by Avelyn Paige
“Why are you here?” I blurt out not knowing what else to say to him.
Smooth, Ricca. It’s been months since you’ve seen the man, and you’re acting like a fucking teenage girl talking to her first crush. Dismiss him. Don’t encourage him with showing weakness. You’re not a wounded deer for Christ’s sake.
“I’m here for you,” he intently declares. His hands start to move toward me, but I recoil, trying to keep the distance between us. I waver as my body tries to force me to move closer to him, and he catches it. After everything that has happened, my body still betrays me. Ratchet takes his chance, and moves closer. This is becoming a slow-motion version of a prey and predator dance, before the predator charges in for the kill.
I try to step away from him, but my back lands against the wall. Ratchet moves to catch me as I fall backward, but I shirk away from his touch again. My eyes widen as I see his flinch, from my rejection.
“Please stop,” I protest his closeness. “Please, Ratchet. Not so close.”
“Siren, I─,” he starts, before I bring my hand between us, stopping the conversation from where I think it’s going. I can’t hear this right now. I have a purpose for being here, and not even he can distract me. My focus needs to be on Asher, and Ratchet being here will only complicate things even more.
“You can’t be here, Ratchet. You aren’t supposed to be here,” I stammer out, knowing that I sound so fucking stupid repeating myself. It’s as if my mouth and brain are refusing to work together to make a coherent argument out of shock. If I could mentally face palm myself, I would have already done it.
Ratchet cocks an eyebrow and in a flash, slaps one of his hands next to my head on the brick wall. The impact sucks all of the breath out of my lungs, making me yelp. I know this wasn’t a move on his part to hurt me. He’s not the kind of man who would ever lay a hand on a woman. It was a move to garner my full attention, and nothing more. An alpha male shock and awe campaign to stun me into submission. Too bad for him his presence alone took care of that for him.
“Not a good time, Siren?” he quips with a hint of annoyance in his words. “When would have been a good time? Would that have been before or after I came back from handling club business to find you fucking vanished from the clubhouse? No note. Not a fucking clue as to why you left. Just gone.”
I try to dodge away from him, but he presses his chest into mine, trapping me where I stand. My erect nipples graze against his chest, and I shiver from the contact. He smirks when he notices. The fucker knows my body is reacting to him being here, and he is playing it to his advantage. Of all the people who know how to play dirty, Ratchet is the master, and I am his willing puppet.
“I left?” I argue. “I wasn’t the first person to leave. That was you.”
“Jesus, Ricca. Is that what you think I did? That I left you,” he hisses. “I had club business, and I thought you understood that comes first. It will always come first.”
His hot breath trails down my neck as his lips move closer and nearly brush mine.
“I don’t give a shit about your club business. You had your chance, and you blew it. Now, leave,” I demand, standing my ground. My posture goes rigid.
“Nice try, Siren. This whole posturing up to seem big and bad doesn’t suit you,” he says, looking me up and down. “You forgot I know who you are, what your tricks are, and how your mind thinks. I know you better than you know yourself, and right now, you’re scared.”
“Leave,” I demand. “I don’t want you here.”
“Is that what you really want? After everything I’ve given you.”
“You haven’t given me shit,” I recoil. Where does he come off as if he was the one who gave me the world? He may have made it a bit more tolerable, but everything that I have ever been given in this world came with a price that I paid with pounds of my flesh. The only thing that he has given me is a reason to stay here.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? What have I given you? I’ve given you the space that you seemed to need. I’ve given you time to figure your shit out. Do you know what I haven’t done?” he yells, as my body trembles from his vicious tones.
I sheepishly shake my head in response, when no audible words spill from my lips in the response that he’s waiting to hear from me.
“I haven’t figured out what made you run away from the club, from Dani, and especially why you ran from me.”
He’s purposely baiting me into giving him what he wants, but I know once I tell him about Asher that he’ll never understand why I am going to such lengths to get him.
The club is his home.
The men who ride beside him are his brothers.
Those are the things that matter to him.
His family was forged in fire, while mine lies tattered in the winds of abuse and betrayal. This is a concept that only someone who has lived through would understand. Asher is my chance to have a piece of what a real family should feel like, and I want to hold onto that splintering thread as hard as I can. I may not even know Asher, but he is my blood, and that’s all that matters.
If I told him, Ratchet would only push his way into the situation, ending any chances that I might have of getting custody of Asher. A biker and my checkered past would only ensure that Asher would stay in the hands of my father for the rest of his life. It was a risk I wasn’t willing to take.
“You don’t understand,” I mutter, before he cuts me off again. He starts to object, but the side door swings open, and out steps Willie.
“Ricca, your break ended twenty minutes ago,” he yells out, before seeing me pinned to the wall by Ratchet. Willie’s body tenses, readying for a fight. “What the hell is going on out here?” he drawls, as his fists curl up at his sides. “He messing with you?” He starts towards us.
I shove Ratchet away, and this time he moves. The farther he is from me the better chances he has of Willie not trying to kick his ass. Willie might be the heavy weight champ of ass kicking in his bar, but Ratchet would wipe the floor with him. Something I want to avoid entirely. Willie saunters his way over to us, settling next to Ratchet’s side.
“It’s fine, Willie. Just a friend from a past life, saying hello.”
Ratchet narrows his eyes as soon as the word friend leaves my lips. We both know that word doesn’t even begin to describe our relationship on even the basic level. Truthfully, I don’t even know if there is a word in the dictionary that could describe it. We’re just us. Two complicated, dark souls trying to find a place in each other’s presence without self-destructing.
“You sure that you’re okay?” Willie questions further, watching Ratchet intently.
“I’m sure. He just wanted to say goodbye before he took off. Isn’t that right?” I nervously respond, urging him to follow my lead, before we both land in hot water with my boss and the local authorities.
“That so, young man?”
Ratchet stares at me, while I smile back and shake my head pleading.
“That was my plan, but I think I might just stick around a bit longer,” he retorts, sending my face spinning towards his. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had a quiet place like this to do some soul searching. Maybe I’ll even take in a bit of its history, since my girl here seems to like it so much.”
Willie assesses him again, before dismissing him as a threat.
“Well then, why don’t we let Ricca here get back to work so you and I can have a chat about this place. I’ve lived here my whole life and if it’s history you’re wanting, I’m your man.”
Willie declares, slapping Ratchet roughly on the shoulder. The impact doesn’t even make him jostle a single inch. Ratchet just smirks at my boss. He knew exactly what this exchange was. A who’s the bigger badass pissing match. Willie smirks at us both, before turning on his heels to move toward the door. He stops just as he opens it and looks back at us.
“Sugar, the customers are waiting.”
“I’m goin
g, Willie,” I say, but Ratchet grabs my wrist and pulls me back against him before I get too far.
“This isn’t over. We’re going to have a talk later. You best believe me, Siren,” he whispers, in hushed tones. The vibration of his words against my skin sends a wave of goose bumps prickling on the surface.
I push away from him and head into the open-door Willie has hanging open. Ratchet follows me in, but Willie leads him back over to one of the bar tables.
I watch them both the entire rest of my shift. Ratchet and Willie talk and periodically laugh for over an hour, before the customers finally start trickling out after I make the announcement for last call. I duck back into the kitchen to take a container of dirty glasses back to our dishwasher, but when I return to the bar top, Ratchet is gone. An exacerbated sigh escapes my lips both in relief and nerves. Ratchet isn’t one to give up easily, and for him to disappear on me without trying to get his answer again has me on edge.
Grabbing a clean rag, I begin to wipe off the bar one last time when a noise startles me.
“Shit sorry, sugar,” the other bartender Missy says, as a glass falls from her hands. “I didn’t see that glass sitting there. Damn drunks don’t ever seem to be able to put the damn things in the right spot at last call.”
I mumble an unintelligible response back to her, not really paying much attention to what she just said.
“You know,” she questions. “You seem to be jumpier than a long-haired cat in a field of mouse traps, Ricca. Everything okay?”
I continue cleaning the bar and plaster a fake smile on my face.
“I’m fine, Missy. Just been a shit day between the diner and the crowd tonight. I’m good,” I lie.
Missy saunters up beside me, planting her elbow on my nice, clean bar and stares at me. Her closeness sends a shiver down my spine, and I jerk away from her.
“That so?”
“Yup,” I squeak.
“So, it doesn’t have to do with that cool drink of water that came in here tonight?”
“Nope. He’s just someone from my past that came to visit unannounced. He’ll be gone soon enough.”
Missy rolls her eyes at me, not believing a damn bit of what I am telling her from the smirk on her face.
“Sugar, if that kind of man came looking for me, I’d be riding him like an express train, instead of rubbing the same damn spot on that bar over and over again.”
My eyes drop to the rag, when I realize she’s right on at least part of that. I have been cleaning the same damn spot over and over again. Fucking Ratchet. He’s been here a few hours, and he’s already turning my brain into mush. He’s a fucking distraction, just like I thought he would be.
“Why don’t you go on home and find that man of yours,” she teases. “I’ll take over from here before you wear a hole in that new counter top.”
Missy snatches the rag from my hands and bumps me with her hip, effectively moving me out of the way. I stand and watch her, before she turns around and glares at me.
“I said get going, Ricca. Don’t let that man go to waste, before someone older and wiser like me steals him from right under your nose.”
I stifle a laugh at the mental picture of Missy trying to seduce Ratchet. He may not be a young buck anymore, but I doubt even Missy could inspire him to sample the cougar side of life. Reaching down below the bar, I grab my purse and head toward the door. I step outside and inhale a deep breath, letting myself relax for the first time all night. The air is cooler after the round of storms that went through this afternoon, and the humidity is finally tolerable. The cold tingles against my shin, making me shiver just a little bit.
Finding Ratchet isn’t on my to-do list tonight as much as my brain is screaming at me. All I want to do is crawl into bed, and wake up tomorrow to find him still gone. Don’t get me wrong. If the situation didn’t involve my brother, my reaction would have likely been different. It kills me to plaster on this indifference façade, but I need every advantage I can get for Asher. Ratchet is bound to have a record, and that’s something I don’t need when the caseworker comes knocking on my door. I think about the look on their faces, when I swing open the door of mom’s old doublewide trailer, and introduce the biker who likely has more blood on his hands, than I have on my own.
Since the night that I kissed him at Red’s, he had me. The bond between us began to take root the night that I accidently invited Dani into the underbelly of the motorcycle club world. I was in an abusive and manipulative relationship with Enrico at the time, but in that moment, I betrayed him for a stranger who made me feel for the first time in years. A stranger that has now invaded my life with no intent of going quietly, and was willing to travel down the dark rabbit hole of being near me. My actions nearly cost Dani her life, but I was willing then to make her collateral damage to save my own hide. Something I regret every single time I see her with Hero and her children. I nearly cost her that happiness.
It was a mistake that I could never let happen again.
As badly as I want to embrace his presence, wishing him away for the time being is the course I must take.
I have to stay strong, but how can I when Ratchet is a tornado hurtling right towards my safe space? He is chaos, and with chaos, nothing is safe in its chosen path.
Watching her leave the bar that night nearly killed me. Every fucking inch of me wanted to follow her home and claim her again, but I knew that wouldn’t bring me any closer to getting her back. This was going to take time, and lucky for me, that was something I had. As I talked to her boss, I kept my eyes trained on her when she wasn’t looking. She moved between the customers, but unlike most bartenders, she didn’t make small talk or flirt for tips. The air around her seemed different than I remembered, before she left. She was on edge constantly and short-tempered, but nothing like this. Every touch seemed to send her spiraling into a panic attack. Not that I minded knowing that no one has touched my girl, while she’s been gone. I just didn’t like that she had suffered in the last few months.
She never let anyone close to her, which was a good sign for me because that meant there wasn’t someone else she ran off to be with. Something I could definitely cross off on my “why she left me” list.
One down. A million more theories to go.
Yet, I could tell that she was off. While the panic attacks were worse, Ricca’s guard was up higher than ever, but what could she be protecting? She would never stay in a place like this, unless there was a good fucking reason. There was something else keeping her here, and it pisses me off that she’s keeping it from me. Try as she might, she can’t push me away now that I am finally here.
Last call gave me my opportunity to slip away and give her space to leave. After she left the bar, I slid from my hiding place in the dark alley and stalked my way back to my bike. Sure, I could have followed her home, but I needed sleep before I tried to talk to her again. Her protesting and reluctance outside the bar on her break was frustrating to me. Add that in with exhaustion from my long trip out here, and you get a volatile situation. I needed this to be a slow burn and not a towering inferno to get somewhere with her. The comfort she had with me before had all, but disappeared. I was going to have to put in more of an effort to get her to let me back in, and as much as she will hate it, I will wait until the opportunity comes knocking again.
Thanks to the tip from Willie, I found a decent place to kick off my boots for the rest of the night. It wasn’t much, but it’s all I needed. The patron wasn’t exactly good with a rough looking biker knocking on her door at nearly three o’clock in the morning, but mentioning Willie’s name was endorsement enough to get me in the door. Vickie, the owner, slowly walked me to the room in the back of the house and opened the door for me. Besides the old bed, the room just had a dresser and mirror. Nothing fancy, and that was fine by me. A place to sleep and the communal bathroom was all I needed because if things worked out my way, I wouldn’t be staying here long, before taking
Ricca back to Upland. A few days at max by my guess.
I dumped my saddlebag by the bed, topping it with my cut, and pulled off my riding boots and socks before I hopped into the bed.
Even exhausted, I was a fool to think that my mind would shut up long enough to get some shuteye.
For hours, I laid in the creaking, old bed of the Willow Branch Bed and Breakfast as my mind processed every damn detail of our short exchange at the bar and my cock raging at me for release.
While I could solve the latter with a few strokes of my hand, the first one wasn’t exactly that easy of a fix. My mind had a way of overthinking, and Ricca sends that part of me into overdrive. Could this be a reaction to her mother’s death? Not once had she ever mentioned her mother or any other family for the matter. If family mattered that much to her, she’d have said something to me or even maybe Dani. I could theorize her reasons all I want, but without hard evidence or the words coming out of her mouth, the real answer was completely up in the air. It was an uncertainty, and I don’t deal well with those.
Sometime after dawn, I passed the fuck out, but the noises of the town blare through the thin walls of the place a few hours later. I pop open my eyes and glare at the sounds of people moving about town around me. The engines of heavy farm equipment and trucks grumbled at the stop light just outside my window, and as hard as I fucking tried, the chance of going back to sleep was pointless.
Fuck me. They should have put that rise and shine shit on the town sign.
“What the fuck is wrong with you people?” I curse at the noise forcing me awake. I know no one could hear me, but protesting the efficient work ethic of this damn town helped satisfy my urge to flip the entire town the bird for waking me up.
I shove my legs off the bed, and stretch my aching muscles. The long ride stiffened me, and the only thing that was going to fix that shit was a hot shower. I slipped my dirty shirt over my head and tossed it on the bed behind me, reminding me I need to hit up the local Laundromat within the next few days. Standing with another stretch, I rummage through my saddlebags, and find a clean set of clothes. My aching feet protest with each step towards the door, but better things lie ahead with hopefully a hot shower just down the hall.
