Kerri laughed. “It’s not like that.”
“Really? He can be a difficult boss.”
“Tell me about it. He keeps ordering me to rest because it’s the weekend, or because it’s after five, or because the sun is out. Like I know what to do with myself when I have free time.”
Natalie gave Kerri a theatrically sly, through-the-eyelashes look. “I bet you know what to do with Ethan though.”
“Well…I am an expert at managing difficult bosses.”
“First time you’ve slept with one, though.”
Kerri shook her head. “Don’t read too much into it. This is a temporary situation. Very very temporary. I’m sure Ethan’s going to sort out TLD’s problems soon, and then I’ll move on.”
“Move on where?”
“I don’t know. Maybe California?” She shrugged. “Maybe I’ll work for your husband if he’s hiring.”
“He’s always looking for talent.” Natalie cupped her chin. “But is that what you want to do? You want to leave Ethan…whenever?”
“When one of us finds somebody else we would rather be with. This was never supposed to be permanent. And I prefer it that way.”
Natalie nodded without saying a word. But she got that “I think I know what’s happening here” look.
“What are you thinking? Spill,” Kerri said around a bite of the sweet, tart apple.
“I was just thinking that maybe Ethan proposed something temporary to lure you in. You did say he wasn’t your type because he wasn’t ‘manageable.’”
“So?”
“He just made himself manageable by saying you can walk out any time when you find someone else. The question is, will he?”
Kerri cocked her head. “Why wouldn’t he?” she asked. “He’s just like any other guy—he wants to be free to pursue someone else if he feels like it.” A sharp edge of jealousy cut into her heart. She ignored it.
“Oh I can think of a few reasons, but whatever.” Natalie shook her head. “I guess if you’re really convinced it’s temporary…”
Kerri made a face. It wasn’t like Natalie to bring something up, then be coy about it. “Don’t get any strange notions just because you’re living a romance novel right now. I know what I have.”
“And what is that?”
“Work, with money coming in. A place to stay. And” —she paused, considering what she had with Ethan, and smiled slowly— “all-you-can-eat sex.”
***
Kerri stared at the computer while Natalie dozed on the couch. So much for keeping me company, Kerri thought with a smile.
The penthouse was quiet, but Kerri couldn’t seem to focus on the numbers and notes. She kept thinking about what Natalie had said.
Will he?
Why not? Ethan could and would leave if he found somebody else.
No, not if, but when. When he found someone more suitable. Physically, their relationship was hot, but he’d want more if he intended to have something permanent. He’d want—and need—a true life partner, not someone who was simply compatible in bed. For Pete’s sake, she couldn’t even go to social functions with him if her family was going to be there as well, and the Sterlings and Wilsons were as prolific as rabbits.
Kerri scrawled a note for Natalie and went outside for a quick walk to clear her head.
The condo association maintained an immaculate lawn with brick walking paths, and the greens surrounding the condo complex seemed even more verdant in the bright afternoon sun. Kerri chose a winding path. She didn’t know where it ended, but its twisty looping pattern seemed apt, given how complicated her life was right now.
Things used to be so structured and straightforward. She’d work as an investment banker. Never see her family again. Climb the ladder. Possibly marry a man who she was comfortable with and who understood the demands of her career. Save money. Retire.
An intense man who made her entire body and heart clench with longing—that had never been a part of what she’d envisioned for herself.
Suddenly she wanted to run someplace where she could form a clear plan for her future without gut-twisting emotions and desire clouding her mind. She wanted to live in a city where people didn’t know her, didn’t try to know her. Where her family’s PIs couldn’t find her, and her family would just give up. Then she might be able to have a life that could give her fulfillment, give her a sense of belonging with someone who cared for her.
An image of growing old with Ethan flashed through her mind, and she shook her head irritably. Even if their family ties weren’t an issue, Ethan couldn’t be the man for her, though he already seemed to care a great deal about her. He aroused too many strong feelings. That alone made him too dangerous for her peace of mind.
She didn’t want anybody to have that much power over her. Experience had taught her that people didn’t always take care not to hurt her, and she could no longer abide such a position of weakness.
She strode along the path. So if Ethan threatens to be more than just a temporary fling, what are you going to do? Run?
Running was how she’d dealt with unmanageable pain and loss. When running didn’t work, she’d medicated herself with alcohol.
But she couldn’t run. Not right now. She’d made a promise. The arrangement would last until he or she found somebody they’d rather be with, and right now, she couldn’t imagine leaving Ethan, even without the stipulation.
And alcohol was out of question, not unless she wanted her liver to rot through. She had no desire to die, or worse, be at the mercy of a—what was the word?—hepatologist.
When you have to go to a doctor that sounds like a snake specialist, she thought sourly, you know it’s time to clean up your act.
Well, she’d just find an excuse to leave when the circumstances grew too unbearable. Something would present itself.
Now in completely unfamiliar surroundings, she turned around and started back to the penthouse. She should call a cab for Natalie—or maybe her chauffeur, since her husband seemed to have hired one.
“Kerri.”
She turned around. Ethan was moving toward her, his long legs eating up the distance between them. The pearly silk shirt lined his powerful torso and emphasized the shoulders her hands begged to grip. He always dressed well, and having seen him undressed, she knew it wasn’t the clothes that made the man, but the man himself that made the clothes. She almost couldn’t breathe at how stunning he was. Her heart swelled so fast, she felt a funny ache in her chest.
“Ethan, what are you doing here?” The afternoon was still fairly young.
He gave her a quick kiss. “I just wanted to see you, that’s all.”
She nodded, not saying anything. Something about him called out to her, and she couldn’t help but take his hand in hers. It felt warm and impossibly solid. “Is everything okay?” she asked.
***
Ethan curled his fingers around her hand. It was the first time she’d reached out to him like that, and the tightness in his belly loosened. “Everything’s fine. Don’t worry.”
“It’s not even four. I thought you were at work.”
“Not everyone works a hundred hours a week. Did Natalie leave?”
“No. She fell asleep on the couch.” Kerri smiled. “I left her there. She looked too peaceful.”
He nodded, then saw a couple of boys running on the other side of the street. They laughed, their thin legs moving fast. Kerri looked at them, and just like that, the familiar shadow of sorrow darkened her eyes.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing,” she said, not meeting his gaze. “Let’s go back and see if Natalie’s up.”
She started moving, but he stopped her with a tug on her hand. “Kerri. What’s the deal? Why are you looking at the boys like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re sad.”
She shook her head. “I’m not. I was just…well, they reminded me of my family.” Then her mouth abruptly shut, like she’d l
et something slip.
Natalie had said Kerri never spoke about her family. Gavin had been certain Kerri was Barron Sterling’s granddaughter. This was the opening for Ethan to ask. Still, care was required. She was so wary and secretive about her personal life. “When was the last time you saw them? Did you get to visit them at all while working in Hong Kong?”
“No.”
“You must miss them,” he said casually.
Silence.
“Where are they?”
“Back east,” she murmured.
Back east? They were in Virginia. How much further east was she talking about?
She was lying to him, and he was losing her. Every second they spoke about her family she drifted further away, retreating into some private fortress. It was incredibly frustrating. He wanted to understand her better. He wanted to know what made her sad, learn about her family and her secret hopes and dreams. Of course, she didn’t have to say anything for him to figure out her family was full of people who’d hurt her. It was in the way her eyes darkened with old pain.
His instincts told him to find out so he could make things right and keep Kerri happy, her bruised heart protected. But intellect won out. If Natalie hadn’t been able to learn much about Kerri’s personal life, he wouldn’t either. At least not by asking her. There were other ways, though. He was certain Gavin was wrong, but he wanted to make sure he had all the facts before some idiot decided to accuse Kerri of spying for her family. He knew how damaging that could be for a relationship. In their case it would probably be fatal, given her mysterious reticence when it came to her blood relations.
“Do you mind filling out the HR paperwork, by the way?” he said. “It slipped my mind, but I need your information for taxes.”
She nodded, her face relaxing. “Sure, I can get that done tonight. You don’t want to mess with the minions of Satan.”
He laughed. “The minions of Satan?”
“The IRS.”
“Ah. Have you been audited?”
“Not yet, thank god. But that reminds me, I need to go back to finish up some work.”
“Why bother? It’s a pretty day.”
“A girl’s gotta earn her keep.”
“How about if I pay for your time off?”
“Ethan, I don’t take charity. I’m independent, a modern woman, all that jazz.” She winked.
Some tension eased from the back of his neck. The heiress to Sterling & Wilson simply couldn’t be a woman who felt this way about money. No, she’d feel entitled to whatever she wanted.
Chapter Sixteen
By the time Kerri and Ethan made it back to the penthouse, Natalie was gone. Kerri picked up a note that was stuck to her laptop: Sorry, didn’t mean to fall asleep! Have to go home to get ready for our dinner—it’s casual, so dress comfy. It was signed with a smiley face.
“Dinner?” Kerri murmured.
“Yeah. Didn’t Natalie tell you? Alex is flying back from New York to join us.”
“New York? What’s he doing there?”
“Getting caught up. He’s sparing me the trip because he knows how things are with my family right now.” Ethan regarded her. “You can come to this one, right? Or is it going to be off-limits for some reason?”
Great. He was still sore about that. “Is it a big party?” No matter what Ethan, Natalie and Alex were expecting, she couldn’t go if it was going to be a big bash with tons of guests, possibly including a Sterling or two. Her family always received invitations to all the parties.
“Just the four of us.”
“Okay, then.” She smiled. “No problem.”
“You may want to hurry. We’ve only got about an hour.”
Only an hour? Muttering to herself, she rushed to her room. She had no idea what to wear. Though Natalie had said casual, her definition of “comfy” might have changed since her marriage to Alex Damon. Kerri knew what “comfy” meant to her family. It meant elegant, understated and wealthy. Kerri could do the first two, but couldn’t afford the last. Sighing, she settled on a simple long-sleeved peach blouse, black silk trousers and a pair of ballet slippers. She’d bought them on a whim in Hong Kong and hadn’t found an occasion to wear them yet.
She changed quickly and smoothed her hair, looking at her reflection. Makeup could use a little freshening. A little bit more powder went on the nose, and she applied a new coat of coral pink lipstick. She frowned, then replaced her hoop earrings with a pair of discreet diamond solitaires. Much better. She wanted Alex to like her, but surprisingly enough more important was that she wanted Ethan to be proud of her.
Her hands dropped to her sides. She didn’t know why it should matter if he was proud to stand next to her and introduce her as his…what? Current fling? She pressed her lips together. Well, whatever. Until it was over, she wanted him to be crazy about her. She deserved that much, didn’t she?
And speak of the devil… Ethan was leaning against the open doorway and perusing her from ponytail to shoes. “You look beautiful.”
“Thanks.” She blushed, absurdly pleased, like she’d just won the lottery. When he looked at her like she was the only woman in the world for him, she felt beautiful and special. She’d miss this kind of moment with him when they went their separate ways. She had some pleasant memories of her exes, but none of them as precious as the ones with Ethan.
The fact that she’d keenly note Ethan’s absence, not just physically but emotionally as well, sent a little jolt through her system. When had he started to mean this much to her?
“You all right?” Ethan asked.
“Yes.” She forced a quick smile and checked her appearance a final time. “Let’s get going.”
Natalie and Alex had a penthouse not too far from Ethan’s—no, the corporate—condo. While The Lloyds Development’s place reflected more masculine sensibilities, the Damons’ home had a warmer, softer tone that showed a feminine touch in the soft leather couches that invited people to sit and relax, pretty lace curtains, and vivid jewel-tone accents in the midst of the warm honey and cream wallpaper.
Natalie hugged Ethan and Kerri both. Natalie was dressed even more casually than Kerri expected: a pink and gray fitted shirt and a denim skirt that ended a couple of inches above her knees. She hadn’t bothered with shoes, which somehow made her seem even more fragile and feminine than usual. Kerri couldn’t think of a time when her best friend hadn’t looked delicately female, even when she’d donned her most severe power suit.
Alex, dressed in a red polo shirt and khakis, came out from the kitchen holding an uncorked bottle of Merlot. His frame wasn’t as large as Ethan’s, but she could tell he worked out. He was different from what Kerri had imagined. She thought he’d be more like her grandfather—aloof, awash in wealth and all it entitled him to. Alex was clearly used to wealth, but he didn’t wrap himself up in it. He seemed comfortable with who he was, and even if he didn’t have a penny to his name, he’d still have a commanding presence and a sharp intellect in his eyes.
As he came closer, Ethan casually put his arm around Kerri’s waist. Natalie made the introductions, and Kerri shook Alex’s hand. He was almost her type, tall and dark—though from the looks of him, completely unmanageable. But the skin-to-skin contact created nothing in Kerri, unlike the stomach-flipping sensation Ethan’s touch induced in her.
Alex smiled. “So happy to finally meet you, Kerri. Heard a lot about you.”
“Likewise. Natalie simply can’t stop talking about you.”
“Is that so?” Alex looked fondly at his wife.
“She’s lying, as usual,” Natalie said. “I stop talking about you at least twice a day.”
Alex planted a kiss on her cheek, which caused Natalie to giggle.
Kerri raised an eyebrow. Natalie was so not the giggling type. On the other hand, she had never had a man who adored her purely for herself, not for who her family was.
“Let’s go in,” Alex said. “I’m afraid we haven’t prepared anything home-cooked.” He cast
an amused glance at his best friend. “I know Ethan’s been spoiling you.”
“I have offered to teach you,” Ethan said.
Alex widened his eyes. “Your grandmother’s super-secret family recipes?”
“Well, no, not those.”
“Then what’s the point?”
“You aren’t using your kitchen to its fullest potential.”
Alex shook his head and mimicked Clint Eastwood. “A man’s got to know his limitations.”
“Our limitation was having just got back, we had to cater,” Natalie explained. “I hope you don’t mind.”
“Have you ever seen me say no to free food?” Kerri teased.
They all laughed and moved to the dining room, where an interesting arrangement of plum blossoms occupied the center of a large cherry table. Natalie poured some wine for herself and passed the bottle to Ethan.
The menu consisted of beautifully prepared Peking duck and other complementary Chinese dishes. Natalie served everything, with some assistance from her husband, and said, “I so missed this stuff. I love European cuisine, but there’s something about American Chinese.”
“And she blurted out just how much she missed it while eating foie gras. In Paris, yet.” Alex gave her a soft kiss on the mouth, then turned to Ethan and Kerri. “Thank god the waiter didn’t hear.”
Natalie rolled her eyes. “The French and their food pride.”
Kerri had assumed Alex would be a bit too intense, even dominating. But he was all charm and easy words. He also looked at Natalie with a love so pure Kerri’s chest ached. She wanted to know what it was like to belong and be loved unconditionally.
Not for you, Kerri. That’s not for you.
Career. That was all she could really depend on. Not because it cocooned her, but because it was less likely to disappoint her. She could work at it without becoming too attached. After all, it was just a string of jobs. If one didn’t work out, she could always get another. But people were different. They were individual, irreplaceable, and their emotions didn’t remain constant. She couldn’t afford to entrust her happiness to anybody.
Not even her own mother had cared about her happiness.
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