by M. V. Stott
I started at the sound of the front door opening and closing. Eva was back.
‘Shit it. Shit, shitty, shit it! You’ve got to hide.’
But, of course, the fox had already done his customary disappearing act. I closed the useless magic book, smoothed down my clothes, put on my best nothing-dodgy-going-on-here smile, and sauntered through into the front room. Whereupon Eva threw a fireball in my direction which narrowly missed my head.
‘Shit!’ I cried.
‘Oh, it’s you.’
‘You could’ve killed me!’
‘Lots of times. Lots and lots. There you stand by my good graces. What’re you doing here?’
‘Nothing dodgy. All above board, I can assure you of that.’
Eva narrowed her eyes and looked past me.
‘What were you doing in the library?’
‘Just, you know, browsing. I was going to try a bit of magic revision, but it turns out the books are all written in gibberish.’
‘You’re nervous, idiot. What are you nervous about?’
I dithered this way and that before Eva was distracted by her phone.
‘What?’ she said, answering the call. ‘Right. Give us twenty.’
She pocketed the phone and lit a cigarette.
‘Good news?’
Eva shrugged, ‘Depends on your predilections. We’ve got another dried-out stiff.’
I can’t deny feeling a teensy bit grateful for the timing of the latest horrific murder. Which really did not me feel to good about myself, I can tell you.
17
The scene of the crime was a little different this time. No house, instead I found myself parking up near a small, humpback bridge.
‘Aw no,’ said Eva, sitting up from her usual position in the back seat. ‘Aw no, no no.’
‘What? What’s wrong? I mean, besides the obvious deathy situation?’
‘Come on,’ she said, and stepped out of the car, heading down the bank toward the underneath of the small, stone bridge where a huddle of police officers and forensics were milling around.
‘Eva?’
I followed her down the damp incline, almost slipping as I did so. And then I did slip, landing in a heap at someone’s feet. I looked up to see Maya.
‘Don’t worry,’ she said. ‘No one saw.’
I looked around to see several officers laughing and nudging each other.
‘Apart from everyone over there, I mean.’
‘Good. Great.’
I stood and regained my composure as best I could, then followed Maya over to the body. Eva was already crouched by its side. As with the others, it was completely shrivelled and dried out.
‘Is it another one of you magic people?’ asked Maya.
‘Yup. He’s an Uncanny, alright.’
‘We couldn’t find any sort of I.D. on him,’ said Maya.
‘No need. I know this fella. A troll who went by the name Tony. Tony the troll. Me and him used to drink like demons in our younger days. He could really hold his booze. Well, for a troll.’
‘A troll,’ said Maya, nodding. ‘Okay. Dead troll. Of course.’
I patted her on the shoulder, ‘It just continues to get weirder, doesn’t it?’
‘Do I look like your loyal family pet?’
I stopped the patting.
‘You can see drag marks to and from the body here, look,’ said Maya, pointing down at the dirt.
‘The stones,’ I said. ‘Elga and her Kin.’
‘Are you two any further along with that?’ she asked.
‘Ah, well, no. Not as such,’ I replied.
‘I have someone we can talk to about it. Local know-it-all,’ said Eva.
Mickey Finn’s is a pub on the outskirts of Keswick, the small town I live in. It’s a pub that—up until this moment—I had neither seen nor heard of, which, if you knew Keswick, would seem impossible. Live there for even the shortest length of time, and you’ll have seen and visited every place there is to visit.
But not Mickey Finn’s. Mickey Finn’s was only meant to be seen by a certain very specific type of clientele. Namely, Uncanny people.
Like the coven, it sat at the end of a blind alley; and this time it lived up fully to its name.
‘What am I supposed to be looking at?’ asked Maya, staring at what looked to her like a solid brick wall.
‘Mickey Finn’s,’ replied Eva. ‘Not much to look at, but it’s got booze, crisps, and a jukebox containing nothing that came out post-1976, so it’s fucking belter. Come on.’
Eva walked into the alley, and Maya made a small, strangled sound as she stagger-stepped back.
‘She disappeared! The bitch disappeared!’
I won’t lie, it was a nice feeling not to be the one struggling to keep up. The one floundering, wide-eyed, at the latest possible impossibility.
‘It’s called a blind alley,’ I explained, swaggering around in a somewhat insufferable manner. ‘We magic sorts use them to keep certain places secret and safe from unwanted visitors.’
Eva stepped back out of the alley, causing Maya to let out another cry and bunny hop back.
‘You coming or what?’
‘Blind alley,’ I said.
‘Huh? Oh!’ Eva placed her hand against Maya’s head. ‘See.’
Maya swatted the hand aside and made to give Eva a piece of her mind, then stopped. ‘Oh.’
‘Yup,’ I said. ‘Come along, you two.’
I strode into the alley, towards the little pub nestled at the far end, Eva and Maya following on.
‘No one likes you when you’re smug, idiot,’ said Eva. ‘Or just in general, actually.’
Mickey Finn’s was what you might call an old school pub. By which I mean it looked like something from medieval times. Well, apart from the jukebox which was currently playing Jolene by Dolly Parton.
The floor was dirt, scattered with hay, the beer decanted from large barrels with simple taps hammered into them.
We stepped inside and the drinkers paused their conversations to see who we were. I was more than a little aware of a few harsh looks and whispered curses thrown specifically in my direction.
‘Stay cool,’ Eva told the patrons of Mickey Finn’s. ‘The idiot’s with me. If anyone wants to start something though, I currently have my fighting fists on.’
The drinkers went back to their conversations.
‘Not too popular in here, then,’ said Maya.
‘I’ve never even been here.’
‘Oh yeah, you have,’ said Eva. ‘Any everyone here knows what a piece of shit you are. Were. Whatever. Come on.’
Eva wandered over to the bar as I tried to put on a brave, not scared face.
‘What exactly did you get up to in the past?’ asked Maya.
‘Oh, you know, we all do stupid things when we’re young.’ I scampered after Eva, who already had the giant, broken-nosed, shaven-headed barman filling three jugs with beer.
‘So, who’s your source?’ asked Maya.
‘Malden,’ said Eva, blowing the froth off her drink as it was handed over. ‘Still an expert at giving head I see, Grunt.’
The barman grunted.
‘Appropriate name,’ I said. Grunt glared at me and shoved my drink over, spilling about half of it in the process. ‘Thank you.’
‘Come on, he’s over there,’ said Eva.
We joined a rather ratty looking man, who was sat by himself in one corner. When I say ratty, I mean ratty. His clothes were a tattered jumble, his fingers filthy with long nails, his ears and teeth pointy, just like a rodent’s.
‘Malden,’ said Eva, nodding and taking a seat.
‘Eva, how nice to see you. When was the last time we spoke? Oh, it must have been years and years and years and years ago. How many years is it? Now, it must be more than six. I bet it’s more than six, isn’t it? Maybe eight.’
‘You’ll have to forgive Malden,’ said Eva, ‘he is massively boring.’
‘It can’t be ten, can it?�
��
‘Yup. Ten years. Only got back to the Lakes recently. Been doing a tour of the country since, well…’ she gestured in my direction.
‘Janto,’ said Malden, raising his glass to me, I raised mine in return.
‘Oh, Janto to you too.’ I leaned over to Eva. ‘Janto, is that magic for hello?’
‘No, that’s your real name.’
I may have taken a few silent seconds to digest that one.
‘Janto is my name? My real name?’ It occurred to me then that I actually hadn’t even asked what my old name, my real name, had been. I’d given myself the name Joseph Lake. Looks like I got the first letter right at least.
‘Do I have a second name?’
‘No, just Janto. Witches don’t need second names.’
‘Sorry,’ said Maya, ‘but, what exactly are you, Malden?’
‘Oh, I’m an eaves.’
‘An eaves.’
‘We eaves like to lurk about. Listen to things. Gather secrets and sell them on. It’s a very interesting line of work, actually.’
‘No it isn’t, Malden,’ said Eva, ‘we need something from you.’
I raised my hand. ‘Is it okay if I keep going by Joseph? Joseph feels like me.’
‘Fine by me,’ said Eva, ‘Janto has a really shitty association for me. What’s your price, Malden?’
‘The usual.’
‘Money?’ asked Maya. ‘Are we paying for this intel?’
‘No,’ said Eva. ‘Well, yeah. But not cash, Malden and the rest of his kind trade info for magic.’
‘So, Eva, Janto, Officer, what is it you would like to know?’
‘Malden,’ I said, ‘there’s a stone circle we’ve been looking for.’
‘Lot of stone circles around these parts,’ he replied. ‘I’ve got a long, winding, fascinating story about stone circles, actually, if you’d like to hear it.’
‘No thanks,’ said Eva, ‘but I’ll keep the offer in mind if I want to be bored to death.’
Malden laughed. ‘See, that’s what I like about you, Eva. You’re so rude. You also have a very nice bottom. For a familiar.’
‘He wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true,’ said Eva, waggling her eyebrows at Maya.
‘We want to ask about a specific stone circle,’ I said.
‘Shoot.’
‘Elga and her Kin.’
Malden nodded and scratched at his scabby chin with his sharp, yellow fingernails, skin flaking off and drifting down onto his jumper like some sort of really disgusting snowfall.
‘Elga and her Kin, eh? Yeah, I know that.’
‘Brilliant! Is there a reason we didn’t come and ask this question right away?’ I said, turning to Eva.
Eva shrugged, ‘What fun is going the easy route all the time?’
‘I’m sure Tony the Troll would have an answer to that,’ I replied.
Maya slid a pad and pen across, ‘Could you write down the exact location for us?’
‘Be my pleasure.’
He scrawled down a location, there was only one problem.
‘Actually, we’ve already tried there,’ I said. ‘Remember when I got the weird feeling and stopped? That was the place. There was nothing there.’
‘Didn’t happen to go during the day, did you?’ asked Malden.
‘Yeah, why?’
‘Of course!’ said Eva, slapping her palm against her forehead.
‘Of course what?’ asked Maya.
‘It’s a night circle, isn’t it?’ said Eva.
‘Complete night circle, yeah,’ said Malden.
‘What’s a night circle?’ I asked.
‘Well, it’s only visible at night,’ replied Malden. ‘You can’t see it while the sun’s up.’
‘The stones only attacked at night,’ said Maya. ‘So that makes a sort of sense.’
‘You know,’ said Malden, ‘I’ve got a nice story about that circle, too, if you’ve got thirty or forty minutes to spare.’
Eva downed her drink, then Maya’s, then mine, before unleashing a burp that could have brought down a passing plane.
‘Looks like we’re all done, sorry.’ Eva then clicked her fingers and the air around her hand began to sparkle and glow. ‘Get that down you, love.’ She flicked the sparkles and they drifted over to the grasping Malden, who gobbled it up with his small, dagger teeth like a man who hadn’t eaten in days.
‘Now, that’s good magic,’ said Malden.
As we headed for the exit, I was feeling sort of good. We had new information, we knew what and where the circle was. The investigation had stepped forward and we were actually getting somewhere. I may even have been smiling. And that’s when my phone started to vibrate. It was the hospital.
‘Hello?’ I said, answering. ‘I’m not late for a shift, am I?’
‘Joe,’ said Big Marge, ‘it’s your friend, Annie.’
I felt my body turn cold, ‘What about her?’
‘You’d better get over here.’
I pocketed my phone and ran from the pub.
18
Annie did not look at all well as I entered her hospital room. Hardly surprising really, you tend not to look your best after a car has smashed into you, throwing your rag doll body up and through the air, to land in a bloody heap on the side of the road.
‘Annie?’
I moved toward the side of the bed. Her eyes were closed. Unconscious or sleeping, I wasn’t sure.
Her face was badly bruised, one of her arms in a cast. Had there been another attempt to grab her soul? It could, of course, just have been a coincidence. People are hit by cars all the time.
‘Jo-Joe…?’
Annie’s eyes fluttered open, her cracked lips parting to speak again, before receding into a grimace of pain.
‘Hey, it’s okay, I’m here.’
I dragged a chair over and sat by her side as she struggled into a semi-seated position and reached for the plastic cup of tepid water sat on the bedside table.
‘What happened? Why did you leave the flat?’
‘I had work. I don’t know, I was stupid.’
She reached out the hand that wasn’t in plaster and gripped my arm, as though she were holding onto a life belt in the middle of a stormy sea.
‘It’s okay, I’m here, they didn’t get you. It was, you know, “them”, I take it?’
Annie nodded.
‘One of them almost won. Almost took me out and claimed my soul.’
‘But they didn’t, you’re still here. You’re still alive.’
‘I’m never going to see my daughter again, am I? I’m never going to hold Millie, never going to hear her laugh, ever again.’
‘Don’t talk like that, they haven’t won yet. You’ll see your daughter again, I promised you, didn’t I?’
Yeah, I’d promised alright. I had no right, but I’d gone ahead and done it anyway. Would I have done that if she hadn’t been a mother? If I hadn’t experienced the love that dead magician had for her daughter? Maybe, maybe not. But it felt a little like the sensation of that love had infected me a little. Seeped deep into my bones. I didn’t just want to protect Annie, I felt like I had to protect her daughter, too. I didn’t want a child growing up without her mum on my conscience.
‘I’m frightened, Joe.’
‘I know. Me too.’
I could feel her trembling as she held onto me, and my stomach twisted. All she had was a life of fear ahead of her, and a short life at that the way things were going. And there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing Eva could do either. The bad guys were going to get her. She was going to die and Millie, her kid, was going to grow up with barely a memory of her mum.
Well.
Unless I did something massively stupid and epically dangerous. Something that would, yes, save Annie as I’d promised, would let her go back to her life, her child, but put me right in the firing line with no clear exit points marked.
I thought about the dead magician one more time. How that love burned.
Crap.
‘Annie, I think I have a way to get you out of this.’
Crap crap crap.
Annie’s eyes widened and she sat forward sharply, wincing in pain as her body let her know how much of a mistake that sudden movement was, considering her recent car-to-body experience.
‘Really? You can help after all?’
‘Sure,’ I said, as nonchalantly as I could while my knees were knocking and my heart racing, ‘I said I would help, didn’t I? I’m not one to disappoint a lady. Well, that’s not true, but not on this occasion.’
A tear escaped and raced down Annie’s cheek. She leaned forward as best she could and hugged me.
‘Okay, no need for that, just doing my job,’ I said.
‘What is it? Some sort of magic spell?’
‘Yep. Well, sort of. I’m not entirely sure.’
‘Oh. Okay.’
‘Basically, you can’t cancel your contract with the demons, but you can pass the debt on. Pass it on to someone willing to take what you’re offering, at least.’
Annie looked a little confused. ‘You’re saying you’d take on my debt?’
‘Yep,’ I said, my voice something of a squeak. I cleared my throat and tried again. ‘Yes. Yep. I will take on your debt, and problem solved. No more animal attacks, no more dodgy drivers.’
‘But wouldn’t that just make them all turn their attention to you?’
Please don’t point out the terrifying, stupid flaw in all of this.
‘Yes, well, there is that, but don’t worry, I’m not like you. I’m a warlock, remember, and I know lots of other magic… stuff. And people. They wouldn’t help a non-magic person like you, but they will me. Honest. No worries.’
Annie didn’t look like she was buying a word of it, which wasn’t surprising, as I’m such a terrible liar.
‘I don’t want to be responsible for your death, Joe. This is my fault.’
‘Death? Who’s dying? Trust me, all will be well. Or are you happy with the constant stream of close shaves you’re currently enjoying? Happy with Millie never seeing you again?’
Annie wrestled for a moment.
‘Trust me. I’m a witch. I poop demons for breakfast.’
‘That’s a strange way to phrase that.’
