by Tara Brown
I wished for a second it had been Lochlan who had been my knight. He was so handsome and funny. I had to give it to him. The weeks we’d spent together hadn’t been at all like I’d expected them to be. He was so different than I had expected him to be. I had a weird feeling like maybe he liked me, like ‘more than a one-night stand’ liked me. It was fleeting. When I grabbed something from the shelf and turned to talk to him, the sweet smile crossing my lips was wiped away. I caught him craning his neck, staring at the ass and tramp stamp of a girl about my age in skinny jeans. His eyebrows rose as she bent to pick something up.
Never mind, he was scum.
It stung to watch him do it. I walked away. I needed frozen veggies and fruit anyway. Mentally, I coached myself. I was repeating to myself that it didn’t matter that he wasn’t into me. It was better. If he was hitting on me and being sweet, I might have been fooled by his sweet brother stories. I might have taken the bait and let him in. God knew I wanted to. I couldn’t deny the attraction, regardless of the fact that ninety percent of what he said was disturbing. The other ten percent was the best, and that was all my brain focused on. Not the good brain though. Not the one in my head. No—the brain in my pants that looked at Loch and instantly knew he would be the stinky-nasty-dirty kind of sex I had yet to have—was the one making all the naughty thoughts go live in my brain.
I caught up to Gerry in the book section. He flipped up one with some hot, young actor on the cover. I waggled my eyebrows at him. He laughed. “Crackers in bed would go unnoticed.”
I tossed my veggies into the cart.
He gave me a look. “You okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Just getting stressed, you know. School starting and stuff.”
I grabbed something with a sexy cover from the table and read the back of the book. Instantly intrigued, I tossed it into the cart. He gave me a look. “Why read those when you have the real thing in your house?”
My eyes almost rolled on their own. “Yeah, right.”
He gave me a serious look. “He talks about you an awful lot.”
“Talks shit about me and then sleeps with everything he sees. No thanks.”
The grin on his lips was infectious. “Maybe he sleeps with them to make you jealous. He doesn’t talk shit. He talks about smart and clean and organized, and Erin says this and Erin says that. Erin doesn’t like mushrooms unless they’re minced really small, and Erin thinks she’s so brave, but I see the way she brushes her hand against her mace. He likes you. You should give him a chance. He’s sweet when he’s not trying to be the lead singer.” His words burned my insides with fluttering and the hopeful possibility.
I glanced over at the tramp stamp on the girl he was with and scowled. “Not going to happen, so quit. He has a better chance with you than me.”
Gerry scoffed. “Please. I don’t do baggage. I don’t date anyone in the band anyway. I can’t focus on more than one thing at a time.” He pushed the cart over to where Lochlan and the girl with the tight ass in the skinny jeans were laughing.
I snatched my things from Lochlan’s cart and shoved them into Gerry’s. I passed him the cash. “I have to go to the bathroom.” He gave me a look, but I ignored it. I walked away and hoped Lochlan would get a ride home with the tramp stamp girl.
I was just sliding the lock when two girls started to talk from other stalls.
“Did you see Lochlan Barlow is in here? He’s with Gerry Ronson. Like, oh my God!”
“Oh my God, girl, I know. He was so hot on America’s Most Talented Stars. Seriously. I voted for him every night. I couldn’t believe when he got kicked off the show.”
Had I been under a rock? He was on a show? That was how everyone knew him. That was why he hid on the bus and in public places. He was like legit famous. Oh my God. I had called him a sleazy bar musician. Oh God.
They continued to natter on. “He beat the crap out of some guy backstage one night.”
“I don’t give a shit—that makes him hotter. What were they thinking? He’s smoking and unruly. I heard that he’s single. I am so glad he joined Thin Ice.”
“I know, right? He’s been with them for like a couple weeks. We should go one night to one of the bars. My cousin Mandy went and said Lochlan kissed her after a show.”
My guts were burning. I felt nauseated. He was such a pig. Why did they care what he was doing? Chasing celebrities made no sense to me. They were just people. Usually sleazy people.
I flushed and walked out of the stall. I wondered if he was an actual musician, like a good one? If he was, that meant it was his first time in a band, because he was an actual singer . . . who could do the show alone. He was famous, and I was mocking him constantly and calling him a starving artist. Oh God. How had I not known?
I hated nothing, like I did reality TV. I hadn’t watched anything since the first season of The Bachelorette. I liked crime dramas better. I washed my hands and looked up at the perplexed look on my face. My cheeks were burning and I was sweating for no reason at all.
I left quickly before they saw me. I didn’t even know why. I just didn’t want to be the girl with the guy in the band.
When I got back up to Gerry and Lochlan, the sexy chick was gone and Lochlan had a weird look on his face. He scowled at me and pushed the cart out to the car. I looked at Gerry but his expression didn’t help either. They were quiet.
Had I done something?
We drove in silence. I didn’t even dare to try to make conversation. Something had clearly gone wrong.
When we stopped at Gerry’s apartment, Lochlan got out and helped carry everything up to the door. I climbed out to help but Lochlan had it all in his huge arms. Gerry gave me a hug but looked at Loch first. “Lochlan, the hide-away key is under the mailbox.” He turned back to me. “It was lovely to meet you. I suppose we’ll see you at a show then?”
I opened my mouth to say no, but I couldn’t. I wanted to see it, now that I knew the truth behind it. And I wanted to say yes to Gerry. I liked him. “Yeah. When is the next one?”
He smirked like he was daring me to come. “Tomorrow night.”
“Okay, good. I’ll see you then.” The conversation was awkward. I was awkward. I didn’t know what had changed. I didn’t want to know.
I got back into the car. When Lochlan got back in, he gave me a look.
“What?” I asked.
He shook his head dismissively. “You hungry?”
Not in the mood for his bizarre behavior, I looked out the window. “No, thanks.”
When he parked outside of our place, I dreaded dragging everything up the stairs, but he grabbed most of it. I grabbed a couple things and ran and got the door for him. He was halfway up the second flight of stairs when a watermelon started to slip from his hands. I didn’t notice until he had it pinned to the wall and wasn’t walking.
He nodded at me. “Grab this.”
I slid my free arm under it, cradling the huge thing in my bicep. Our bodies were pressed against each other. I froze mid-rescue when he smelled my hair.
Lifting it out safely, I quickly ran up the stairs with my now full arms.
He smelled my hair? What was that? Was he turning on the charms? Shit. . . . Hair smelling was pretty hot. Unless he was like, ‘what was that bad smell’ and then smelled my head? Or if he was a crazy stalker, that wasn’t hot. Shit, did my hair stink?
I placed down the bags and unlocked the door for him. He didn’t even thank me. He dumped everything on the counter and started putting it all away.
I gave him a confused look. “What happened at Costco? Why were you and Gerry suddenly not talking? Was it me? Is he mad about something?”
He stopped and watched me for a second. “He thinks I should ask you out and try to keep my rep a little cleaner. He thinks a nice girl like you is the answer.”
“Nice girls don’t like boys like you.” I swallowed hard.
He stepped toward me. “I find nice girls aren’t usually being honest with themselves ab
out boys like me. They’re trying so hard to be normal that they forget to have fun. When you get them to loosen up, it’s like striking gold. Nothing better than a good girl who goes bad.”
“I like normal. It’s safe. It’s predictable and easy.” I gulped.
He gave me a confused look. “You have one chance in life to make it something special. Why would you waste it on mediocrity? Safe and easy is for pussies. Be amazing and different. Be grateful for the uniqueness in you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Thanks, Tony Robbins.” I wanted to be friends with him, but mocking him was safer.
He snorted. “That’s how I want to live my life. You never know when choosing safe is stopping you from being incredible.” He lifted my new book. “On a lighter note, The Brothers of County Claire? Maybe you’re not such a nice girl after all. Maybe you’re a naughty girl.” His eyes were on fire.
I reached for the book, but he lifted it. I ended up standing with my chest against his as I reached for it. He lowered it with a smug look. “How come you said yes to Gerry and you said no to me about the show?”
I lied, “Because he asked me without any agenda.” I snatched the book from his hands. “And for the record, I like reading. Nice girls read.” My stomach was aching. I wanted to be a ‘naughty girl’. His motivational speech made me think about the things I was missing, like him.
He gave me a look. “How many books you reading a week? You think I haven’t noticed you’re here every night? All you do is hang here.”
I frowned and started putting things into cupboards. “I’m getting in the habit for school. What does it matter?”
He grabbed my hand and I watched the shift. He went from joking with me for being a nice girl, to trying to take my pants off. He leaned against me, pushing me into the counter. He cocked his head, glanced down the top of my shirt, and then placed his hands on either side of me, trapping me. “My sister reads those. Calls them one-handed reads.”
My cheeks flushed, but I didn’t back down. I leaned into him, pressing my chest right into his. “Yeah, that’s what all girls call them. Nice girls just don’t say it out loud. They’re better than the real thing. The Brothers of County Claire don’t leave their shit everywhere or have mood swings. They don’t check out other girls. They get me off and get lost, and I don’t need shots and regular checkups.”
His eyes locked on mine. “Maybe you just haven’t had the ‘right’ real thing.”
Shit! My breath was hard to reach and my heart was pounding. I fluttered my lashes at him. “Oh, you mean being graced with one whole night with the lead singer of Thin Ice?” I pushed him off me and walked past him. “Thanks, but I’ll pass.
He grabbed my arm, but I dropped my book and went for my mace. He looked startled, dropping his grip. I didn’t even know why I did it. It was a reflex now. I felt a shameful look cross my face.
He put his hands in the air. “I wasn’t going to hurt you. I would never. I thought we were messing around.”
“I know that.” I swallowed and looked down. I bent and picked up my book. My breath got caught in my throat. I turned and ran for my bedroom. I closed the door and gripped the book to my chest with my back against the door. I needed to chill out. He wouldn’t ever hurt me, I knew that. Making him feel like some kind of pervert was cruel. He was a good guy, maybe a little slutty, but he would never hurt me, not like that.
Not to mention, I didn’t want him to see that side of me. I was strong once. I didn’t need help. I had to be strong and let myself get over the bad thing left inside of me from North Dakota.
I curled up on my bed and started my book. I saw every face as his. He made my one-handed read better than it had ever been. Fantasy was so much better than reality.
I fell asleep as I finished the book, but the night was a hot one.
I tossed once more before flinging even the last sheet off of me. My tank top and boxers felt like a sweaty death trap. Even with the windows both open, the heat was intense. I growled, climbing out of the bed and stumbling down the hall to the kitchen. I opened the double-door fridge and let the cool air blast me. I sighed, throwing my head back. The heat was too much.
I glanced at the carton of almond milk he swore by and took it from the fridge. It was cold and damp in my hands. I held the cold carton against my chest. I lifted my tank top, tucked it under my boobs, and grabbed another carton. I held it against my stomach, flipping them both as they heated from my sweating body. I closed my eyes and moaned. “Mmmmm.”
“That’s a good sound.” He interrupted my cooling bliss.
I jumped, putting the cartons back. My cheeks flushed, not that it mattered. They were flushed anyway.
The light of the fridge shone down on my guilty face like a spotlight.
He leaned against the counter in boxers only. I could just see his tattoos in the dimly-lit room.
I turned, closing the door. “Sorry.” The kitchen was nearly pitch black with the fridge closed.
He switched on the small light above the stove. “Did it feel good?”
I nodded. “I’m dying.”
He walked around the counter. His heat made my skin burst into a fresh layer of sweat. He reached beside me, brushing his hairy arm against my thigh, pulling the freezer drawer out. He pulled out a bag of edamame we got from Costco and passed it to me. I took it and smiled.
“How was the book?” His tone was laden with absurdity.
I laughed. “Good. Predictable. I like that.” I went to put the frozen bag on my chest but he shook his head, taking it back.
He reached around behind me. “On the back of your neck.” I jumped when the shocking cold hit my skin. He held it there, looming over me with his intense stare. I made a sound. I don’t think either of us were sure what it was.
He looked confused as I stepped back.
“That’s cold.”
“Yup.” He grabbed a bag of peas and did the same thing. “So you like predictable?” he asked, as he opened the fridge and passed me a bottle like a beer but it wasn’t.
“Yeah.” I turned the top, taking a drink and sighing. It was a cranberry lemonade-flavored wine cooler.
He grabbed a beer and drank it.
I raised an eyebrow. “You got these for me?”
“I like to have lady drinks on hand.”
I groaned. “Ewww. I’m drinking a whore lemonade, aren’t I?”
He laughed and stretched, flexing all his glistening muscles. I didn’t mind the heat suddenly. If it made him look like that, it had to be good. Well, until he opened his mouth. “You’re so judgmental. Don’t you ever just get laid for the sake of getting laid?”
Even in the dim light, my horrified face could not be hidden.
“Okay, I guess not. Maybe you should try it, instead of just reading all the time. You’re awfully stuck up, princess. I can help you relax, if you want.”
I gasped. “I am not. Why? Because I don’t want to give myself to everyone I meet? I have more self-respect than to let someone like you touch me.”
His stare turned cold and intense. The amused look on his face was like a distant memory. He stepped into me, brushing my chest against his abs. “If I touched you, you would like it.” He lowered his face close to mine. “If I wanted to kiss you, princess, I would, and you would love it and beg me for more.” He lingered.
My discomfort was muted by the intense animalistic instincts rushing through my body. He grinned and backed off. “You want me as much as I want you.”
I shook my head. “You’re egotistical. I would never let you touch me. Not someone like you.” I stepped back and around the counter.
I felt him watching me as I slapped the edamame on the counter and retreated to my stifling bedroom. I closed the door, but he was there within seconds, opening it. I pressed my back against the cold wall, as he looked down on me. His body was huge and frightening in all the right ways, looming over me like that. He spoke softly, “We need the windows and doors open for the cross breeze.
Trust me, you Northerners have no clue how to cool a house off. I got this.”
I sipped my lemonade and relived every second of the kitchen.
The feeling of his arm hair brushing against my thigh. His sweaty, hard body standing so close to mine that my braless breasts squished against his abs. I breathed through my mouth and shook my head. He was right—I wanted him. And even worse, I loved that he wanted me.
The memories of the redheads and the trashy blonde, and the sleazy look he got on his face in Costco were hard to reach with that much blood being gone from my brain.
My attraction was undeniable. That should have been a deterrent but no—my body wanted him and my brain was even on board. Didn’t I care that he slept with every girl he spoke to?
I wasn’t sure that was accurate. He probably didn’t even have to talk. Had he kissed me in the kitchen, I would have done it. I would have leapt into his strong arms and let him have me on the counter.
I held the condensation-covered bottle to my forehead and took deep breaths. I grabbed my phone and emailed Tom to see how the apartment hunting was going. Lochlan and I had been roommates for a couple weeks, and I was ready to do things I hadn’t done in a long time. Things I hadn’t ever done with someone I barely knew.
Within minutes, I noticed a difference in the temperature of my room. The air felt new and clean again, instead of tasting the way I imagined he did, heady and salty.
He leaned in my doorframe. “Told you.”
I sighed. “Yup. I guess being a country bumpkin is good for something.”
He folded his arms. “You think you got me pegged, don’t you?”
I laughed. “That display in the kitchen pegged you. You could try to not drag me into your perversions and overly fluffed ego, and I might not think so little of you.”
He walked into my bedroom and sat backwards in the chair at my desk. He sipped his beer.
I had to force my eyes not to even try to peek at his boxers in the moonlight. “This is a bad idea.”
He frowned. “What is?”
I pointed at him. “Me and you living together. A single guy and a single girl cannot be roommates and friends. I’m pretty sure Harvard has done studies on this.”
