by Max Frei
“Actually, no,” said Kao Anlox. “I realize you have no reason to believe me, but I have no other proof. As for the chest itself, we burned it. Zekka said we should get rid of the evidence, and I thought he knew better, considering his occupation.”
“Indeed,” said Kofa.
“He’s not lying,” said Melifaro. “He hasn’t once lied to us, in fact. I haven’t had occasion to meet such an honest person in a long while. Maybe you have something stronger than kamra, captain? I’m feeling all sentimental now, and I desperately need a drink. I can’t stand being sentimental.”
“I’m awfully sorry, but I’m afraid I don’t have anything of that sort,” said Kao Anlox. “It simply didn’t occur to me that one should keep strong liquors on a ship.”
“Unbelievable!” said Melifaro. “How, pray tell, were you going to go on your journey then? Stinking sober? The crew certainly won’t appreciate it.”
The captain sighed and stared at the floor.
“Well, my boy, your arrest, as you might have guessed by now, is not going to happen,” said Kofa. “But I have another piece of news that you might like far less. We must confiscate this charm.” He waved the headband about. “Not because we are cruel bastards who wish to ruin your life and rob you of your luck, but because this is a truly magical thing. It is too powerful to be in the possession of any citizen of the Unified Kingdom. Even Mr. Zoxma Pu’s heir.”
“I knew it,” said the captain. “I’m never going to go on an around-the-world journey! Not with my luck, I’m not.”
“You don’t understand how incredibly lucky you are that we’re taking this headband away from you,” said Kofa. “You still don’t understand that the people that you hired were eager to go with you not because they were desperate romantics wanting to sail around the world but because the poor souls simply couldn’t resist the magic powers of your charm. Now imagine this: you sail away from Echo, the charm loses its powers, and you find yourself among several dozen very angry men who demand explanations and money for their service.”
“Are you telling me that—” Kao Anlox shook his head. “Oh, dear. Old Zoxma mentioned that this headband helps you become a more charming person and a good interlocutor, but . . . I had no idea!”
“Zoxma himself didn’t know what his charm was capable of once it reached the Heart of the World,” said Kofa. “He probably never put it on after he moved to Echo. The fashions were different. Your friend Zekka Moddorok, on the other hand, quickly figured out what happens to ordinary magical things in the Capital of the Unified Kingdom. It’s odd that you didn’t get it.”
“It must be the many years of working at the Chancellory of Concerns of Worldly Affairs,” said Kao Anlox. “I was one of the junior staff for a long time there. Among us, it was customary to look down upon all foreigners without exception. We thought they knew no magic, and their sciences were at a very low stage of development. I got so used to this notion that I learned to take it for granted, never giving it another thought. When Zekka got so excited about our find, I thought it was pure superstition on his part. But I really believed that the charm that had belonged to such an amazing old man would bring me good luck. Now I realize what a fool I was: to possess a magical thing and not guess the extent of its magical powers! That’s too naive, even for me.”
“It’s the price you’ve paid for your snobbery,” said Kofa. “You’re just like the junior staff of any organization. Well, captain, all’s well that ends well. Want a piece of advice? Buy the fellows that are coming here tonight a drink and tell them honestly what happened. Maybe they’ll laugh, maybe they’ll direct a few strong words at you, but they won’t hold a grudge for long. In my experience, sailors are a jolly bunch.”
“Just make sure you buy a lot of booze,” said Melifaro. “In my experience, that jolly bunch have cast-iron throats and bottomless pits for stomachs.”
“Of course, I’ll do that,” said Kao Anlox.
“And after you explain yourself to your crew,” I said, “you should repeat your offer about the journey. Who knows . . .” I had no idea why I said this. My colleagues raised their eyebrows but didn’t say anything.
“Thank you, sir,” said Kao Anlox, “but I don’t think this is going to work. If I had Zoxma Pu’s headband, even without its magical powers, I might have tried. But I don’t have it, and without it I don’t have the luck, which old Zoxma had once wanted to share with me. And I’ve never had any luck of my own, even in much simpler matters.”
“Oh, that I can fix for you,” I said. From the pocket of my Mantle of Death, I took out a small dagger. Until now, I had only used the small gauge that was built into its handle. I had hoped that someday I would use its blade. I sliced the fold of my Mantle of Death, cutting out a large triangular piece of black-and-gold fabric. “Here,” I said. “There are plenty of people in this World who say that I’m the luckiest guy in the Universe. I can afford to share some of my luck with you. I’ve got plenty left where that came from.”
Kao Anlox grabbed the piece of fabric and stared at me. My colleagues also gave me puzzled looks. Sir Kofa was the first to recover.
“Well, I’ll be!” he said. “Sir Max is set to revive the best traditions of the Epoch of Orders. He’s sharing his luck! Only the Grand Magicians used to do that, and then only a few of them. Well, captain, now you can consider yourself really lucky, trust me. Put this thing on. One headband in exchange for another. Who knows, perhaps this charm will serve you even better than the old one. As for us, we’ve done all we could, and then some. Let’s go, boys.”
“I’m going to cry,” said Melifaro, getting up. “I’m going to flood this karuna with my tears, and it’ll sink right here and now before it even gets a chance to sink somewhere in the vicious Sea of Ukli at the end of the World!”
We left Kao Anlox, who was completely baffled, in his cabin. As we were walking out, he began to fold the piece of my looxi into a headband. I must admit, black suited him.
“It’s not fair that you share your luck with strangers,” said Melifaro. “You could have given me a piece of your magic rag.”
“You? What would you want with it?” said Kofa.
“Nothing. I’d just have it in my possession,” said Melifaro. “I’m a very greedy guy, like all farmers’ children.”
“Do you want to know why I did it?” I said. My colleagues stopped and stared at me. “Now I’m going to have to go home and change. I can’t keep this on until tomorrow morning.” I demonstrated the damaged fold of my Mantle of Death. “This is my only good pretext for going straight to the Armstrong & Ella and spending an hour or two there. It’s a very long and deliberate procedure, you know, to undress and then dress again. Not to mention all the possibilities in between.”
“You’re one passionate fellow, I must say,” said Melifaro.
“Do I detect a hint envy?” I said and tripped over a bale that lay in the middle of a passageway. I hurt myself badly, so the incident smacked a bit of retribution. I yelled, “Are we ever going to get out of this mess!”
“This isn’t a mess. This is the port of the Capital of the Unified Kingdom,” said Kofa, his patriotism on display. “I can tell you’ve never been in the port of the free city of Gazhin. Now, that’s a mess. Plus, we’re almost out. Do you recognize this amobiler?”
“Now I do,” I said and got in the driver’s seat. “By the way, I’m not as passionate as you think. I mean, you can come with me. We have the right to loaf for half an hour.”
“That we do,” said Kofa. “Lady Tekki’s kamra is something to die for, which is another testimony to your incredible good luck, boy.”
“I’m really happy for both of you, but I’d better go back to work,” said Melifaro. “It’s a widely held belief that without me the House by the Bridge is going to fall apart.”
“Are you sure that’s where you’re going?” I said.
“Where else would I be going?” said Melifaro. Then he laughed and added, “A hole in the hea
vens above you, Max! You could’ve pretended that you believed me. I need to derive some pleasure from making you a cuckold.”
“No, I need to derive some pleasure from your feeble attempts at it. But fine. There’s a bunch of my amobilers parked by the Armstrong & Ella. You can steal whichever one you like. I’ll tell Boboota, he’ll issue a warrant for your arrest, and then we’ll all sit back and have fun watching the situation unfold.”
“What a brilliant idea,” said Melifaro. “Just turn away when I’m stealing it. It’s so much more adventurous that way.”
“If you want adventures, go back and take that ship for an around-the-world trip,” said Kofa. “It’ll be for a great cause, too. The poor fellow will have at least one volunteer.”
“You’ll see, he’ll have as many volunteers as he needs,” I said. “Not in one day, of course, but he will. I’m just not sure what kind of adventure he’s going to get once he’s out at sea. My so-called luck is a very interesting thing.”
“In any event, we have the opportunity to test it now,” said Kofa.
I stopped the amobiler by the Armstrong & Ella. The door was still flapping in the wind—Tekki had never gotten around to having it fixed. In this regard she and I were two of a kind: it would’ve taken me a year to get around to it, too.
“Call that a bunch? Just two poor excuses for an amobiler,” said Melifaro, getting behind the lever of one of them. “Where do you want me to leave it?”
“There’s already one by Headquarters, so leave this one at the Furry House. My amobilers should be evenly spread around the city,” I said.
Tekki greeted Sir Kofa and me with a warm smile. “I knew you’d pop up,” she said to me. “I put kamra on the burner, even though no one had ordered it. It’s not often that I can guess when you’ll be coming.”
“It’s hereditary,” I said. “Clairvoyance has never been the strong point of your infamous ancestor—” I cut myself short because I was going in a dangerous direction. I hastened to add, “Someone once told me that.”
“There are plenty of amateur historians in Echo who have devoted their lives to studying the life of my legendary daddy,” said Tekki. “It’s too bad he’s never going to know that. There’s something unfair about posthumous fame, don’t you think, gentlemen?”
“Certainly,” said Kofa. “You go out of your way, stick your neck out, bend over backward to get something done—and then someone else ends up having all the fun. I’ve been meaning to ask you, Tekki, was it Loiso who taught you to make kamra, by any chance? You’re suspiciously good at it.”
“Is this an interrogation?” said Tekki, laughing. “The Secret Investigative Force has already stepped on my trace? Kofa, please! Can you imagine Loiso Pondoxo in the kitchen among pots and pans?”
“Why not? I can imagine all sorts of people in the kitchen, including your friend Sir Max. In my imagination, though, he keeps fumbling around the top shelf and pulling down a jar of cookies. But imagining him bending over a pan? No, even I can’t do that.”
“Oh, I’m sure he could steal something out of a pan, too!” said Tekki. And then they both went on and on for another half hour until a company amobiler drove by to pick up Kofa.
“I need to meet with Juffin,” he said, “if only to tell him how the story of the ordinary magical things ended. You, on the other hand, have no need to hurry. You’re not supposed to show up at work for another two hours.”
“Another three hours,” I said.
“Another three hours. You can go ahead and carry out that ‘lengthy procedure’ of changing your clothes that you were dreaming about on the way here.”
“What did he mean by that?” said Tekki after Kofa left.
“I think he was hinting at something a real man should do once left alone with a beautiful lady,” I said.
“Demand food?” said Tekki.
“Say, your clairvoyance is in top shape, bad inheritance notwithstanding,” I said, laughing.
I had to hand it to myself: I was on time for work. By the time I got to the House by the Bridge, everybody had left except Juffin.
“Where’s your dog?” he said.
“Droopy wouldn’t hear of going to work when they don’t pay him,” I said. “Besides, who am I to drag a royal dog to our pitiful excuse for an office?”
“I guess you’re right,” said Juffin. “Okay, take my seat and do what you please with your life. I’m off to watch a movie. Don’t you wish you were me right now?”
“Believe it or not, I don’t,” I said. “I must be a saint. Plus, I already have thought of a way to entertain myself tonight.”
“Playing a game of Krak with your new friend Loiso, I presume?”
“No, no. It’s a common form of social entertainment,” I said. “I’m going to sneak out for a couple of hours and visit the Three-Horned Moon.”
“You’re a poetry lover now, too?” said Juffin. “Sir Lonli-Lokli I can understand. The guy had quite an adolescence: empty aquariums, dead Magicians, icy hands, and yours truly to boot. I’m prepared to forgive him for such eccentricities.”
“I’m going to make sure no one picks on him there,” I said, laughing.
“Echo poets picking on Sir Shurf Lonli-Lokli? It’s too bad Mr. Galza Illana died fifty years ago. His hand is the only one that could do justice at committing that battle scene to canvas.”
Juffin’s remark only added fuel to my laughter. I had once had the chance of contemplating one of the horrendous paintings by the painter of the court of Gurig VII. It was the portrait of General Boboota Box in full regalia against the background of some epic battle. The “masterpiece” was utterly revolting.
Juffin left. Watching a movie from my collection wasn’t among the things he could put off for very long. I relaxed in his armchair and spent a couple of hours reading yesterday’s newspapers. Then I read the newspapers from the day before yesterday, which were even more boring. But boredom was exactly what I needed to make my life a little less monotonous.
Three hours before midnight, Anday Pu sent me a call as promised. I told Kurush that he would have to keep a solitary watch over our half of the Ministry of Perfect Public Order for a while, changed my Mantle of Death for a neutral dark-lilac looxi I had brought from home, and walked outside.
Anday was standing by my amobiler, shuffling his feet.
“Thanks for remembering to invite me,” I said. “Get in and show me the way.”
“It’s easy,” said Anday. “It’s by the Square of Spectacles and Entertainment.”
“Interesting,” I said. “It’s right by the Furry House, and I’ve never even been there.”
“The Three-Horned Moon is not easy to see. You must know which corner to turn,” Anday said in the tone of some ancient Grand Magician divulging one of his most cherished secrets.
“By the way, we’ve already found the burglars who stole your chest,” I said.
I thought Anday had the right to know the story. After all, he was the legitimate owner of the “ordinary magical things” that were now in the Royal (that is, our, to call a spade a spade) possession. I had to give him the short version: the trip to the Square of Spectacles and Entertainment took only ten minutes, even though I drove as slowly as I could. In the evening, the roads of the Old City were jammed with amobilers. I wish I knew where they were all going.
“I’m sorry, but we can’t return the things to you, Anday,” I said. “It’s strictly forbidden, and you don’t want any trouble with the law. In a few days, you’ll receive your monetary compensation. That’s the rule. It’s a substantial sum of money, as far as I know.”
“I catch,” said Anday, nodding. “I don’t need grandfather’s old charms. I’d rather take those little round things. At least I can spend them easily. It’d be even better if instead of them you gave me a ticket to Tasher.”
“Here we go again,” I said. “What’s this with Tasher? You’re going to bore yourself to death there and then beg us to let you return here.”
“You think it’ll kill me?” said Anday. “You don’t catch! Even if I want to come back to Echo, I’ll be coming back to live where I want to come and live. Now I live where I was born. There’s a difference.”
“Darn it, you’re right. Very well put, my friend,” I said. “Here’s the square. Where to now?”
Anday showed me where to park and dove into one of the numerous narrow passages between houses. I followed him. I couldn’t imagine that there could be a tavern somewhere around here. The narrow passage became wider, and soon we found ourselves in a cozy round courtyard, lit by orange and blue lights coming from square windows.
“Here it is, the Three-Horned Moon.” Anday pointed to a tiny sign hanging over a massive old door. There was no inscription on the sign, only an intricate engraving depicting a crescent moon with the top horn splitting into two.
The Three-Horned Moon belonged to the category of pleasant inexpensive taverns that were abundant in Echo. A long bar, wooden tables of assorted sizes to accommodate any number of revelers, a traditionally mixed crowd of customers—nothing out of the ordinary.
On second glance, however, I noticed that the crowd was far from ordinary. I had never witnessed such a high concentration of beaming eyes per square unit of area of a tavern. I was used to being surrounded by the amiable but drowsy and sated faces of the run-of-the-mill inhabitants of the Capital. Well, maybe grumpy Moxi attracted a special clientele in his Juffin’s Dozen, but there were too few tables there to produce the desired effect.
“Sinning Magicians, Max! How did you end up here?” For the first time in my life, I was witnessing a genuine expression of surprise on the normally imperturbable face of Lonli-Lokli.
