by Maddie James
“Tell him, Jillie.” Stunned, Kim knew what they had to do now. Jillie had to tell Thad the truth about this whole pack trip thing. Because if she didn’t, he would eventually find out and he would never trust her again. “Tell him.”
Mack stepped forward. “Thad, it was all in fun. Don’t get your dander up.”
Kim was frightened at the look that crossed Thad’s face. “Tell me what the hell you’re talking about, right now.”
“Oh, all right.” Jillie stepped up to Thad and parked herself square in front of him. “It’s as simple as this. Mack and I met days before we took that trail ride up into the mountains, the one where Kim fell off her horse. That day Mack told me about the two old ladies who had canceled their trip and so we finagled this plan so Kim and I could come, just so Mack and I could spend some more time together. We were hoping you and Kim would hit it off, but we really didn’t think it would happen. You two are so totally opposite.”
Jillie stared Thad down. Kim watched his face. It never cracked as he spoke. “Go on,” he returned.
“That’s it! You’ve got it all in a nutshell.”
Mack stepped up beside Jillie.” Come on, Thad. We need to get started.”
“No.”
“But the storm’s heading this way—”
“So those old ladies weren’t your grandmothers.”
“Hell no,” Jillie blurted out. “We don’t even know them, isn’t that a stitch?” She guffawed and then sucked in the laughter when Thad only glared back.
“Then you all lied.”
“Sort of, Thad,” Mack interjected, "but it was all in—”
“Actually, Kim was never really in on it, and she got duped about as much as—”
Thad swirled. “Where’s the money from the trip?”
“Money?” Mack parroted.
Thad finally broke his stance and threw his hands into the air. Kim’s gut wrenched. She didn’t like what was happening. “Yes, dammit! The money! Where the hell is the money for the trip?”
Mack placed a calming hand on Thad’s arm which Thad promptly yanked away. “Thad, the two old ladies canceled weeks ago. I sent them a refund. I just didn’t have the heart to tell you at the time.”
“What about the lawyers?”
“They were legit—until I bribed the arrogant one to come onto Kim, hoping it would spark something inside you. Then you nearly punched his lights out and I had to promise them both a refund since their trip was cut short. They were threatening to sue. Thad, look, I’m sorry I have to tell you this right now. I intended to as soon as we got back. There’s no money.”
Thad’s face turned scarlet. There was a long, empty, silent moment before anyone uttered a word. Thad glanced from Mack, to Jillie, and to Kim. Then the only sound they heard was a gurgle of laughter that started deep in Thad’s belly and rolled out of his throat in one giant guffaw.
Kim stared.
What was wrong with him?
Crouching down, Thad sat on a log, his shoulders shaking while he shook his head and continued to laugh. Then he looked straight at Mack. “There’s no money?”
Mack shook his head. “No, Thad.”
Thad wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “That’s perfect.”
Kim was about to lose control. Had Thad gone nuts? “What’s perfect, Thad?”
“There’s no money,” he returned, still huffing out a laugh now and then. “All these days I’ve been holding back, trying not to touch you, talk to you, kiss you. All because I’ve got some staunch notion that businessmen and their clients don’t fool around.” He snickered again. “All this week I’ve been driving myself crazy, you too, and if I’d known all along that Mack and Jillie had cooked up this scheme, and that there was no money involved, I would have—”
He stopped himself. Kim was glad. She wasn’t too sure she wanted Jillie and Mack to know just exactly what he would have done had he known earlier that they weren’t paying customers.
Standing, he drew closer to Kim and pulled her next to his beating heart. “I wouldn’t have held off making love to you for so long,” he whispered. His lips nuzzled the space just under her earlobe and Kim suddenly forgot that they had an audience behind them. She laced her arms around his neck and held him close. “I sorely regret that, Kim,” he breathed next to her ear, “because our time together has grown so short, too damn quick. And I’m not sure I want it to end.”
And at the moment, Kim didn’t know if she wanted that, either.
Chapter Fifteen
Thad took one look at the swollen river and silently swore. He’d expected the water to be up, but he hadn’t expected it to be this high, or rushing this fast. Since they were now making their downward trek over the Continental Divide, they were at a point where rains high in the mountain over the past couple of days were now flowing downward and filling the streams at their level.
Ordinarily he wouldn’t be concerned, he’d crossed with inexperienced riders before, but with Kim—he just wasn’t sure if she could handle it.
Or maybe he was just being too protective.
He silently contemplated his dilemma. They could try wading in, angling the string up stream, but his gut reaction was that they were going to have to swim the horses across. If that were the case, then he’d just have to put Kim up next to him with his horse and let Sunshine cross with the pack mules. The mare was experienced enough. She’d know what to do.
“Want me to wade out and check the depth?” Mack’s question jarred him. Thad glanced to his right. The women and the mules were still behind him.
Thad shook his head. “We’ve crossed here enough to know that we’re going to have to swim. What worries me is that the river’s moving at a pretty good clip.”
“We’ll be alright. Jillie can handle herself and Kim will do okay.”
A bolt of panic settled in Thad’s chest. “You think so?”
Mack grinned.” Sure. She’ll do fine.” Mack turned back to the string. Thad followed. He wasn’t too sure Kim would be okay. He liked his plan better.
As he reached the three other horses and riders and the four mules, he once again stopped and perused the situation. Finally, Kim spoke.
“So what’s the plan, O Fearless Leader?”
The plan is to get us all back to the ranch in one piece. From there, he was going to do whatever he could to convince Kim to give their relationship some more time. Perhaps forever.
“The plan is this.” He eyed all three of them, his gaze finally resting on Kim’s face. “The river is a bit more swollen than I would like, but we’ve got to cross and this is the best place, so this is what we’ll do.” He hesitated a minute, studying Kim’s eager face. “Listen to me very carefully. We wade the horse in until the water is thigh level then slip off your horse and into the water. If the horse has to swim, then we’ll swim alongside. Actually, our bodies will act as additional leverage and help keep the horses afloat. You’ll get wet, but it will be a safer crossing for both the horse and the rider. We can always change clothes after we cross.”
He stopped and watched Kim’s face. There wasn’t a hint of concern there. He decided to plunge ahead. “Kim, I want you to ride my horse, though. I’ll lead us all in, then when you slip into the water, I’ll be right there beside you. Sunshine has crossed a hundred times before and she’ll be fine with the mules.”
Kim’s face drew up into a scowl. He ignored her and turned his horse toward the river.
“Wait a minute, Thad.” He stopped and looked at her. “I don’t understand why I’m riding your horse. Is there something wrong with Sunshine?”
“No, as I said, she’s done this a hundred times.”
“Oh, then there’s something wrong with me, is that it? You don’t think I can handle this, do you?”
It wasn’t that, it was just that he wanted her close, wanted to make sure she got across all right.
“Is this something you usually do with inexperienced riders, or just me? I want to know, Th
ad.”
He huffed out a breath. “Actually, Kim, it’s what I usually do for children. Most of the time adults can take care of themselves, but in this case—”
Her temper flared; fire leaped in her eyes. “In this case you feel I can’t make it and you’re treating me like a child!”
“That’s not it, Kim.”
She nudged her horse closer to his. “Then what is it?”
He lowered his voice. “Kim, I don’t want anything to happen to you, alright? Sometimes the horses get skittish. Sometimes their feet get tangled in the reins, or on a tree branch under the water. Sometimes it gets difficult to get across when the water’s moving so quickly. I just want to make sure you’re close by so I can help you if you get into trouble.”
He could see in her eyes that she was not convinced. “But what about Jillie, are you giving instructions for her to ride Mack’s horse, to stay close to him?”
“Jillie has a mind of her own, Kim, she can do whatever she wants.”
Her eyes widened. “And I have a mind of my own and I can do whatever I want.”
“You’ll do what I tell you to do.” This was getting way out of hand. Couldn’t she see he was only doing it for her own good? “The best place for you is next to me.”
“The best place for me is where I choose to be. I’m crossing on Sunshine. I trust her. I’m going to do it by myself!”
Panic gripped him. He had to talk her out of it. “Kim, you don’t know the danger here.”
She edged Sunshine closer. “I’ll tell you what I don’t know,” she retorted. “I think I don’t know you half as well as I thought I did. You don’t trust me, you don’t think I’m competent enough to do what you’re asking the others to do, and you don’t think I can make it in your world, do you Thad?”
Her words bit at him like an icy blast from the north. Was that what this was all about? Was he so fearful of losing her, of her not fitting in with his lifestyle, that he felt he had to coddle her, keep her safe within reach, should she decide that this life was too damned rough-and tumble for a lady like her?
Maybe so. But he’d be damned if he’d let her know that.
“Crossing a rain-swollen river is dangerous, even for someone like me who has done it many times. There are always unexpected problems to deal with, and someone like you, who hasn’t been handling a horse very long, needs to be with someone who can make sure you cross safely.”
“Bull!” You’re making excuses, Thad. Admit it, you don’t think I can do it!”
It was true, he didn’t. Maybe it was best to get it all out in the open. “No, Kim, I don’t. I don’t think you can make it. Across the river or in my world. It’s a tough life. Hard work. And I’d have to coddle and pamper you every step of the way, just like now. It would never work. Face it, Kim. We’ll never work.”
Suddenly, he realized he was talking about a whole lot more than crossing the river. So was she. They were talking about their life together. And by the look on Kim’s face, she knew it as well as he.
****
Kim swallowed the pain that constricted her throat. The piercing glint of his eyes made her nearly shiver. He was dismissing her like so much old shoe leather. In an act of indifference, she clenched her fists and braced herself on the mare. “I know why you’re pushing this, Thad. You feel insecure about my leaving in a few days. That’s it, isn’t it?”
He scoffed at her words. Kim sensed his confusion. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do,” she interjected. “If you push me away now, then you don’t have to do it later. It doesn’t hurt as much to say goodbye. Right?”
“Kim, that’s not it.”
“Then what is it?”
“I’ve already told you. I want you to be safe.”
“You want to get me out of here because you’re afraid that I can’t handle myself.”
He nodded. “Yes! Alright! That’s it! I’m afraid you can’t handle it, Kim. Dammit, yes, I’m afraid.”
And I’m afraid I can’t handle it when I leave you, either. Maybe it’s better this way. “Well then, if that’s the way you feel, there’s no reason for me to hang around here any longer. I’ll get out of your sight this very instant.”
“Yeah, right.” The look in his eyes defied her actions.
Ignoring the ache in her chest, Kim sat straighter in the saddle. She allowed herself one long, last look into Thad’s face. “Point me toward Elk Park,” she ordered, “and I’ll be be on my way. Then you don’t have to be afraid, Thad, because I’ll already be gone.”
Thad didn’t hesitate. He didn’t even allow a flash of regret to passed over his face. He didn’t think she would do it. Well, she would prove him wrong. She would show him just how competent she could be, and that if she wanted to, she could make it in his world, just fine.
He pointed. “Due west. Follow the sun. Can’t miss it.”
“Fine.” Kim tightened her grip on the reins and heeled her horse in the flanks. Without thinking of the consequences, she urged the horse into a trot and headed due west, following the river. She didn’t dare look back.
She thought she heard Jillie call out behind her, but the words faded away too quickly. A lot of junk was bouncing around inside her brain. And if she thought about it too much, she might just turn the horse around and make an utter idiot out of herself.
No chance. For once in her life she was acting on impulse. And she’d damned well better make the most of it—or die trying. She had to show Thad that she could survive on her own, if she put her mind to it.
****
Thad had called himself every kind of fool for the past two hours. Why he’d wasted all that time thinking she’d come back, he’d never know. Why he’d insulted her, pushed her out of his life, he’d never understand either.
Where in the hell is she?
Initially, his gut reaction was that she would high-tail her shapely derriere right back to him within five minutes of leaving. Later, he’d expected her to come careening back at the first roll of thunder. Or at least at the first shaft of lightning to split the distant sky. Hell, he never expected she would have headed out alone in the first place.
But he’d been the idiot. A fool. How could he have treated her like that? All he wanted to do was protect her and he’d ended up treating her like a child. And she had reacted in the only way Kim would react.
Without thinking.
He wasn’t dealing with some normal individual who did what was expected. He was dealing with Kim. He should have been ready for anything.
She meant what she said. She was actually going to try to make it to Elk Park. All by herself. Then she would head back to Kentucky—and out of his life.
And by God, she would probably make it. And they’d both be miserable for the rest of their days.
He’d been so frightened of losing her that he’d screwed up everything. And she’d had to prove her point. Prove to him that she could handle the wilderness. And worse, if he did find her, bring her back to the ranch, would she welcome his arrival? Or would it only confirm in her mind that he didn’t trust her instincts. That he didn’t think she could make it out here. Alone.
But the thought of her alone, out in this isolated wilderness, was the thing that spurred him on. He had to find her. She had no knowledge of the danger that might lie in wait for her. And he couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t try. If he found her and she was angry, then he’d suffer those consequences. He’d rather know she was safe and alive, than in trouble and he hadn’t even tried to save her.
He’d rather risk losing her, than not go after her at all.
The storm had subsided an hour or so earlier; he hadn’t picked up her trail yet. He knew the rain softened earth would easily reveal her horse’s hoof prints if he stumbled upon her trail. It would be the only evidence he’d need to assure himself that he was traveling in the right direction. He prayed, silently, and then in half-coherent mumbles, while his keen eyes se
arched for any sign, any clue, that she had been this way before him.
Inside his chest, his heart felt as though it had been chopped in two with a dull ax. The blood that the heavy organ forced through every vein and capillary of his body, burned with fear and remorse. How could he have said what he did?
How could he have told her he was afraid she couldn’t hack it?
Thad jerked the horse to a stop and arched his weary back. It was a moot point. She would leave him now, he was certain, no matter how earnestly he apologized. He’d breached all trust, broken all ties, and if he did find her, he’d simply explain his shortcomings and admit he was a horse’s ass, then he would see her to safety and head back to the ranch, where he’d sent Mack and Jillie hours before.
He was that sure the tables couldn’t be turned back in their favor.
But there was no way he would leave her to struggle with the wilderness. There was no way he’d leave her out here, stranded. Even if she was a fool for darting away from them like she did. Thad knew deep in his heart that he’d forced her hand on the issue, and that whatever happened to her out there, would all be on his shoulders.
His buckskin nickered and Thad aimed his gaze at the ground. Immediately, he heaved a sigh of relief and silently thanked the powers that be. Crossing in front of him, was a set of sloppy hoof prints in the mud.
A shiver of fear wrenched his soul. The hoof prints led directly into the river.
****
The cold seeped into Kim’s bones like an icy specter. It was the first conscious feeling she’d felt for the past two hours or more. Actually, she wasn’t sure exactly how long it had been since she’d rode away from Thad like an idiot.
She lifted her head to stare at her surroundings. Darkness and blowing water surrounded her from all sides. The storm had boiled up from the valley about thirty minutes earlier, darkening the sky and lending an eeriness to the mountainside. She’d stopped just long enough to search through the saddle bags to find the rain coat. After slipping it on, pulling the hood fully over her head and fastening out the damp and cold up to her neck, she’d arranged the long coat over her legs and horse’s rump hoping that most of the water would run off and keep both her and the horse relatively dry.
