by Angel Devlin
She turns to me with a beaming smile.
I leap up. "No, actually, this is my place. We'll watch a film of my choosing." Christ, I have a few chick flicks for when I have to work a bit harder at getting in a girl’s knickers, like The Notebook. The last thing I want is Rachel crying on my shoulder. I need her at the other end of the sofa.
"Whatever," she says dismissively. "If it makes you feel more in control of the situation, which you most certainly are not, go right ahead and choose."
I keep quiet and let her think she’s won, because I'm mightily relieved that I distracted her from when she said she missed me.
terminated
Evan
Women are the devil.
I celebrate my choice of DVD with another strong coffee. I'm going to do nothing but want to piss soon. I chose Terminator 2. The one where Arnie is the good guy and has to fight that bloke whose arm can turn into dangerous weapons. Enough action to keep me awake with the adrenaline of the plot. Moving right to the other edge of the sofa, well away from where Rachel is sitting, I rest my arm on the chair arm and settle down to watch it.
Throughout the film, I can see her keep turning to me. From the corner of my eye, I see the frustration on her face that I've not fallen asleep so she can win this battle of her staying the night. It's become a simple competition to me now. I can't even remember the main reasons behind it anymore. I shouldn't really give a shit if she does stay the night, I've still buggered things up, but hey I'm male, competitive, and she is not winning this. No way.
All is well until the metal man melts and Rachel starts to cry. She fucking starts crying? What the hell?
The bad guy is being destroyed. This is where you punch the air and celebrate as he becomes drops of metal. Hell, I know that in a few minutes he’ll manage to drag himself back together before the definite ending of the film.
Rachel shuffles along the sofa towards me and throws her face onto my arm, wetting my arm with her tears. She raises her head and sniffles. "This is so sad. He can't help it. He's a robot that's been programmed to kill them. Why can't they just reprogramme him? Why do they have to melt him down?" Then once again, she throws herself onto my arm with noisy sobs.
"Er, there, there. It's only a movie, Rachel." I pat her head, not knowing what else to do. I've never seen such an emotional reaction to an action flick and wonder if she's due her period, as that's when my mother would go a bit crazy.
After a couple of minutes, she lifts her head but remains snuggled into my side. She presses closer to me and fastens her hands around my arm.
"Sorry about that. Thank you. I don't know what it is about that film. It gets me every time." She looks at me, and I realise that she's snuggled up with her blowjob gaze fixed on me. Shit, how do I get her back to the other edge of the sofa?
Perfectly, that’s when a fart decides to make an appearance. Sometimes coffee has that effect on me. I let a silent, but hopefully deadly one out.
Rachel lifts herself a bit, and I can see she’s trying not to breathe in. Ha, take that and move right over there.
"Oh, Evan. I'm sorry I've wet your shirt. If you take it off, I'll go and hairdryer it for you."
What? Damn this woman.
My arm is rather disgustingly wet from her watering eyes, and God forbid her nose ran.
"I'll get another one," I tell her. I need to move away from this smell I’ve created, it’s lingering.
"I'll do it. I saw where you kept them."
She leaves the room and goes upstairs. What is she up to? I doubt this is just to escape a potent fart smell.
She returns with a new lounge top for me and leans over. "Let's take this one off then." As she moves closer, I see quite clearly that while she was upstairs she has removed her bra, so as she leans towards me to take off my shirt I get a direct view of her tits.
I leap back on the sofa. "Get to the other side, now. I get what you're doing. You're trying to seduce me again. Not a chance. Even if you have got a great rack."
She backs off pouting.
"Give it up, Rachel. Give me the key. Let’s get you a taxi and we can all go to bed and go to sleep - separately."
She tilts her chin upward. "I don't think so, Evan. I think I'll stay right here. You go up though if you want. If you're tired."
"Me. Nah, I'm absolutely fine." I try to stifle a yawn but the more I think about it, the more it makes my face stretch and hurt with the force of it.
"Great. We'll have a good catch up chat then, because really, what sort of a woman am I that sleeps with a man she doesn't know that much about anymore? It'll appease my conscience if you answer a few questions."
I sit back. This is going to be a long-arsed night. Maybe I can bore her with my answers?
"Fire away."
"Why did you never come around when we had barbecues and stuff? I was always stuck there with my family and yours, unless Mum let me have a mate round. I felt stupid."
I shrug. "It wasn't my thing to hang around with the folks, the neighbours, and the little kid from next door, so I stayed home instead."
Translation: You started wearing vest tops and cut off shorts, and I wouldn't have needed a kebab stick at the barbecue cos the meat could have hung straight from my cock.
"What made you train as an architect?"
"Seriously? You want to know why I do the job I do?"
"Yes, it’s part of who you are."
"It really isn't," I tell her. "A teacher suggested it. I couldn't be arsed to look around, so I applied. Job done.
Translation: I had a stupid teenage idea that I'd build you a house with lots of garden outbuildings so you could run your own business.
"When did you lose your virginity?"
"I was eighteen." And it was all your fault.
"How many lovers have you had?"
"Hey, this Q&A," I interrupt. “Is there only you that can ask the questions? Perhaps I want to know stuff about you?”
"Like what?"
"Like, what time are you going home."
She sighs. "I've told you. I'm going nowhere. Now, how many lovers have you had?"
I have a think. One a week since I was eighteen and now I'm twenty-five. So roughly 7 x 52. Jesus! That many!
"Bout, erm… fifty?"
"Fifty?" she says. "I've only slept with three people."
Thank goodness I lied, but as her words hit home, I feel my fist clench.
"Three people? I thought you'd only been with Callum."
"No. First, I got drunk and had a bit of an experiment with one of my college mates. I'm counting it as we did a bit of kissing and foreplay and she did stay the night at mine. We laughed about it the next day, realised we needed dicks in our lives."
I've gone still as a statue. Dear God, please, please, please, take this visual from my mind. Rachel getting it on with another woman. Jeez, I can see it now in full porno style glory. I'm going to have to go to the bathroom in a minute and rub one out. Imagine shagging Arnie instead, quick, think of Arnie with his battered Terminator head. Come on, son, down you go, down you go.
"Anyway, then I properly lost my virginity to Tony, my driving instructor. We did it in a country lane in the back of the car. I felt so dirty."
If I knew where to find this instructor, I would punch his lights out for taking advantage of a young woman.
“Of course, it comes out in my sexual fantasies now, where it’s not with Tony, and it’s hot.” She winks.
Terminator head. Terminator head.
"Then, of course, I slept with Cal, but you know that already."
"Yes. Well, thank you for letting me know. Next question, more coffee? I think we need more coffee." I run out of the room.
Rachel
I'm dying to laugh. Well, my fake crying fit didn't work so I thought I'd make up a lesbian lover and a sex in the country fantasy instead. He doesn't need to know that I've only slept with Callum. Not at the side of all the women he's slept with and fifty, I think, is a very c
onservative estimate on his part. There's no wonder he knows exactly what to do in bed. He's had so much bloody practice. I feel inadequate at the side of him. Maybe I should have had lots of lovers so I would know how to put a condom on with my mouth etc. I should have tried sticking my finger up his bum. I've heard men like that. I'm just so bloody, well, virginal-like. Don't get me wrong, Callum and I did it in different positions, we went down on each other. It's just wasn’t very scintillating. I had thought it was alright until tonight. Now I realise what more I could expect from being the lover of Evan Hale. I want an apprenticeship as his sex slave. That tent in his shorts before he escaped to the kitchen was hilarious. I'll have to think up some more sexy scenarios for when he returns.
His pathetic attempts to get me away from him are amusing. Does he think Callum never farted? We all trump; that’s not going to shift me. Wait til he cops a load of me after garlic bread.
I turn the TV over from the DVD channel back to the usual Freeview. There's nothing much on at this time in the morning, but then I see the fitness channel. Come on, you must have seen those sometimes. They sell fitness machines that look like bad sex toys. This is perfect. I sit back and wait for Evan to return from the kitchen. I'm a lot more relaxed now as well, without my bra. I hid the kitchen key inside it upstairs, so I no longer have an uncomfortable key in my knickers. I relax against the sofa, ready to play.
Evan
Rachel has put on some stupid sales channel. A man and a woman have a piece of plastic between their thighs which they are opening and shutting. Yep, basically, it’s like fitness porn. The woman is fit, in more ways than one, and she's clenching her thighs for all she's worth, while the cameraman zooms in on her pelvis. I mean, I wouldn't even want payment for that job.
“Can you switch this over, Rachel? It's a little boring, to be honest.”
Rachel puts her legs on the couch and starts clenching them together, then letting them fall apart and clenching again. "Hmmm, I might buy one. I can see how it can tighten your core."
Help me God, this is almost impossible. I really need you right now.
"Sit up and turn the channel over." My words come out a little harsh.
"Okay." She rolls her eyes at me, then settles on a channel selling clothes. I've read about these in the papers lately. Some of them have been noted to look a bit peaky in the nipple department.
"You can see her tits through that top, can't you?" exclaims Rachel.
I look and gulp. "Erm, yes. She must be cold."
"I'm not, I'm flipping roasting," Rachel says. "It must be all that hot coffee, or you've got the heating on." She stands up, peels off her jeans and lays on my sofa in just her panties and tee-shirt. The tee-shirt that I now notice has pointy nipples poking through it, just like the woman on TV.
Rachel looks at me, a glint in her eye, and then she swings her legs back up on the sofa and does the thigh clench thing again. "Do you think I've got the movement right, only I could do with working on my thighs."
I can't even answer. My mouth is so dry.
It's no good. My blood has drained from my brain and into my once again tented todger.
Rachel 11,000. Evan 0.
drastic measures
Evan
It's just gone five-thirty am. I'm horny as fuck, and I am seriously done with all this shit. I've tried to get her to go home and see that I'm not the one for her but she isn't taking a blind bit of notice. It's going to have to be the love-em-and-leave-em approach after all. I have to hope and pray that she does not tell her mother any of this. So, therefore, I need to do things that she can't tell her mother.
"Right, that's it. You win."
She narrows her eyes. “What are you up to now? You’re not going to just give in.”
“I seriously fucking am giving in. I quit trying to stay awake.”
She looks at me, a satisfied smirk on her face.
"You're letting me stay the night?"
"Yes! That’s what I just said. I need my fucking sleep, and you are seriously giving me goddamn blue balls. So, get that fit arse back into my bedroom because I'm going to tap it."
"Hurrah!" she shouts and runs upstairs.
How is she still so awake? I'm dead on my feet. I'm going to give her the shag of the century and then somehow, I've got to stay awake while getting her to fall asleep. All of my moves need to be in play. All of them.
"Right. You're getting the Heavenly Evan special, and I'm going to talk you through it. You haven't overheard all my secrets," I tell her.
She stands in the bedroom, peels off her underwear and sits propped up on the pillows. She lets her legs drop apart.
Fucking hell.
"Come get me." She pats the side of the bed.
The massage
"Sometimes women aren't that relaxed when they get in my bed. They need a little help to get in the mood, so I often start with a massage. Turn over."
Rachel flips over so she's laid on her stomach and I sit astride her back. I lean over into my bedside drawer and get some massage oil. I warm it in my palms and then beginning at Rachel's neck, I begin to massage it in. I feel her shoulders loosen as I work my thumbs over her flesh. Maybe she’ll fall asleep now and save me the rest of it, although I realise that now I have the chance to shag Rachel once more, I don’t want her to fall asleep. Not just yet. "Now, as you may notice, the massage is enjoyable, but have you also noticed that my stiff dick is resting on your back?"
"Hell, yeah," answers Rachel.
"Well, that's my first move in letting them know what's coming next. You see, I've given them a lovely massage. Turn over."
Rachel turns over, so I'm facing her fucking amazing tits. I add some more massage oil and run my hands down her neck and then stroke and tease her breasts with my oily hands. "Now, the woman's focus has to be on my dick, right?"
"Totally," Rachel says, running her tongue around her lips. "You can't miss it. It's right there." She fastens her hand around my cock.
"You've got it. So now I usually get a little hand action and sometimes..."
Rachel shuffles down and fastens her mouth around my cock. I buck slightly into her throat.
"You got it, baby. Sometimes they suck me off."
I let her mouth envelope me in warmth for a few minutes, and then I pull out. "Time to move on."
That thing with my tongue and finger.
"Want to have a woman think you're the best lover, ever? Find their G-spot. I'm well practised in locating the holy grail. Also, I should win awards for my oral techniques as all my practice has made me perfect."
"Bigheaded, much?"
I push my tongue into her pussy.
"Oooohhh."
I lift my head up. "You were saying?"
She pushes my head back down. "As you were, I need more to be able to assess your performance."
I run my tongue up and down her wet heat, then I suck her clit into my mouth, giving it the odd little bite. She moans and raises her hips off the bed. I push my tongue inside her opening and back out, in and back out. I notice she grasps the bedcovers tightly in her hands.
I raise my head back up. "Now, you've already experienced my tongue and finger trick once tonight, so I'm going to give you the extra-minty version."
"What?" Rachel says, confused. Her eyes are dazed with lust. "Don't leave me like this. I need to come so bad."
"And you will." I move to my bedside drawer and take out a mint, which I put in my mouth.
"You don't have time for a snack, Evan. Get back down there."
I wink at her. "Give me a minute and all will be forgiven."
I chomp the mint and make my way back down between her legs. Then I tongue her clit and suck on it before licking all up her heat. The mint will cause a cool and spicy sensation to hit her sweet spots.
"Oh my good God, Evan. Don't stop," she squeals.
Her hands go back to gripping the bedsheets, and this time, I put two fingers together and sink them into her depths, curling
to hit that G. Her core shudders around me as her body takes her over the edge. Her whole body is shaking from her orgasm, and she runs a hand through her hair. "Oh, my."
I flick her clit again, knowing how sensitive it will be.
She moves up the bed out of my reach. "Don't touch it again yet. It's too much. I need to come down."
"Nope." I shake my head at her. "While your body is still coming down, it’s time for this."
Introducing my massive member (again)
So, they talk about how large I am down the pub? Good to know. Thought I was ample in that department but can't say I do a compare and contrast with my mates. Some of them could be growers. Mine's kind of okay from the off, although right now, it’s a deep purple and threatening to make me pass out as all my blood seems to be concentrated in that area. I can literally hear it in my ears screaming, 'Let me in. Let me in. Let me in.'
"I'm clean. Are you on the pill? Only I want to go bare."
"Do you go bare with other women?"
"No." I shake my head. "You're about to get an experience no woman has had before, so you can share that in the pub."
"Cool. Yes, I'm on the pill."
I realise then that the reason she's on the pill is because that twat bastard Callum has shagged her. It's rather unfair to be pissed off that Rachel's had other lovers given my own history, but I can't help it. I wanted to be first. I have to ask her…"
"Have you done this before? Been ridden bare."
"No, I haven't. Now can you get on with the shag pl—"
I sink into her before she finishes her sentence."
-ease. Oh, my."
I rotate my hips a little as I plunge in and out of her. The feeling of being bare, of feeling the warmth from her sweet pussy, is immeasurable. For a split second, I imagine Rachel being in my bed every day, before the realisation hits that she can't be mine.
The finger in the butt hole (that caused all the grief in the first place).
