“Like me?” Julian chuckles, and my head bounces up to look at him.
“Yeah. No offense.”
“Oh. Now you claim no offense?” He rolls his eyes and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Dude you wanted to kick my ass every time you walked in this office. And it had nothing to do with your promise to Wes. It’s because you’re in love with her and you don’t want anyone else to have her. Admit it.”
“I don’t deserve her. Why can’t you get that?”
“I do. And I think it’s all twisted and confusing too. Does she know any of this?”
“She knows about the accident, of course, but she has no clue that Wes and I were fighting about the party and that he didn’t want us to go. Nobody does.”
Julian’s eyes go wide, and he falls back in his chair. “Nobody. Not even his parents? Or yours?”
“No.”
“Holy shit, dude. You know nobody would blame you, right?”
“That’s a crock of shit. If I told Martha and Frank the truth, they would kill me. I mean they knew he was working that night—and he wasn’t there the whole time—I don’t know.” I run my hands through my hair. I never talked to them about it. They assumed he came for us and I left it at that. How was I supposed to tell them I ultimately put their son in harm's way and got him killed? “I wish I could go back in time and never have gone to that stupid party. Or maybe called him sooner to get us or even just taken a few minutes longer to get in the car. Hell, sometimes I think it should’ve been me that night because it was my fault…”
“Fuck man! You can’t mean that.” Julian leans in concerned.
“You didn’t know Meadow and Wes. And Wes wouldn’t have treated her like I did today.”
“Maybe not. But Wes isn’t holding onto seven years of fucking blame on his damn shoulders. I still don’t get why you think you are responsible anyway?”
“Didn’t you hear a fucking word I fucking said?” I rise to my feet seething and Julian is on his just as quick.
“I did! I heard it all. I do get what you’re saying, but also—like damn it, Dex. You should’ve unloaded this shit years ago. You were sixteen. And what I’m about to say to you... I’m sorry, but I’m going to be frank with you, and I’m not going to baby you through your grief. I’m not Meadow. Maybe if you told her what the fuck happened she'd be wrapping you in her damn arms, but guess what, bro? I’m not sugar coating it. Now sit the fuck down and chill. Because do you want your friend back? At least that much?”
I nod. “Yeah. Of course, I do.”
“Then listen because you’re going to need to get over this bullshit blame you have. Then you’re going to admit that you love Meadow and tell her your damn sorry. Then figure out how to win her back if you have to.”
I plop back in the chair and my head falls in my hands, knowing maybe this is what I needed. Someone that isn’t so close to the bullshit. Amazingly, it already feels like a fifty-pound weight has lifted off my chest telling someone else what happened that night.
“I get why you feel responsible. Maybe you shouldn’t have gone to that party, but you did. You were sixteen. But you still did the responsible thing and called someone sober to drive you. You could have gotten into a car with anyone. You could have driven. You could have walked and got hit. In the end, a drunk driver hit you guys! It all fucking sucks, Dexter. You didn’t fucking ask for that asshole to do it! You didn’t wish for it to happen! It was an accident! You and Meadow could have died too. But none of this was your fault.”
“But I could’ve just stayed at my house with Meadow.”
“I get it. I do, but Dexter you can’t punish yourself for it. It’s not a way to live and you need to forgive yourself for it. I think you need to fucking talk to someone. Obviously, this guilt is killing you, man. And it's going to stop you from the one thing you want, and you deserve…And you need to start by telling her.”
But do I truly deserve her?
“I think she would hate me forever if she knew what really happened.”
“Really? Are we talking about the same girl? Meadow Lexington? Please. Just tell her what you told me. I’m about a thousand times sure she would understand. I don’t know how she wouldn’t.” I open my mouth and he puts up his hand automatically stopping me. “And if you say anything on the lines of saying you killed her boyfriend, I will knock you on your ass, Greene. You’ve had this on your shoulders for so long, you didn’t know any better.”
“You don’t have to because you said it for me.” I smirk. “But I will. Whenever I can get her to talk to me again. It’s already been one hell of a week.”
“Oh yes. I heard all about the Kayleigh thing. What the fuck were you thinking?” He laughs, shaking his head.
“No fucking clue. I was being a dick. I don’t know.” I groan and wonder if out of all the things if I’ll be forgiven for that mistake. Maybe Meadow was right, and I was acting like a jealous Neanderthal because I did want her to feel everything I was going through with her dating Julian. “So, what now?”
“What is it that you want? Something close to the friendship you had or something more?”
I’m silent for a moment, thinking back to the past few weeks. Hell, the last year. How everyone agrees that we are so in love with each other—to the fact that maybe I’m indeed blind in my feelings for her. It would be stupid for me to doubt that I wouldn’t want something with Meadow. She’s been my entire life since I can remember. Every memory revolves around her and life would cease to exist without her.
It’s just I’m not sure how to admit it all out loud. There’s still this creep of betrayal in the form of Wes’ face. It’s this hard line between wrong and right. I just know I have to do something if I want Meadow to stay in my life because I fear I might have pushed her away too hard this time.
I can already feel the fortress she's put up around us.
“First, I’ve got to get her to talk to me. See if she is willing to give me a chance to make things up to her.”
“Well, she came up with a plan to help you try to get your hard head out of your ass. It worked to an extent. Maybe you need to do something similar.”
“What do you have in mind?”
“It’s not the greatest of ideas. I’ve never had to woo a girl before.”
“You’re an ass,” I want to smack the smug look off his face, “and this is why I knew you and Meadow…”
“Fuck off.” He plants a punch to my arm making me grit my teeth from the dead arm he just gave me. Fucker. “Do you want my help or not?”
“Fine, but I think I’m pretty good at wooing already.”
“Alright. Only make sure it doesn’t involve another woman, especially Kayleigh.”
I punch him back in the right arm, hoping to return the same pain he inflicted on me and head out of the office.
When I get back home, Meadow’s car isn’t in its normal parking spot. I figured she wouldn’t be here, but I had held out hope that maybe she would be so we could try to talk. I pull out my phone and send her a text asking her where she is. Though as I expect, she doesn’t answer me in her usual timely manner.
I’m not sure what makes me go straight to her bedroom, but I have this uncomfortable feeling telling me something is up. As I flick on the light, my suspicions are right when I spot clothes thrown all over my usually neat freak of a best friend’s bed and her dresser drawer is hanging open.
“Fuck,” I yell to the empty room and yank on my hair. The tornado that ripped through our friendship, has officially wiped out the one thing we had safe: Our home. She's gone and I have no idea when she's coming back.
Or if she would even want to come back.
This had been a bigger disaster than I ever saw coming, and I wasn't sure if my plan was going to be enough to win her over.
I move to her dresser and close the drawers. On top, Meadow has a collection of pictures from throughout the years, including one from her birthday in a crazy pink and blue bedazzled frame. I'm not ev
en sure at what point this picture was taken, but Meadow’s legs are wrapped around my waist and she has one arm around my neck, while her other fist pumps the air. She looks so happy as she smiles into the camera and I appear—I move the frame closer to my face to take a good look at myself. I'm staring right at her, looking like a lovesick fool. Sure, I was probably shit faced at the time, but even right now I would be stupid to deny it:
That I'm in love with Meadow Lexington.
I take the picture to the bed and stare at for a while longer, trying to see if it could help trigger the black hole of the night. The longer I stare, the only thing I can recall now is how great her boobs looked and how perfect her ass was that night. Especially in this picture with the way I was holding her, because her dress has ridden up, exposing the bottom of that tight little ass.
Damn, why the fuck did I have to blackout?
But then where would we be now?
Setting the picture aside, I pull out my phone to text her. Needing to know she's okay. Needing to hear from her.
Please at least let me
know you’re okay.
I'm sorry.
Five minutes pass, then ten, then thirty, and still nothing.
I'm back in my room, pacing the length. I've tried calling and it rang and then went to voicemail each time I did. So, I try texting again.
Come on Meadow.
Please. You left upset and
I'm worried. Just tell me
anything...that you're fine,
that you're alive…
anything…
I'll take her damn smart mouth even if right now it would be something that would hurt me. Even if she told me she was with some guy. When I don’t get an answer, I text Mel, knowing that’s the person she’s more than likely with.
Mel if you hear from Meadow
can you please let me know
if she’s okay?
Instead of waiting for a reply, I text the next people on my list of usual suspects: Randy, Steph, and Steve. Twenty minutes later and none of them have heard from her today.
I fall back on my bed and rake my hands through my hair, feeling like a complete fuck up.
Chapter Eleven
Meadow
Mel flings open the door of her apartment and pulls me in along with my duffle bag. The door closes, my bag falls to the floor, she grips me into a tight hug, and I lose it all over again.
“Are you sure it’s okay that I stay here for a bit?” I hiccup. Shit, I thought I was finally done crying. But now being squeezed to death by my best girlfriend brings it all back.
“Girl, you know you can always stay here anytime. But what happened?”
“I’ll tell you, but do you think I could have some wine—or tequila. Or anything.”
“I got you. Go sit down, boo.” She wipes my cheek with her sleeved hand from her oversized sweater. I nod and move over to the couch where I curl into a tiny ball on the corner of her navy-blue, leather couch.
Her black lab, Angel, is right at my side, nudging her head into my hand wanting to be pet. Her way of giving comfort. Mel comes back over with a full glass of red wine and I prop myself up enough to take it from her. She sits beside me and rubs my back.
“Okay, I don’t think I’ve seen you like this before, girl. What happened?”
I sip the sweet wine and sniff back my tears. Only to know they will start again when I tell her what happened. “I told Dex that I loved him. This time sober. And he told me once again that he can’t.”
“What? Why?”
I take another sip of the wine and then place it down on the side table. Angel moves her head lifting my arm, encouraging me that it’s okay, as another tear slips from my eye. “He said it wouldn’t be right because of Wes and if I couldn’t understand why then that was the problem. I told him fine and, well, here I am now. I need to be away from him. Looking at him is hard enough. It’s been difficult enough to deal with what he did with Kayleigh, but now…. “
“Yeah, that was a dick move,” Mel mutters, rolling her eyes.
“You’re telling me. That’s what got us here today. When we were at lunch…oh god. We were going over the last minute seating arrangements for Frank and Martha’s anniversary party. And I guess he had told his mom I was with Julian, so they had moved him next to me. The fucking jealous ape thought it would be brilliant to think he could invite Kayleigh to the party. I led him outside and I couldn’t take it anymore. He’s just been—ahhh.” My hands clench together in a strangle motion wishing it was his neck. “I spilled the truth about the plan, about Julian, and being in love with him...and he told me ‘can’t’ for the third time.”
The tears spill once again from my cheeks, like I figured they would. I'm pissed at myself for still crying about this.
“Third?” Mel questions and I curl myself back into a ball as I tell her what happened after karaoke last weekend. She listens, with cringes and gasps, and it's no wonder she thinks my life is a soap opera. “Do you think you guys will work this out?”
“Of course we will. Eventually.” I sigh. We have to. The last thing I ever want to do is lose him. It's just I need the stabbing pain in my heart to stop first. “We've been friends forever. I need time to get over him. To, I guess, realize we will never be more. I don't know how to do that right this second, but we'll figure it out I'm sure.”
“Or maybe in that time he'll finally get it through his thick skull that he can love you.”
“I don’t know, and right now, I'm done worrying about it.”
Mel slips her arm around me, “I'm sorry. You can stay as long as you need. And I'll be happy to kick his butt if you want because I don't get it.”
Me either.
Once I’m tucked under the covers, I let the tears rain down my face. I punch my pillow, and for the first time in a long time, I curse that drunk driver for taking Wesley from me. My heart aches, knowing how much I miss him. Especially right now.
Wes would know what to do to help fix this. Even if we weren’t together—he could fix everything. He was always good at that. He was kind of that extra glue that kept us all together. The problem solver. When Dex and I didn't know something, we went to him.
If Wes was here right now, I doubt I would be here crying and wondering what is wrong with me. Wondering why I can't be loved.
I also doubt that the person I love would be struggling so much because he thinks he needs to honor his cousin, his best friend’s relationship, even in death. Hell, I don’t even know what is truly going through the man’s head and it’s clear he’ll never tell me.
Why couldn't this all be simple?
“I hate you for leaving us!” I yell to the empty bedroom, then find myself crying harder. Now, I hate myself for telling my first love, my best friend, such words.
“I don't hate you, Wes. I hate all this. If you didn't leave, I wouldn't be in love with Dex. Then that really sucks thinking I could never love him, but then again, I wouldn't be here, crying like a baby, now would I?” I wipe my nose and the tears keep falling down my cheeks.
I could have been married to Wes and had kids with him by now. But even if Dex can't love me, the only image I see for my happily ever after is being with Dexter Greene.
“I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Your cousin is driving me insane. Can you drop him a sign or something? Give me a damn sign of what I need to do? Please? Or help give me some strength to make it through this? Anything.” I beg Wes’ ghost, the one that seems to be haunting us.
I pray for Dex because maybe he still needs peace. It had been the one thing I had thought I helped him with, like he did with me. But I guess I was wrong.
Maybe I don’t deserve him because I let him down when he needed me the most.
“Meadow, I have a delivery for you.” Ariel, the head receptionist, pokes her head into my office wearing a cheeky grin. In her hands is an oversized bouquet of pink and purple daisies and lilies and an iced coffee. The arrangement in her hand screams
Dexter, mimicking the flowers he got me last time I was pissed at him.
“Thanks, Ariel.” I stand from my desk and take the flowers and coffee from her. “The one who delivered this didn't hang around, did he?”
I take a quick sip of the Dunkin’ Donuts Iced coffee and moan. Mocha with coconut just how I like it. Damn bastard.
“Your hunky best friend? No. He said he was in a hurry, but said you were in desperate need of coffee. He's so sweet,” she gushes, and I can see the little hearts dancing in her eyes.
“Right, isn’t he's the greatest?” Kayleigh pops her head in and Ariel and I both roll our eyes. “Was there anything for me?”
“Why would there be anything for you?” Ariel snips narrowing her eyes at her. I've been made well aware I'm not the only one who despises Kayleigh around here.
“Yeah, I thought you guys only had lunch together?” I know he was full of shit about dinner, but I probe anyways, in case I'm wrong.
Cause maybe I really don't know how to read him correctly.
Kayleigh glances away from us and plays with the strands of her hair. “It was, but we had fun. I guess I hoped, that's all. He said we would do it again.”
“Well, I'm sure he'll call.” I pull the note out of the flowers and place it on my desk along with my coffee and hand her the bouquet. “Here, they'll look better on your desk anyway.”
“Oh.” Her eyes grow large, taking the flowers from me. “Thanks, M.”
Ariel rises her eyebrow, asking silently, ‘what are you doing?’ I lift my hand and wave her away. I have something I need to do. Something that's been boiling for months. Ariel gives me a stiff nod and scurries away back to the front.
“Kayleigh, before you go put those in water. Can you please do me a favor?” I push back my shoulders, standing taller. Ready to throw down the law and show Miss Thang here who is in charge.
The Love Plan Page 12
