He slowed as he came to the other car. Several inches of snow had already fallen on top of it, and from the angle of the vehicle, it was clear that they’d need to wait for the snow to melt to get it out. Nolan stopped in the middle of the road, figuring it was safest for now. He hadn’t seen any other vehicles, or signs that anyone else was out.
The car door opened, and Meredith stumbled out. Because of the angle of her car, she’d ended up falling into a rather large snowdrift.
“Are you okay?” He asked, helping her up.
Meredith nodded, brushing the snow off her. “Just embarrassed. I was sliding and I overcorrected.”
He grinned. “Probably going a little too fast too.”
“I won’t tell if you won’t,” she said, shaking her head. “Actually, I was distracted. Probably too distracted to have been driving in this mess. But I just wanted to get home, where I can relax, and maybe find a little perspective.”
“There’s no place like home for figuring things out.” Maybe that’s why all these memories were coming back to Mallory. This hadn’t ever really been her home, but it was probably the closest thing to it. Plus, there was something special about this place.
“And Mom’s chocolate chip cookies,” Meredith said, sighing. “Has she made you your special treat yet?”
“If she did, do you think I would tell you?”
Meredith’s laugh made him smile. The closest to him in age of the Grant girls, they’d always had a bit of a rivalry. She hadn’t taken well to a 15-year-old punk kid invading her turf. At the time, he’d probably deserved some of her derision. They’d made peace over the years, but they’d never stopped fighting over chocolate chip cookies.
“Anything you need out of your car?”
“Let me just get my bag. I’m assuming we have to leave it here.”
He nodded. “My truck barely made it. We’ll have to come for it tomorrow after the snow has stopped.”
“So everyone is going to know. That seems to be my luck these days. This is just the cherry on top of a really bad week.”
Meredith went back to her car and grabbed her bag. In some ways, Nolan felt sorry for her. As the eldest, she always seemed to have to live up to a higher standard than the others. Even though most of the time, her expectations were self-imposed. The level of perfection she put on herself had originally given him a connection to Mallory. But at least Meredith had the support of a loving family behind her.
Still, he felt bad seeing the frustration in Meredith’s eyes. “Sorry to hear that. If your mom had made me the cookies, I’d give you one. I already had to raid Ernie’s cookie dough stash for Mallory.”
Meredith tossed her bag into his truck. “Mallory, huh? This wouldn’t be the famous Mallory we’ve all heard so much about, would it?”
He should have known better than to mention her name. With the drive ahead, the eldest Grant daughter was going to spend all of it grilling him. And to think earlier this evening, he’d been worried about her bringing up the report he’d messed up. Thanks to Mallory, that, at least, would be an easy conversation. Much easier than this one.
“Yes, it’s the famous Mallory. But she’s different than you’d expect. Actually, she reminds me a lot of you. And yet…”
The expression on Meredith’s face told Nolan that he shouldn’t have said so much. That was the trouble with Mallory. Something about her made him say more about everything than he ever said.
“We need to get going,” he said. “The snow isn’t letting up, which means the roads are getting worse.”
He got into his truck, and was glad that she had followed without comment. When he looked over at her, he noticed that she was shivering. He had turned the heat down because he had been getting hot. But he’d forgotten that Meredith had been in her cold car. The way she’d been stuck in that snow bank, leaving the car running would’ve put her at risk for carbon monoxide poisoning.
“Let me get the heat going for you. I shouldn’t have let you stay out there so long. There’s a blanket in the back seat. Wrap yourself up in that, and find something dry in that bag of yours to change into.”
He gave her another quick glance. For the first time, he noticed Meredith was still wearing business clothes, like she’d come straight from work. Though she had on a heavy jacket, he could see the flimsy blouse she had on underneath.
“I guess I really didn’t think this through. I didn’t even stop for dinner. I’m starving.”
Once more, Nolan was glad for Mallory’s warning. Had it not been for her, he wouldn’t have anything in his truck to offer Meredith. “I’ve got some granola bars and trail mix here. It’ll tide you over until we get to the house. There’s also a couple bottles of water. You probably haven’t had enough to drink either.”
“Thanks, Mom.” Meredith let out a long sigh. “Speaking of moms, I’m going to get a lecture from mine, aren’t I?”
Nolan chuckled. Even at their age, they still feared Donna’s lectures. “I’ll put in a good word in for you. And you can always hope that one of your sisters does something more stupid. That’s gotten us all out of a bind or two.”
Meredith joined in his laughter, and she sounded more like the woman he knew and loved. “I still can’t believe all the things we got away with. Now, stay focused on the road, and don’t look at me. I’m going to try to change under the blanket, but I don’t want you getting an accidental peek.”
“Gross,” he said. “I’m sure all your parts are just fine, but seeing any of them would give me nightmares for the rest of my life.”
Even though he laughed, and she gave the same annoyed groan she always did about such things, it felt good to realize how true his words were. He had a deep affection for Meredith, but it didn’t resemble anything near what he felt for Mallory.
As they started back down the road, Meredith remained silent, staring out the window. A gust of wind made him swerve slightly. But it was enough to make his truck fishtail, even with chains, and he had to fight to maintain control.
For a moment, he thought about Mallory, and how she asked him not to go. Lord, please let this turn out all right for her. She’s so lost, and she needs something to believe in again.
Another gust of wind hit, and it took every ounce of his strength to stay on the road. The snow was coming down faster now, and visibility had grown worse.
“I was stupid to go out in this, wasn’t I?” Meredith said. “I’ve been making a lot of bad decisions lately, decisions that aren’t like me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
She sounded a lot like Mallory. Although Nolan was tempted to give her a sympathetic ear, he realized that Meredith’s plight didn’t stir the same depth of emotion in him. He didn’t want to hold her, tell her it was going to be all right, and promise to be there for her, no matter what. Sure, if he could help Meredith, he would. But not in any way that involved his heart. It belonged to someone else.
“It sounds like you’re under a lot of stress,” he finally said. “Maybe some time away will be good for you. Between Ernie’s cooking and your mom’s baking, you’re bound to find healing for what ails you.”
She gave a half snort half laugh. “It’s always so simple for you, isn’t it? But I don’t think my problem is so easily fixed. But thanks for trying. It’s one of the things I’ve always loved about you. You might not be our real brother, but you’ve been a good big brother to us in a lot of ways.”
She sounded ready to cry, and he wasn’t sure he could handle those tears. He needed all of his strength for Mallory’s.
“And you’ve been a good sister, except for when you steal my cookies.” He kept his tone light, but didn’t dare take his eyes off the road to see if his comment had the desired effect.
“Is Mallory worthy of you?”
He hadn’t expected that question. “I’m not sure I know what you mean.”
“You like her. I can tell.”
He hadn’t been as smooth as he’d hoped in covering up his f
eelings. While he’d anticipated having to answer questions at some point on this drive, he didn’t know what to say.
“I guess you’ll have to figure that out for yourself.”
“She’s really done a number on you, hasn’t she?”
It was probably best that it was too dark to see the expression on her face and too dangerous to take his focus off the road. “If by done a number, you mean something bad, then no. Mallory is one of the best people I know.”
“Mom said she thought she sensed some chemistry. I guess she was right. If I were you, I’d elope. Because you’re the only one out of all of us with any hope of ever getting married.”
They liked to joke about the lack of romantic prospects, but for the first time, Nolan sensed there was something else behind Meredith’s pain.
“Has something happened I should know about?”
“No. I think I’m just finally coming to terms with the fact that I’m as cold and unapproachable as everyone thinks.”
Something had happened, but again, he felt uncomfortable asking her to open up to him. He’d never been good at this sort of thing, and his discomfort with his friend’s emotions made him realize just what a rare thing he had with Mallory.
“I think you should talk to Mallory,” he said. “I can’t pretend to understand what you’re saying, but I think she can relate.”
She made a noise of disbelief. “How can that be? You’re in love with her. People don’t fall in love with people who are cold and unapproachable.”
“What makes you think I’m in love with her?”
“I know you. You’re going to marry her, and you’re going to have the happiness you deserve. I just hope she deserves it.”
The way she was talking made him a little nervous. “You’re not upset that I found someone, are you?”
She laughed. “Only that you’re going to beat me to the altar. I’m sorry for being a downer and making this all about me. I guess I don’t have much of a Holly Jolly spirit.”
“I’m sorry for not being more comforting,” he said. “I guess I just don’t really know what to say.”
She reached over and patted him on the shoulder. “And that’s what we love about you. You don’t need to say anything. It’s just nice knowing that you’re here.”
They rounded the corner to the final stretch leading them to the ranch. Up ahead was the turnoff for his house, but he still had to take her ahead to the main house.
But as he hit the curve, the truck skidded, and as he turned into the skid, trying to regain control, he could feel the back end slipping off the road and into the ditch. They stopped with a thud.
“The hero isn’t perfect either,” she said, grinning at him. “How stuck do you think we are?”
He got out of the truck and went to inspect the damage. He didn’t need more than a quick glance to know that without someone to pull them out, they weren’t going anywhere. She’d come to stand beside him, and he knew she would come to the same conclusion he had.
“I guess we should start walking,” she said. “Your place is closer than mine, and I will admit to a sick thrill at the thought of getting to meet the glorious Mallory.”
Shaking his head, he said, “I never said she was glorious.”
She gave him a little shove. “You didn’t have to. Usually, when you meet a girl, you’re very busy showing her off, trying to get our approval, and I’ve always felt like you were also wanting us to talk you into it. You’ve never seemed all in on a relationship, and you’re acting differently enough about this one that I know it’s serious.”
He closed up his truck, not sure how to respond. It had only been a few hours since he last spoke in to Mallory…
Oh no. He’d told her it would be an hour, tops. He pulled out his cell phone, knowing full well that they were in a dead zone. It wouldn’t be until they crested the hill up ahead that he’d have a signal.
“Missing her already?”
He shook his head. “No. I mean yes. But I told her this would be a quick trip. I know she’s probably worried, and I should have thought about that sooner.”
Meredith linked arms with him. “Yup. You’ve got it bad. But if we hurry, it’ll only be another fifteen minutes or so. And I need to keep moving. I’m freezing. Even with changing into something warmer, it’s not enough.”
They started in the direction of the cabin, and as he picked up his pace, he was pleased to see that Meredith could still match his. When they were younger, she’d followed him all over the place, hoping to find out his secrets. He’d never told her any of them. And now, as he glanced over at her, he still had no desire to tell her any of the things he’d told Mallory.
Yes, he had it bad. The question was, had he given his heart to someone who was capable of returning his feelings, not just now, in the moment, but for the long run? Would Mallory still want him when she’d finally found healing from her pain?
Chapter Nine
Mallory had only slept briefly in the time Nolan was gone. She’d been afraid of crying for so long, that now that she’d done so several times, she wondered what she’d been so afraid of. She didn’t have all the answers, especially when it came to figuring out her heart. But now that she’d allowed herself to remember, she hated that she’d allowed herself to forget.
But then, she remembered the crushing grief. The inability to get out of bed. The way those awful meds had made her feel. Forgetting had been the only way to get through.
She looked across the room to where Ernie sat, peering out the window. She didn’t have to do this alone anymore. She had Ernie, and Nolan, and if something happened to them, she had Jesus. When Mallory cried, she remembered all the times her mom had told her the story of the lost sheep and called Mallory her little lamb.
That was the piece that she finally understood from her mom’s final words. “I love you my little lamb.”
Yes, they were words of affection. The same ones she had heard every day of her life before her mom’s death. But now, she understood the deeper meaning. The depth of her mother’s love, but also the depth of God’s.
More importantly, it had been her mother’s way of telling her that no matter what happened, she would be all right. Had her mother known, even then, that she was about to die? How bad had things looked in that moment? She would never know, but she did know that her mother’s last words were about trusting and having faith.
Which was why, as she saw Ernie’s lips moving in anxious prayer, she wasn’t worried. The teakettle made the noise indicating it was done. Mallory went over and poured cups of tea for Ernie and herself, then carried the tea to the older woman.
“Here. Drink this. I’m sure Nolan is fine.”
As Ernie took the tea, she gave Mallory a strange look. “You’re the one who had a feeling something bad was going to happen. You told him not to go. It’s been nearly three hours. He should have been home by now.”
“I know. But tonight I remembered a lot of what my mother taught me about faith and trust. It isn’t always about everything going your way, or about things turning out all right because you did all the right things. Sometimes, it’s about the very worst thing in the world happening to you, and knowing that in the end, it will be all right. I don’t know what happened to Nolan, or why he’s not back yet. But I do know that regardless, it’s going to be okay. I don’t know how, I just know.”
Earlier that evening, Nolan had said something similar about prayer. But now she understood it for herself. Ernie set the tea down and gathered Mallory into her arms again. “You sound just like your mother. I miss that so much, the way she could always look at terrible things and still believe, that no matter what, everything was going to work out fine.”
Hugging her back, Mallory said, “I didn’t know how anything was ever going to be okay ever again. But thanks to you and Nolan, I have every confidence that everything is going to be just fine.”
As if to confirm Mallory’s belief, the kitten stirred in the little be
d she’d made it, and she smiled. “I think it’s feeding time again.”
Ernie chuckled. “They’re worse than human babies. I think everyone needs to nurse a sickly baby animal through the night before making the decision to have children.”
Putting the little bottle in the kitten’s mouth, she stroked the animal. “Until now, I never had the slightest desire to have children. I didn’t think I had a maternal instinct in my body. And part of me was afraid of what I would pass down to the children I had. The blood of a murderer flows in me, and I was terrified of being like my father. But now I know that there’s something stronger inside me. The legacy of love from my mother.”
“I haven’t technically given you my blessing to marry Nolan, and you’re already talking about having babies with him?” Through the mock outrage, Mallory could hear the happiness in Ernie’s voice.
“We haven’t discussed it. And it will be a decision we make together. All I’m saying is that I’m open to the possibility. To all possibilities.”
The kitten snuggled closer to Mallory, and Mallory felt a contentment she’d never known before.
Thank you, God, for not giving up on me.
A loud sound came from the front porch.
Both Mallory and Ernie jumped up just in time for the door to open. A snow-covered Nolan entered the house with another person Mallory assumed was Meredith.
“Nolan!” Ernie rushed to him. “We were so worried.”
“The roads were worse than we thought. Mallory was right in fearing for my safety.” As he brushed the snow off him, he looked at her. The warmth in his gaze would’ve been enough to melt all the snow off the roads if it had only been so directed.
“But you’re here now, and that’s all that matters.” She set the kitten down, and went to him.
When he wrapped his arms around her, her feeling that everything would be all right only solidified. She wasn’t so naïve as to believe that they didn’t still have a long road of healing ahead of them, but she knew that with him by her side, it would be so much easier than trying to go it alone.
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