I lowered myself onto the edge of the bed and turned my back to her. My head dropped into my hands, and I breathed deeply as a wildfire of anger roared within me.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, my voice cracking with emotion as I desperately tried to get the thoughts I had locked away for so many years out of my head. I was sorrier than she could ever know, I wish I had the balls to admit every fucking thing right there but how could I possibly start that kind of conversation. My life was full of regrets when it came to Eden Rivers, and she didn’t have a clue. “I am so fucking sorry.”
The feeling of her hand resting on my back caused me to stiffen under her delicate touch. I fought for the last ounce of strength I could muster in my exhausted body and turned back to look at her. Her tears had faded, leaving the tiniest streak of mascara on her cheeks, but it was her gaze that destroyed me. This girl had just relived her worst nightmare, she had spoken of so much tragedy yet here she was looking at me like she was more concerned about my feelings, whether I was okay instead of her. This was not how I had imagined today. Fuck, we had only been awake for a couple of hours and now I felt more exhausted than I had in a long time.
“You are so special Eden. Your strength is beyond anything I’ve ever witnessed.” My hands cupped her cheeks and her eyes connected with mine as we took each other in. “Thank you for trusting me with that.”
“Life hasn’t been easy for me Ky. It’s torn me apart, ripped me to shreds, and sometimes I’ve wondered what’s the point? But then I dip my toes in the ocean, I feel the wind sweep through my hair, I smell the arrival of rain, and it reminds me that I am alive. I was put on this earth for a reason. I was born strong enough to overcome this, no matter how long it takes me.”
Dropping my hands from her face, I laced my fingers with hers and pulled her up the bed until we reached the pillows. She took my lead and collapsed against the softness of the comforter and turned toward me to match my body language. Her palm rested against her cheek, and her free hand laid against her chest. Through the windows the greyness of the clouds matched the intensity swimming through my bedroom but I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.
We lay silent and watched each other. No words were needed and to be honest I didn’t think there were any words that could be said that would make any difference right now. I encased her hand with mine and brought it up so they rested between us. My thumb swept over the back of her hand and I watched as her gaze dropped to our connected hands.
“I have so much I want to say to you but I don’t know where to start.” I whispered into the still air.
“You don’t have to say anything.”
“One day I will.” I promised.
“That sounds perfect.” She said and suddenly her face was shadowed with a sneaky grin that was completely unexpected. “Can I admit something to you?”
“Of course.”
“I kind of want to watch Dirty Dancing again.”
“Really?” I asked with a short laugh.
“Patrick Swayze was my crush growing up. I remember watching it with Mom every weekend when I was younger. Mom loved him, and that’s where I got my obsession.”
“The things you learn.”
“Who was your crush?”
“Sharon Stone,” I replied within a heartbeat.
Her laughter was like soothing music to my ears. “Really?”
“Have you seen Basic Instinct? It was every teenage boy’s fantasy!”
“You crack me up.” She laughed and rolled to her stomach, burying her face into the pillow.
An urge to comfort her, to soothe her, overcame me and my fingertips fell to the bare skin of her shoulder blade from where her shirt had fallen off. Her head swung around to look at me, but she didn’t say a word. Being under her watchful gaze, I continued sweeping across her skin, drawing patterns and swirls, and watched as goosebumps rose on her skin. A satisfied smile tugged on her lips and her hand swept her hair off her neck in silent invitation. My fingers made a trail from her shoulder blade, up her neck, and down to her throat. A low and barely audible sigh escaped from her throat, and I watched as her eyes grew heavy with fatigue.
“You are going to make me fall asleep,” she hummed and finally her eyes shut.
I continued running my fingers over her skin as I watched her. My mind was still trying to process everything she had told me. Hearing her go into detail had torn me apart but seeing her strength that she didn’t realize she had was comforting, it was inspiring and I knew underneath her torment was a fighter desperate to claw her way to a happiness she deserved.
“I wish I knew if it is okay that I touch you,” I whispered into the still air as I watched her sleep.
Eden stirred beside me and flipped her body over and cuddled into my chest. “I like when you touch me,” she said in a sleepy tone.
“Is that why you can’t say no?””
Her eyes darted away from me, and I knew that my question had opened wounds that she was desperate to heal. I waited patiently. My hands ran down her side in an attempt to offer comfort and encouragement and gently I lifted the edge of her t-shirt over her lower stomach, exposing her skin. Her eyes dropped to see what I was doing, and she inhaled sharply. With soft movements, my fingertips danced over her stomach like they did her shoulder, and I instantly saw her relax.
“I said no to my attacker, and it made him hurt me more. Because of that I am so scared to say no because I don’t want to be hurt like that again and that’s what I think will happen.” Her voice dropped and a single tear slid over her cheek. “For the past four years I have either hidden away or I have been with people who will take me away from getting in situations I can’t control. Colby and Tori are usually always with me, but I’m alone here. ”
“You have me.”
“I know,” she muttered as her eyes fluttered shut under my touch. “But only for December.”
“Well for as long as I have you, I am going to make sure you know that you deserve everything in the world. I want you to know you can say no to me, you can say whatever the hell you want to me. I will never hurt you Eden. My one wish is to make you see how incredible you are.”
“But how do you know that?”
“Believe me, I just do.”
My mind raced a million miles an hour.
I felt cocooned in warmth and the soothing heartbeats that echoed from below me made my sleepiness thick with want. Slowly opening my eyes, I took in my surroundings. The glowing numbers on the alarm clock beside me showed that it was almost four a.m.
A heavy arm slouched over my stomach and soft breathing danced on my skin, causing shivers to run down my spine. Ky curled in beside me, our limbs entangled, a small smile gracing his perfectly plump lips while lost in the middle of what seemed like a peaceful sleep. The night before had changed everything it seemed. I never told people my story, but there I was, so open to telling him everything about me.
His arms encased me obsessively, wrapping tightly around my body, locking me in as if he feared that I would escape during the midnight hours. But I needed to escape. My bladder didn’t understand the meaning of spooning. I stared at him for too long before I tried as softly and eloquently as possible to remove my body from his grip but it was pointless.
“Where are you going?” Ky groaned from the confines of my neck, his arms tightening around my waist, locking me into the warmth of his body.
“I need to use the bathroom.”
His lips brushed my neck tenderly and his arms unlocked from around me. He rolled away from me until he was on his back; the sheet that had been covering our bodies slipping to reveal his sculpted to perfection chest. “Make sure you come back.”
I slipped out of bed and padded across the bedroom and disappeared into his pristine bathroom. As I closed the door, I looked into the room and sighed at the sight of Ky sleeping in bed. There was no longer any doubt in my mind that he was completely crumbling every wall I had been desperate to put up. His words,
his action, his touch, and his patience were all sledgehammers that kept slamming against the walls I had put up years ago, and with every day, another brick was falling down. I leaned on the glistening white vanity and looked at myself in the mirror. One month Eden, just one month. I shouldn’t be standing in the bathroom of the guy who I was spending just one month with. This was bordering on dangerous ground. I felt myself completely losing control and control was the one thing that I needed to survive. I had already touched him, kissed him, and divulged my deepest secrets; I was scared what I would do next.
Once I finished in the bathroom, I tiptoed back into Ky’s bedroom and stood at the side of the bed. The thought of escaping to the spare room flashed over me but then I thought of how he asked me to come back and I couldn’t say no to that. As if on cue, he rolled over and opened one eye then looked directly at me.
“Come on Eden, I’m cold. I need that cute little body beside me.” He pouted and lifted up the comforter that was on the side I was sleeping. Within seconds I was climbing back into his bed and was engulfed by his arms. As he nuzzled back into my neck, I felt myself melting under the intensity.
••••
You want this bitch, of course you do. What little slut wouldn’t want me? My cock has wanted your pussy since the first time I saw you and now I’m going to enjoy every fucking minute.
Why couldn’t I open my eyes?
Why couldn’t I breathe?
I gasped for breath as the remains of the nightmare thundered within me. Every part of my body ached from being tense and rigid and an increasingly aggressive headache had taken up residence in my fucked-up head.
When would this stop?
Why the fuck couldn’t I open my eyes?
His menacing grin looked back at me; the snigger on his lips as his body pounded relentlessly into mine didn’t leave. Words of pure and utter evil whispered through my ears like a tormenting storm.
“Eden!” A distant voice sounded through the torment as if a light was beaming through the darkness. “Come on, wake up baby!”
I felt my body being jerked, being pushed into the mattress below and then lifted so sternly. I felt a pressure on my hips. The more I moved the quicker I was being saved from my torment and brought toward safety.
Finally my frantic eyes flew open and the air that fiercely entered my lungs caused me to cough at the sensation. I desperately tried to take in my surroundings and that was when I realized someone was sitting on me, pinning me to the bed. My fists automatically clenched, and I beat into the rigid chest in defense. I knew I had woken up, so why was I still in my nightmare?
“Eden, babe! It’s me. It’s Ky.”
His arms wrapped around my back, and he pulled me up until I was sitting and tucked against the nakedness of his chest.
It was Ky.
I fell against his warmth and completely came undone. Tears streamed down my face as I tried to allow my mind to catch up with reality. I was at my weakest. I was falling apart at a fast rate and I was losing control. My mind flew back to my appointments with Doctor Sheree Evans, the psychologist I was referred to after the rape, and the many times she had told me how to overcome my panic attacks. I grabbed hold of the memory like my life depended on it. One, two breathe in, one, two breathe out. I slammed my eyes shut and repeated this over and over in my head until I felt myself swim into the current of calm while my body still shook.
“Please say something.” There was his deep panicked voice again. I pulled myself away from the comfort of his chest and shifted my gaze to lock onto his. He brought his hands to cup my face and looked at me with concern.
“I’m okay,” I choked out. I slammed my eyes shut momentarily; trying desperately to avoid the look that he was giving me. I hated pity. “Please don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“You are looking at me like you pity me.”
“I am worried about you Eden. I don’t pity you.” His thumbs ran under my eyes taking away the fresh tears that had fallen. “Tell me what I can do to make you stop shaking.”
“I don’t know.”
I watched as his face shifted to something of thought. All of a sudden he had released my body and climbed out of bed leaving me completely and utterly confused. I watched him with wide curious eyes as he walked into his robe, only to return fully dressed in sweatpants, a hoodie, and a scarf wrapped around his neck.
“Get out of bed. I am taking you somewhere. Wear this.”
He handed me one of his hoodies and left the room allowing me to dress. What the hell was happening and where was he taking me? I followed his orders and crawled out of bed then slipped his hoodie over my shoulders and was instantly cocooned by warmth.
I walked out of his room in search of where he had escaped to. When I found him, I couldn’t have ever imagined what I would find. He stood by the door, holding a blanket and what looked like two travel mugs and an expectant look on his face.
“You ready?”
I nodded, completely at a loss for words.
We walked down the silent hall of floor fourteen and took the elevator to the roof. The moment we stepped out I wrapped my arms around my body and tried to take in everything around me.
Beauty to me was the smile of a young child, the smell of rain at the end of a hot day, and seeing an elderly couple walking hand in hand. It was the feeling of comfort provided in love, overwhelming contentment of silence and feeling completely at ease. Right now beauty was the city lights dancing on the river before me, blanketed against the midnight sky above and the sleeping city below.
I stood in awe; it felt like Ky and I were the only two people in the world. He brought me to the roof of the apartment building and now as I watched him pull together two lounge chairs, I felt beauty in so many forms. He held his hand out to me and I walked toward him and grabbed his offered hand.
“This is where I go when my mind won’t shut off, when my thoughts get lost between reality and nightmares, and when I need to forget that there is anyone else in the world. This can be your place too.”
My heart flipped over in my chest at the enormity of his words. I had nothing that would be a good enough response. He moved us toward the lounge chairs which he had pulled together. After he sat down I joined him and soon we were both huddled under the thick blanket and laying in silence as the darkness surrounded us but this darkness was the brightest I could ever imagine.
“Thank you,” I whispered into the night air, rolling my head to the side to find him gazing at the sky above as if he had a billion thoughts running through his head. Upon feeling my eyes on him, he shifted until his gaze landed on mine.
“Whenever you need to escape you just let me know.”
••••
I woke early and slipped out of Ky’s warmth. After we came down from the roof, I collapsed into a deep sleep, the kind of sleep I hadn’t experienced in years. Today I was heading into the city with Darren from the magazine to look at two locations for the shoot. One was a vacant warehouse in Brooklyn and the other was an industrial style art gallery. I was excited about the thought of getting the location locked down so I could then concentrate of working more closely with the stylists. I was also excited about keeping busy.
After drinking a cup of coffee and showering and getting ready for the day, I snuck back into Ky’s room to find him sitting up in bed with his iPad in his hands.
“Hey,” He whispered as I made my way towards the bed. I sat on the edge near his hip and he immediately grabbed my hand. “How are you this morning?”
My thumb swept over his skin before I replied, “I’m actually pretty okay. I slept like a baby when we came back from the roof.”
“You wrapped yourself around me so tightly last night.”
“Sorry.”
“I loved it. Never apologize for that.” Ky said with a sincere smile. “Where are you off to today?”
“Daniel from Production is picking me up at seven and we are going to
look at some locations for the main shoot and then I’m heading into the studio to do some shots of a couple of the artists that are recording today.”
“Call me and let me know how you go.” He asked just ask my phone chimed with a text from Daniel.
“I better go, Daniel has just arrived.”
I hesitated briefly before I stood from the bed. His eyes took in my face and dropped to my lips and for a moment the idea of kissing him goodbye fleeted through my thoughts and I think he realized by the smirk that appeared on his lips. I stood in astonishment as he pulled himself out of bed and moved towards me with crazy bed hair, stubble and wearing only cotton pajama pants.
His hands cupped my face and I swear to god I lost the ability to breathe as his face dropped closer to mine. What was he doing? He leaned in until his mouth was close to my ear and quietly he murmured, “Have a good day. I’ll see you tonight.”
My body tingled under his closeness and the perfect goodbye was finished with a lingering kiss on my cheek.
I was deep into proofing the latest issue for production when Ashlyn bounded into my office and promptly positioned herself on the edge of my desk. It had been a couple of days since I had seen her, and I had a feeling it was because a certain Australian had decided to stay in town.
“You seem… happy,” she stated as if it was the most shocking statement in the world.
My deep laughter filled my office.
“Why does that sound like the thought of me being happy is surprising to you?”
“Shit, I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean that you seem calmer, more at ease, and fuck, you aren’t here half as much as you have been.”
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