“How did you know Austin? Was he that boy who made you keep your heart closed to anyone else all those years?” Becca knew that her friend was right. Nothing slipped by Cadence’s sharp eye.
“I didn’t know him! I mean, I knew him from my junior school years, that all. We went to same high school and we were kind of neighbors, too.” Becca had trouble admitting the truth.
“Kind of neighbors?” Cadence questioned.
“Yeah. His parents had a summer beach house where my grandfather and I used to live. You should remember that place. I brought you there the first summer we met.”
“What happened there?” Cadence was alerted by Becca’s instant visible sadness.
“Nothing really happened. I thought that I had fallen in love for the first time. But he was not ready for that kind of commitment, I guess.”
“Well, things do not always go according to plan, do they?”
“For sure,” Becca agreed. “It was a huge surprise for both of us to meet here, at your wedding. After Austin left to prepare the yacht for sailing, I got whisked away by Joe Snowden. Lidia was very keen on playing the matchmaker. We danced. I wanted to see you and Roman for a little bit longer, enjoy the moment. I was confused, happy that Austin had left, and all mixed up. It’s not every day that your best friend gets married, you meet your first love, and accomplish an important mission. Right?” Cadence did not say anything so Becca continued.
“So, I stayed and had some fun. Joe was acting a little bit too direct. I didn’t know him that well. I asked him to back off a bit. I think he was trying to get me tipsy with all the wine he kept supplying. Then he got upset when I told him I had to go and see my old friend, Austin. He seemed very irritated that I left. I’d given him no reason to expect our evening to go anywhere. By the time I got to Austin that night, I had totally lost it.”
Becca got visibly upset just mentioning Joe’s name again. Cadence did not want to pry and upset her friend even more. She shifted closer to her and wrapped her left arm around Becca’s shoulders, “Come to me. We are stronger together.”
The two women sat a silence. Becca was feeling excited about the big news about triplets. She hated to spoil Cadence’s excitement with the details of her own pathetic adventure.
Becca had asked herself a thousand times since that night, how she had ended up cutting her foot, falling asleep, waking up from a nightmare, and having sex all in one night? And, worst of all, she did not even remember the half of it. Except, of course the unbelievable, sweetest, most amazing sex with a man whom she had thought was lost to her forever. The man who made her feel completely lost without him now.
“The thing is,” Becca started slowly, soothed by her friend’s gentle touch, “that we ended up having sex in the morning, before he left!” She now felt a slightly relieved, after sharing her thoughts with the only person whom she knew would understand. Her tension subsided and her body became soft and mellow.
Cadence squealed happily. The paper cup with the wine Cadence was holding, suddenly dropped, as she gave her friend a much-needed hug. They squeezed each other tight.
“That’s my girl!” Cadence was beyond glad that her friend had finally broken her dry spell.
“Okay, no details. I could not stand any sex, even talk about it, for any longer!” she warned zipping her lips with a gesture.
Becca could no longer hold her thoughts to herself. She spilled them all over and Cadence, just like in the good old times. Cadence was the best person to come to for advice, Becca thought happily. “I love you so much! And I’m going to love them even more than you, ” Becca eyed Cadence’s yet invisible pregnant belly.
Becca was feeling much better for the first time in the last two weeks.
TEN
He was NOT ready for any kind of serious relationships, darn it! Especially not with Rebecca—at least not before he sorted out the big bucket of shit his life had become.
Keeping in touch with Rebecca was going to be hard.
After the ordeal with his last girlfriend, Austin was all beaten up and licking his wounds. He had hoped for a solitary sail on his yacht to the dream vacation island in the Caribbean. To be alone, to collect his thought. To purify. He also thought he would try, by going to Roman’s wedding all alone, to gain some perspective on his undeveloped relationship with his half-brother. It would help him to deal with his challenged sense of identity.
In both expectations he’d been wrong. So very wrong.
Nothing had turned out the way he expected, he had to admit. The discovery that Rebecca Lawson was working for his rich half-brother threw him completely off his feet. Not only that, but Becca was also the best friend of Roman’s future wife, Cadence. That unforgettable Rebecca Lawson, the same girl he had pined for for weeks after he left abruptly, without saying a proper good-bye, had now turned out to be practically family.
Her mere presence there was enough to throw his plans into a tail spin.
Not one of his vast array of girlfriends after her could ever evoke even a hint of the feelings Austin had for Rebecca. But, he knew she deserved a better man, a man who could give himself fully to her. Give her something. He was not that man. He could never be that man. His life was screwed up and he was broken beyond repair—not financially, but mentally and emotionally.
His mother’s image had haunted him all those years. Now it was apparent that she had managed to spoil his relationship with Rebecca without him even knowing! He was not surprised. Things with his mother were never simple or easy. She was a lost soul as a result of the unfortunate events and the choices she had made in her life. But, he was her blood. He would sometimes feel guilty about rejecting her attempts to get him to open up to her. He preferred to keep her at a distance. He could not forgive her for manipulating his life, by not telling him the truth earlier, when he was eager to know who his real dad was. It was too late to fix anything now. She was dead.
In some twisted way, the Universe was getting back at him. He had had to deal with his ex-girlfriend, who claimed that she was having his baby! Technically, Austin was sure, that was impossible. He knew that she was lying. But, he needed to prove it and free himself. For Rebecca…He did not want to be the jerk he thought his father was, throwing around his semen without considering the consequences of his selfish act.
There was something wrong with him. He knew it. But, he could not quite pinpoint what it was precisely. He felt half complete. He wondered what it would be like to have a child from the woman he did not love, or a woman he didn’t even know, like his father had. Would he love that child? Did his own father have any feelings toward him? It was hard to tell. He was dead too.
This dark conflicting side of him was not for sharing. His insecurities were too heavy even for a strong man like him. He could not possibly make any woman happy. His twisted life must look even more damaged from Roman’s perspective. He’d never had a real chance to talk to his half-brother. Austin normally did not bend in front of other men, but Roman was different. Austin wanted to belong. He wanted to know his own history, his blood line, to track his genetic ancestry. Hell, he even wished he could bear his father’s name! It would be an invaluable gift.
Reluctantly, Austin came to a conclusion—one he didn’t want to reach: He would rather let Becca believe that he did not want her attention, rather than let her try to save him from his demons. He hated any form of pity. But why, then, was he trying to justify his stupid weakness for Rebecca. Was it his selfish way of breaking into her life again?
She should have been more calculating and less open to people like him, he thought. That forthright attitude would only bring her troubles. She’d already proven her vulnerability to the outside world, to him. She was too honest, too darn inexperienced!
That night he suspected that drugs were playing a role in her unusual behavior. Being a practical man and well aware of the dark side of the world around him, he’d taken a risk and collected some blood samples from her cut. Now he was waiting for
the results of the test to come from a private lab. He was pretty sure of the outcome, though.
Austin wanted to protect Rebecca. But, how could he do that without looking like a creep? He’d secretly collected her blood to run a drug test. How could he warn her? How would she ever understand his motives? It was too complicated.
What did he have to offer this beautiful woman? Would he ever be able to open his heart to her and become vulnerable to her? Or would he, forever, be the prisoner of his own deepest secrets?
***
Becca was so scared when she started thinking back to her bizarre appearance on the yacht that night. Something must have happened at the wedding. She knew that Joe was the only one she had spent time with. Had he used drugs to try to lure her into bed?
This morning she had searched for information in the community library. She’d even gone to an Internet cafe and Googled information about date rape drugs. She was reluctant to talk to Cadence about this. What would she ask her friend? Do you know anything about rape drugs? She did not want to look paranoid and suspicious. The more she searched for information, the surer she became about what had happened to her.
It must have been those dangerous party drinks!
How else could she explain what had happened to her? Now, Austin would probably assume that she was lying to him about what had actually brought her to his place in such a condition. Sudden sleepiness, tolerance to physical pain, these were the very symptoms she had apparently experienced. And the memory lapses…Had she told Austin anything that she could not remember now? It seemed that her memories of that night were so fuzzy.
Why on earth would she have ended up having sex with Austin if not for the influence of the suspicious substances? Her mind was could not wrap itself around the idea. So many years had passed. Austin might be a different person now, one she did not know at all. Life was like a river, always moving and changing. Maybe it wasn’t him she loved but her fantasy of what he was that she loved.
She tried to deny it to herself but there was an undeniable attraction. The feelings she’d had for Austin were definitely there after for all those years. She sighed heavily. Oh well, at least the pleasure he gave her was worth having her heart broken all over again.
ELEVEN
Now that he knew where Rebecca was all Austin wanted was her. It was not a good idea. But he could not control his desire.
It’d been years since Austin had been with anyone remotely resembling Rebecca Lawson. The long-accumulated pain was multiplied when he remembered her sweet innocent lips, her lush curves, and her small, sensitive, tender breasts. She was so different from the big breasted women to whom he was usually drawn!
The experience left a bittersweet taste in his mouth. He knew better than to ruin her life again. How wrong he was for her! The night he spent taking care of Rebecca on his yacht, worrying about her, changed something inside of him. Was it because he suspected someone had tried to bed her at the wedding by slipping some drug into her drink? She seemed totally unaware of such a possibility. Yet, she was freaked by the fact that she had passed out as soon as she reached his yacht and did not remember a thing.
The memory of sex with her blew his mind. Austin felt like a lonely ghost sailing back home without her. He could not stop thinking about her. She was so beautiful. He replayed in his mind for the thousandth time the moment he claimed her pale rosy lips as soon as she parted them, inviting him in.
The last time he had seen her face so full of passion and love for him had been seven years ago. He remembered that look well. He had had one shot years ago to seize the opportunity and make her his forever. But he’d missed that chance. She did not have that look in her eyes anymore. What was he supposed to do now? Was he ready to capture the second chance she’d given him or should he just let it slip away? And if he picked the latter, he was sure that the greater damage would be done to him. This time, Rebecca would go bitter but unharmed by him.
The timing sucked. All the hassle he’d gone through with his ex-girlfriend only added to his doubts about his intentions with Rebecca. He felt damaged beyond repair. He hated himself for making her trust him and leaving her suspended for the past two weeks.
But failure was not an option for Austin. He was used to winning whatever battle he picked. He always tried to pick them wisely. That was the attitude that had kept him moving forward all his life. That attitude kept him on a top of things. But, he so wanted to go after Rebecca. Damn it!
***
Out! All Austin wanted was to get out of the mess his life had become.
He yanked his ear buds out of his ears and threw the phone on the bed, just as it started to play the tune he had assigned to his ex-girlfriend’s number.
Damn her! And damn her little brain!
He let it ring. At least he would enjoy the music. She had already managed to make his day miserable starting earlier that morning. This time he decided that the answering machine could deal with her call.
When Lidia heard of Melody, his ex-girlfriend, and her plot to get him to marry her using someone else’s child, she got as furious as a wild animal. It had been her idea to teach Melody a lesson by arranging for the paternity test in a private genetic research centre. Now he was waiting for the results. He was certain he would be ruled out as the father.
To hell with those women who build spider webs around men just to catch and destroy them.
Austin had lost confidence in his ability to pick a decent woman with some semblance of a brain. They were all perfect outside, of course. But, as soon as the initial hormonal rush ceased to cloud his mind, he found himself unsatisfied by mindless sex. He had even tried few times to date the Ivy League grads. But, most of them were so blinded by his wealth that could not have an ordinary dating relationship.
Oh God, how he had hoped to meet a strong woman for once, a woman who wouldn’t bend over to satisfy his every whim—like his mother who was so darned beautiful, but so hopelessly brainless. It was hard for him not to judge her harshly. So many things had gone wrong between them that he couldn’t even tolerate the woman.
Austin was not proud of himself for hating his own mother. Sometimes he felt sorry for her. But, those times usually quickly passed. Prescription pills were her latest addiction. They’d ruined her life completely three years ago. He never wanted to hurt a woman. But, it seemed that he was destined to do just that—all of his life.
The metamorphosis had occurred when, in his early twenties, he went from the dirt poor to the celebrity rich. His first start-up company brought in some good seed money to finance his next big idea. He had a good head on his shoulders—despite the obvious presence of his mother’s genes.
His father supposed to be different. And the hell he was.
Austin learned about who his father was when he turned eighteen, just before his high school graduation. His mother had kept the big fat secret from him all those years. She couldn’t have picked a worse time for revelation!
Austin was, according to his mother, a sperm donor baby.
How miserable it looked to him at the time when he was just a horny teenager pretending to be a man! He did not listen to the end of her story. He packed his bags and ran. He just let his emotions go wild. For good, he thought then.
He hated his fake “dad” and blocked all thoughts of him out for years. He did not know who he really was. And he did not care. He wanted to become his own man. He did not need any pathetic dish father!
And now it looked like his life had taken a wild swing against him one more time.
***
Austin became restless thinking about his past. And that phone call from Melody bothered him. He picked up his cell and started to check the messages that had accumulated that morning. Sorting through them, he finally found the one he had been avoiding.Even if he never wanted to hear it, he still needed to know the results of the paternity test.
“Looks like you are the da-a-ad!” Melody’s cheerful voice rang painfully in his ears.<
br />
Insane.
Was she kidding him! The last time he had checked, his sperm count was so low that it was on a borderline of male infertility!
He was damned by whoever was supposed to look after him in the heavens.
He probably deserved it though. Self-pity was not his style. Self-hatred was.
“I just walked out of the clinic. Decided to give you a heads up,” she continued wryly. She was definitely mocking him. Wicked bitch with the sick sense of humor!
“Listen, you picked the wrong guy! You and I weren’t even together three months ago!” He wanted to spit out his words into her face. But, he was having this conversation with his answering machine.
Shit! This did not make any sense! He had been to the clinic this morning. All the results were negative.
He could not have gotten her pregnant. He knew that for a fact. At least that what all the doctors had been telling him since he was fourteen. All ‘potential’ problems seemed so far away then…The coward that hit him in the groin with a hockey stick was beaten almost to death two years later. It did not matter much anymore. So many years had passed since that awful attack. He’d had so much other crap to face and overcome since then, that he didn’t give a damn if he ever fathered a child.
He’d never had a father. He didn’t ask for one! Who needed them anyway?
***
“Care for a bite?” Austin texted Lidia around dinner time. He knew that the woman liked him and he never missed an opportunity to take her out. Right now he felt like he had a good chance to catch her after her workout with her personal trainer. The woman had impressive stamina for someone in her early fifties, he always thought, whenever he ran into her after her workouts. She usually radiated health and happiness, especially lately, after the wedding of her only son. Lidia was a strong woman. Their paths had crossed when he’d been invited to meet his biological father, Lidia’s second husband. He’d died three years ago after a long battle with a rare form of bone cancer. But he and Lidia had maintained contact after the funeral.
Time After Time Page 7
