Frankie Fish and the Sister Shemozzle

by Helliar Peter

  ‘Is the God of Boring Conversations taken?’

  Drew said rudely.

  ‘Shhh!’ Frankie whispered. ‘He’s nearly asleep.’

  Grandad was already fast asleep next to Alexi, who was now drowsily murmuring about how Alessandro was part-unicorn. The old man’s partial deafness seemed to have come in handy, and he was snoring louder than a freight train with sinus problems.

  Alexi had worn himself out at last with all the boasting, and he began to snore.

  Frankie gave Drew the thumbs up. ‘Finally! Can you wake up Grandad?’ he whispered. Then he opened the suitcase, which emitted a beam of rainbow light, and quickly typed in the coordinates of where they were going, and when. Three hundred kilometres from here, just before the competition was to start. Frankie’s heart thumped with excitement. He couldn’t believe he was going to one of the very first Olympics.

  Luckily for Drew, Grandad didn’t react too badly when he was woken up (apart from the little trumpet fart he let off). Truth be told, he was just as excited as the boys about going to the Games. Quickly and quietly, the group brought Alessandro to a halt, and Grandad used a stick to draw a circle of safety to make sure none of them were left behind.

  Just as the suitcase began to whirr into action, Alexi stirred. ‘Hurry!’ urged Drew in a panic. ‘He’s waking up.’

  ‘Get ready, everyone,’ breathed Frankie, excitement and nerves burbling in his chest. I hope you’re at the Olympics, Lou, he added silently. And that you’re OK.

  Then, after a quick glance to check that no-one was watching, he said, ‘Happy travels,’ and the little group vanished.

  CHAPTER 14

  TO MOUNT OLYMPUS WE GO!

  As the travellers – and one very confused donkey – spun their way through time and space, Frankie kept one eye on Alexi. Luckily, the boy appeared to be sleeping like a baby – a very annoying baby who had spent the entire last day bragging and boasting and telling fibs about how many different gods he was going to be when he grew up.

  In the blink of an eye, the spinning was over and the group fell sprawling on hard ground, sending up a cloud of dust and dried leaves. Frankie shook his head and looked around, relieved to find they’d ended up behind a large tree that neatly blocked them from anyone else’s view. Beside him, Drew and Grandad were brushing themselves down.

  Then Alexi sat up with a shock.

  ‘What’s going on now, peasants? Where ARE we?’ the small boy demanded, looking around incredulously.

  It was no wonder he was so surprised. The rocky path they’d been meandering down with their ‘chariot’ had been replaced by a large cobbled arena bedecked with flags. An enormous, excited crowd was queuing nearby, everyone talking and laughing as they passed through an archway towards a sports field beyond. Vendors walked up and down, selling food and trinkets.

  In the distance was a mountain that looked like one you’d see on a postcard: Mount Olympus, the home of the ancient games. Despite his worry about Lou, Frankie felt his stomach do a triple jump of excitement.

  Alexi frowned. ‘Are we at the Games? But that’s impossible! How could we get here so quickly?’

  ‘Er –’ said Drew unhelpfully.

  ‘Er, you were asleep for a really long time,’ added Frankie quickly. ‘Are you sure you’re not the God of Sleep? You were amazing at it.’

  Alexi shook his head, grinning. ‘It’s OK,’ he said, lowering his voice. ‘I’ve figured it out already. You wanted me to go to sleep so I wouldn’t see.’

  Frankie, Drew and Grandad looked at each other nervously. Annoying as he was, Alexi was undeniably smart. Was it possible he’d worked out what the Sonic Suitcase could do?

  ‘You asked a god to transport us, didn’t you?’ said Alexi, winking. ‘Their chariots are really fast. When I am a god, mine shall be fastest of all!’

  Grandad patted him on the back. ‘Smart kid!’ he said, sounding relieved. ‘It was the, er, God of Remaining Anonymous, which is why we had to wait until you were asleep.’

  Alexi nodded, then realised someone was missing. ‘Where is Alessandro?’ he yelled with a jolt.

  Frankie hadn’t noticed the donkey was no longer with them. He was about to make up some elaborate lie, but Grandad stepped in first.

  ‘Silly fool got spooked and ran off into the hills,’ he said with all the consideration of a stale bagel.

  ‘What?’ Alexi cried.

  ‘He’s joking,’ said Frankie, before Grandad could make things worse. Alexi was bad enough at the best of times – Frankie didn’t want to see what he was like if he had a tantrum. ‘We knew they wouldn’t let donkeys into the Olympics,’ Frankie added in a rush, ‘so we gave him to a nice lady who’s going to give him some water and a carrot before we come back.’

  To his relief (and surprise, because it wasn’t a very good lie), Alexi appeared to accept this. ‘I just hope we get him back soon,’ he said softly.

  Drew and Frankie exchanged a look and silently agreed to change the subject. They’d just have to cross their fingers and hope that Alessandro really HAD got spooked and run off … and not got lost somewhere in time and space. Time-travel could do funny things to animals, after all. GULP!

  ‘Er, how about you hand out those tokens and let’s get into the stadium?’ Drew said quickly. ‘We’ve got to find Lou!’

  Suddenly Alexi didn’t look quite so cocky. In fact, he looked decidedly uncomfortable – about as uncomfortable as a goldfish in a frying pan. ‘Ah, yes. Well. About that,’ he said.

  Frankie stared at him, his heart dropping. ‘Don’t tell me you’ve lost the tokens!’

  Alexi shook his head. ‘Oh no, I haven’t lost them,’ he assured Frankie.

  ‘Well, that’s a relief,’ said Frankie.

  ‘I never had any tokens,’ explained Alexi.

  ‘WHAT?!’ exclaimed Frankie, Drew and Grandad simultaneously.

  Frankie took over, huffily. ‘You lied to us? What are you? The God of Fibbing?’

  ‘I thought that once we got here, we could figure out how to get in … together,’ Alexi admitted in a small voice, the confidence and bravado draining from his face. He looked down at his sandals and scratched his arm miserably. ‘I just wanted to go to the Games, especially with you. I’ve been living at the Academy since I was a baby, and I never get the chance to be with other kids,’ he confessed. ‘And even when I do, they all think I’m weird and annoying. No-one really likes to play with me.’

  There was silence for what seemed like forever. Nobody knew what to say – because, of course, they all found Alexi to be weird and annoying too. But I can see now why he’s turned out this way, thought Frankie. Anyone would become a bit weird if they spent their whole life surrounded by cranky bearded dudes talking in riddles. It would be like living with sixty Grandads.

  Since Grandad was the only adult on this misadventure, he was the one who broke the silence. He usually did this with a well-placed fart, but this time he just said, ‘Don’t worry, lad. Everyone is weird in their own way after all.’

  ‘Yeah!’ chimed in Drew. ‘My dad eats soup with a fork, for instance. And Frankie likes licorice, which everyone knows is made from old bicycle tyres.’

  Alexi still hung his head. ‘What about the tokens, though? Are you mad at me for lying?’

  ‘Absolu–’ Drew started to say, before Grandad cut him off.

  ‘No point crying over spilt haggis,’ the old man said. ‘Right now, we’ve got to work out how to get into the Olympics so we can find Lou – not to mention the missing sculpture.’

  ‘I could bust out some of my hacky-sack moves,’ suggested Drew. ‘People might throw coins at us like they did back in Athens.’

  ‘That will not earn you enough to buy FOUR tickets,’ said Alexi.

  ‘Well, the guards might be so impressed by my mad skills that they let us in,’ Drew said, undeterred. ‘I could do a show at half-time or something.’

  ‘Drew, these people are here to witness the top athletes of
the day,’ Frankie said. ‘Watching you bounce a little bag of rice on your leg is not going to cut it.’

  Drew looked hurt, but before he had time to reply, Alexi jumped up. ‘Don’t worry. I’ve worked out how to get us in,’ he announced, returning to his former cockiness.

  ‘How, exactly?’ demanded Grandad, who looked like he trusted Alexi about as much as he would trust a raincoat made of toilet paper.

  ‘I’ve spent my entire life surrounded by philosophers,’ replied Alexi. ‘Believe me. I know a thing or two about talking. Follow me.’

  Alexi wove through the thick mass of people so quickly that for a few moments Frankie thought they’d lost him. But then Alexi reappeared, grinning and complaining about how slow they all were. They appeared to be approaching one of the entrance archways.

  ‘Shouldn’t we get to the end of the line?’ asked Frankie.

  ‘Queuing is for lesser people,’ said Alexi dismissively, and with that he led them right up to the burly guard blocking the entrance. The huge man crossed his arms and snapped some gruff words at them.

  ‘I think he might be one of Old Man Harris’s ancestors,’ Drew muttered to Frankie.

  But Alexi did not seem at all fazed. He stood before the guard and began speaking rapidly to him – too fast for the padlock to translate. As he spoke, the guard’s eyes darted over to Frankie, Drew and Grandad, widening with surprise. Eventually, he stepped to the side and ushered the four companions through, nodding his head in respect.

  ‘See!’ said Alexi triumphantly. ‘I told you I’d get us in.’

  ‘What did you say exactly?’ muttered Frankie, still half-expecting to feel the guard’s hefty hand on his shoulder, pulling him back out again.

  ‘I told him that one of us was an athlete,’ grinned Alexi, ‘and that we were his coaches.’

  ‘So he believed that Drew’s competing? Or me?’ asked Frankie, flattered.

  ‘Of course not,’ Alexi replied, a little rudely. ‘I told the guard that he was.’ And he pointed at Grandad.

  Before Frankie or Drew could protest, a mighty cheer rose from the crowd within the arena. Grandad puffed up his chest, looking pleased. ‘The first event must be about to start!’ he said, and Alexi nodded eagerly. ‘Let’s go and find a seat up high. We’ve got a better chance of spotting yer sister that way too.’

  ‘Hey, didn’t athletes in Ancient Greece used to compete in the nude?’ Drew said suddenly as they pushed through the crowd. ‘That was in that doco I saw once.’

  ‘Ugh, I hope not,’ Frankie shot back. As much as he was hoping to find his sister here, he definitely didn’t want to see her, or his grandad, starkers!

  Thinking of Lou brought all of Frankie’s worries rushing back. They’d risked a lot on the hope that his sister would be here, he realised now. If they were wrong, they probably wouldn’t have enough battery in the Sonic Suitcase to go anywhere else, and they didn’t know where else to start looking anyway. But if they were right, his sister was about to compete in the ancient Olympics and potentially wreck history …

  Only one thing was sure: if this were the Worrying Olympics, Frankie would be about to win the gold medal.

  CHAPTER 15

  THE LOST GIRL

  Two almost-teenagers from the future, one old-timer and a local pipsqueak squeezed into some seats near the top of the stadium, surrounded on all sides by excited, screaming fans. Despite his tummy flipping like a nervous pancake, Frankie couldn’t help but feel excited too. He was at the Olympics!

  Down on the field, three extremely fit-looking men went through their warm-up routines.

  ‘Phew, they’re clothed!’ whispered Frankie to Drew. ‘Well, sort of.’ The men were wearing bits of cloth tied around their waists, and not much else. From where they were sitting it looked like they were wearing nappies.

  ‘The first event must be javelin,’ Drew replied, grinning. ‘Look.’ Sure enough, sticking out of the ground behind the athletes was a row of gleaming spears.

  ‘We’re not here to watch the events,’ Grandad reminded them tersely. ‘We’re here to find Lou. Can anyone spot her?’

  Frankie scanned faces, searching for his sister. What will we do if she isn’t here? he wondered. Could they really return home without her?

  The surprising thing was how bad this made him feel. He would’ve thought that life without Lou would be quite appealing (apart from the whole having-to-explain-her-disappearance-to-his-parents thing). But now that it was starting to seem like a very real possibility, he wasn’t sure he liked the idea at all.

  He found himself thinking about how spending so much time around adults had made Alexi a bit odd. Maybe something similar had happened with him and Lou? He remembered one time when Lou had helped him cut something out with scissors when he was too small to use them himself. Everyone had praised her and he’d felt really mad about it. After that, getting mad at Lou for being good at stuff had become a habit. Frankie felt a little guilty twinge.

  Drew passed his hacky sack from hand to hand, a wistful expression on his face. ‘Are you sure I can’t go out there and at least demonstrate how hacky sack is played?’ he asked Grandad.

  ‘If ye even think about doing that,’ retorted Grandad, ‘I will take ye back to the Stone Age and leave ye in a cave somewhere. And guess what? There was no wi-fi back then.’

  Drew gasped, but not at the idea of existing with no wi-fi (although that was also upsetting). ‘Look!’ he said. ‘There’s a late entry.’

  Sure enough, another figure was striding onto the field from the athlete’s entrance. But, unlike the other athletes, this competitor was dressed in a full robe and their hair was hidden beneath a strange, tight-fitting hat. They appeared to be the youngest of the athletes, although just as tall (Frankie had noticed that most of the locals were fairly short by modern standards). Frankie squinted at the figure. Something about the way this person was walking was familiar. Very familiar …

  ‘Is that –’ Grandad started, but Drew got in first.

  ‘It’s Lou!’ he screeched, leaping to his feet and waving his hands frantically over his head. ‘Lou! LOU! Over here!’

  CHAPTER 16

  THE GAMES TO (POSSiBLY) END ALL GAMES (POSSiBLY)

  The strangely dressed competitor turned their head towards Frankie, Grandad, Drew and Alexi. Frankie’s stomach looped. Was it really her?

  But if the Person-Who-Might-Be-Lou recognised them, they didn’t show it. They quickly looked away and took their place beside the other competitors.

  Frankie’s stomach did a high jump, but didn’t stick the landing.

  ‘I guess she didn’t see us,’ said Drew. ‘Quick! Let’s get closer.’

  Frankie wasn’t so sure Drew was right, but he ran behind his friend, the suitcase swinging from his hand, until they were standing at the edge of the field, where a guard held them back.

  ‘No closer!’ the guard snapped, via the padlock. They were now about twenty metres from where Lou was standing.

  ‘Lou!’ screeched Drew. ‘It’s us!’

  Slowly, the Athlete-They-Suspected-Was-Lou turned their head. This time the athlete’s eyes connected with Frankie’s and he knew it was his sister. He saw her square her shoulders and take a deep breath.

  She’s GOT to be ready to come home, thought Frankie, relieved. He knew all too well that it sometimes took a while to come down from being huffy, but there was a point at which it all started seeming a bit dumb and you wished you could take back the mean things you’d said. He was pretty sure that Lou had finally reached this moment.

  Frankie did something he hadn’t done in almost forever – he smiled at this sister.

  ‘Lou – we’ve come to bring you home!’ he called, positive now that she would be absolutely stoked to see him.

  But Lou merely scrunched up her nose and turned away, and Frankie’s skin ran cold.

  ‘Did your big sis just diss you?’ asked Drew. ‘How awkward.’

  ‘No, no, no, she just didn’t rec
ognise me,’ Frankie replied tightly. ‘Lou?’ he called again, cupping his hands.

  The first athlete was now running, javelin in hand. A moment later, the gleaming spear arched through the air to the cheers of the watching crowd.

  ‘LOU!’ yelled Drew, so loudly that the athletes on the field all nearly jumped out of their (admittedly limited) clothing.

  ‘LOU!!’ Frankie followed up, shouting with all his might. ‘LOU, OVER HERE!’

  Finally, with her shoulders nearly bunched up around her ears, Lou stomped over to them. ‘What is it?’ she snapped.

  ‘You can’t stay here!’ Frankie cried. ‘You have to come home!’

  ‘I like it here,’ replied Lou firmly. ‘People talk about important things. And no-one calls me Saint Lou.’

  Frankie stared at her, unsure what to say next. He’d always thought ‘Saint Lou’ was just a funny nickname. He’d never really wondered if she liked it or not.

  The next competitor threw his javelin. It soared above them, striking the ground a few metres further than the first.

  ‘If you come back with me now, I promise I’ll never call you that again,’ blurted Frankie.

  Lou shook her head. ‘Sorry, Frankie, but it’s too late for that,’ she said, picking up her javelin. ‘Say goodbye to Mum and Dad for me.’

  Up until this point, Frankie had hoped that convincing Lou to come home wouldn’t be too difficult. But clearly this wasn’t the case. Lou had been in Ancient Greece for about a month, and even in this short time she seemed to have changed a lot. She looked tougher and braver than usual. The crowd cheered again as the third athlete threw his javelin.

  Lou shouldered her javelin and turned away. ‘Excuse me, but I’m kind of busy right now. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m about to compete in the Olympics.’

  ‘Lou, you can’t do that!’ said Frankie desperately. He couldn’t believe his sensible sister was being so rash. Of all the people in the Fish family, surely Lou understood best of all how doing something like this could potentially mess up all of history.