“You…” Cash whispered, his voice shaking a little.
“Oh, not that it matters. Boys like you never see the inside of a jail cell. Not as long as your daddy has the cash and connections. But, you know, not all justice in this world comes from a court—no, sir. I think the football chaplain at your college might be interested. The dean? I know you’re on the board of family values here in the parish. Think they’d like to know you’re out drinking and driving and taking advantage of debutantes? Huh?”
“You’re all talk, man. Pictures? Rumors?” Cash laughed as he inched away from Jack toward his truck. I stepped forward, moving quietly until I was behind Jack. “No one cares. You think you can hurt me? You’re nothing. You’re dirt.”
Jack stood his ground, watching the boy retreat to his truck. Jack reached and grabbed me, pushing me behind him.
“Get in the truck,” he said with a firm, warm voice. I knew nothing would ever harm me as long as he was there. I raced off and got into the tow truck, slamming the cab door just as rain started to fall.
Jack stood in a circle of light, his shadow falling across my face. I rolled down the window to hear them, to witness what was happening. I could hardly hear anything over the driving noise of the rain, but I understood a reckoning when I heard one.
“You think you can control her with those photos? That you can win?” Jack’s voice was deep and rumbling. It carried over the sound of the rain. “You can’t. I love her. She’s mine. I’ll go there tonight and tell her folks myself. See if I won’t.”
“Oh, I’ll see. I’ll just wait and see if you do,” Cash said in a laughing voice as he slid into the cab of his truck and slammed the door. Underneath his cavalier attitude, I could hear the fear.
Cash’s headlights flicked on as his engine roared to life. For a minute, I thought he was going to run over Jack and smash his truck into ours.
The engine revved and revved, but Jack never budged. He stood there with rain pelting down on him, defying the boy to do something.
The lights swung wide as Cash turned the truck around and headed back the way we’d come, deeper into the countryside. There was no way out that way, but he retreated there anyway to lick his wounds.
Jack stood there a while longer, watching until Cash’s tail lights were swallowed up by the darkness before he turned back toward the truck.
He climbed into the cab and grabbed me, holding me to his sopping wet body. Despite the chill of his wet clothes, I could feel the heat rising in my body. He scooped me up, pulling me into his lap as he wrapped his strong arms around me.
“Did he hurt you?”
Our lips met again and again, melting into each other, holding us still as the world spun around us. When he pulled away, I tasted salt on my lips. Tears streamed down his face, mixing with the rain dripping from his thick hair.
“No, he didn’t hurt me,” I whispered as I kissed him again, wiping the tears off his face.
I knew he was tortured by the path ahead of us, by the risk of destroying my family and alienating me from them forever. He had to understand that he was my family. He was my heart.
“No more. No more of him. No more of these lies,” he said as he kissed me again and smoothed the hair off my forehead.
I nodded at him, though I knew it was more complicated than that. At this moment, I needed to comfort him.
His hands roamed over my body, peeling open my dress to reveal my body. His tanned hands stood out in contrast to my pale skin as he cupped and kneaded my breasts, as he stroked my soft belly and thighs.
All the fear of the afternoon and its leftover adrenaline turned to arousal inside me; my whole body throbbed with a need for release. I needed Jack like I’d never needed him before. Like I needed air and water and sleep.
I felt him stiffen as I straddled him and lowered myself onto him. He gripped my hips and squeezed the soft flesh, holding me still as he kissed my neck, my chest, my breasts. I sank onto his shaft with a gasp. Everything inside felt swollen and alive, pulsating with pleasure as he entered me all the way.
“Cassy,” he whispered in my ear as he guided my hips, rocking them, swaying them like a boat on calm seas.
We rode the waves of pleasure, guiding each other toward the horizon. Jack kissed me again, biting my lip as his breath came a little faster, a little harder.
We were standing on the edge of a precipice, staring into the unknown. If we jumped off, we’d go together. We’d smash on the rocks or soar, but no matter what we’d be together. Forever.
“Cassy,” he groaned as I worked my hips, as I rode him. I felt him swelling inside me, stretching me wide. It felt so good, I thought I’d go insane. I thought I’d scream.
I gripped the car door and worked my hips, urging him to explode inside me, to fill me.
“Yes,” I moaned as he suckled my nipples, building on the pleasure in my loins like static charge on a stormy day. It crackled through me, raising goosebumps. When it hit my brain, I exploded. “Yes! Yes!”
“Good,” he groaned into my ear as I shuddered and shook. “Good girl. Oh, Cass, I love you… Do you trust me? Tell me you trust me.”
Orgasm rolled like thunder through our bodies, releasing a chorus of moans in the humid air as the storm raged outside. It was a release, a binding, and a promise of things to come.
Lightning struck, lighting us up, but it was nothing compared to the spark in his eyes. The love and heat and utter devotion.
As his seed overflowed me, I knew the best—and worst—was yet to come. I collapsed into his arms, sobbing. He needed my trust more than anything, if we were to tell the truth and survive. And he had it. He had it all along.
“Yes,” I whispered as rain ran down the windshield in an endless, voluptuous black curtain. “Yes. I trust you. I trust you. Forever.”
Chapter 10
“Still feeling poorly, baby?”
Mother’s dainty brows knit together over her clear blue eyes as she set her soft hand on my brow to test my temperature.
I felt fine, just tired. So tired. I’d slept off and on for the past week, only rising to eat and bathe and grab a book off the shelf.
I told myself it was all the stress of Cash and Jack and life, but I knew there was more to my feeling sick—even if I couldn’t admit it.
“You feel cool as a cucumber,” she said with a sigh of relief as she smoothed her skirt down the backs of her thighs and sat on the edge of the bed. “So, what’s wrong? Is it Cash?”
Doom colored her sweet, soft voice as she looked me in the eye, searching my face for an answer. I looked away and shook my head.
“It’s not Cash,” I answered with more irritation in my voice than I’d intended. “I—I just feel a little under the weather.”
She studied my features a minute more, trying to discern if there was a lie behind my eyes, but she just shook her head and took my hand in hers.
“We’ll get you into Doc Thorne this afternoon and have him take a look at you, okay?”
A jolt of adrenaline sent my heart into overdrive. I didn’t want the doctor, I wanted Jack. I wanted to whisper my fears to him because I was afraid. The fear was rooted in a reality I was afraid to face on my own, and one I was pushing aside until Jack returned from New Orleans.
“That’s not necessary, mother,” I protested as I sat up against the fluffy pile of pillows behind my head. “It’s just my period, is all. I’m sure.”
Mother held up her hand and shook her head.
“I won’t hear it. You’re going to the doctor and that’s that.”
I knew from long experience there was no arguing with her when she’d made up her mind. I shrugged and shook my head too.
“Fine. I’ll go.”
A little smile of relief spread across her painted lips as she patted my folded hands.
“Good girl,” she said as she stood up. “Get cleaned up and we’ll leave in an hour.”
God help me, I thought as the bedroom door shut behind her. M
y hand drifted down to my belly and rested there, where I knew my little secret was hiding. There’s no hiding from the truth anymore.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” said Betty Willows, my fellow debutante, as she sat behind the reception desk at the doctor’s office. She tapped her long pink nails on the desk and eyed me up and down, a wan smile on her lips.
I hadn’t seen her since the night of the debutante ball, when we’d shared a drink off someone’s flask and she’d danced a foxtrot with Cash.
“Hi, Betty,” I answered as I scribbled across the sign-in sheet. “Haven’t seen you since the ball.”
“No. No, you haven’t,” she replied as she chewed her gum noisily. “You look great. Like, really, really good. What’s your secret?”
A lifetime of experience told me a compliment from a girl like Betty Willows was poison wrapped in sugar. Girls like her had been saying things like that to me since I could remember. Normally, I’d shrink away and mumble something before disappearing behind a book, but not anymore.
“Sinnin’ or clean livin’,” I joked as I stood upright and held my chin up. “I just can’t tell anymore. All I know is I feel great.”
Betty smiled a curdled smile and twirled her pen.
“Well, whatever it is, keep doing it,” she said as the office phone began to ring, shattering the quiet with its shrill tone. “It’s really working. Go ahead and have a seat. The doctor will see you in just a few minutes.”
I settled onto a worn leather chair beside my mother, who was already wrist-deep in her crochet work. Looking around the room, I saw a dozen familiar faces. Well, of course, in a small town everyone looks familiar and I knew that I must look familiar to them, as well.
They all know why you’re here, said a small voice in the back of my mind. It’s written on your face!
I twisted the shoulder strap of my handbag and tried to think of something else, but it was no use. Every time I met someone’s eye and they smiled, I felt it was a knowing smile. It felt like they were all smiling and nodding and saying Bless your heart to the unwed pregnant girl.
It’s impossible to tell you’re pregnant, I told myself. You’re not even showing and you won’t be for months. Calm down.
Still, my rational brain was obsessed with every little glance and whisper in the stuffy little waiting room.
The doctor’s office looked exactly the same as it had when I was a little girl. Nothing had changed at all except for me. I’d changed a lot, and most of it had happened in the past few months.
As stupid as I found the whole debutante thing, there was no denying that night had changed me forever—just not in the way it was intended. Who would have guessed I’d be here just a few full moons later, a woman and lover to a forbidden guy, carrying a forbidden baby.
“Miss Cassy,” came a voice from the doorway leading into the examination room. It was Doc Thorne in his little bowtie and clear blue eyes sparkling behind his wire-rimmed spectacles. He also hadn’t changed. He looked just the same as he had since I was a kid. “Come on back.”
“Shall I come with you, honey?”
“No, mother. I can manage,” I answered with a bit more annoyance in my voice than I’d intended. I smiled and added, “Thank you, though.”
She meant well. Really.
I smiled at Doc Thorne as my hands began to tremble and sweat from nervousness. I’d always hated the doctor, but this was a million times worse than ever before. I was getting some big, big news, I knew, and it’d change my life forever.
“It was good seeing you,” Betty said in a honeyed voice as I passed by her desk. Her eyes traveled up and down my body, sizing me up.
“Good seeing you, too, Betty. We should get together sometime.”
“Sure thing,” she said with a little smirk as she picked up her cell phone and swiped the screen.
Doc Thorne ushered me into the exam room with a smile on his face and shut the door behind us. He smelled of white soap and cough drops, as always.
“Hop on up onto the table, my dear, and let’s see what the trouble is,” he said with his characteristic geniality.
The paper crinkled beneath me as I slid up onto the padded table and clasped my hands on my lap. I looked everywhere but his twinkling blue eyes as I fought for the words I needed to say.
“Well, Doc,” I whispered as my throat threatened to shut entirely from nervousness. “You see, I have this problem…”
“Well, Cassy, my girl, I think we both know what the diagnosis is,” Doc Thorne said as he swiveled on his little stool and stared up into my eyes. “Don’t we?”
I nodded as a big, fat salty tear rolled down my cheek. I sniffled and wiped it away as the old doctor pushed to his feet and stood beside me, resting his hand on my shoulder.
He’d been my doctor since I was a baby. He’d seen me through every fever, broken bone, tummy ache—you name it—but nothing like this. This was more than just a baby out of wedlock, this child was a scandal.
“Don’t cry, darlin’,” he said as he slipped his arm around my shoulder and jostled me lightly like a sweet old uncle. “It’s nothing to cry over. You’re not the first girl to have a baby out of wedlock, you know. It’s good news, really. Don’t you think?”
Good news? I didn’t expect that take on it from the bowtie-wearing old gentleman. I expected admonishments and options.
“Good news? I—I don’t know. I can’t do this,” I whispered as I wiped away more tears. “I’m too young… aren’t I?”
“Nonsense,” he answered as his blue eyes sparkled behind his glasses. “You’re not alone. And, between you and me, I know from experience how fast a wedding can be planned under these circumstances. I—I shouldn’t offer, but I will anyway: I could talk to Cash for you and get everything arranged. Your parents don’t need know until after the wedding.”
I slid off the examination table in shock, my mouth agape as I stared at him.
Cash—Cash Jackson. He thinks this baby is Cash’s… oh, god!
“I—I can’t ask you to do that, Doc,” I gasped as my palms broke out in a cold sweat.
Everyone will think this baby is Cash Jackson’s.
“It’s no trouble,” he answered with a sweet smile, totally misunderstanding my distress. “I’ve done it before, many times. Cash—well, Cash is a wild one but I know he’ll do the right thing.”
If there was one bet I’d not take, it’d be Cash Jackson doing the right thing, but I couldn’t say that to old Doc Thorne when he was trying so hard to make me feel better.
I fought to keep my face placid as my mind reeled and raced. I had no answers. I had no course of action. I was lost and all I wanted was to talk to Jack, to hear him tell me everything would be alright.
“Could we hold off just a little bit before we tell anyone?” I asked as I fought to keep my lip from trembling. “I need to wrap my head around this… it’s all too much, too fast.”
Doc Thorne smiled as he wrapped his hands around my upper arms and stared down into my eyes.
“Of course we can, darlin’. It’s your decision. I’m just lucky enough to be here to help you. Just mind you don’t take too long or there’ll be no hiding the bump under your bouquet, you hear?”
Despite everything, I smiled at him.
“I understand, Doc. I won’t wait too long, I promise.”
“You’ve always been a sensible girl, Cassy,” he said as he turned away and began to write a script. “Now, I’m giving you a prescription for prenatal vitamins and a little something for morning sickness, if you should need it.”
He pressed the paper into my hand and handed me a tissue to dab my eyes with before I left.
“Thanks, Doc.”
“My pleasure. I’ll see you in a month.”
The door opened into the near-empty waiting room with its polished wood floor and lazily swirling ceiling fan that seemed to barely move the heavy, humid air. Mother rose from her chair and came forward with an anxious look on her face
.
“Cassy’s just fine, Mrs. Peterson. I’ve told her to get some rest and to come see me in a month to check up on her.”
“Oh—oh, good,” mother said with a tremulous smile. “Any special instructions for me?”
“No, ma’am. Just make sure she doesn’t get too agitated. She needs some rest, is all.”
My eyes met Doc Thorne’s. He nodded with an enigmatic little smile and a wink.
“Go on, dear. Get home and put your feet up.”
“Thanks again, Doc.”
“Don’t thank me, child,” he answered as he stepped back into the exam room. “Thank the good Lord.”
Chapter 11
“Welcome home.”
I stood on the little front porch of the hunting cabin, barefoot and wearing a summer dress despite the slight autumn chill hanging in the air.
Jack flashed his million-dollar grin as he slammed the door to his pickup and strode toward me, a leather satchel in each hand. He dropped the bags onto the worn wooden porch before wrapping his strong arms around me and holding me tight.
I’d never needed his touch more than that moment. Butterflies warred inside my tummy and my hands were icy cold with anticipation. I had to tell him I was pregnant and I was afraid it’d change everything.
“You smell different,” he said as he buried his face into my hair and inhaled.
I smell different? I thought with panic as I let him lift me off the ground and carry me inside. I forgot how weightless he made me feel, how good and free. It made me forget for a minute the news weighing on my mind.
“It’s just your nose,” I answered, hoping it was true. “I don’t smell any different.”
“Whatever you say,” he said as he carried me to the bed and tossed me onto the worn old quilt. The soft, springy mattress bounced beneath me, reminding me of all our times together.
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