I’m relieved when I start to recognize a few of the guys who came over to RJ’s while my parents were visiting, and as soon as I see Sunny’s blonde hair, Poppy’s wavy red mane, and Violet’s auburn ponytail I’m totally at ease. I’m learning, slowly, that I can’t control all the things that happen in my life—but I can control how I react to them. The only way to conquer my fears is to face them with as many safety nets in place as possible.
“It’s so great to see you again.” Sunny gives me a side hug, since we’re both holding babies. And when we try to separate, we have to untangle each other’s hair from our infants’ fists.
“I gotta change and get on the ice. You’ll be okay?” RJ kisses Kody on top of the head and me on the lips.
Violet scoffs. Even though her husband doesn’t play for the team anymore, she still likes to come to the games so she can hang out with the rest of the girls. “She’ll be fine, Rookie—this is a bunny-free zone today, so we won’t have to teach her how to take down a puck slu—”
One of the other women slaps her arm—I’m pretty sure her name is Charlene. “Vi, censor.”
Violet cringes. “Right. Sorry. She’s in good hands.”
RJ kisses me one last time and disappears down the hall toward the locker room.
Violet slips her arm through mine. “We’re so excited that you came today! I didn’t really get much of a chance to talk to you when we came to Rook’s, but your dad is great. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that we’re all so glad you gave Rook a second chance, because this is pretty much the happiest he’s been in over a year. You know, when he came back from Alaska last year, we were all worried about him. He’s usually such a positive guy, but man, he was like Eeyore for a good six months, black cloud of doom hanging over his head.”
“Really?”
“Oh yes, he was just so sad.” Sunny pats her baby’s bottom, and her three blond boys rush on ahead of us, along with Violet’s and Poppy’s sons. The three older boys are trying to keep control of the younger ones. “We all thought it was because of the anniversary of his father passing away.”
“Because he used to go to Alaska with his dad and his brother, and he ended up having to go alone last summer.”
“Exactly.” Sunny nods. “So the guys thought it had to be that, but then he told them about you, and well, we all realized he was just heartbroken.” She blinks a few times, like she’s on the verge of tears. She waves a hand in front of her face. “Sorry, I’m in the first trimester, and I get more emotional than usual. I hate to see people hurting, and Rookie was down for such a long time.”
Poppy gives her shoulder a squeeze. “He’s really only been himself again the past couple of months.”
“Since the birthday party, actually,” Violet adds. “Last year he didn’t date at all. He was like a monk. Worse than he was after that fake pregnancy.”
“Fake pregnancy?” I remember seeing something about that in one of the many unpleasant articles I ran across when I looked him up after I found out he’d lied about his job.
“Oh yeah, like a couple years after he came to Chicago, he had this woman who was obsessed with him to the point that she faked a pregnancy. She even took plaster casts of her pregnant sister’s belly and pretended she was expecting. She was all over social media with it until Rookie got his lawyer involved.”
“Has anything like that happened since?” I can’t imagine how I would deal with that.
“Nah. Rookie’s been on the straight path for a long while, so no crazy bunny business since then. He was celibate for a good year after that went down.”
“She was really crazy,” Sunny adds.
“Crazier than me, even,” Violet says. “Anyway, Rookie settled right down after that. And then when Alex retired, he stepped into the role of captain, and he’s been pretty grounded ever since. It’s hard to get in trouble when all your friends have kids and wives.”
These are all the things I need to hear, I realize. It confirms again that the man I met in Alaska and the one who’s come back into my life recently aren’t different at all. It’s just his job that’s not what I thought it was. That one omission doesn’t change who he is as a whole, and it doesn’t diminish the connection we had before or what we’re trying to build now. As I sit with these women and get to know him through them, I find myself growing more confident that I can handle this part of his life. The more I get to know him outside of our little cosmos, the more I want to make this work. And it will be a whole lot easier for both of us if I move in with him.
The transition from having my own apartment to moving into RJ’s house takes place gradually, over the course of the next several weeks. I run into Walter again in the elevator, and he’s sure to tell me, three times, that he’s on his way over to his girlfriend’s place.
Exhibition games start—those are a lot more crowded than practice—but I’ve discovered that I don’t have to enter the arena the same way everyone else does. I have the option to sit behind the bench—or up in one of the private boxes.
The other wives, specifically Sunny, Poppy, Violet, Charlene, and Lily, take me under their wing and act almost like my personal bodyguards. I learn how to deal with the media—at first they’re very interested in me and Kody.
RJ gives an exclusive interview explaining how we met, fell in love, and then, by the most unfortunate of circumstances, lost touch. It’s all made to sound very romantic, and he paints a picture of me that I don’t recognize but like all the same. He calls me brave and strong and brilliant, and I love him even more for it.
When the regular season begins, I discover how difficult it is to be without him. But at least when he’s away I have Kody.
During his first series of away games we have a warm spell in Chicago, and with it comes a storm. I’ve come a long way in the past year with the help of regular therapy, but I doubt I’ll ever be able to appreciate the beauty of a thunderstorm the way I once did as a child.
I pull all the curtains closed so I don’t have to watch the lightning and thunder, change into one of RJ’s flannel shirts so I’m surrounded by his smell, and check on Kody. He’s sleeping peacefully.
I turn on his lullaby soundtrack and settle into the glider in his room, breathing through the anxiety, reminding myself that we’re safe at home. After a few minutes my phone buzzes in my breast pocket. I slip out of Kody’s room to answer the video call.
“Hey, baby, I just saw the weather—you all right?” Worry creases his forehead.
“I’m okay—congratulations on winning the game tonight.” I try not to flinch at the rumble of thunder.
“Thanks. I wish I was there with you.” He runs a hand through his wet hair. Based on the background, he’s in his hotel room.
“Me too, but Kody’s sleeping peacefully, and I’m wrapped in you, so I’ll be fine,” I assure him as I move the phone over my torso. When I return to my face, his expression has shifted from worry to hunger.
“Is that my shirt?”
“Mmm. It’s almost like you’re here with me when I can smell you.” I sniff the collar, where his cologne is the strongest.
“I should start bringing something of yours to away games—maybe one of your nightshirts.”
“Pretty sure that would raise a few questions with your roomie.”
“Hmm. Good point.”
“Speaking of, where is your roommate?”
“At the bar. I wanted to call you, maybe see if you need a sensory distraction.” He settles on his bed, bare chest coming into view, a towel wrapped around his waist.
“That might be a bit tough considering we’re in different states.” I climb up onto our bed.
“Or it might be fun?” He cocks a brow.
“Are you suggesting phone sex?”
“Mmm. That sounds naughty, which I like, but we can also call it sensory exploration research.” He tugs at the edge of the towel. “What do you think, Lainey, should we give it a shot? See if it’s an effective calming strategy?”<
br />
I smile and pop the first button on the flannel shirt. “I don’t see the harm in trying.”
By the time we’re done, the storm is long over, we’re both relaxed, and I can definitely say it’s an effective calming exercise.
Although Kody and I miss RJ when he’s away, I have Eden and the new friends I’ve made to keep the anxiety at bay. I’ve never been much of one for social media, so I’m pretty safe from all the terrible things people post.
I’ve also been warned by the girls to avoid reading the comments like the plague. Well, Violet said I should avoid it like a herpes-covered dick, but I get what she means. It’s rather disturbing how much people seem to love fabricating horrible stories and dragging up RJ’s less-than-sunshiny past.
We persevere, though, and while I don’t think I’ll ever truly be comfortable in a hockey arena surrounded by thousands of RJ’s adoring fans, I love watching him play and giving Kody experiences I never had when I was young.
Charlene tells me she has these great calming candies she’ll be happy to share with me when we go to games, once I’m finished breastfeeding. For now I just drink copious quantities of chamomile tea and collect RJ’s kisses like they’re a protective and soothing balm for my ridiculous worries.
While there’s lots of change, including Kody learning how to crawl before Christmas, one thing remains the same. I miss my family. They’ve been to visit twice more since the beginning of the season.
Kody and I flew to Seattle for Christmas, in part because RJ had games out west just before the holidays. His family flew up to Seattle to celebrate as well, so I was able to get to know them better. He’s particularly close with his sister, Stevie. The two of them took Kody and Max, his nephew, shopping one afternoon, which was super sweet. She made RJ wear a baseball cap—not Chicago inspired—and told him if he made a scene she’d leave him with both the kids.
I learned a lot about RJ in those few days. He’s an incredible older brother to Stevie, and he takes the role quite seriously. And in a lot of ways he seems to want to fill the absence of his father for her. He and his brother Kyle have a great friendship. They share good-natured ribbing, and I get to hear all about what RJ was like as a teenager, so focused on hockey he didn’t have time for girls—or anything, really.
He’s also definitely a mama’s boy in the most endearing way. It’s clear in the way they accepted me so willingly and graciously into their family that they adore him, and I feel very much like I’ve gained another sister and brother—and a second mother.
He only had three days off before he had to leave for another away-game stretch, so his family went back to LA and I stayed put and enjoyed some time with my parents and siblings.
“I’ve been watching a lot more of this hockey,” my dad says from his spot in the recliner. He has a sleeping Kody cradled in his arms—he’s so big now, already wearing twelve-month clothing when his birthday is still months away. He’s going to be like his dad, I think.
“It’s exciting, isn’t it?” RJ’s team is playing in Colorado tonight, and he’s already scored two goals and an assist. He’s an incredible player, one of the best in the league, and that’s not just bias talking—his stats prove it.
“Did you know there’s going to be a hockey team in Seattle next year?” My dad adjusts Kody. I’m sure his arm is pins and needles, since he’s been holding him like that for an hour. “They have something called an expansion draft.”
I nod. “They take a player from every team in the league. Apparently the same thing happened a while back with Vegas.” RJ hasn’t made much mention of it, but the girls have been talking about it a lot, because they can only keep a certain number of players safe from the draft.
“It’s too bad Rook has a no-trade clause—I’m pretty sure he’d be a top pick for any new team. There’s also some talk that Alex Waters is looking at coaching, and those two are friends, aren’t they?”
I give him a look. “How do you know all this?”
He lifts his shoulder in what’s supposed to be a dismissive shrug. “Your boyfriend and I had some late-night chats while he was here. Besides, you’re my baby, Lainey, and you’re living with a big-shot hockey player, so sue me if I want to be in the know about everything.”
“So you’ve become an internet stalker—is that it?”
“I think you call it research.”
I laugh, and Kody stretches in his arms, smacking his lips. I check the time. I should probably put him to bed for the night, but I don’t want to take him from my dad just yet.
“We miss you, Lainey, that’s all. I know you’ve made friends out in Chicago, and that’s wonderful. We don’t want to stifle you, but any opportunity I see to have you closer rather than farther away and I’m going to make mention of it. Your mother is a worrier—and I’m sure that wasn’t always the most helpful when you were growing up, especially after what happened in college. If you’d been in that classroom when that boy lost his sanity . . .” My dad clears his throat and smooths out Kody’s hair, his voice just a whisper. “We might not have you—or this little miracle.”
I push up out of the chair and hug him as best I can, considering he’s stretched out in a recliner—which RJ bought for him since he loved the one at his place in Chicago so much—and holding a nearly twenty-pound baby in his arms.
“We just love you so much, Lainey, and maybe we loved you a little too hard, but we were just so scared of losing you.” He sniffs into my shoulder.
I hug him like that, awkwardly, absorbing his love and his honesty, because in all the years since that tragedy happened, it’s really the first time he’s expressed how he felt about it. “I love you too, Dad. I know you were just trying to keep me safe, but I can’t live my life being afraid of things that are outside of my control.”
I release him so I can see his face. His eyes have that telltale shine to them, like he’s fighting his emotions but losing. I sit on the side table next to his chair, and he grips my hand in his. “Rook is a good match for you. You’re so much more . . . confident with him. Or maybe you always were, and he just brings that out in you better than we could.”
“Dad—”
“I’m not being self-deprecating. I’m just reflective these days. I have ten grandchildren, and only one of my children doesn’t live within a ten-minute drive. It gets a man to thinking, is all.”
I laugh a little at that. “The youngest is always the wildest, or so I’ve heard. I’m just sowing my oats.”
“If you’re my wild one, I think we’ve done all right.” He gives my hand a squeeze, and his expression turns serious. “That man worships the ground you walk on, and he feels an extraordinary amount of guilt for his mistakes—he’ll do just about anything to make you happy.”
“I know.” I see it in everything he does for me and Kody. I feel it in his love.
“You might try to take advantage of that weakness, Lainey.” He gives me a wink, and I laugh.
Kody squawks, so I take him from my dad and press my lips to his temple. “And your grandpa wonders where I get my sass.”
CHAPTER 27
SHOTS, SH-SH-SH-SHOTS
Rook
I pick up Lainey and Kody at the airport in the afternoon on New Year’s Eve. As soon as they’re through the arrival gate, I’m all over her. “I missed you so fucking much.” She doesn’t even have time to give me trouble for swearing in front of Kody, because I cover her mouth with mine and kiss the hell out of her.
The flash and click of phone cameras reminds me that we’re not in the privacy of our own home or bedroom, as does Kody’s annoyed squawk at being ignored. I release Lainey and give her a sheepish grin. “To be continued. I’m so glad you’re home.”
I free Kody from his stroller and lift him into my arms. “How’s my favorite little man? You take good care of Mommy for me while you were away?” I lay a noisy kiss on his cheek and tickle his tummy, making him laugh. Then I pull Lainey back in for another kiss, this time without a
ll the tongue. “God, I love you. That was too long to be away from you.”
“You’ve been gone longer with away games,” Lainey points out.
“Yeah, but the house felt empty. It isn’t home anymore without you two in it.” It’s the first time since she and Kody moved in that they haven’t been home to greet me after an away series, and I finally understand why my teammates are always so antsy when we hit the landing strip in Chicago.
I strap Kody to my chest and take Lainey’s bag so we can head to the valet, where a car is waiting to take us home. I didn’t want the distraction of driving. Once we’re all buckled in and on the freeway heading home, I stretch my arm across the back of the seat so I can play with the end of her braid. “Did you have a good visit with your parents?”
Lainey smiles softly. “It was great to be with them over the holidays. I think we all needed that, but it’s good to be home. I’m more settled when we’re all together.”
I kiss her temple. “I get that. It’s how I feel every time I step through the door after being away—like I’m whole again.”
Once we’re home and Lainey’s suitcase is unpacked, we put Kody down for a nap and I spend the free time showing Lainey how much I missed every single inch of her. She’s stretched out beside me, legs tangled with mine, head on my chest, following the dips and ridges on my stomach.
“This is our first New Year’s Eve together.”
She lifts her head and rests her chin on my pec. “I didn’t even think to plan anything, with the flight home. I guess we’ll be having a quiet night in, huh?”
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