“Our new house will still be on this land… just not right next to the big house.” He twisted around to hold Tate’s gaze and lifted his brow. “And you think I’ve never wanted to see anywhere else?”
Tate stared dumbly at his father, unable to think of anything to say. His father chuckled again and reached over to pat him on the knee.
“Oh, we’re not leaving this area,” he assured. “We’re going to be right down the road, probably over here just about every other day, if I had to guess. But your mother and I have got a few places we’d like to visit and the time just seems right.” His smile widened and he added, “We’re even planning to go on a cruise in a few weeks.”
“Jesus, Dad, I don’t even know what to say. I mean… on one hand, I want to say congratulations because I think anyone who’s worked as hard as you and Mom deserve a break. On the other hand, I guess I’m just shocked because I never imagined you being anywhere except right here.”
“I just want to make sure that you understand that you’re not getting left out. Your grandfather sold a lot of acres many years ago, and I’ve sold a few more. Thomas and I agreed on downsizing so that the ranch was manageable and yet still profitable. But that money from the land sales went straight into investments and is doing fine. All that is earmarked for you.”
Shaking his head, he argued, “No, no. I’ve got my own money. You don’t have to do this.”
“It’s part of the legacy that goes to you, Son. The land will go to Caroline and your grandfather’s money will go to you. But don’t worry, your mom and I plan on doing a lot of living and a lot of traveling. Hell, without having to take care of the ranch all the time, we might make it over to Maine to visit you.”
Clapping his father on the shoulder, he nodded. “I’d be proud to have you any time, Dad. My house is right on the water and the fishing is good.”
“That's what I’m talking about!”
They sat quietly for another moment, their gazes drifting over the pastures down below, the scrub brush along the trails, and the thick trees behind them leading up to the mountains. The past mingled with the future, but Tate’s mind stumbled between the two. Children growing up and leaving home seemed natural. Parents wanting to do the same? Not so much.
He glanced to the side and noticed the lines etched in his father’s face appeared deeper, while at the same time he seemed at peace.
“It’s God’s country,” his father said. “But your mom and I are looking forward to some new adventures.”
Starting the ATV again, his dad drove back down the hills while Tate’s mind still swirled with the news. It would seem strange to think of his parents not being in the big house, and yet the idea that they were excited about what the future would bring crossed over to him. By the time they arrived back at the barn, he could say he was happy for his parents but knew it would take a while for the changes to settle deep inside.
While the rest of the family went about their day getting ready for Susan’s birthday, he borrowed one of the ranch trucks and drove back through town to the small cemetery behind the church his parents and grandparents had attended. Parking near the front, he smiled, looking up at the brick building, the white steeple rising toward the vast blue sky.
He grinned, memories of sitting with his family when he was young, listening to the minister preach. He remembered church socials where he and Nathan would dart between the tables, seeing who could eat the most food. And whenever Nathan crossed his mind, thoughts of Nora were not far behind. Two years younger, she was determined to keep up with both of them, and often had.
Climbing from the truck, he walked past a few other vehicles in the parking lot, knowing the church staff was still at work. A chill was in the air, the breeze starting to whip about as he walked toward the back of the church and through the metal gate leading to the cemetery.
His feet stumbled to a halt as he looked ahead and saw a lone figure standing in front of a group of headstones. He didn’t need to see the names on the stones to know the identity of the mourner. Nora. His heart thumped, threatening to pound out of his chest. He battled the desire to stalk straight toward her, demanding that she talk to him. Working to control his breathing, he kept his gaze pinned on her.
Indecision filled him, an emotion he rarely felt. Caroline’s words from the previous evening scored through him, and as much as he wanted to walk over and greet Nora, he didn’t want to cause her any pain. Every nuance was noted, each paired with a memory. Her honey-blonde hair stood out in stark relief against the dark jacket she clutched around her. He remembered her hair flying behind her as they rode horses over the ranch. He also remembered his fingers dragging through the silky strands when they shared their first kiss.
Her face was pale, but he remembered how tanned she used to become every summer, working and playing in the sun. From where he stood, it appeared she was wearing her nursing scrubs and he imagined the thin cotton pants provided little warmth.
If she were anywhere else besides Nathan’s gravesite he would have approached, but here, in this place of grieving, he forced his body to lock in place. Giving her privacy, he turned and leaned back against the sun-warmed brick wall that surrounded the cemetery, tilting his face toward the sky and closing his eyes for a few minutes, allowing the memories to flow over him.
Hearing a slight noise, he looked over and saw that Nora had turned and her gaze was pinned on him. Pushing away from the wall, he faced her but did not move closer. As much as he wanted to approach, his feet stayed rooted to the ground. He was too far away to discern her expression, but she quickly turned and began weaving through the headstones, heading back to the parking lot. With her head down, staring at her feet as she walked toward the far gate, she never looked back.
He reached up and rubbed his chest as a dull ache settled deep inside and he found it hard to breathe. With her now gone, he mimicked her actions by weaving through the headstones toward the grouping that was so familiar. At one time, there had only been a single gravesite that he visited… Nathan’s. Now, Nathan’s grandparents’ headstones flanked him on one side, and his parents’ graves were on the other. It seemed strange to think that Nathan’s stone wasn’t solitary but was joined by all the others in his family. But then, of course, that meant that Nora was now alone.
Kneeling at the grave, he sighed. Reaching out, his fingertips landed on the icy cold marble, longing for that connection. “I fucked up, Nathan. I was supposed to take care of her and thought I was. But I fucked up and I’ve got no idea how to fix it.” He sighed again, but no more words came. He didn’t ask for forgiveness, but instead, continued to allow the cold to seep inside.
He wasn’t with his friend when he died, but he’d been with others his unit lost. They all ripped deep inside, but nothing quite like the loss of Nathan. A lump formed in his throat, threatening to choke him as it always did. Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, he battled the sting then finally allowed the tears to slide down his cheek. He swiped at his nose before scrubbing his palm over his face, wiping away the visible traces of his grief. Nothing would erase the grief buried deep inside, but that was fine. That emotion he could wrap around like a blanket, taking comfort in its familiarity.
After a few more silent moments, he stood, and with a last gaze downward, turned and headed back to his truck.
The rest of the weekend was spent with family. It was as though everyone was trying very hard to pretend that life was normal when in reality he wondered if things would ever be the same. The family celebrated his mom’s birthday and caught up on each other’s lives with Tate offering stories of a few of the places he had visited and listening as his mother described the cruise they were going to take.
When the next day dawned, the family piled into the huge family van for the drive to the airport. He hugged his parents after obtaining promises that they would come to visit. He shook Thomas’ hand warmly, having already taken a moment the previous day to let him know that he was pleased to see the ranch in such good han
ds. He kissed his sister and promised that he would come back to visit soon, then swung his niece around in the air, kissing her in the middle of giggles. With final goodbyes to his nephews, he walked through security, his enjoyment of his weekend mixed with the sense that times were changing.
Whether he was ready for the changes are not… they were coming.
4
Tate parked outside LSI, waving toward the man on the riding lawnmower. Horace Tiddle had been hired by Mace years ago to help maintain the buildings and surrounding grounds. There was no need for the location to be secret, but Mace liked his privacy, and the lighthouse sat at the end of a long, wooded lane with a private entrance. Thick, green grass surrounded the buildings leading to the rocky coastline where the Atlantic Ocean waves crashed rhythmically against the stones and boulders.
Stepping inside the house, he moved straight into the kitchen and smiled at Horace’s wife, Marge. Horace, a former SEAL and CIA Op, now had the look of a grandfatherly seadog. Marge, another former CIA Op, could easily be mistaken for a grandmotherly Drill Sergeant. She took care of the Keepers while running a tight ship.
The scent of apple muffins wafted through the air, and he grinned. “Did you use my mom’s recipe?”
“Absolutely,” Marge assured. “I know when to bow down to greatness, and your mom’s apple recipes are the best.”
Taking a bite of a muffin, he nodded. “Just as good as Mom’s.” Winking as Marge smiled in pride, he grabbed the basket to take down to the compound’s workspace. Once through the various levels of security at the back of the house and the base of the house, he exited the elevator into the cavernous main room of Lighthouse Security Investigations. The room, sealed and environmentally protected, held computer equipment, stations where the Keepers manned keyboards, and large screens. Specialized printers, processors with high-speed connections, servers, and other computer equipment filled much of the room, circling around the massive table in the center.
A hall led to locker rooms, workout room, and equipment storage, eventually leading through more security and into caves leading to the rocky coast.
Passing by two desks, he smiled at Sylvie, Mace’s beautiful wife and LSI’s ever-efficient office manager. Stopping at the second desk, he hefted his hip on to the corner and smiled at Babs. “You ready to tie the knot and shackle yourself to Drew for life?”
The athletic woman with a purple streak through her dark hair looked up at him and winked. “For better or worse… but I confess, I’m hoping for better.”
“I am too, Babs.” Drew, another Keeper, and Babs had danced around each other for several years, finally giving in to the attraction they both felt. Their relationship had not had an easy path, but everyone at LSI was happy about their upcoming wedding.
“By the way,” she began. “How was your parents’ cruise?”
“A helluva lot better than yours was.” Babs had discovered she became seasick on a cruise she had taken last summer. Getting off the ship had not proven to be any better when she ran into modern-day pirates and Drew had to fly in to help. His parents, on the other hand, had discovered they loved cruising in the Caribbean. “They enjoyed it so much, they’re planning on taking another cruise to Alaska in the spring.”
“Hell, man. When your parents decided to take some time to travel, they really decided to go.”
He looked over at one of his best friends, Blake, and nodded. “You got that right.” He set the basket of muffins on the back counter next to the large coffee maker. Dumping sugar and creamer into his huge mug, he headed to the table and settled in with the others.
Once everyone arrived, Mace began. “We’ve got several security contracts right now, most of which can be done here. Cobb is on a detail in El Paso, Texas, and probably won’t get finished for another couple of weeks but is flying in for Drew and Babs’ wedding this weekend. Walker is still in Washington DC, finishing a detail with the head of the Senate Intelligence Committee, but will also come back for the wedding. Rank will head to D.C. after the wedding to meet with our liaison at the FBI.”
“Aww, it looks like our wedding is going to get the team back together again,” Drew quipped. He twisted around and wiggled his eyebrows at Babs. “Aren’t we the popular ones?”
She rolled her eyes and shook her head, her lips curving into a smile.
“We just want to see you get all dressed up, then fall apart and cry like a baby when you see her walking down the aisle,” Blake said. “I can see you tearing up right now.” Blake clutched his heart with one hand and wiped a fake tear with the other.
Drew flipped him off, but they all laughed, knowing Blake was exactly right.
Taciturn Mace fought a grin, then closed the folder in front of him. “Everyone’s got their security detail assignments on their tablets. If you need any help, see Josh. After lunch, anyone who’s game can join me for a run and swim. It’s bracing outside, but I figure you SEALs will be right at home.”
A few goodhearted shouts were called out, the natural camaraderie mixed with competition among the various former servicemen always at play.
Later that afternoon, he found his rhythm as he ran along the path through the woods. Lost in thought, he was still aware of Blake coming up behind them.
“You gonna spill?”
Moving slightly to the left so that Blake and he could run side-by-side on the path, he asked, “Spill?”
“You’ve had something on your mind this past month ever since you got back from your parents’ ranch. Is it all the changes they’re making?”
They ran silently side-by-side for a moment, Tate trying to decide how much he wanted to say. He snorted at the thought of sharing his thoughts but figured Blake might understand. “Gotta admit, it’s weird thinking of my parents not being on the ranch every day. I know it’s the only life they’ve led, and they’ve loved it… I just never thought about them wanting to do anything else. Now, they call me from a trip they’re on and I can hear how much fun they’re having.”
“My dad’s still working, but my mom retired right after my sister had kids. I figured she’d get bored out of her mind, but she’s loving being a grandma. I guess we all have a hard time seeing our parents wanting to live their own lives.”
“When you put it like that, it seems ridiculous. I mean, my parents completely supported my decision to join the Navy and become a SEAL instead of run the ranch. You’d think that I’d support their lives as well.”
Their footsteps continued to pound along the path through the woods that ran near the coast. The sound of waves crashing on the rocks below could be heard.
“Anything else that’s got you inside your head?”
“What are you? My fuckin’ psychiatrist?” he bit back, a grin on his face.
“Hell yeah, if it gets your head back in the game. Personally, I think it’s the old girlfriend that’s got you tied up in knots.”
“Yeah, maybe.” He shrugged as they rounded the bend in the path and ran closer to the coastline. “I admit my sister said some things that have stayed with me. My reasons for breaking up with her at the time were sound, and I figured she’d get on with her life. I didn’t keep up with her because, I guess, in truth, I didn’t want to see how she was moving on with her life. But my sister indicated that things for Nora haven’t been what I thought they were.”
“You think there’s a chance for the two of you again?”
“I don’t see how. Maybe if I’d pulled my head outta my ass years ago. But now? I’d give anything just for a decent conversation with her. I think that’s what gets me the most, is that we never really had a chance to… to… hell, I don’t know.”
“Have closure.”
Feet stumbling, he swung his head to the side. “Closure? Jesus, you are like my fuckin’ psychiatrist.”
“I’m being serious, man. That’s what you call it when you don’t have a chance to tie up all the loose ends.”
Watching Blake grin, he groaned. “Fuck. With a bunch
of you all getting engaged and married, you’re going to give the rest of us a complex that we don’t have our shit together.”
“Fine, then I can just keep using my psychiatrist skills.” Blake quipped.
Flipping him off, Tate veered down the rocky shore and dove into the water. The cold slapped at him, dislodging the tangled emotions running through his mind. With the view of the lighthouse up ahead, his strong strokes sent him toward his goal. Focus… just stay focused on the job. That’s all that’s important.
That evening, he sat on the back deck of his home. After Mace had hired him, he’d lived in an apartment until he could find just the right property. The older house was a cottage-style saltbox two-story home. In good shape, he was pleased with the wood floors, huge brick fireplace, and windows that overlooked the water.
He often swam or kayaked to his heart’s content in the bay outside his property that led straight to the ocean. The kitchen and bathrooms were not modern, but the bones of the house were good, and it stood solid against the winter.
It had been important to put down roots after years of wandering the world with one deployment or mission after another, longing for what his parents had. But it’s fuckin’ lonely. A beautiful view… but fuckin’ lonely.
In the past month since he had returned from the family visit in Wyoming, he thought often about Nora. His sister’s words had played over and over, making him wonder if Nora still had feelings for him. Nora is beautiful, smart, a sweetheart. Why has no one snapped her up? He remembered Caroline’s comment about Nora’s former boyfriend.
“That was six years ago. It was a mistake. I knew the guy wasn’t right for her, and she finally figured that out. But if you think that didn’t have something to do with you, then you’d be wrong.”
Taking another swig from the longneck beer in his hand, he grimaced as he so often did when certain memories passed through his mind. It had seemed easy to be involved with a girl back home when he first joined the Navy, but becoming a SEAL was an altogether different feeling. Out of contact during missions. Unable to let her know where he was or what he was doing. Needing to be ready at a whim, but he also saw the toll it took on the ones back home. And then Nathan’s death. Breaking up with Nora seemed like the noble thing to do. Damn near broke my heart, but it gave her the freedom to love a man who’d give her a home. What a fuckin’ pussy I was. Now, based on his sister’s words, he wondered if that had been a mistake.
Tate (Lighthouse Security Investigations Book 6) Page 3
