by Dahlia Lu
It was definitely nice to be wanted.
That damn nightmare again.
As soon as he closed his eyes, the same nightmare returned to haunt him. Sayan reached out to the other side of the bed and she was still lying next to him, breathing softly against his arm. He could finally find relief in knowing that it was a dream and nothing more.
In his dream, he saw himself as a fifteen year old boy and Nala looked the same as she did then. A distorted version of his memories brought him back to the scene when he had just killed the Western Prime Minister’s son. He was frightened to see the blood on his hands and the dead corpse on the floor, but then his body was filled with rage when he saw Nala’s face soak in tears and in a half-torn gown. The only thought that ran through his head was that he needed to run away before they found him. He needed to take Nala with him to safety. They fled into the desert, but they could not outrun the horse of the Western Prince. The stallion effortlessly dashed through the sand as the prince leaned over and snatched Nala from the ground. Their connecting hands were abruptly torn from each other.
Sayan let out an irritated sigh. He couldn’t believe he kept getting tricked by the same dream over and over. The scenario didn’t seem all that real, but every time he woke from it, he would break out in cold sweats. Only when he found her safely by his side was the spell of the nightmare broken.
His gaze softened when he stared at her sleeping face. He gently kissed her velvety cheek before he rose from the bed. It was almost dawn, so he might as well get up early and get more work done. The Southern King was planning to mobilize his army to attack, and he needed to prepare his people for the upcoming war. Although their military powers rival each other, the Southern King had Lilan as ally. That woman and her lackeys should not be underestimated. If Lilan told the truth, then they were the ones responsible for annihilating the Eastern Kingdom in such a short amount of time. He had seen what her lackeys could do and couldn’t be more impressed with their inhuman strength and speed.
It was a win-all or lose-all situation, and he didn’t have the confidence in winning. The odds were stacked against him. Even if he managed to win, his army would suffer a catastrophic loss of lives. The thought of making widows out of wives and orphans out of children sickened him in the stomach. Great men in history built their glories over the blood and sweat of the lives they took. He didn’t want to be a great man. He just wanted to be an ordinary man with an ordinary life and an ordinary love.
He still yearned for the little piece of land and dozens of pure white sheep. He would be a good husband, and if Nala agreed to be the mother of his children, he would be a good father as well. They would spend cold days gathered around the fireplace for warmth and the company of one another.
The life of an ordinary man was never meant for him.
In the end, those images were only hopes and dreams of a man who no longer had control of his own destiny. He had chosen to walk on this path and he must see to it that he continued to walk it until the very end. He could not back down, even if he wanted to.
Sayan paused by the door and decided to return to bed. He woke her up with a gentle kiss and sincerely looked into her pale green eyes.
“Nala, would you bear my child?”
If she were a human girl, she would have found the request endearing. As a demon, somehow it felt like a stab in the chest first thing in the morning. Should she explain to him that her kind was never meant for procreation? Her existence is already a miracle on its own. Her father didn’t have a need for offspring and didn’t want any, but fate pranked him into falling in love with a mortal woman. The irony of it all is by some astronomical chance Trent was conceived their first night together.
Fate has a wicked sense of humor.
Nala realized that she had not given him a reply. She didn’t know how long she had dazed off into her own thoughts. His dark brown eyes were waiting for her and he looked as though he could not breathe until she gave him an answer. She could crush him so easily with a few words, but she decided that it was probably a line that she should not cross.
“If by some miracle that I have your child, I will keep it.” Although she hid some facts, it was a truthful answer.
The burst of joyous expression on his face surprised her. He embraced her tightly in his arms and repeatedly thanked her in breathless whispers. Suddenly she felt like a liar. Argh, why was she concerned with his feelings anyway?
“Let go of me!” She shoved him back. “You are such an annoying human.”
“Even your verbal abuse will not be able to ruin my day.” He stole a quick kiss and then headed out of the door. “I will try to come back early tonight.”
If he wanted children, then perhaps she should do a good deed and match him up with a human woman.
Chapter Thirty-Three
She didn’t say yes, but it was close enough to a yes.
He wanted to concentrate on the meeting, but his mind was too occupied with the thoughts of tiny little hands and feet. He wanted to put in more effort training his soldiers, but he was too distracted with whether the child would take after his jet black hair or her platinum white hair. The gender didn’t matter as long as the child inherits her beautiful pale green eyes. When he first saw them, he was so mesmerized that he wasn’t able to look away.
The rest of the day went by a lot slower than he had expected. Probably because he was expecting it to go a little faster so he could return to her warm bed. Even though it was spring, there was still a chill in the air. A warm bed was very tempting, especially when there was a beautiful woman lying in it.
The dinner table had another guest.
A frail beauty of light brown hair and eyes was sitting next to Nala. Trent had moved to the other side next to Alex. He thought that Nala had a small frame, but this female looked as if she would snap like a twig at the lightest touch. He wondered if the girl was another of Nala’s sibling.
“Your Majesty!” The girl was the only one who stood up and bowed to him. “I am Megia, Lord Yasa’s granddaughter. My grandfather has sent me to help Lady Nala prepare for her wedding.” She looked troubled when the others sitting at the table didn’t bother with formality. She reseated only when he sat in his chair.
“He probably mentioned it to me during the meeting,” Sayan said. He was hearing a lot of things during the meeting, but he hadn’t been listening. “Make yourself at home while you are here, Lady Megia.”
“Thank you, Your Majesty,” she replied sweetly.
As usual, Nala was playing with her food, but didn’t eat any of it. If she kept up this terrible eating habit, she wouldn’t be able to bear a healthy child. Perhaps it was too early for him to worry, but the sooner he fixed her habit, the better.
“If you don’t start eating your food, I will spoon-feed it to you,” he said. “That would look inappropriate in front of our guests, wouldn’t it?”
“If you haven’t noticed by now, food is not a necessity.”
“If you want to bear a healthy child, then you should not be such a picky eater.”
Trent dropped the spoon he was holding into the soup bowl. He slowly picked it up again and then continued with his meal.
For some reason, Nala sighed troublesomely. She actually listened to him and ate her food, although she looked most unwilling.
“That’s a good girl.”
“Don’t talk to me like that. You’re forgetting that I was the one who brought you up. It is not the other way around.”
“I haven’t forgotten anything, Nala.”
“She brought you up, Your Majesty?” Megia curiously asked.
“Nala had cared for me since I was a child,” Sayan replied politely.
“Oh my,” Megia gasped and turned to Nala. “You do not look your age at all! I thought that you were closer my age!” She blushed when her eyes glanced at Trent. “Is he your younger brother or older brother?”
“You could say that they are twins,” Alex joined the conversation.
He leaned back against the chair after he was satisfied with the meal. “Ah, life is still so good to me.”
Sayan’s eyes went back and forth between the siblings. “You never told me you were twins, Nala.”
Nala gently laughed, but he could sense a hint of bitterness. “I didn’t even know, but I guess it is true. We were created together. We were originally one. Twins describes it just about right, don’t you think, Trent?”
He didn’t reply.
“Kind of like Siamese twins in a jar at those freak shows,” Nala added. “That’s what we are, right Trent?”
Alex was the only one at the table who laughed.
Trent got up from the table and left the room.
“It’s time for my bath, please excuse me.” Nala also left the table and exited the opposite door.
Twilight cast a blue spell over the flower garden, turning it into a living painting by night. Nala stopped by the bridge and then leaned her back against the railing. She was lying about the bath. She just wanted to get away. She knew her words insulted the both of them, but said them anyway. She knew she was hopeless, but she didn’t know that she was bitter too.
She had always been a clear person about love and hate. It was either she hated the person or loved them, there was really no in between. Now she was really confused. Her words were obviously aimed to hurt him. Maybe there was part of her that hated him. She didn’t want to hate him.
“You haven’t fled yet?” She asked when she sensed his presence nearby. Sure enough, he materialized in front of her.
“You think that we are a freak show?”
“Aren’t we?” She asked although her eyes deliberately looked to the side. “Why else would two persons be one? They have separate heads but the same body, isn’t that what we are? Don’t deny it. It’s what you thought all along.”
“I do not.”
“You always look at me with those eyes like I shouldn’t exist. You think that my existence is a scar on your pride. I’m just the extra head that makes you less than perfect.”
“Don’t tell me what I think!” He lifted her face up to force her to look into his eyes. “That is not what I think at all.”
She jerked away from him. “Don’t touch me if you are disgusted of me!”
“Stop all of these thoughts at once!” he demanded. “You formulate all of these ridicules thoughts yourself. I was never disgusted of you. I’ve never looked down on you, and there hasn’t been a day that has gone by that I… Nala, why do you have to be so difficult?”
“You made me the way I am,” she reminded him. “You are a conflicting mess and you made me this way!”
“What are you talking about?”
“Ask yourself that question. How many times have I tried to run away, but you always find me? How many times have I tried to forget everything, but you force me to remember? Once I fell in love with you all over again, you are the one that fled. You are the one tormenting me and you don’t even know it!” She closed her eyes to prevent the tears from spilling out, but it achieved the opposite effect. “You followed my footsteps and protect me. You eliminated all problems that stood in my way. You forced me to fall back in love with you, but you don’t even know it. You think you are protecting me, but you are the one that is hurting me the most, Trent. You made my life a living nightmare and there is no escape!”
“It was never my intention…”
“That’s a lie!” She shouted at him. “Now that I think about it, perhaps you did know it. You can’t stand the thought that I have forgotten about you. You can’t stand the thought of me being happy without you. You wanted me to love you. That is the only way you can live through it. Do I finally understand you? You were happy over my suffering, you selfish bastard!” She raised her hand up high so that she could slap him, but she couldn’t do it. She let that hand slowly fell to her side. “We are equally wicked, Trent. You have never hit me once for everything I have done and I will not hit you now. Please leave before you make me fall in love with you over again. I have the memories of it, but I am not in love with you right now. I don’t want to love you anymore.”
His right hand flew to his heart and dug into the fabric of his shirt.
“So I was right. You can feel the same pain too.” She walked passed him. “Good luck with that, brother.”
“You have no idea how sharp your words can be.” Trent held on tight to his chest as if his heart would abandon him if he let go. He caught her arm with his free hand. “I had never thought much into it. All I wanted to do is protect you and I made sure to be discreet about it. There is just too much trickery in the human world that makes me feel uneasy when you are among them. There are too many lies and too much deceit. You are sharp at reading expressions, but you cannot read into other people’s hearts. I had to protect you from that. I wondered many times why I always feel the compulsion to shield you, even though we are both immortals. You are more than capable of protecting yourself. The fact of the matter is I couldn’t stay away. I want to deny your accusation, but I could not. You’re right,” he admitted. “I think we have played this tug-of-war long enough.”
“Yes, we have,” she agreed.
He inhaled sharply. “I love you.”
He could hear a soft surprise gasp before she turned around to face him. Her pale green eyes grasped him.
“You were my best friend. You were the only friend I had and I never had a need for anyone else. When we were separated, that was the first time in my life I knew what it was like to be alone. It felt strange. It felt empty. I had to look for you. I spent many years searching and I found you in Thebes. You didn’t have any memory of our past, nor did you know who I was. I was so impatient in trying to make you remember our friendship that I was careless with your feelings. When I realized that you fell in love with me, there was only one thing I could do. I purposely erased your memories so that we could start over. It happened over and over again and I realized that I could not be close to you anymore. I was also frightened with my own feelings. I tried to run, but this world is much too small for the likes of us. No matter where I go, there is always an invisible force pulling me back to you. Lucifer once told me that everything that goes against the balance of nature must come at a price. If that price is not satisfied, then the balance of the universe will fix what has been changed. I have been trying to balance out the equation, but I could not find the answer. We are not siblings, but there was a time we shared such a bond. If I give into my emotions, which is nothing more than a lie, I would be betraying that bond. I couldn’t betray my best friend. I couldn’t betray myself. I couldn’t betray you.”
“Raya was happy to live in a lie.”
“That wasn’t a lie!” He retorted. “I loved Raya whole-heartedly!”
“But when you found out that she was me, you couldn’t accept it!” She shoved him back. “Did you know how long I waited for you by the cliff? Did you know that I still held on to the slightest hope that you would come and apologize to me even when my body was rotting? Your words are what hurt me the most, not the searing pain of the flesh! Don’t you dare tell me you love me now after you have trampled everything I have ever believed in! Don’t tell me you love me now after you crushed my heart with your bare hands over and over again! I hate you!” She shoved him again. “I hate you! I hate you!”
He pulled her toward him and locked her lips with a kiss. She protested against him with her fists, but he had always been the stronger one. When she tasted salty tears in the kiss, all she wanted to do was cry.
“Your palace is beautiful, Your Majesty,” Megia complimented.
He would say thank you for the compliment, only he had nothing to do with it. It was already like this before he arrived and the servants kept maintenance on it. He was just living there for the time being.
“If it pleases you, I will have someone escort you around the palace tomorrow,” Sayan replied politely.
“Would you do me the honor of being my escort,
Your Majesty? I enjoy your company very much.”
“I apologize, but I am a very busy man.” It wasn’t a lie. He barely had enough time for Nala as it was. He certainly didn’t have the time to take a noble lady sightseeing.
“You are very devoted to your country, Your Majesty. I find that admirable.”
“I’m flattered.”
“In fact, I have been admiring you since you were a prince,” she confessed with a charming smile. “We have met several times, but you probably don’t remember me.”
“You must forgive me. I am very bad at memorizing faces.”
“I do not find that a flaw, Your Majesty. You have much more important things to worry about. However, I would be very disappointed if you do not remember my face after tonight.”
“I will try my best not to forget you,” he promised. “It is late. I will retire to my bed. I will have the guard captain escort you home or you may stay in the palace for the night.”
“I wish to stay for the night,” she leaned in closer to his ear, “I am your humble servant, Your Majesty.”
Sayan paused when he realized what she was offering. Her eyes subtly flirted with him. Her hand glided down her slender neck and rested between her voluptuous breasts. For a frail woman, she was well-endowed.
“I am ready to serve you at any time, my king,” her voice was far too seductive for him not to get the hint.
“Your kindness is dutifully noted, my lady, but I must decline. Marriage is a very sacred ground and I intend to keep it that way. I bid you goodnight, Lady Megia.”
She curtsied. “G-goodnight, Your Majesty.”
If it were in the past, he probably wouldn’t have disappointed her. Women had been attracted to him since mid-adolescence, and the opportunity arose numerous times. He was a healthy young man, all in all.
Nala must be waiting for him, so he should get back to his bedchamber soon. He had been looking forward to nightfall since this morning. Thinking about little tiny hands and feet brought a smile to his face.
