“You won’t even make an exception for your old friend?”
Liz shook her head. “Sorry.”
“Very well…” Major Rutledge spotted Lorna at the opposite end of the room. She was waving her arms in the air, trying to get his attention. Before she could make eye contact, he turned his gaze back to Liz. “Are you not… the least bit jealous?”
“Jealous? Jealous of what?”
“Of…” He scratched his cheek, where he was growing a bit of stubble. “You know… of the younger Miss Wicklow. Of the attention I have been giving her. I thought it would have… affected you.”
“Affected me… how?” Liz crossed her arms. “Major Rutledge, have you been trying to make me jealous?”
“What… no!” He ran a hand over his lips, muffling a nervous chuckle. “That is to say… well… not quite. I care about Miss Wicklow… Lorna, of course. I just expected you to be… envious… of the attention I was giving her.”
“Did you want me to envy her?”
“Well… no,” he lied. “But it was expected. We did care about each other once, did we not?”
“We did.”
“And… I still care about you, Liz.” He laid his hand on her arm, giving her an inappropriate caress. And he left his hand there—as if he had any business touching her! “I have never forgotten you. Do you remember what it was like back then? What it was like to—”
“I do,” she interrupted. “I remember. And my feelings for you, Arthur, are not entirely lost.”
A satisfied smile curved his lips. “Really?”
She nodded, straightened her back, and peeled his hand away from her arm. “However, your interest in me is a bit… belated.”
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean, Major Rutledge…” she puffed out her chest as she spoke, “is that my heart is otherwise engaged.”
Chapter Ten
Dear Adam,
Adam Calloway
Thank you for telling me your name. Is it not important for me to know the name of the man for whom I have fallen?
And I have truly fallen for you, my Mister Nobody. I would not have thought it was possible to fall for someone without ever seeing his face. But that is precisely what has happened. With each letter I sent, I was sending you a piece of my heart. Now my heart is all yours.
Before you wrote back to my first letter, I had no one. Perhaps that is why I fell for you so easily. You were the first person to care about me… ever. My life has been so empty, so worthless. You gave me a reason to live, a reason to smile. If you never found my letter, I would have still been pining for Major Rutledge, and I can see how unfruitful that would have been.
Major Rutledge, by the way, is Mr. R. I asked him about you, and he said you were acquainted. He also asked me for a dance… and he flirted with me… at least, I am quite certain it would fall in the category of flirtation. Can you believe that? Mr. R was flirting with ME, despite the fact that he is my niece’s suitor! I think he might be more despicable than I realise, and it is my great hope that Lorna finds a new beau, a man who is actually worthy of her.
You say you want to hold me, to kiss me… then you say it is just a dream. How can you tease me like that? Must it really be a dream? I want nothing more than to see you, to lay my hand against your scars, to assure you they are of no consequence to me. We can have that, Adam. It is not as impossible as you make it out to be!
I want to see you. I NEED to see you. If you truly care about me, you should not deprive me of the one thing I want more than anything in the world!
I will wait for you by our tree. Every day. As long as it takes. Please come.
With love,
Liz
* * *
Adam did not come, nor did he write back. He retrieved her letter three days ago, and it had been that long since he had reached for his quill. He could not bring himself to fulfill her wish, and yet he hated to let her down.
He closed his eyes and tried to imagine her by the tree, waiting for him, hoping he would come. How long would she wait before she gave up on him? If her feelings for him were anything like the feelings he had for her, he knew she would be crushed. In his last letter, he had poured out his heart to her. He tried to imagine how he would have felt if she had not written back to him, and he assumed that was how Liz was feeling right now.
“I’m sorry…” he whispered to himself. “I’m sorry, Liz.”
“Pardon?” Nan, who was sitting next to him, stuck a finger in her ear. “If you want me to hear you, you’ll have to speak up!” When she withdrew her finger, there was a significant amount of wax on the tip. She wiped it on the settee, hoping he would not notice.
“I’m sorry, Nan. I was not speaking to you.”
“You weren’t speaking to me?!” Nan’s hazy gaze scanned the room. “If you are not speaking to me, who are you speaking to? Don’t tell me you’ve gone mad!”
“I haven’t gone mad, Nan. I was… I was speaking to someone who wasn’t there.”
“Well, it certainly sounds like you’ve gone mad! Have you seen my spectacles?”
“They happen to be on your head, Nan.”
“Heavens! I must have forgotten!” She pulled her spectacles off of her head and shoved them to the bridge of her nose. “Well… that is a disappointment.”
“What is a disappointment?”
“I…” Nan’s lower lip protruded. “I still can’t see worth a damn!”
“Nan!”
“I’m sorry? Was that unladylike?” she asked with a snort. “When you get to be my age, you earn the right to say whatever you want!”
“Oh, really?” Adam raised a quizzical brow. “Is that why you get away with calling me a dunderhead?”
“A dunderhead, a lout, bacon-brained, attics to let…” Nan went on.
“Really? Am I that stupid?”
“Of course!” Nan insisted. “It is stupid for you to lock yourself away with an old woman, moaning about your condition, when it is hardly as bad as you say it is!” She turned to him and blinked her eyes, which were magnified by her spectacles. “My eyesight is not completely gone, you know. Your face is not so terrible.”
He looked down at his hands with a frown. “Not so terrible… but it is terrible…”
“Taradiddle!” Nan exclaimed. “One side of your face is still quite handsome. You should focus on the positive, Adam… not so much on the negative. I have no idea why you would choose to waste your days with this old lady!”
“But Nan… you can be quite entertaining!”
“I should box your ears! How is that for entertainment? You should be out in the world, Adam. You should find some peers, meet a young lady! You have much to offer!”
“I—”
“And what will happen when I die? Hmm?” Though she railed at him, her lips were quivering. “I cannot bear the thought of you being here all alone!”
“Nan!” Adam wrapped an arm around her bony shoulders, which were swathed in an itchy brown shawl. “And I cannot bear the thought of you dying! Please do not speak of such things!”
“I…” She lifted her spectacles and wiped her eyes. “Adam, you are all I have! And I want you to find your own happiness!”
“Nan…” Adam’s own lips were trembling. He was wondering how much he should tell her. How firmly did he want her nose lodged in his business? “I… I have already met a young lady.”
Nan gasped. “You have?!”
“I have,” he confessed. “Well… we haven’t actually met, but…I think I might be in love with her.”
To ease Nan’s confusion, Adam decided to tell her the entire story—about the tree, the letters, their passionate exchange of words. When he finished telling her the tale, she gave him a gentle rap on the head.
“You really DO have attics to let, boy!” she wailed. “How dare you keep that young lady waiting?!”
“I—”
“Go!” Nan was shoving him off the settee with all her might. “Wr
ite back to her this instant! If you tarry a second longer, I will pry off your head with my own hands! And that will be the gentlest thing I do to you!”
Adam was grinning as he rose from the sofa, secretly pleased that Nan was giving him a shove in the right direction. A bit of encouragement was exactly what he needed. “Nan…”
“What?!”
“I really do adore you. You know that, don’t you?”
“And I’ll adore you…” Nan jabbed her knitting needles in his direction, “when you return with that girl on your arm!”
Adam nodded, bowed, and fled from the room.
He needed to find his quill.
Chapter Eleven
When he arrived at their tree, he did not see her at first. He thought he was safe, that he could slip his letter under the rock and be done with it. Then she bowed her head, and he caught a glimpse of bonnet on the other side of the tree.
She was there! Adam was rooted to the spot, wondering if he should come any closer. Upon seeing her, he almost lost his nerve. He was tempted to turn around and march right back to Stokeley Hall, back to solitude. What if she was disgusted by him? What if she took one look at him and her tender sentiments were replaced with sentiments of disgust?
But Nan was right. He needed to do this—for himself, and for Liz.
“I—”
When the first sound was out of his mouth, Liz whirled around. At first, she was startled by the sight of his masked face.
“Adam?”
Unable to look her in the eye, Adam turned around. She was lovely. She wasn’t plain, as she had described herself. Her hair was the color of tea, her eyes were glorious amber. She had a perfect figure, not too plump, not too skinny. To Adam, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on, and it was too easy to imagine her lying in his arms, her hair splayed across his pillow. She was perfect.
He had only glimpsed her for a moment, but he knew she was perfect.
And though she could not see his face, Liz was immediately impressed by the breadth of his shoulders, the shape of his legs in his buckskins. His body was, without question, the apex of masculine perfection. And his arms would surely be the safest place in the world.
“Adam…” When he felt her gentle hand on his shoulder, he felt his heart might burst. “Why won’t you turn around?”
“I—” His voice was caught in his throat. It felt as though someone had tied his esophagus in a knot.
“You have a mask… why won’t you face me?” Liz asked. There were white-hot tears behind her eyes, summoned by his cold reception of her. “Is it me? Am I so hideous you can’t even stand to look at me?”
“NO!” Adam hollered. “No… you know that is not the case. I…” He swallowed hard, testing his throat. “Liz… you’re lovely.”
“Lovely.” She repeated the word with a sneer, even though he could not see the expression on her face. “Did you even get a good look at me? I know I am not lovely.”
Adam peered over his shoulder, stealing another glimpse of her cherubic, heart-shaped face. Her lips were moist and pink, begging for a kiss. Her cheeks were round and rosy; their encounter had obviously enflamed them. Her golden eyes were filled with sadness, and he wished—from the bottom of his heart, he WISHED—he could be the man she wanted him to be.
“You are lovely,” he whispered.
“Then why do you not look at me?” Liz put her hands on her hips in mock anger. “And why did you take so long to come? I have waited for you for three days!”
“I know!” he sighed. “From the bottom of my heart, I am terribly sorry. I could not summon the courage…”
“So you kept me waiting?”
“I’m sorry, Liz,” he apologized again. “Your last letter… took me by surprise.”
“I should not have assumed you would come,” she chided herself. “But your last letter was so passionate, I truly believed…”
When she did not finish, he pressed, “You believe what?” Adam leaned against the tree, but he kept his back to her.
“I believed you cared for me!”
“I DO care for you!” Adam shouted so loudly, it was as if he was confessing it to the world. “Your letters… they meant the world to me.”
“And now that you have seen me, you want to run and hide?”
“No!”
“Then why won’t you face me?!” Liz whimpered. “Adam… I want to see you!”
“Alright. But first…” Adam reached into the pocket of his greatcoat and pulled out a slip of paper: his fifth and final reply. “I wanted to read my letter.”
“You want to read it to me?”
“Yes…” With tremulous hands, he unfolded the letter. As nervous as he was, his eyes were out of focus. “Do you mind?”
“No. Of course not.” Liz reached for the tree, fidgeting with its rough bark.
“It is short, but…” Adam cleared his throat, still beset with obvious strain. “It is from the heart. I find it is much easier to write the words, rather than say them on a whim.”
“Go on,” she encouraged him. “I would love to hear it.”
“Dear Miss BB,” he read aloud.
“Miss BB?!” Liz repeated with a giggle. “What happened to Liz?! Did you forget my name… Mister Nobody?”
“Of course not!” he chuckled. “I thought it would be fitting… and clever. At any rate.” Adam stared at the words on the paper, realizing his task would be much more difficult than he imagined. “I suppose… I should read now?”
“Go ahead. Any time you are ready.”
“Alright…” He started again. “Dear Miss BB. I regret to inform you that I have, in fact, fallen in love with you.”
Adam paused. Behind him, he could hear Liz drawing a strained breath.
“I hope this is not an inconvenience to you. It is my greatest fear that you will take one look at my face, and you will realise how unlucky you are. I, however, feel like the most fortunate man in the world, and when I found your letter, it was the luckiest day of my life. Hopeless as I am, I never thought I would fall in love, and I certainly did not expect to fall in love with someone I have never even met.
I believe you are the only person in the world who knows my plight, feels my pain, understands my feelings. I feel like we are kindred souls, you and I. Before I found your letter, I had no one. Before I wrote back, you said you were alone. I truly believe, from the bottom of my heart, we were meant for each other. We were meant to save one another.
And I DO believe you have saved me. You saved my life, saved my spirits. Until I found you, I was as good as dead. Now I have a reason to live.
As you well know, I am ashamed of myself and my face. But the true test will be this: will you be ashamed of me?
Because if you are not ashamed of me, Elizabeth Wicklow, I will no longer be ashamed of myself.
With love,
Mr. Nobody
When he finished, Adam returned the letter to his pocket and turned around. When he did, he was met by the sight of her tear-soaked cheeks.
“Oh no…” Adam reached out, brushing her sodden cheek with his thumb. “Please don’t cry. I don’t want to make you sad…”
“Not sad,” she corrected him with a sniffle. “I am… more content than you could possibly imagine. For the first time in my life, I feel like… I feel…” Liz covered her face and wailed into the palms of her hands. “Someone actually cares about me!”
With gentle ardor, Adam seized her by the shoulders. “I don’t just care for you, Liz. I love you.”
“No one’s ever said that to me before…” Liz whispered. “No one has ever said those words.”
“Nor have I said those words to anyone,” Adam assured her. “You are my first and only love.”
“Adam…” Liz laid her hands on his cheeks, over his mask. “I want you to know… I love you too. And no matter what you look like, I don’t care. My feelings are unchangeable and I will love you without fail.”
“Very well
.” He took a breath so deep, he wondered if he had punctured a lung. “Shall I remove it?”
“Please,” she begged him. “Please.”
Adam lifted his mask. He revealed his face, in all its revolting glory, to the woman he loved.
Except she wasn’t revolted at all. She laid her hand on his cheek, on his scars. As she caressed the twisted flesh, she never batted an eye.
“You’re…” Liz paused, searching his eyes. “Handsome.”
“Handsome?!” he cackled, pulled his face away from her hand. “That, my dear, is the very definition of a lie!”
“Adam!” Liz took his head in her hands and coiled her fingers through his hair—his thick, rich, brown hair. “It isn’t a lie! You’re very handsome!”
He closed his eyes and shook his head. “But my face…”
“It’s beautiful,” Liz insisted, her voice barely more than a whisper. “The most beautiful thing I have ever seen. My Adam…”
“Your Mister Nobody?” he asked, his eyes twinkling in jest.
“My Adam,” she corrected him.
With that, she pulled him down for a kiss. Not only did his mouth claim hers, but his tongue did as well. Having never been kissed in such a way, Liz gasped.
When his mouth departed, Adam lifted her off her feet and spun her in a circle. Her bonnet flew from her head and landed near the tree.
Their tree.
When he put her back on the ground, Adam whispered in her ear, against her hair. “My Liz. My Miss BB.”
“No.” She shook her head. “Have you forgotten what that stands for?”
“Miss Blue-deviled bluestocking?”
“Yes! You shouldn’t call me that, since I am hardly blue-deviled anymore!” Liz laid her palms against his cheeks, giving both sides of his face a gentle caress. “I believe I am officially the happiest girl in the world!”
Epilogue
Their wedding took place two months later, in a small country church near the coast of Devon. There were very few people in attendance, which was just as well, because Adam was not quite ready to reveal himself to the world. Not long ago, venturing out for a public event would have been an impossible prospect for Adam. He did not care what anyone thought. Liz’s acceptance helped him to accept himself.
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