by Andrew Cope
Spud and Star danced around yapping furiously. They’d slowed him down but now he was angry.
‘Pesky dogs,’ he growled, spitting out a marble. ‘Wait till I get hold of you.’ The burglar got cautiously to his feet, rubbing his chin as he did so. He kicked at the marbles. ‘Some blasted kids’ve left their toys lying about,’ he cursed, as he tiptoed his way between the glass balls.
‘Not so fast, buddy!’ barked Spud, grabbing hold of the man’s trouser leg and hanging on, ripping the material.
‘Shoo, mutt,’ snapped the burglar, kicking out and sending the black puppy flying through the air.
‘Leave my brother alone,’ yapped Star, jumping at the man and grabbing his bag.
‘You can’t have that!’ yelled the window cleaner, running forward and trying to rugby-tackle the puppy.
But Star was too quick and he rugby-tackled the flower bed instead. Spud, who’d recovered his breath, started to dig like mad, sending mud into the man’s face. The burglar wailed as Star jumped on to a nearby wheelie bin and started swaying it towards him. The bin tottered this way and that before eventually falling, its contents burying the burglar. Anger had now turned to fear. The terrified man emerged from under the potato peelings wiping the mud from his face and ran for his life.
Star could hear the burglar’s shoes squelching with baked beans and she watched his hands shake as he fumbled for his keys. He opened the door and swung into his van. The engine spluttered into life and he crunched it into gear. He couldn’t care less about what he’d stolen, he just had to get away from the evil puppies!
The burglar floored the accelerator and the van lurched forward. There was a hissing sound as the nails that Spud had scattered around punctured all four tyres, and the pups watched with satisfied smiles as the vehicle came to a halt halfway down the street. Waiting ready for action, dogs and cats emerged from every house to surround the van and George the tortoise arrived on a skateboard. Star and Spud trotted to the scene and congratulated their mum’s neighbourhood watch team.
‘Nice work, gang,’ they woofed, sitting proudly as the police sirens got louder.
The burglar removed a banana skin from his collar and wiped porridge from his face. He was going nowhere. As he opened the door in an attempt to run for it, all the dogs snarled and the cats hissed. Even George tried to look fierce. The man got back into his van and closed the door.
He sighed incredulously as he hit the central locking button. ‘I’ve been nabbed by a pair of puppies.’
4. Minor Miners
‘Nice work, GM451,’ nodded Professor Cortex, holding up the morning paper. Dogs Foil Cat Burglar, screamed the headline. ‘Did the pups help out?’
Lara nodded while Star and Spud tore around the laboratory re-enacting the capture of the robber.
‘First we saw him coming down the ladder,’ woofed Star.
‘And then we set a trap,’ panted Spud.
‘Then over he went,’ demonstrated Star, tripping and rolling on to her back.
‘And splat!’ whooped Spud, emptying the litter bin over his sister. ‘He’s covered in gunk. It was so brilliant. We want to grow up to be spies like our ma.’
Lara glowed with pride. ‘That’s all well and good,’ she barked, ‘but we have to keep our abilities secret.’
‘But why, Ma?’ asked Spud.
‘Because we’re family pets,’ Lara reminded him. ‘Our special intelligence is to be used for emergencies only. Otherwise we’d just bring attention to ourselves and then we’d become some kind of freak show. We’d probably end up on a reality TV programme or something.’
‘Cool,’ gasped Star.
‘Not cool,’ woofed Lara, raising a warning eyebrow. ‘Because we’d also be taken away from the family we love.’
‘Whoa! Definitely not cool,’ agreed Star.
Professor Cortex had no idea what the dogs were saying. He frowned at the bin-emptying episode. ‘Silly names,’ observed the head of Spy School. ‘Star and Spud. Not very professional, are they, GM451?’ he said, peering over the top of his spectacles. ‘I think they need code names.’
Star jumped up and down in delight. ‘Like proper spies? I could be K9007,’ she barked, wagging her whole body. ‘The world’s first spy puppy!’
‘And I’d be GM451 and a half, following in your paw prints, Mum,’ wagged Spud.
‘No code names, kids,’ said Lara. ‘You are not spies. You are my babies and I don’t want you coming to any harm. Or getting into any adventures.’ Lara glanced in the mirror and noticed the bullet hole in her upright ear. ‘This came from being a spy dog,’ she reminded the pups. ‘And I’ve another bullet lodged in my thigh. It’s always most embarrassing when I go through airport metal detectors. In fact, I’m very lucky to be alive. I want you guys to grow up as family pets. Spying is just too dangerous.’
The professor noticed the puppies’ tails wilt. The old man peered over his spectacles and raised his eyebrows. ‘I’m guessing GM451 doesn’t want you to have code names,’ he said. ‘But there’s no doubting your intelligence. Check out the screen,’ he said, pointing to the large plasma on the wall. ‘I have the results of your tests. Kids, come over here,’ he shouted to Ben, Sophie and Ollie, who were busy looking at all the strange equipment in the room.
The dogs and the children sat while the professor clicked through some graphs. ‘The bar on the left is normal puppy intelligence,’ he explained, pointing a chubby finger at the small red bar. ‘And here is Agent Spud,’ he noted, running his finger to a yellow bar double the size. ‘And Agent Star,’ he said, beaming at an even bigger bar.
They’re not agents, Prof! Lara grumbled but the two pups weren’t listening to her.
Star had a huge doggie grin on her face. Top of the class!
Spud’s shoulders slumped and he dug an elbow into his sister’s ribs. ‘Teacher’s pet,’ he grumbled.
‘No, I’m the children’s pet,’ she corrected.
The professor clicked to the next chart. ‘Fitness,’ he said. ‘Average fitness versus the puppy agents. Once again, massive gains,’ he noted. Spud sucked his stomach in. ‘And strength,’ continued the professor. ‘Same story.’ Spud’s shoulders rose as he saw his score go off the chart.
‘How’s their home training coming on, GM451?’
Pretty good, Prof, nodded Lara.
‘They know their times tables,’ said Ben. ‘And they can understand just about everything we say.’
‘My French is coming on,’ woofed Star. ‘And my brother’s specializing in understanding other animal languages. He’s quite good at pigeon.’ Although that’s because there are only four pigeon words, thought Star.
‘Spud’s good at the guitar game on my computer,’ offered Ollie. ‘And Star is reading Oliver Twist.’
‘Excellent,’ purred the professor. ‘It seems the accelerated learning programme is working. Keep up the good work, GM451. I know you don’t want your puppies to become spies but it’ll do them no harm to learn as much as they can. You never know when special skills may be needed,’ he said, tapping the side of his nose. ‘Top secret stuff.’
Lara looked at the puppies and felt proud. They were sitting upright, ears to attention, hanging on the professor’s every word.
‘Speaking of top secret,’ continued Professor Cortex, ‘I have some new gadgets to show you.’
‘Wow!’ chirped Ollie. ‘This is always my favourite bit of a Spy School visit. The professor has such brilliant gadgets,’ he said to the puppies.
‘And I’ve designed some especially for Agents Spud and Star,’ smiled the professor, hopping from foot to foot.
‘It’s happening,’ whispered Sophie, nudging her brother. The dogs wagged excitedly and the children began to jump up and down in what Sophie always called the ‘mad professor jig’. ‘His enthusiasm is catching!’
‘I’ve had a change of job title,’ explained the professor. ‘But pretty much the same kind of work.’ He smoothed his three strands of ha
ir across his shiny scalp. ‘They’ve moved me into more of a money-making role,’ he announced proudly. ‘The government is always looking to cut costs so they’ve reduced the Spy School funding.’
‘What do you mean?’ asked Sophie.
‘Basically, young Sophie, we have to look at new ideas that earn some cash. Inventions that we can sell. It’s quite a responsibility,’ he nodded, puffing out his chest. ‘With the profit ploughed back into research, of course,’ he beamed.
Sophie still looked blank.
‘Like this,’ he said, pointing to a golf club.
‘Golf?’ stated an unenthusiastic Ben. ‘I think you’ll find that’s already been invented.’
‘Quite,’ agreed the professor, just about containing his irritation. ‘Anyone fancy a swing?’ The children followed as Professor Cortex marched outside into the field behind Spy School. He pointed into the distance. ‘See that flag over there? That’s the hole. What are the odds of Sophie here hitting a hole in one?’
Sophie giggled. ‘I’ve never even held a golf club before,’ she said. ‘So it must be a million to one shot.’
‘Why don’t you give it a go?’ suggested the professor, handing the golf club to her. ‘Like this,’ he demonstrated, going through a practice swing.
He rolled a ball at Sophie’s feet and everyone stepped back. ‘That’s right,’ she smiled. ‘Anything could happen!’ Sophie positioned herself near the ball. She’d seen Tiger Woods on the TV and knew roughly how to stand. Her arms swung backwards and she thwacked the ball as far as she could.
‘Nice hit,’ woofed Spud as the ball looped high into the sky. ‘But wrong way. The flag’s that way!’
‘Whoops,’ giggled Sophie as the ball hit the grass. ‘Missed by a mile.’
‘Not yet,’ chuckled the professor, pressing a button on his mobile. ‘Keep your eyes on the ball.’ Everyone turned back towards the white ball, scuttling across the grass. Mouths fell open as it arced to the left and accelerated along the field – and there was a plop as the ball dropped into the hole.
Sophie turned round to the professor, her club raised in the air. ‘Hole in one!’ she shouted, her eyebrows raised in amazement.
‘That’s a million to one shot,’ agreed the professor. ‘I’ve just shortened the odds a tad. Do you want to know how?’
‘Of course,’ exclaimed Sophie, joining in with the nodding dogs.
‘Simple science,’ noted the professor. ‘Or should I say, simple genius? Physics. Well, magnetism, to be precise. That’s not a normal golf ball, you see. It’s a magnet, painted white. And there’s a very powerful magnet in the hole. Opposites attract. So long as you hit the ball in the general direction, it’s guaranteed to go into the hole.’
‘But isn’t that cheating?’ asked Ben.
The professor stroked his chin, momentarily lost in thought. ‘Cheating?’ he repeated. ‘As in gaining an unfair advantage? Goodness me, no. I like to think of it as using my brain to gain a perfectly fair advantage,’ he nodded, reassuring himself with his words.
The gang returned to the lab. ‘Any more inventions?’ asked Ollie.
‘How about these?’ suggested the professor, revealing two small helmets. ‘They’re a bit like miners’ helmets with these lights on the front. In fact, I’ve designed these for Agents Star and Spud.’
‘Cool,’ wagged Star. ‘How do they work?’
‘Fix them on to your heads, like this,’ said the professor, balancing a helmet on Spud’s head. ‘Click the strap like so. And, hey presto! A light will show you the way.’
‘What’s so special about that?’ woofed Spud, his tail drooping with disappointment.
‘But there’s no light,’ said Ben.
‘You’re right, Ben. But this is the clever bit,’ enthused Professor Cortex. ‘It’s environmentally friendly,’ he explained. ‘You see, we thought, what kind of energy do puppies have?’ The professor looked around at the blank faces. ‘What do puppies do a lot of?’
‘Er, poos?’ offered Ollie, thinking of the house-training difficulties of a few weeks earlier.
‘Yes,’ agreed the professor, grinning. ‘But what else? How about wagging?’ he suggested, his hand waving like a dog’s tail. ‘You see, the lamps are powered by an infrared sensor that works off the wagging of a tail. The harder the puppies wag, the more powerful the torch! Totally brilliant!’
All eyes fell on Spud’s droopy tail. He lifted it and gave a little wag of enthusiasm. The torch glowed. Spud grinned and as he did so his tail picked up speed. The torch beamed with light. ‘It works!’ he yapped. ‘I’m running on wag power!’
Star soon had her helmet strapped on and the pair wagged excitedly around the dark corners of the lab.
‘All the best inventions are totally simple,’ smiled the scientist. ‘And wag power is the simplest concept ever. Just think if all the dogs in the world were wired up, we’d have no need for conventional power stations,’ he said, scribbling the idea on a pad.
Everyone agreed it was a great idea. The children left Spy School having been excited by the professor’s science lesson yet again. Lara was a little disappointed that she didn’t get a wag helmet but she always enjoyed seeing the professor again. She knew he lived for his work and she was proud to have been the first ever graduate of his Spy School.
I think he’s proud of me too. But all that spydog stuff is history, she thought as they headed home. My future is here. With my pups and the kids. Spying is for emergencies only!
5. An Unexpected Break
The kids piled into the kitchen with Lara and the pups, chattering excitedly about the professor’s new gadgets.
‘Hi, Dad,’ said Ben, noticing their father sitting at the table.
Spud and Star bounded round the kitchen, nipping each other and skidding across the floor.
‘Hi, kids,’ said their dad, sounding distracted.
‘Everything OK?’ asked Sophie.
‘Um, well, it will be but unfortunately your mum’s had a bit of an accident this morning. She’s fine but she’s had to go to hospital.’
‘What?’ exclaimed Sophie. ‘What happened?’
‘Oh no,’ yapped Lara. ‘Kids, calm down,’ she woofed, and Star and Spud stopped jumping about.
‘Is she going to be OK?’ asked Ollie, tears welling up in his eyes.
‘Yes, yes, she’s going to be fine. She tripped on some stairs and fell down, and, well, she’s broken her leg.’
‘Poor Mum!’ sobbed Sophie.
‘Yes, it was very painful for her,’ agreed Dad. ‘She’s going to be on crutches for a while.’
Yikes, thought Lara. She remembered when she broke her leg just before she found out she was having puppies. It really hurts!
‘How long’s she going to be in hospital for?’ asked Ollie. ‘Who will be doing our tea?’ he asked. ‘I do like oven chips, Dad, but not every night.’
‘They’re doing some extra X-rays now,’ explained Dad. ‘But it’s quite a complicated break. Hopefully she’ll just be in for a day or two but she won’t be able to move around much when she gets home. I’ve tried to change my working hours but it’s difficult. We’ve decided that it’s best if you visit Aunt Aggie while Mum has some rest and gets used to her crutches without the pups under her feet. It’s February half-term next week so you can stay a few nights. I spoke to Aggie last night and she said she’d love to have you at her house.’
Ben tried to hide his excitement. He knew he should be upset for Mum. But Aunt Aggie’s house was brilliant – old, rambling and spooky. He nodded wisely. ‘I suppose it’d be for the best,’ he agreed. ‘And we could phone her every day.’
Ollie hadn’t learnt Ben’s diplomatic skills. ‘Aunt Aggie’s!’ he yelled. ‘Spooky Towers. Totally brilliant and fantastic news! Can we go today? Can we go now?’
Ben nudged him. ‘Mum’s hurt herself, stupid,’ he hissed. ‘You’re supposed to be sad.’
‘But Dad says it’s not too serious. And Aunt Aggie l
ives by the sea,’ beamed Ollie. ‘In that creaky old house. And remember last time we went there, we looked for treasure? The villagers told us of the legend of the lost gold.’ Ollie was bouncing up and down with excitement. ‘Maybe this time we’ll find it.’
‘Calm down, Ollie,’ soothed Dad. ‘It’s just a story they made up. But it’d be really helpful if you all agreed to go to Northumberland for half-term. I’ll look after Mum and maybe if she feels better soon we can come up north too. I bet the sea air would do her good.’
Even Ben couldn’t conceal his excitement now. ‘Yesssss!’ he shouted. ‘Adventure time. This will be Star and Spud’s first time away from home too.’ The children grinned at each other before Ben realized they were overdoing the happiness. ‘But we’ll miss you both, Dad,’ he said solemnly.
‘And your oven chips,’ added Ollie.
‘And we hope Mum gets better soon,’ nodded Sophie.
And the BrainBox, thought Spud, ears drooped. No more computer games for a whole week!
6. Spooky Tales
Dad loaded the children and dogs into the people carrier. Lara sat in a seat, strapped in like a human. She fixed her sunglasses in place, plugged her earphones in and switched on her iPod. The pups were banished to a basket in the boot.
Mum was back from the hospital with a big cast on her leg. The kids had kissed and hugged her goodbye and left her surrounded by flowers and magazines to read. Lara had even helped Star and Spud to cover a Get Well card with puppy paw prints.
It was a long car journey but everyone was filled with excitement, especially Ollie. Aunt Aggie lived in the far north of England and to the children it always seemed a remote village miles from anywhere. Dad drove along the coast road and swept past a castle.
‘Cor, look at that, everyone,’ cooed Ollie.
‘That’s part of the legend of the gold,’ said Sophie. ‘We’ll get Aunt Aggie to tell us the smugglers’ stories tonight. It’ll be so exciting to be snuggled up in bed listening to tales of pirates and hidden treasure.’
