“Hey, buddy, I have no idea what I’m doing and if you can see me, I bet you could see how much of an idiot I look like right now. Well, I guess maybe you can. I don’t know how all this afterlife stuff works. Meadow is convinced that you’re always there watching over us, which honestly gives me the creeps, especially with what I’m about to tell you. But if what she says is true, then you already know.” I rub my forehead feeling like a dumbass. “But first I have to tell you how sorry I am, man, for that night. I wish I had listened to you. You were always the one who had his head on straight and knew better for both of us. If I didn’t want to be such an ass and practically want your girl for myself, you would still be here. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t miss you, Wes. Meadow does too. You know despite her wanting me now.” I chuckle, looking towards the sky, waiting for something to drop out of it for being a cocky ass in this moment.
I mean, I did come here looking for a sign. It would be my luck that’s the one I get.
“But seriously, she does miss you, and I hate it so much that I can never see how great you two would have been. I’ll be forever sorry, and I hope you can forgive me. And I guess I’m here because I need to forgive myself and to tell you that I do love her. Like, I get why you fell for her while I was still thinking the thought of kissing her was gross. Now, I get it. She’s amazing. She's everything I've always wanted and never knew I wanted, hiding right in plain sight this whole time. Like I really do love her, Wes. I do. I know you wanted me to take care of her, but I bet you didn’t expect me to fall in love with her, right? I bet you want to kick my ass, huh?” I chuckle.
My laugh is met with a light feminine one that startles the shit out of me. With my hand over my racing heart, my head snaps behind me, to see my Aunt Martha standing there with a bouquet of orange and yellow flowers.
“I highly doubt he would want to kick your butt.”
“You scared me,” I tell her, as I get my breathing back to normal.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn't have interrupted, but it sounded like you needed to hear it.” She gives me a warm smile and kneels next to me, laying the colorful arrangement down.
“I wasn’t expecting anybody to stop by today, I mean—”
She places her hand on my knee, stopping me. “I wasn’t going to, but then I felt like coming to say hi to my baby boy.” Martha looks towards his headstone, then back at me. “Maybe now I know why I had the urge.”
Ah, so is this my sign?
“Wesley would have wanted nothing more than for you and Meadow to be happy.”
“I know.”
“Do you?” She taps my knee, and I shrug. “I’ve been talking to your mom and Valerie a bit lately. They said something happened between you and Meadow and think maybe it’s because you've been holding onto your feelings for her. Your mom thinks it had something to do with my son?”
My eyes close and I groan. Nothing is ever safe from those women. “Do you three just get together and drink tea and talk about our lives?”
“No.” She pauses, and I raise an eyebrow at her. “We drink wine. You’re our children, we’re supposed to talk about you. But I’m so glad to hear you admit that you’re in love with Meadow. It's about time. And if anyone could love Meadow more than my son, it’s you, Dexter Greene. You know, Wes told me something once, that maybe I should’ve told you sooner when I saw yours and Meadow’s feelings start to change.” She grabs my hand, and the only thing I can think is, how the fuck did everyone see this shit but me?
“Wes had always known that somewhere deep down you loved Meadow more than just a friend.” My mouth opens and she holds her hand up, stopping me from talking, but I’m blown away by this revelation. “Now, he knew you would never cross the line and he was never jealous or worried about it. He trusted you, don’t get me wrong. Get the panicked, horrid look off your face, young man, and let me finish.” My Aunt laughs, bopping me on the nose much like she always did when I was a little kid.
“It’s hard to believe that he ever thought that about me.”
“It wasn’t in a bad way. I’m not telling you this to upset you. I’m telling you this because it’s why Wes admired you so much and looked up to you even though you were so much younger.”
“Okay, now you have me confused.”
“Because whether you might know it or not, the second Wes admitted that he was in love with Meadow, you put whatever feelings you had for her away. Even after he passed you still honored his love for her, am I right on that?” I nod. “It's time, hun. It’s time to let it go. He would want this because he would want you and her happy. And he’d much rather see her with you than some other bozo. Remember that one guy she brought home? Sonto or something?”
“Santino,” I laugh. “Yeah. Wes would have killed me beyond the grave if I let her keep that one around.”
“See.” She smacks my leg. “That's why you are the better choice for her, and Wes would want it, no matter what.”
“I miss him,” I say softly, looking back at the gravestone.
“I do too, every day.” She pulls me into a tight hug. When she pulls away, she places her hand on my cheek. “Just promise me you won't be afraid to love her, son, especially now. And you know what, it would be nice to have some babies in this family. You and Meadow are the only options.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Aunt Martha…slow down. Let me tell her I love her first. Babies are like wayyy way down the road.” My heart rate spikes once again and my head shakes wildly.
She laughs and wraps me back in her arms. “Oh, Dexter, there's nothing better than seeing you panic.”
“This is quite the party you all have set up.” Randy smacks my shoulder as I finish putting together the rest of the decorations.
I got here early to help under my mother’s duress thinking things weren't going to get done. I came rushing over to help, thinking Meadow would be here also lending a hand. She wasn't. She's dealing with the cake and the caterers.
Figures I was fucking stuck hanging streamers and blowing up balloons alone.
“Have you and Meadow kissed and made up yet?” Julian snickers. I'm glad the asshole finds it so fucking funny.
“No, because your plan sucked.” I toss one of the deflated balloons at him.
“I told you I knew nothing.” He raises his hands. “And it was mostly all your ideas if I remember right. I also ran into her yesterday and put in a good word for you. Maybe she'll come around today.”
“She has no choice but to come around today, fucker. But if anyone can ignore someone she doesn't want to talk to, it's Meadow.”
“Listen, you’re in the dog house, and all you can do to get out of it is to keep begging till your knees bleed man.” Randy chuckles, grabbing one of the loose balloons.
“Thanks, what a way to make me feel better.”
“No problem. Plus, no matter how much she wants to avoid you, she won't be able to. You're sitting next to her. Be sure to be on your game,” Randy reminds me, and that's about the only good thing I have going for me tonight.
“And tell her you love her, or I fucking swear, man, I will fucking drop kick you from here to Bakersfield,” Julian adds picking up his bottle of water from the table.
“I will. I will.” I wave them off and walk away. I'm in need of a beer and a place to hide from my mother before she finds me something else to do.
The open bar isn't open yet, so I wander outside the dining hall for some fresh air. It does nothing to help with the jitters about seeing Meadow soon, so I start to pace the sidewalk.
I miss her like crazy.
I thought about telling her every time I picked up the phone, or every note I wrote that I loved her, but it never felt right not doing it in person. Here I thought I knew how to woo Meadow Lexington. I sent her all the things I knew she would like, all the things from when we were kids. I had hoped they would show her how I felt or that she would at least come to me and we could talk.
But I was wrong, so fucking wro
ng.
A car door slams, grabbing my attention and I see Meadow stepping out of her Terrain.
I haven't seen her in a week, and I find myself gaping at her like I haven't seen her in years, lost in how amazing she looks in a strapless pale pink dress. Her auburn hair is curled and flowing down her shoulders. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her so done up.
I wonder if this is what a groom feels like on their wedding day.
Her eyes lift to mine and she gives me a weak smile as she keeps walking. That's when I realize I haven't moved and I'm about to blow my chance.
Unsticking my feet, I dash to her, blocking her path. “Hey.”
“Hi.” She tries to dart around me, but I grab her shoulders. “Dexter, let me go.”
“Can we talk, please,” I beg.
She sighs, and her head drops. “Alright. You have one minute.”
“I miss you. I miss my best friend. It's been so hard to come home to that house and know you won't be there.”
“I miss you too, but…”
“Haven't you been getting the things I've sent you?” I interrupt her not wanting to know what her but could be.
“I have, but can you stop?”
“Why?”
“Because you’re making this all harder.” Her voice breaks and she grips the eternity necklace I gave her. At least that still means something to her. “We will get through this. Our friendship will be okay. I need time to accept that you can’t love me like that and know that it’s okay. That it doesn't matter. And you sending me gifts and stuff doesn't help right now.”
“Meadow…that's not why.”
“Then why?” she whimpers, holding in the tears welling in her eyes. It kills me inside to know that me being in denial for so long has done this to her. “To say sorry? I don't need you to do that either. I get it, Dex. It's fine. If I could, I would take it all back and wish we never slept together or admitted that I loved you more than a friend. Then maybe we wouldn't be here right now with all this hurt and wondering where our friendship stands. That kills me the most. I don't know, but give me time, and I'm sorry too if this hurts you that I can't talk to you. I wish I didn't do what I did, but ugh!” She lets out a frustrated scream and a tear slips from her eye. “I can't do this right now. I can't even look at you without it all still hurting…I'm sorry.” She pushes by me and runs inside.
Now I feel like a bigger shit for what I did. Her fucking birthday is gonna haunt me more than Wes’ death.
No matter how much I tried to remember that night, it's a total wash.
My mother comes up the sidewalk and she eyes me curiously, placing her hand on my arm. “Dexter? Everything okay?”
“If I said yes, would you believe me?”
“No. What's going on?”
I sigh, knowing there's no hiding from my mother. “I've been doing all these things to show her what I feel about her, and she still won't talk to me. I thought she would see that I do want her, that I do love her, and she thinks I'm only trying to save the friendship.”
“Have you actually said the words, Dexter?”
“No,” I mutter.
“Why not?”
“Because I wanted to say them to her face. And have her know I mean I actually love her. She's so upset right now, and I don't think she would hear me even if I did.”
“Well, if there's anything we all learned over the years there's no time to waste. Every second is valuable, dear.”
“I know, but you saw her, she can't even look at me.”
“Maybe you need to make more of a grand gesture. One she won't be able to look away from.”
“You mean besides grabbing her and throwing her over my shoulder like a caveman?”
“Yes, besides that. Leave it to your mother. I might have an idea. Did you ever finish your speech?”
“No?” It's been the last thing on my mind. I figured I could wing it or say ditto to whatever Meadow says. That's probably what they all expected me to do anyway.
“I didn't think so,” she laughs. “Which works in your favor because you're going to need this to come from your heart. Oh, and I happened to have talked to Martha.”
“Oh, Jesus…”
“If this doesn't get you out of the dog house. I don't know what will,” Randy snickers patting me on the back.
I told the guys my plan, well my mother's and Aunt's plan mostly, and after they gave me a hard time and called me every sissy name in the book, they wished me luck. I was going to need it. This feels like my only chance to do it right.
I make my way to the stage and pick up the mic. Tapping it twice the feedback feeds into the speakers, grabbing everyone's attention. My eyes shift around the crowd looking for the most beautiful girl in the room, praying she'll finally look at me.
When I find her, she's gathered around Mel and Steph. Steph is whispering furiously in her ear and Meadow's brushing her away.
“How's everyone doing tonight? If you don't know already, I'm Dexter Greene. Frank and Martha’s nephew. I was supposed to do this great speech earlier, but instead, I figured it might fit better now getting the karaoke portion of the night started. Because if there's one thing my Uncle Frank and Aunt Martha taught me, it's never a party without karaoke. Almost every Saturday night since I could remember they would have people over and they would have set up the karaoke machine. Their son, Wes, Meadow, and I would stay up way past our bedtimes to watch their friends and our parents make asses of themselves ruining some great classic songs. Uncle Frank, I'm sorry, but Journey was never the same.”
“Hey, now! I remember lots of request for encores,” he yells out and everyone laughs.
“That was only cause we wanted to stay up longer,” I call back. And we might have been distracting him and sneaking beers the older we got. “So, I would like to start the karaoke portion of the night not only dedicating this song to Frank and Martha, but also someone extremely special to me. Someone I hope I can spend thirty-five years loving just as long and hard as my Aunt and Uncle do each other.”
Finally, Meadow's eyes meet mine, but they're bugged out in what appears a state of utter shock.
“It should be pretty easy though, I have already spent about twenty-four years with her, and we've haven't killed each other yet. Though there have been some close calls.”
Now, most of the guests' eyes have glinted towards Meadow and I can hear her name also being murmured through the crowd.
“The song I picked is from Aunt Martha’s favorite band and she loved them so much it became Wesley's standby band to always sing and purposely ruin to drive her crazy. But he admitted to me once he actually liked all their music, Aunt Martha.”
She giggles and nods, wiping a lone tear from her cheek. “I always knew. He was a terrible liar like someone else I know.”
“So, there's no doubt I had to pick a song from their collection. Now this song might not necessarily express everything I want to say, but it says a lot that I want to say to her. Meadow Lexington, this is for you.”
The chords of Chicago's “Hard to Say I'm Sorry” start and though I've done karaoke a million times, I usually have had a couple of shots to calm the nerves.
But nope, I thought I needed to be sober for this, so she’d take me seriously.
Now I'm sweating bullets because watching Meadow as I go into the chorus her body is shaking as she cries. Mel and Steph try to comfort her and I'm not understanding her reaction at all. I go to walk up to her, and she shakes her head at me. Even Mel and Steph look at me confused, and I pause my steps not knowing what to do now and feel like an idiot.
Thankfully, as I check out the crowd around me, they don't seem to have noticed her hesitation towards me and have taken up slow dancing along with my aunt and uncle.
Thank God for small miracles.
By the time I get to the lyrics saying I want to make it up to her, she breaks out of Mel and Steph's hold and runs towards the back doors. Both girls shrug, unsure of what happened, and
I'm stuck to the end of this damn song.
Once it ends, I hand the mic to my mother and chase after my girl.
Racing out the double doors of the hall, I head for the parking lot thinking she’s taking off. When I spot her car and her not in it, I begin to panic wondering where she could’ve gone.
How far could she have gotten in that dress and in those heels?
“Meadow?” I yell, running towards the back of the building. I call for her again but feel like a moron knowing she won’t answer me back even if she can hear me. I spot a bridge that leads out to a lake and in the distance I see her standing there and looking out to the water. As I approach her she has her arms wrapped protectively around herself. The wind blows back her auburn hair as the setting sun kisses her skin.
She's got her guard up, telling me to back off, and I can make out the tear stains on her cheeks from here, but I've never seen her look more beautiful than in this moment. I'm desperate to take her in my arms and kiss away all of her pain and crumble down that damn wall she has up once and for all.
Tell her again Dex, till she hears you.
Chapter Thirteen
Meadow
“You need to come with us.” Mel tugs on my arm and pulls me to the middle of the dance floor where everyone is starting to gather around for karaoke.
“If this is to sing. I'm not really in the mood.”
“No, we're not singing, but somebody else is. I think it'll be great.” Steph grins, linking her arm with mine.
My first thought is Frank is about to serenade Martha with a possible rendition of “My Girl,” but when I see Dexter take the stage, I know this can't be good.
“Oh, no.” I go to turn away and Mel and Steph hold onto me harder as Dex taps into the mic drawing everyone's attention.
“You two need to talk,” Steph whispers loudly in my ear. “You can't avoid him forever.” I wave her off. Not wanting to listen to the truth.
The Love Plan Page 14
