The beetles were moving up, from school yards to . . . the Dungs didn’t know yet. They would follow Cornelius and find out. As Henchbugs Number 1 and Number 2, the miserable twins caught a glimpse of something they’d never known: purpose.
The Big Bad Bully Bug Is Back
After school Cornelius led his henchbugs to his new lair. As the Dungs crawled inside, the roach explained, “It’s part secret lab, part clubhouse. As my henchbugs, you’ll have access to the Ping-Pong table, the fridge, and the gym I’m planning to build.”
Doo exclaimed, “All this in an old diaper. Enchanting smell!”
Dee agreed, “You built an impressive lair. But that doesn’t make you a super villain.”
Anger made the cockroach roar, “How many times must I tell you dim Dungs: I AM CRAZY COCKROACH, THE SUPER VILLAIN WHO TRIED TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD WITH GIANT ROBOTS!”
Dee looked stunned. “You’re so loud!”
Doo snickered. “Okay, you’re bad. But Crazy Cockroach bad? No way!”
Dee went on, “That bad bug was on TV, bro. Real, live TV.”
While the twins scoffed, Cornelius slipped behind a curtain. He emerged dressed as . . . Crazy Cockroach!
Doo applauded. “Nice costume. It’s almost real.”
Dee added, “Those Halloween companies sure don’t waste any time.”
Cornelius fumed. What would it take to convince these dumb Dungs? Crazy Cockroach tossed the twins to the top of the diaper and juggled them till they puked.
“Gack!” Doo protested. “That just proves you’re mean.”
Dee stepped around a puddle. “And that you don’t mind housework. Because I am not cleaning that up.”
Crazy Cockroach twirled his hands at top speed. He spun so fast that puke particles swirled up around him.
The Dungs rushed outside before the growing puke vortex could suck them in. They cowered behind a rusted cat food can to watch Cornelius wrap the puke ball in a scrap of diaper and then soar out of his lair.
The beetles looked up. Against the bright-blue sky flew the super villain known as Crazy Cockroach. He tossed the puke ball so far, so fast, it ignited like a meteor and rained onto a distant suburb.
Then they heard strange noises coming from the far side of the diaper. The Dungs rushed back into Cornelius’s lair.
Dee asked, “What was that?”
Doo’s feelers wiggled to form two question marks.
Crazy Cockroach swooped into the diaper. “Are you dull-witted Dungs ready to admit I am indeed the super villain Crazy Cockroach?”
“Shh!” Dee hissed.
“Something’s happening on the other side of the diaper,” Doo whispered.
Thanks to his super hearing, Crazy Cockroach heard every grunt and rustle. Then a familiar voice said, “Almost. Try again.”
Grunt, rustle.
Cornelius rushed outside with his hench-bugs behind him.
The diaper had another leg hole, another entrance.
The moment he crawled onto its soggy cotton floor, Crazy Cockroach recognized his archenemy. Super Fly was practicing cool-looking thorax kicks with Fantastic Flea!
On the next move, the tip of Eugene’s leg grazed his practice partner. Fred flipped over and over and over, reeling from the momentum of Super Fly’s super kick.
Eugene exclaimed, “Sorry!”
“It’s okay,” Fred replied. “Ask any dog: fleas are tough!”
Then, superhero and sidekick had the same thought at the same moment: We are not alone! They turned and saw Crazy Cockroach and his new henchbugs, Number 1 and Number 2—formerly known as the Dung twins (no patent or anything, just saying).
All at once everybuggy exclaimed, “What’re YOU doing here?”
“This diaper is my lair!” Crazy Cockroach declared.
Super Fly also spoke. “This diaper is our fortress of doody!”
“Find a new fortress!” commanded the king of the world.
Super Fly countered, “Why don’t you
Fantastic Flea thought his friend looked extremely cool standing there in his cape. Would Crazy Cockroach be impressed enough to back down without a fight?
The roach slammed a fist powerful as a sledgehammer against one of the diaper’s walls.?”
“Easy on the dojo!” Eugene exclaimed.
“We have just as much right to this diaper as you do,” Fred added.
“Perhaps a game of rock, paper, scissors?” suggested one of the Dungs. “Best of three. Winner gets the lair.”
“Deal,” said the roach and fly at the same time.
Super Fly and Crazy Cockroach squared off and threw in their signs.
Rock. Rock.
Paper. Paper.
Scissors. Scissors.
This went on 3,650,673,937 more times. Each time it was a tie. It was clear that this wouldn’t be settled with a game.
Using 9,000 times the power of a regular cockroach, the super villain charged!
Eugene’s enhanced reflexes allowed him to zip out of the roach’s way. Unfortunately, he smashed right into Fantastic Flea!
Poor Fred went tumbling over and over, into one of the diaper’s soft, stinky walls. Meanwhile, the sheer speed of Super Fly’s flight distracted Crazy Cockroach, causing him to crash into a pile of old bottle caps.
“Ouch!” Cornelius cried as he stumbled to his feet. The pleated metal edge of the cap scraped his exoskeleton. The cap wedged itself on the roach’s head like a twisted metal crown.
Super Fly rushed to his sidekick’s aid. “Are you okay?”
Fred did some stretches and paced around, like circus performers did when they got hurt. “A-okay!” Fred said.
Crazy Cockroach tried to pull the dented bottle cap off his head as he commanded, “Back to MY lair!”
Once they were alone on their side of the diaper, Eugene muttered, “We must find out what Crazy Cockroach and his poop-loving minions are planning.”
Fred agreed, and the two quickly came up with a plan.
The Pizza Guy Is a Pizza Fly
Meanwhile, on the other side of the putrid diaper, Crazy Cockroach showed his hench-bugs his latest creation: a video game named Butterfly Bombers.
Number 1 and Number 2 looked skeptical. Wouldn’t a real super villain invent a death ray, or at least something more menacing than a silly game?
“I designed it myself,” Cornelius added proudly. Having crawled along at the bottom of his class from his first day of school, the roach enjoyed his new intellect, which had been enhanced 9,000 times.
The Dungs still didn’t seem impressed.
“Why don’t you try it?” Crazy Cockroach urged. The evil burning in his beady black eyes made the beetles readily agree.
“We’ll play your game!” Number 1 exclaimed.
“What’s it called again?” Number 2 asked.
The goal was to fly beautiful butterflies over targets and drop brightly colored balls from above. The troubled twins had played many games. But none ever took hold of them like this. Their eyes locked on the screen with total focus.
They didn’t even look up when someone pounded on the door to the lair. (After discovering his mortal foe’s dojo was in the diaper’s other leg, Cornelius had swiftly installed basic security, like a door.)
Crazy Cockroach expected his hench-bugs to answer the door. But Numbers 1 and 2 continued to drop colored balls and swoop through rainbows on their brilliant wings.
Cornelius opened the door to find a pizza deliverybug. The fly wore a hat with the Best Pest Pizza logo on it, although the logo seemed to be cut out of a cardboard delivery carton. The T-shirt might have been drawn in marker.
“Best Pest Pizza,” the delivery fly declared.
Crazy Cockroach glanced at his hypnotized henchbugs, then said, “No one here ordered a pizza. Maybe you’re looking for Super Nerd next door.”
Eugene struggled not to flinch at this insult. At least his improvised disguise worked despite the obvious flaws.
Then Co
rnelius looked thoughtful and asked, “Do I know you?”
Super Fly looked all around the lair. He used his super mental abilities to note every detail, every possible bit of information on the layout of this side of the diaper. The door had been a surprise. It was nice craftsmanship. It even had a peephole. What other security measures might his clever enemy have installed while he and Fred created this disguise?
As Super Fly took one last look around the lair, Crazy Cockroach suddenly exclaimed, “Wait!”
Eugene froze. Was he busted? If the roach recognized him as Super Fly, would the super bully squash the fly flat like a fly swatter?
“Want to play a really great video game?” the cockroach asked.
Eugene blinked. This seemingly innocent invitation was the last thing Super Fly expected to hear.
He glanced at the dung beetles, still totally focused on the screen. Shifting colors of bursting butterfly bombs reflected in their black shells and hypnotized eyes.
Eugene felt tempted. The henchbugs seemed to be having such a great time! But he didn’t want to push his luck with Cornelius. Besides, if he was gone much longer Fred would worry. Or worse, eat all the extra pizza they bought for this plan.
Super Fly recalled his disguise and quickly fibbed, “Maybe some other time. I’ve got pizzas to deliver.”
“Well, let me give you a tip,” Crazy Cockroach said, holding out something shiny in his hand. “Here’s a nickel.”
Eugene rolled his eyes. He’d heard roaches were lousy tippers!
Cornelius cackled. “Oh, wait, that’s just a ring tab from a soda can.”
The roach smiled one of his hideous smiles. Super Fly took the worthless ring and smiled back. “Thanks.”
On the other side of the diaper, Fantastic Flea had indeed begun to worry and was almost done eating the extra-large pizza, just as Super Fly had suspected. He paced between the soft white walls like a caged beast.
Fred turned and saw . . . Super Fly! The anxious flea asked his friend, “What did you learn?”
Super Fly described a drawing board covered with designs for a video game and a hot tub. Fred pictured the henchbugs playing the colorful video game in the luxurious lair filled with all the latest gadgets and gizmos . . .
“And even a Ping-Pong table!” Super Fly concluded.
Fred squealed, “A PING-PONG TABLE! How cool is their lair?”
“Calm down,” Eugene told his friend.
He gestured to the other side of the diaper. Fred understood. It wasn’t exactly good side-kicking to loudly praise the villain’s lair.
Fred whispered, “What should we do? We need to know more.”
The brilliant bug considered the situation. “We need to go back in.” Then Eugene added, “By the way, Fred. You were right. Roaches are terrible tippers. Oh, and one more thing. You couldn’t save me one lousy piece of pizza?”
The stuffed flea burped. “Sorry.”
Super Fly tossed the ring tab up to the diaper’s ceiling. Fantastic Flea flew through it and then turned a quick somersault before touching the absorbent floor.
Operation Super Spy
Fred’s fabulous stunt gave Super Fly an idea. “I know how I can get back into Crazy Cockroach’s lair unseen!”
“How?” The flea flipped a few times while waiting for his friend’s reply. Before the hero could reveal his plan, his restless sidekick guessed, “Aren’t you working on some kind of invisibility thing?”
Eugene looked down at his feet. The invisibility candy bar wasn’t working out nearly as well as the key lime Ultimo 6-9000. The chocolate tasted too chalky, and visibility still came and went at the most embarrassing times.
He didn’t bother giving Fred this bad news. Instead, Super Fly announced grandly, “You’re the only superpower we need for this job.”
His loyal sidekick seemed skeptical. “You know I don’t have any superpowers.”
Super Fly smiled. “I believe in you. Now . . . doody calls!”
Moments later, Crazy Cockroach and his henchbugs crawled out of their side of the diaper. Number 1 wondered, “What’s making all that happy noise?”
Number 2 stared in amazement. He’d never seen a one-flea circus before. He didn’t know any insect could move like that!
Fantastic Flea flipped and bounced, leaped and landed, all over the sand outside the dirty diaper. His act was even more mesmerizing than Butterfly Bombers! Even Crazy Cockroach couldn’t take his eyes off the Fantastic Flea.
As Super Fly planned, he had no trouble sneaking into the lair behind them. Moving at super speed, the 9,000-times-enhanced fly searched desk drawers, file cabinets, and even the fridge.
Eugene paused for a moment of pure envy: his enemies even had a fridge! To cool off, he flew back and forth between each end of the Ping-Pong table so fast he played a hundred-point game against himself and won in less than fifteen seconds!
This performance was no more amazing than the one Fred gave outside the diaper. Crazy Cockroach stared at the acrobatic bug. “Have we ever met?”
“Today?” asked the funny flea.
Meanwhile, Super Fly returned to his task. “So clever,” he murmured as he looked at Crazy Cockroach’s plans. “Of course, thanks to my Ultimo 6-9000, Cornelius is 9,000 times smarter than a normal roach.” Eugene turned back to the video game plans. If Super Fly wasn’t 9,000 times smarter than a smart fly, he might have missed the fact that those plans were for more than they seemed.
Crazy Cockroach Says!
As soon as Fred saw Eugene emerge from the diaper leg, he took his last bow. “Thanks, you’ve been a great audience.”
Back in the other side of the diaper, Super Fly told Fantastic Flea, “That Crazy Cockroach is working on a video game he plans on using to take over the world!”
Fantastic Flea knew Crazy Cockroach was crazy, but taking over the world with a video game . . . “That sounds more nuts than an acorn-pie-eating contest for squirrels.”
“Does that mean you think it’s impossible?” Super Fly said. “Remember, Crazy Cockroach is super smart. Luckily, so am I!”
“Okay, if it’s possible—how?” Fred asked.
Eugene wasn’t sure. “The plan calls for gamers to become addicted to the game, then at some point in the program they become hypnotized. The roach hasn’t figured out that part yet. But he’s working on it.”
Super Fly added, “From the way Dee and Doo ignored my first visit, we know he’s managed to make the game addictive.”
“We should stake out the other side of the diaper,” suggested Fantastic Flea. “That way we’ll know what these bad bugs are up to.”
Then he added, “Are you sure that invisibility candy bar isn’t ready for field testing?”
Eugene looked down at the fluffy-white floor. “Nothing wrong with a good old-fashioned stakeout!”
“I’ll make some hot cocoa!” Fantastic Flea offered, adding, “If you go out for marshmallows.”
Super Fly didn’t mind. After all, it would take him less than two seconds to fly to Stinkmart.
Soon the pest friends sipped mallow-topped cocoa while perched on an old roller skate that gave them a great view of Crazy Cockroach’s diaper entrance.
Eugene was about to add more marshmallows when the heroes suddenly saw movement outside the villain’s lair.
Crazy Cockroach walked around the dump with the beetles trailing behind him. The bad bugs stopped at an old dirty shoe.
“Lick the shoe!” the roach commanded.
Number 1 and Number 2 licked the shoe.
“Did you see that?” Super Fly asked.
Fantastic Flea nodded. “Shoe lickers!”
Crazy Cockroach led his henchbugs around the dump, demanding they do one silly, gross, dangerous thing after another. Whatever the roach said, the Dungs did!
Fantastic Flea exclaimed, “It’s like Simon Says, only now the game is Crazy Cockroach Says!”
Super Fly snapped to alarm. “This is no innocent game. Do you realize
what this means?”
“That we should start having game night at our lair every Tuesday night?” replied the flea excitedly. “I can make s’mores.”
“No. I mean, yes, that’s a great idea. But no, this means something much bigger,” replied the fly. “His plan is coming together!”
The Technology Trap
Alarm was the only logical conclusion. Fantastic Flea said, “If Crazy Cockroach really has created a game that will make players obey him like the Dungs are, Stinkopolis is in real trouble!”
Eugene saw the danger too. “You and I love video games. So do a lot of other bugs.”
Fred agreed. “Almost every bug we know has a Bug Box gaming console.”
But there wasn’t anything the boys could do about the super villain’s plans that night. It was a school night, and they had homework.
While Eugene and Fred solved math problems, Cornelius was busy. As soon as our heroes entered Brown Barge Elementary School the next morning, they saw Number 1 and Number 2 passing out free video games to every bug.
Number 1 exclaimed, “This is the most awesome game you could imagine!”
Number 2 added, “And it’s absolutely free!”
Number 1 continued the pitch. “Bug Box compatible and will provide an exciting adventure for any bug!”
Revenge of the Roach! Page 2
