by Nora Phoenix
Palani cocked his head, then smiled. “Let me guess, you want to ask me about Bray.”
Damn, he really was smart. “Yes. If you don’t mind.”
“Look, Ruari, you must’ve gotten mixed messages about him and maybe even from him. The fact that you and Kean are close makes me suspect Kean has shared some of his experiences with Bray, and I’m sure those painted a certain picture of him. I’m not saying Kean is wrong, because Bray does have a tendency to put on his alpha act rather thickly, but… It's hard to explain, but he’s a good man, Ruari. He wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t. My guess is that he's still struggling with his identity, weird as that may sound. He hasn’t figured out who he is and how he’s supposed to behave, so sometimes he puts on this mask, this act of how he thinks he’s supposed to act. It’s not him. If you give him some time, he will surprise you.”
Ruari bit his lip. Interestingly enough, Palani’s words confirmed his own gut feeling. Bray might be an ass at times, but still Ruari instinctively trusted him. But was he wrong in that trust? “What about what happened between him and Sven?” he asked. “I hate to bring this up, but I understood he attacked him.”
Palani let out a deep sigh, his face sobering. “Yes, he did, and it was horrible. If Grayson hadn’t been there, I don’t know what would’ve happened. But the thing is that we can’t fully hold him responsible for it. Sven’s smell got to him, and it overwhelmed him. He would’ve never done that otherwise. I swear, I’ve investigated this gene, and I’ve heard too many stories that sounded similar, men who would never otherwise attack omegas.” He stopped talking, his eyes narrowing. “Not to get too personal, but didn’t he react the same way when he helped you through his heat? I mean, you have the gene, so you must've smelled irresistible to him as well.”
Ruari’s mouth dropped open a little in shock. That thought hadn’t even crossed his mind, not even after everything he learned and heard about the effects of that gene. Sure, the sex between him and Bray had been explosive and heated, and Bray had certainly been into it to the point where he had surprised Ruari with his stamina, but he hadn’t attacked him. Bray had been able to go into the room and at least control himself long enough to sign the damn contract. How was that possible? Why had Bray not reacted the same way to him as he had to Sven? That didn’t make sense at all.
“No, he didn’t. We didn’t start right away, as he had to sign a contract, and he never was as overwhelmed as the alpha who assisted me through my first heat.”
Palani’s eyes widened, and a series of emotions flashed over his face, too fast for Ruari to interpret. Then Palani smiled at him, a smile that meant something, but Ruari wasn’t sure what.
“Huh,” the beta said, his smile widening. “That is interesting.”
Interesting? What the hell did he mean with that?
19
Something was off with Ruari, and Kean was worried. Physically, he was looking better every day, his too-pale skin making way for a healthy glow from spending more time outside, from sleeping better and eating proper food. He hadn’t been dizzy anymore either, he’d told Kean, courtesy of taking better care of himself and the iron supplements Enar had prescribed.
No, it was something else, and it had started at that last pack meeting three days ago. At first, Kean had thought the omega was scared, and he couldn’t blame him. It was scary shit, to think about another attack. Kean hadn’t been here during the first one, but he’d talked about it both with his brother and with Bray. Palani had choked up as he explained how worried they had been for Vieno, and Bray’s voice had cracked as he recounted losing one of his men.
The idea of something like that happening again was enough to scare anyone, let alone an omega like Ruari who would have a hard time defending himself, and who had a son. Man, Kean only had to think of something happening to Jax to get all teared up. They couldn’t let anyone near those precious babies. So it made sense for Ruari to be scared.
And yet, that wasn’t it. He’d asked Ruari if he was sure he wanted to stay, and his answer had been definitive, leaving no room for doubt. So what was going on? Kean kept mulling it over as he worked and even during a security drill Bray had them perform right after lunch. He studied Ruari as they did the drill, and the omega was closed off. Hell, he was even avoiding Kean a bit and more than anything, that made Kean worry.
After dinner, which had consisted of monosyllabic answers from Ruari, Kean confronted him in the hall away. “Wanna go for a walk?” he asked him.
Ruari looked at the floor. “I’m tired.”
“We won’t go far.”
“Bray said we shouldn’t venture outside the gates at night.”
“We won’t.”
When Ruari still stubbornly refused to look at him, Kean gently lifted his chin with his finger. “Ruari, are you having doubts about me, about us?”
He had to ask, even though he feared his heart couldn’t take another rejection after Bray. Was it possible he made the same mistake twice, thinking someone was his mate when he wasn’t? It would be too crazy to even consider, but he had to ask. They couldn’t continue like this, with Ruari avoiding him.
Ruari’s eyes filled with tears. “No! Please, no, don’t think that.”
Sweet relief took away the tightness in Kean’s chest, though the worry was still there. “Then what’s going on, baby? What’s got you so down?”
Ruari bit his lip as more tears filled his eyes, a few trickling down his cheeks. Kean balled his fists to keep himself from touching him, from kissing those tears away.
“I have something to tell you, something horrible, and I’m so scared you won’t like me anymore.”
It sounded ominous and dramatic, and yet Kean only had to see the despair on Ruari’s face to understand the omega meant every word. “Does this have something to do with your family?” he guessed, thinking back on their previous conversation and how Ruari had wanted to protect him by not saying too much.
Ruari nodded slowly.
“With your father?” Kean guessed again, reasoning that was the most likely problem.
Another slow nod.
“I’m guessing your father is not a good man?”
This time, Ruari’s head went side to side, but the omega’s eyes found his, and Kean thought that a good sign.
“Baby, I would never hold you responsible for what your father did or does. It doesn’t change how I see you, how I feel about you.”
Something changed in Ruari’s eyes, in his face. It was the smallest of changes, his lips that curled up just a little, the tightness that relaxed, the hint of a sparkle returning to his eyes. Encouraged, Kean pressed forward.
“You have to know by now I’m crazy about you,” he said, his body tingling when Ruari sent him the sweetest smile in response.
“I’m crazy about you too. I know it’s soon, but…”
“But it feels right,” Kean answered, his heart dancing in his chest after Ruari’s admission. He hadn’t been mistaken then. This was it, his chance at happiness. He would not fuck this up.
“It does,” Ruari admitted.
Kean cupped his cheek. “You can tell me or not, it’s your choice, but I promise you, baby, that it won’t change how I feel about you.”
Something seemed to lift off Ruari’s shoulders. “I’d rather not tell you until I have to,” he said. “But I told Palani 'cause I wanted him and Lidon to know.”
Kean fought hard to keep the surprise at that remark off his face. Ruari had talked to Palani about his father? That meant that…the pack meeting where Ruari had walked out after learning about the first attack… Kean connected the dots in his head, and a picture emerged. Ruari’s father had to be connected to the attacks on the ranch. Well, that explained a lot, including his reluctance to tell Kean and why he had told Palani.
“Then we’re all good, baby. Nothing more to worry about.”
Ruari stepped close and Kean’s arms snuggled around him as the omega rose on his toes and offered his mouth
for a sweet kiss.
“Thank you,” Ruari whispered, then kissed him again.
Kean opened his mouth, desperate for a full taste of his… He didn’t dare think it out of fear it would elude him again. Soft lips pressed against his, then a tongue slid into his mouth with boldness, like only Ruari could do. He recognized his taste already, that sweet, spicy mix that was uniquely his, as his hands reached around Ruari’s waist to pull him closer, that lithe body fitting perfectly against his.
Ruari wasn’t shy about holding onto him, one hand sneaking around him to grab his ass, kneading it. Kean let out a low rumble into Ruari’s mouth, sliding his own tongue against his. He angled his head to get more, sinking his tongue in deeper, exploring every inch of his mouth.
Ruari’s teeth scraped Kean’s bottom lip in a rough caress, and he moaned into the omega’s mouth. “You like that, huh?” Ruari whispered, his voice low and seductive.
“I like everything you do to me, but yes, I do,” Kean managed, before diving back in, Ruari’s lips curling against his in a smile.
Their bodies pressed together and there was no hiding that Ruari was as hard as he was. He ground against him a little, just to see how he would respond. They hadn’t moved past kissing yet, which was fine with Kean if Ruari wanted to take things slow, but he couldn’t help test the waters a little.
Ruari pushed right back and Kean walked them backward until he had his own back against the wall, Ruari pulled tight against him, their mouths fused together. Then Ruari’s hand slipped between them, and Kean drew in a sharp breath when the omega’s hand grabbed his cock over the cotton of his shorts and put pressure on it.
“How do you like that?” he whispered, his grip intensifying a notch, making Kean gasp.
“Oh god, yes…”
Ruari’s tongue continued its erotic dance with his as his hand started making slow, hard circles against his dick. Sweat broke out on his back and a flush of pleasure crept up his neck. “Ruari…” he breathed.
The omega kept up his slow torture, bringing Kean closer and closer to the brink, his cock leaking and his breathing labored. “Ruari,” he grunted again, as much in a plea as a warning.
Ruari’s hand clinched hard around his cock, sending a shock through Kean. He hissed, and when the omega repeated the move, he lost the fight and came with a raw noise, clenching his eyes shut even as Ruari’s mouth caught his sounds.
He kept rubbing him until he’d stopped trembling, then pulled back, shooting Kean a sexy smile that made him want to kiss his swollen, red lips all over again. “That was…ungh,” he managed.
“Good?”
“So good.”
He pressed a soft kiss on those kissable lips. “Thank you.”
A sound made them both look sideways. Bray stood in the hallway, his cheeks flushed and his eyes blazing with something Kean couldn’t decipher.
“You two need to get a room,” the alpha said, his voice low and husky, before stalking off.
Kean watched him until he was out of sight. Was it his imagination or had Bray looked…jealous?
Ruari didn’t need a doctor to tell him what was about to happen. He could feel it in his body, the awakening of something that had lain dormant since the pregnancy. It worried him, and that was an understatement. After everything he had learned about the gene, he didn’t think he would feel relaxed about being in heat ever again.
Being on the ranch offered him some kind of protection as he would be safe in the omega bunkhouse. But even then, he wasn’t guaranteed a positive experience. He'd discussed it with Enar, and the doctor had assured him he could help Ruari find an alpha to help him through his heat. That had been before he'd started dating Kean, before he'd discovered Jax’s biological father was here.
Kean’s and Bray’s presence made it a hell of a lot more complicated. He would’ve asked Kean to help him, knowing they were headed to more intimacy anyway—god, that make-out session two days ago in the hallway had been hot; he’d almost come himself from pleasuring Kean—but he remembered Enar’s little speech about the importance of an alpha. Not just that, but an alpha taking him without a condom. The condom hadn’t worked last time, and now he would have to trust going bare with just Enar’s birth control methods to prevent another pregnancy.
And not only that, but he also remembered from his research into the gene that gene carriers were far more fertile. That made going through a heat incredibly risky. You only had to look at Sven to see what could happen, and he was in a committed relationship, so it wasn’t that big of a deal for him. For Ruari, that was different, so what did he do now?
The weird thing was that it didn’t even scare him so much to become pregnant again, though it would be hell on his body this soon. No, it wasn’t that, nor the idea of raising children on his own. He hadn’t known how strong he was until he had no choice, and now there was little that fazed him.
No, what had him worried was once again risking legal implications and complications if he ended up pregnant. If he had the bad luck of encountering an alpha who was hell-bent on getting access to his child, he'd be fucked. Bray had proven to be honorable, only asking to meet his son and not once mentioning legal strategies to realize his goal, but not all alphas were like that.
Maybe he was overthinking things and the risk of a pregnancy wasn’t as big as he made it out to be, but he couldn’t help worrying. Enar had told him all alphas on the ranch were good men, but he had a hard time imagining himself with anyone. Anyone but Kean, that was, and he wasn’t an alpha, so where did that leave Ruari?
His thoughts went to Bray once again. They had experienced good sexual chemistry, he mused, even if Bray hadn’t been able to fully satisfy that desperate craving inside him during his heat. At first, he’d blamed Bray for that, but with what he had learned since, he’d realized it was because of the gene. If Bray had not used condoms, the outcome might have been different.
And in every other sense, they had been a good match. God, the man had a glorious dick, thick and long and perfect to take him hard, exactly the way he liked it. He had never been one to have a lot of one-night stands, but he’d done his fair share of experimenting before his first heat, and his experience had been that a lot of alphas were more careful with him than he'd like them to be. He got that many omegas were fragile, but he wasn’t. At least, not during his heat.
But it wasn’t like he could ask Bray, right? That would be majorly awkward not just for himself, but also for Kean. Kind of an insult to the beta, asking his alpha ex-boyfriend instead of him. No, Ruari couldn’t do that to him and it would be awkward for himself and Bray, not to mention he would lose all credibility if he wouldn’t allow Bray full access to his own child but then asked him to help him through his heat. That would be hypocritical, and Ruari couldn’t stand that. No, Bray wasn’t an option, so why did his mind keep returning to him?
“Ruari, can I talk to you for a sec?” Kean asked.
Ruari had been so deep in thought, he hadn’t even realized Kean had walked into the kitchen.
“Hi,” he said, almost automatically raising his head for a kiss, and Kean didn’t disappoint him. He leaned in and covered Ruari his mouth with his, taking his time for a deep, sensual kiss that left them both panting.
“Mmm, you’re such a good kisser,” Ruari sighed.
Kean set himself down at the table next to him and sent him a soft smile. “I could say the same about you, baby.”
“What did you want to talk to me about?” Ruari asked.
Kean averted his eyes, looking at the table, and Ruari’s adrenaline spiked. This was not the look of someone who had something innocent to ask. This was the look of someone who had to bring up something that wasn’t good. With bated breath, he awaited Kean’s response.
“Two of the men have approached me to tell me that your scent is starting to affect them. You need to seclude yourself in the bunkhouse, baby. I hate to say this to you, but I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
Ruari didn’t understand why, but tears formed in his eyes. He hated that he had this effect on people without wanting to. It wasn’t fair, not to the men and not to him. This was the part about the gene he hated most. In creating it, these men—these monsters—had made him into a seducer, something and someone he didn’t want to be.
“I know. I realized today that I could feel my heat coming,” he said softly. It had to be hard for Kean, not just knowing that others could smell him, but being unable to help Ruari through this. “Can you smell me?” he wondered.
Kean slowly raised his eyes to meet his gaze. “No, not as they are describing it.”
Ruari frowned. “How is that possible? Is it because you’re a beta? I thought the smell affected everyone? Or is it not strong enough to get to you?” he asked, curious.
Kean’s eyes dropped once again to the table, and Ruari’s stomach swirled uneasily. “Kean, what are you not telling me? What do you know about this? It feels like you’re hiding something from me.”
Kean let out a deep sigh, then reached for Ruari’s hand and met his eyes. “You’re right, I was keeping this from you, but not for any reason except that I didn’t want to put pressure on you.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. What do you mean, pressure? What’s going on?” Ruari asked.
“Vieno’s smell didn’t affect his men the same way it did others,” Kean said carefully.
“Well, that’s because they’re together, right? Isn’t that what happened, that they bonded with him and his smell changed? Because after he was alpha-claimed, no one could smell him anymore, right?”
Kean shook his head. “No, that came after. Even before Vieno was claimed, Lidon and Enar couldn’t smell him in the same way others could. Palani neither, but they reasoned that was because he had gotten used to him over the years, growing up together and living together for a long time.”
Something tickled Ruari’s memory, something about this same topic. Who had he discussed this with? It wouldn’t come to him, so he focused on Kean’s words. “You said it wasn’t because of the bonding, so what was it? What made those three react differently?”
