My eyes dropped to my hands again, thin and pale, clasped on the coverlet.
“I know what they did was wrong,” were my soft words. “But you have to understand, when I got there, I was in a bad place.”
The big man was beside me in a second once more, staring into my eyes.
“But why?” that rough growl came once more, an edge of desperation in his voice. “Why would you do that? I know what happened between us was fucked up and all, but ….” His voice trailed off.
And I took a deep breath, looking out the window once more. How nice it must be to be a bird, flitting this way and that, the wind soaring beneath your wings. How nice it must be not to have a care in the world, instead of living a life filled with tangles and no good solutions.
And then I turned back to Jake, my big brown eyes holding no judgment, no anger.
“What happened between us was wrong,” I began slowly.
“And also right,” he cut in.
I paused, just absorbing the words.
“Yes, and also right,” came my acknowledgment. “But you have to understand. I’m not you,” came the words. “I’m eighteen and untouched. I’ve never had a boyfriend. To do what we did, it made me crazy.”
Jake grabbed my hands again, look urgent.
“You’re not crazy,” he insisted roughly. “You’re in love.”
Those words. Once upon a time, they would have made me so happy. But now I wasn’t sure what to feel. Because I’d dodged death by the slimmest of margins, almost losing my brain to a harsh zap of electricity.
But a brush with the grim reaper will make you see things with new eyes.
“Yes, I was in love,” were my soft words. “I am in love with you.”
And immediately, the billionaire was on me.
“I swear,” he breathed, brushing my hair aside, looking intently into my eyes. “I swear we’ll make it work honey. We’ll make this work, absolutely.”
But the thing is, I hadn’t heard the words from him in return. Despite giving my all, Jake was still too wrapped up in business deals, in trading connections for sex, in making sure things happened the way he wanted. He didn’t say I love you back.
And my heart broke then. Because the alpha’s a forty-five year old man who’s set in his ways. How could I change him? If my brush with death hadn’t done it, then what was going to make a difference? How could I make him see?
But Jake was still muttering a storm, swearing he was gonna fire everyone at Safe Haven, tear the place down brick by brick. From my perspective, Safe Haven was in the past. It would never be a part of my life again, and I didn’t care what happened to it.
Besides, there was the now. There was the incredible realization that although I loved Jake, he was too wrapped up in his alpha male ways to even appreciate it.
So I looked away once more, taking a deep breath. Sometimes life is bittersweet and you just have to roll with it. Because I adored this man with every ounce of my being, and in fact had even told him so. But he couldn’t process it, couldn’t sit back and think about what it meant, and be grateful for the gift he’d received.
So smiling once more, I turned towards the billionaire.
“Thank you,” were my quiet words.
The alpha was dumbfounded.
“For what?” he demanded. “Thank you for what?”
“Thank you for everything,” I said again, careful with the words. “For showing me everything. For taking me with you on this amazing adventure. It could have ended better, I agree, but I wouldn’t give it up for the world.”
And the dark man stared at me, completely mystified, jumping up and pacing around the bedroom again, long strides eating up the distance.
“I swear Lacey, those drugs have gotten to you,” he mumbled, more talking to himself than anything. “You’re not you yet. You’re not thinking straight. We’re gonna get this straightened out, we’re gonna be a real couple. I swear,” he turned, fixing me with those penetrating blue eyes. “When you’re healthy again, we’re gonna work this out.”
And I smiled back at him. The billionaire was so gorgeous, stalking up and down the room, planning this and that. And the agitation was new. Jake’s always calm and controlled no matter the situation, and this was the first time I’d seen him lose it, a worm under his skin. So I smiled again, sad but also ready to move on.
Because what could I do? I’d given my heart to this man, and yet he hadn’t given me his. Jake expected life be drama all the time, fighting while loving, and now saving me from the mental hospital. But the most important thing had happened just five minutes ago, in this bedroom, and he hadn’t noticed. I’d told him I loved him, and unfortunately, it didn’t register.
So I turned away once more, heart aching, as the alpha muttered angrily once more.
“I’m gonna make sure those doctors never practice again,” was his snarl. “Everyone there is gonna be out on their ass.”
My heart beat painfully even as my eyes filled with tears. Because yes, I’d given the best gift I had to give. My love. And unfortunately, my man didn’t even notice. How ironic, right? After all we’d been through, to be felled by this.
But sometimes life throws you curveballs, and my only choice was to move on … even if it broke my heart.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Jake
What the hell just happened?
Lacey should have been ecstatic. She should have been jumping into my arms with joy. Because I wasn’t marrying her mom, I was with her. We were gonna be a couple.
But instead, she lay back against the pillows, wan and beautiful. Shit, she must have lost ten pounds in that hellhole, and I vowed to put the poundage back on.
But more than that, it was her demeanor. Because my baby was here, yes, but she didn’t do much more than be sad.
“Honey,” came my rough growl. “We’ll work it out. We’ll be a couple.”
But her eyes merely moved to the window with a faraway look.
“Of course,” she said, voice calm. “Of course.”
Of course? What did that mean? There was nothing “of course” about this, there was nothing predictable about our relationship. I just called off a wedding to her mom, for crying out loud. So what was this of course stuff?
But the brunette was mysterious as a Sphinx. She smiled wanly again and said, “Jake, I feel really tired. Would you mind?”
Yes, I minded. Pulling up a stool, I plunked my big body next to her bed.
“Sure honey, you go ahead and sleep,” was my protective growl. “I’ll be right here.”
And for the first time in a while, real humor lit up those brown eyes.
“Oh Jake,” she said softly. “That’s not what I mean. Go out and do whatever you need to do,” she said with a nod of her chin towards the door. “I’ll be fine here.”
“No,” was my curt reply. “I’m staying here.”
But Lacey wasn’t taking no for an answer. With a sigh, she threw back the covers and got out of bed herself, wobbling back and forth. Shit, it was the drugs doing this to her, making Lacey weak like a foal.
“Damn,” I grunted, catching an arm. She was so thin now, I could circle her bicep with one fist easily. “Get back in bed!”
But Lacey rolled her eyes at the ceiling.
“Jake, either you go or I go,” she panted, out of breath. “I can’t sleep with you breathing down my neck, so either you leave, or I find a different place to stay.”
And I got it, I got it. She needed her privacy to do feminine things. So I tucked the female back in, and strode towards the door, turning back on my heel once.
“You move and you’re toast,” came my harsh growl.
But whaddya know, the sweet female was already asleep, her face pale against the white pillowcase. Shit. What those fuckers did to her. I was gonna have their asses for breakfast.
And shutting the door behind my massive form, I turned back to the hallway. Because what the hell was going on? Lacey should hav
e been ecstatic to see me, she should have thrown herself into my arms, eager to begin a real relationship.
But instead, she’d said, “We’ll talk about it later.” That was a brush-off for sure. So what the hell? Did I do something wrong?
Turning into my office, I let out an exasperated grunt. Women. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em. I dropped into my chair, ready to boot up the computer when the door opened again.
“Yo yo,” came the greeting from my best man Cade. Or ex-best man, come to think of it. “Wassup?”
“Not much,” was my grunt. “Why?”
“Just seein’ if you wanted to grab lunch with me and Mary next week,” the fucker replied, lowering himself into an armchair. “Mary’s visiting her sister, so we’re in New York for the whole week.”
Oh right. Most out of town guests left after the wedding was called off, but clearly Cade had other commitments.
“Yeah sure,” I grunted. “Just let my secretary know when.”
A pause as Cade looked at me speculatively.
“You gonna bring that little chickadee?” he asked casually, nodding towards the hall. “That girl you brought in?”
Tension hovered in the air. But I broke it.
“Naw, I don’t think she’s ready,” was my low drawl. “Lacey’s ill, she’s not ready for that.”
Because Cade had seen how I carried her into the house, protective and loving. He’d seen how I’d given her the master, intent on taking care of the sweet female.
“That’s Amanda’s daughter, right?” Cade drawled. “Like your ex-fiancee’s daughter?”
Immediately my expression grew shuttered.
“Yeah,” I grunted. “But it’s a lot more than that.”
A pregnant pause.
“You wanna spill?”
“Naw,” came my terse reply. “It’s no big deal.”
But Cade’s known me for ages and knows exactly how to press my buttons.
“Well, I’d think there’s something buried down there,” he drawled, twirling a pen in his hand. “I mean, like mother like daughter? You doing them both?”
That got my goat because shit no. Why would I touch Amanda if I had Lacey?”
“Shut the fuck up, motherfucker,” came my grunt. “Get outta here.”
And Cade stood then.
“Yo man, it’s not my business. But by the look of it, you got somethin’ for that honey you just brought in. Like big deal, call off my wedding type of problems. So you in love or something?”
Of course I had problems. Of course I’d called off my wedding because how could I touch Amanda, when all I wanted was her daughter instead?
But what made me snarl and grab my desk was the word “love.” Because was I in love with Lacey? Did I love that sweet nymphet, falling at her feet in a helpless mess?
Fuck no. Guys like me don’t fall in love. We fuck, sure, we make women fall in love with us. But it doesn’t go the other way. There’s too much money to be made and too much pussy in the world to waste our time.
But Cade was on a roll. As he sauntered to the door, my buddy flicked the pen into a canister.
“Listen dude. I just call ‘em like I see ‘em, and you’ve never looked the way you did this morning. Bringing her in, it was like World War Three happened, you were ready to burn down this city and sell the leftovers for scrap. So yeah, mofo. I’d say there’s something there.”
And with a chuckle, Cade was gone, the door banging behind him. Fuck houseguests. Fuck ‘em all.
But in the silence, I sat back at my desk, mind whirling furiously. Because shit, did I love Lacey? Sure, I cared about her. I called off a wedding for the girl, hunting her down, and I was gonna stick it to those mofos at Safe Haven. But did I love her? That was a different story.
Because love means a lot of things. Fidelity. Mutual respect. Adoration. Could I be myself, the disgusting, depraved asshole, and yet also love someone as sweet as Lacey?
And suddenly, the answer was clear. Yes. I absolutely adored her. I worshipped that sweet form. I was willing to turn myself inside out, to turn my life inside out for the brunette. In fact, I’d already done it. I’d called off a society wedding, starting up the rumor mills. I was getting ready to initiate a lawsuit, all because of how they treated Lacey. In fact, I’d brought her to my apartment, and put her to bed in my very own king. That, more than anything, showed that I’d let her into my heart.
Floored, my mouth dropped open, heart racing. Shit. The titan Jake Mason had been brought down by an eighteen year-old virgin. A forty-five year old asshole was now on his hands and knees, ready to do whatever the girl wanted. What the hell?
But it felt good. It felt right. This woman is my everything, and frankly, I was the last to know. I was the last to see the signs, to fully internalize what was going on. Because I’m a callous motherfucker, someone who does crazy shit for the hell of it. And now, presented with the best thing in my life, I’d almost missed it.
Because Lacey told me she loved me. Sure, I heard it up there in my bedroom, that sweet whisper, the way her eyes flooded with emotion. But I’d chosen to ignore it. Because what was I gonna say? “I love you too?” Hell no, those words weren’t even in my vocabulary.
But oh shit. Everything’s changed and I need to tell her. She’d already pulled away, her eyes sliding from mine, her body there but that mind already gone. Had I lost her already? By being a complete asshole, had I already lost my one real opportunity with the brunette?
And suddenly I lurched up, papers flying to the ground. Because I’d fucked up bad. I’d kept Lacey guessing, when all along, the truth was right here. I loved her. I needed her. I’d do anything to keep her with me, night and day, our bodies locked together, her breath mixing with mine. Shit! Fuck! Shit! Talk about giant screw-ups.
And in a few short strides, I was out the door and on my way to her bedroom. Because my world doesn’t work without the brunette … and hopefully, there was still time.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Lacey
I didn’t have concrete getaway plans yet. Because where would I go? Back to the dorms? To my mom’s place? Hardly.
But leaving was paramount, and mentally, my escape was already taking shape. I’d pack up my stuff and grab a cab to somewhere, although the location wasn’t totally clear yet. But getting away was the plan. Because Jake didn’t love me. He’d saved me, storming like Superman into the mental hospital, calling off his own wedding. But even after all that, he didn’t love me.
So I couldn’t stay. It would be too painful, like a dagger to the heart that kept bleeding non-stop. Plus there’d be the rumors. Man calls off his wedding to take up with ex-stepdaughter. Society wedding stalled by hussy daughter of the bride. I could only imagine.
A choked sob rose in my throat. Maybe that was better, considering where I was going … a big fat nowhere.
And at that moment, Jake burst into the room.
“Lacey,” was his urgent growl.
I sat up, still weak from the drugs.
“Jake you don’t have to,” came my stilted voice. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m gonna be out of your hair soon. I can’t stay, you know that,” I added with a half-hearted smile.
But instead of trying to argue, the man dropped to my bedside on his knees. I stared, floored. Jake Mason doesn’t do stuff like that, he waits for you to come to him. Besides, he didn’t love me. I was more a convenience, a distraction from his marriage to my mother. And now that that was off, he didn’t need me anymore.
But those blue eyes were fierce this time, that piercing gaze intense.
“Lacey,” he began.
“No, stop,” I said slowly. “Please, you don’t have to make excuses. I get it. Because Jake, I can’t stay. It’s not right. We didn’t start out right, and it’ll never be right between us so ….”
But his voice cut me off.
“Lacey, I love you,” came a deep growl.
That was not what I expected t
o hear. My face flushed, chin trembling.
“I’m sorry, what?” came my hoarse whisper. “What did you say?”
And a flood of emotions rushed through those blue eyes, but the alpha took a deep breath and said it again.
“I love you Lacey Jones. I was a fucking dumbass who almost fucked things up. But I’m not going to, not with you. I love you, and I’ll say it again and again. I love you.”
My mouth dropped, stomach dropping to the floor. Because what was going on? Sure, I knew Jake cared about me. On some level of his soul, the alpha realized that I was more than another plaything, some slut who would entertain him for a couple months. But this? An all-out declaration?
“Jake,” came my trembling voice. “What’s going on? Did you just realize this in the last fifteen minutes? Why is this happening?”
And he grabbed my hand then, kissing it fervently.
“What’s happened is that I’ve come to my senses,” he groaned. “Shit baby, I’m such a fucking selfish ass. I took from you, making you do all those things, depraved and disgusting.”
I had to cut in then.
“But I wanted to do them too,” was my trembling voice. “I wanted it as well.”
He hung his head then, ashamed.
“Lacey, I have to tell you ….”
What? What was he gonna say? That this was all a figment of my imagination? That in a moment, I’d wake up with a bing! and be devastated all over again?
But instead, the big man took a deep breath and began.
“Honey, I’m a selfish ass. I’ve always dated older women because I like old. I like mature, over-the-hill, whatever you want to call it.”
I nodded. Clearly, that wasn’t me, and his words made me tense.
He looked up then, blue eyes desperate.
“Have you ever wondered why I never took your pussy? Why we always do the back end? Sure, I love your ass, but most guys do both. Have you ever wondered why?”
Spy Games Page 29
