he handed her a red colored drink.
It took every bit of strength I had not to rush over and throw myself at her and scream, “It’s me.” But that was something I couldn’t do. Not now. Not ever. I tore my eyes away from Eden and concentrated on the black screen of the television as my mind started flashing every single scenario I had. This was karma coming back to punch me in the throat and make me remember why I didn’t deserve happiness or forgiveness or a second chance. Karma was the little voice that kept me up late at night, the reminder that sat on my shoulder and whispered the truths to me, the tiny little stab in my heart when I was starting to feel at ease. But now karma was a roaring bitch that was making herself very known.
Be My December Page 9
