“So, it’s you again. Every problem I have is because of you.”
“Well, not every problem,” he laughed as he pointed again to my belly. “That problem there is most definitely not my doing.”
I wrapped my hands across my belly, shielding the tiny little creature inside me from him. He really was some sort of living devil.
“Thank God,” I whispered.
Cash turned the key, bringing the engine to life with a roar and a purr. He looked at me one last time, studying me before putting the car into reverse.
“Amen to that,” he said as the river swung out of view and disappeared behind us.
Chapter 13
Answer the phone… answer it. Come on.
The phone rang and rang, but Jack didn’t answer.
Maybe he’s out of range, I thought as I hung up and leaned back in my rocking chair, pressing my bare feet against the floor boards.
Maybe his phone battery is dead.
He was notorious for forgetting to charge it, after all. But, no. He needed it for business.
Maybe he’s in a meeting.
He hates meetings. He’ll use any phone call as an excuse to walk out early, so that’s not likely.
Maybe he heard about the baby. Maybe Betty’s gossip reached him and he thinks I’m keeping secrets.
No, don’t think it. He doesn’t know yet… God, why didn’t you just tell him when he came home from New Orleans? Why did you wait so long?
I clenched my eyes shut and tried to push away all the apocalyptic thoughts swirling through my mind, but my body betrayed me. My heart was racing and my mouth was dry. My hands trembled so badly I could hardly hold the book I was reading.
“Please… please call,” I whispered into the still afternoon air. “Please, please, please call…”
“Waiting on Cash to call you first? Smart girl. It doesn’t pay to be too forward.”
My mother’s voice piped in like elevator music as she paused in the open doorway with her fingers curled around the door, a smile on her face.
“No, mother. I know other people besides Cash, you know.”
She held up her hands defensively as if to say It’s none of my business, but I knew from experience she thought it was—she thought everything was her business.
“You never told me how it went the other night. Did you have a good time?”
She settled on the edge of the white rattan settee and grinned at me expectantly.
I didn’t have the time, energy or wherewithal to field her questions, but I had no choice. She wasn’t going to budge until I told her something about our date.
“It was fine. The restaurant was very nice—you and Conrad should try their étouffée sometime because it’s divine. Oh, and afterward we went for a drive.”
“Sounds lovely, baby. Just perfect. Are you going out again?”
“I don’t know. We’ll see.”
Mother startled as if I’d slapped her face. Her hand floated up to rest against her chest like she was some Victorian lady with the vapors who needed a fainting couch.
“We’ll see?” she echoed incredulously.
“Mmhm. We’ll see.”
“Well, honey, you need to make a decision about all this—and fast. A boy like Cash isn’t going to wait around forever… and you’re not getting any younger. It’s not fair to Cash.”
My eyes rolled so hard I thought they’d pop right out of the socket.
“I have college next year,” I answered with a sigh. “And, well, I have other things on my mind besides what’s fair to Cash Jackson. He’ll land on his feet, believe you me.”
The barest hint of a frown bent my mother’s lips, making little creases at the corner. She hated those little creases with a passion bordering on mania. She smoothed her hands over her skirt and fought to smile, to prevent those frown lines.
“You know, sweet thing, your daddy went through a lot of trouble to set you up with Cash,” she said in a measured voice. “There’s—there’s a lot riding on this match, honey. More than you know. You need to think very carefully before you make any decisions.”
“What?”
Worry underpinned her voice and face as she spoke, however much she tried to hide it. There really was more to all this than just a good match. There was some unspoken trouble brewing.
“What is it?” I said as I sat forward in my rocking chair and rested my bare feet on the floorboards. “Tell me.”
“Now, you know I can’t tell you, honey. We’re the parents and we’ll worry about what needs worrying about. You just focus on Cash, you hear?”
I shook my head and leaned forward to grab her hand. All the worries I’d been having slipped aside in the face of whatever secret had my perennially serene mother so worried.
“No. I’m almost twenty years old. I’m not a child. Tell me what’s going on or, I swear to you, I’ll never speak to Cash Jackson again.”
Mother’s brows knit together like praying hands as she pleaded silently at me with her eyes. She glanced toward the open door and back at me again as her hands wrung in her lap.
“I’ll spare you the details because they’re not important, but I’ll say that… well, honey, our coffers are almost empty. Your daddy has a deal with Mr. Jackson, contracting work on that new oil derrick they’re building… it’ll keep us going a long, long time if it goes through, but…”
“I’m somehow part of the bargain?”
She nodded as a tear escaped her eye and rolled down her powdered cheek, leaving a moist trail.
“I am so sorry, honey. I—I never wanted this for you, but your family needs you. I wanted… well, I never wanted you to marry for profit… I wanted you to have love.”
I have love, I thought as my mind wandered back to Jack. I have it, but…
“I can’t. I just can’t marry him, mother,” I whispered as my throat constricted. “He wouldn’t have me even if I was willing. He’s sold you a bill of goods.”
“Nonsense,” mother said as she grabbed my hand. “He wants you. Why else would he be taking you out and showing you off all the time? You’re scared and I understand that, baby, but you just need a little help to keep up with all that attention he’s been giving you. You’re just not used to it…”
No matter how well-meaning my mother was, sometimes her words were like a million needles stabbing me in the gut. I was angry as a damned hornet’s nest as I pushed myself to my feet and stared down at her, my jaw clenched.
“I won’t raise my voice to you, mother, but you will listen to me and hear what I’m saying. Cash Jackson and I are finished. He’s a spoiled asshole with more money than sense and I will not have him.”
“Cassy, I—,” she stammered, but I cut her off.
“I am sorry about your money—truly, I am—but selling myself to someone like Cash just to keep your bank account topped up isn’t going to happen. It just isn’t. There’s someone else—and, even if there wasn’t—never in a million years would I have Cash.”
“Who? Who else is there? I can’t believe you, Cassidy Peterson. After all we’ve done for you…”
“You’re my mother; you’re supposed to do things for me. I am your daughter, not some old mule you can trade for money when times get tough. I’m going to college next year and not as a married woman.”
Just as a mother and a lover to someone you nearly married…
“I see.” Her jaw was set and resolute as she wiped away a final tear and stood up. “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, Cassy. I thought you had more sense and more loyalty. And Conrad will be very disappointed, too.”
“He’ll survive,” I answered, letting the guilt trip slide right off my back. “So will you. You always have.”
She turned and walked indoors without a backward glance, her posture so straight she could balance a stack of bibles on her head.
My heart tumbled and thumped in my chest as I stood there shaking like a leaf. I’d never spoken to my mother like that before, and
I’d never defied her. I was always meek. A good girl. Even if inside I was screaming.
“Lord have mercy,” I whispered as I plopped back down in the chair and tried to quiet my mind.
What was I going to do? What was going to happen?
I wanted Jack to tell me everything was going to be okay, but what if that wasn’t an option? What if it was just me and this baby, all alone with no support? Just the thought of it made me go weak and pale.
You can’t think that way, I thought as I swallowed hard and pushed away the threat of tears. You’re a mother now.
The path to the hunting cabin wound back and forth among the cypress boles. Light filtered down from the high, mossy canopy, taking away some of the sun’s warmth.
It was so quiet there. The sound of every footstep was an intrusion into the quiet. I found myself wishing for some noise; an airplane or car or something to break the hush, but all I heard was the occasional bird and the wind sighing through the trees.
“Hello?” I called out as I entered the clearing and stood in front of the hunting cabin. “Anyone home?”
No smoke came from the chimney, which told me he wasn’t inside, and his boat was still moored in the murky water behind the cabin, which told me he wasn’t off hunting or fishing.
“Hell,” I spat as I walked up the front steps and unlocked the door the with spare key hidden under the door mat.
The door opened quietly on well-oiled hinges, swinging wide into the quiet, empty space. It was clean and tidy inside, just as we’d left it the last time we were there. No living coals glowed in the wood stove. No dishes or coffee cups littered the tabletop. No crumpled linens told me anyone had been there in days to sleep or rest.
“Where are you?” I whispered as I stood just inside the door and absorbed the scene where so many good memories had played out.
I shut the door and climbed into bed, burrowing beneath the soft old quilt and buried my face in Jack’s favorite pillow. The case was freshly laundered and pressed, but it still held the faintest hint of his scent. I inhaled it greedily and let it calm me.
“I need you right now,” I said aloud though there was no one to hear me.
I curled up on my side and cradled my belly, though the baby was still too small to see or feel. Strength filled me up as I snuggled in our bed, the bed where we’d made this baby, the bed where we’d slept and laughed and loved.
“It’s okay,” I said out loud, as much to myself as to the baby inside me. “It’ll be okay.”
Though I felt unmoored without Jack, being in his space made me feel more relaxed than I had in days. At some point, I dozed off and woke to twilight filling the windows.
“Oh, no,” I muttered as I sat up and knuckled my sleepy eyes.
It was a long walk back to where I’d parked and a long drive back to civilization. The last thing I wanted was to be walking blindly through the bayou where gators and snakes and other critters came out to play after dark, but there just wasn’t enough time and light to make it back to the county road.
I could stay the night, I thought as I weighed all my options.
Honestly, staying by myself out at the cabin was preferable to returning home and facing the disappointed faces of my mother and Conrad.
I dug through my messy purse looking for my phone.
No reception.
“If only one thing could go right for me, I swear to you, oh, Lord, I’ll be good forever and go to church every Sunday.”
I stood up and moved to the far side of the cabin holding the phone up in the air to catch the signal, as a person might hold up a net to catch a butterfly.
One bar flickered on the screen before dying.
“Oh, hell!” I spat as I stepped out into the yard. The sound of mosquitoes and cicadas and chorus frogs filled the warm, empty forest around me.
One bar and then two appeared in the corner of the screen. They held just long enough for a message to pop on. The little white box glowed in the noisy dusk.
My heart leapt into my throat when I saw it was from Jack… then it dropped into my stomach when I read it. Never were there four words more ominous in their union.
We need to talk.
“I was worried sick about you… I thought something had happened to you… why didn’t you call me back? I was dying to talk to you.”
The words poured out of me as I stood in the dark, empty yard of the hunting cabin with the phone pressed to my ear.
Clouds moved in overhead, thick and gray and heavy as moist cotton wool. A little breeze stirred the leaves and the loose tendrils of my hair hanging around my face.
It was quiet on his end but in the background I could hear a radio or TV playing. He took a breath and exhaled, then cleared his throat. His voice was thick and flat sounding.
“Cassy, I know.”
“Well, if you knew then why would you scare me like that? I—” I rambled on, annoyed at how cagey he was being.
“No, Cassy,” he interrupted me with a little more force in his voice. “I know about the baby.”
A mix of shock and relief and guilt and fear and happiness boiled over inside me, releasing a trickle of tears down my cheek. I wiped them away as smiles and frowns warred for my trembling lips.
“I—I should have told you sooner. I’m so sorry, I just didn’t know how. Please don’t be angry.”
“Don’t be angry?”
Was he crying? He sounded choked up and raw, like he’d been drinking away his sorrows and he was just now surfacing from the bottle to call me.
“I was scared. I’m sorry,” I offered, but I knew in my heart it was too little, too late. I’d hurt him. Bad.
After a minute of silence, he spoke.
“Yeah, well, I’d be scared, too, if I was in your place.” The old softness in his voice returned, if only for a minute.
The craving I felt for him was immense, like a homesickness that welled up inside me and threatened to take my breath. I never knew you could be homesick for a person.
“Where are you?” I asked as I stared off into the darkness.
I wanted nothing more than to see him come ambling up the trail, emerging from the darkness. I wanted to run into his arms like some heroine in some old book, to hug him and kiss him and slap his face for making me need him so much.
“I’m in the city. I’m—I’m down in New Orleans. But don’t worry about that,” he said with a dead voice. “I—I won’t be around for a while. It’ll give you time to figure things out. It’s—it’s easier this way. Trust me.”
“What? I need you here. I need you, Jack. I can’t figure it out without you.”
“No, honey, what you need is distance and time so you can make plans with Cash. You don’t need me confusing the situation anymore.”
Cash? What was he talking about?
“Cash Jackson isn’t—,” I started to say, but he cut me off and spoke in a strong voice.
“Cash Jackson isn’t going to put up with me lurking around in the periphery of your life while you’re carrying his baby, and I’m not going to interfere with whatever plans you need to make with him, however disappointed I might be.”
“Oh, Jack, you don’t understand…”
My cheeks flushed hot as I stammered, as I tried to explain his mistake. I just needed to get the words out, but he wouldn’t hear them. There was a calmness to his voice that felt so alienating, I thought my heart would break. It was like he was talking to a stranger, not me.
“I understand just fine, Cassy. We’ll talk later on down the road, okay? We’ll talk when everything is a little more settled. Just take care of yourself, you hear?”
“Jack,” I pleaded through tears as he hung up the phone, leaving me alone in the soft, wet bayou darkness as the first raindrops started to fall.
A fist wrapped around my heart, squeezing hard enough to wring water from a stone. I’d do anything to stop the pain. I went to my knees on the soft, moist dirt as the empty, raging sadness inside me threaten
ed to swallow me whole.
Silent sobs wracked my body as I tried to call him back again and again, but the line always went directly to voicemail. Each time I called his voice spoke out, clear and happy:
I’m sorry to have missed you, but I’ll be glad to hear your voice. Please leave a message after the beep.
Chapter 14
Cash did this… he will pay.
Hot, salty tears streamed down my face as I drove too fast down the county road. Between my tears and the rain pelting the windshield, it was a wonder I could see anything.
I eased my foot off the gas as I veered into Cash’s driveway. Gravel shot up from under my tires, peppering the perfectly manicured lawn stretching out on either side.
Gnarled, twisted old oaks lined the driveway, their branches forming a tunnel that blocked out the stars. My headlights illuminated the trees as I moved closer and closer to Cash’s house. Ahead, one bright window glowed in the night while the rest were black as bottomless pits.
“Cash!” I called out as I jumped from the car, leaving the door wide open to the elements. “Cash Jackson, get your ass out here now!”
I pounded my fists on the door, but I doubted anyone could hear since the house was so huge. I stepped back into the driveway and squinted up at the second-story windows, shielding my eyes from the driving rain. My hair stuck to my cheeks and neck as the rain drenched me, but I didn’t care. I was past caring.
“Cash!” I screamed into the stormy night. Finally, a light clicked on upstairs and a figure peered down from the window right above me.
“Cassy?”
Cash’s voice called out as he pushed open the window and looked down at me, sleepy-eyed and tousled from bed.
The bastard had ruined my life but he was sleeping soundly as a baby. People like him always do.
“You son of a bitch, why did you do it? Why did you lie about me?”
“What the hell are you talking about, Cassy? And what the hell are you doing here so late? People are trying to sleep.”
The Debutante Page 10
