by Ava Harrison
“Have you ever felt like your life was passing you by and you didn’t know how to push pause and take the time to appreciate it? I’m giving you that chance. Each one of us is meant to have a journey to find our truth. Maybe this will be your journey.”
Maybe he’s right. Why else am I here? To find me, to take a journey. To discover parts of myself I couldn’t find under the painful memories in New York.
Back home there was so much pressure to be someone else. To try to please so many people. This was the plan all along. Travel and find myself. Granted, Parker was supposed to be with me. Could I go with Chase? Do I trust him? The answer is yes. For some reason, even after only a few days with Chase, I trust him completely. Could I? Isn’t this the exact reason I came here? He’s offering me all I ever dreamed of.
No, I can’t. Who travels with a stranger they barely know? But it’s like I do know him. Even though we have only known each other for four days, I feel like I can trust him. I mean, is it that much different than what most college grads do when they decide to backpack through Europe? So many of my friends met random people and then they traveled together. This really was no different, and it’s not as though we would be sharing a space. Hotels have plenty of privacy. Right?
Thirty-three days since I spoke to Parker
TODAY STARTS DIFFERENTLY THAN every other day since I arrived in Europe. It’s a welcome reprieve from the forlorn feeling I’ve known so well for the last week. Last night was quite the epiphany. Deciding to surprise Chase has invigorated me, and although my heart is still heavy, and I miss Parker tremendously, I woke up today with a feeling of butterflies in my stomach from the excitement. I come instantly awake rather than hiding under the covers like the previous days. I actually feel alert despite the fact that the clock reads only seven forty-five. The dazzling rays of morning sunlight welcome me. They speak of the excitement of a new day beginning. It feels like the first bloom in May after months of April rain.
I walk briskly around my room collecting clothes from my suitcase that I haven’t bothered to unpack. That now seems like a smart idea, seeing as I’m actually leaving Rome. I wonder what we’ll see today?
The Vatican again? We never did go back to St. Peter’s Basilica. We’ve already seen the Trevi Fountain and Spanish Steps. I wonder if we’ll return to either one? The penny I threw didn’t actually land inside, so I could make a wish today. I was in too much of a rush to catch up with Chase to stop and try again.
It doesn’t take me long to get ready. My clothing options are slim. Maybe I should go shopping? I chuckle to myself at the idea of Chase cooped up in a clothing store. He doesn’t seem the type. He’s more of a free spirit. Parker is a healthy mix of both. He might be a world traveler like Chase, but he’s okay in a designer store as well. I miss him. I miss picking up the phone and talking to him. Since that isn’t an option, I head over to the desk in my room and look through the drawers until I find what I’m looking for. Bingo! Another postcard.
Dear Park,
So I have something insane and so not like me at all to tell you. Remember the photographer I met in Tuscany? Well, I arranged for us to meet in Rome. Totally out of character. I’m listening to what you said and I can admit you were right. I did need to change things. I need to step outside my comfort level, so I am. He asked me to go on this shoot with him, and although I said no, I’ve decided to surprise him and go. But do you want to know the really crazy thing? I’m excited! I can’t remember the last time I felt this way. I have no clue where we’re going or how we’re getting there, but that’s okay.
Miss you!
Ari
After I place the card on the desk, the hotel phone rings. It’s Chase telling me to meet him downstairs to head out for our last day together. Little does he know. Picking up the card, I slide it in my purse and grab my carry-on bag. Looking around the room one more time, I smile to myself. I guess the journey starts here.
I turn the corner to enter the lobby, my hair blowing back as I take long strides. Little flutters of excitement begin to bubble in my belly. My impatience to speak with Chase makes me flustered. I see him from across the room. His long, trim body leaning against the wall, his right foot crossed in front of the left. He’s dressed casually in a white T-shirt and gray cargo shorts, with a straw fedora on his head. I raise my eyebrows as I size him up. He looks gorgeous. Chase’s gaze is focused on the floor, but as he lifts his chin, his eyes widen. He looks at my suitcase, seemingly perplexed. His pupils dilate ever so slightly and his mouth curves into a smile.
“What do you have there, Princess?” The hair on the back of my neck tingles with anticipation.
“I . . . I changed my mind. I . . . I’m coming with you.” My heart stirs in my chest. Shit, did I really just agree to travel with this man? Breathe, Aria.
“What do you mean?”
“I tossed and turned all night. I kept thinking what am I trying to learn? What am I trying to accomplish? And then it hit me. This. This is what I’m supposed to do. Step out of my bubble and do the unthinkable. That’s why I’m here. So . . . umm . . . can I come with you?”
“Nothing would make me happier,” he exclaims. His eyes widen so much I can’t help but get excited, too.
“This is kind of crazy.” No different than backpacking. “So, where and when do we start?”
“We’ll start where all stories start. The beginning.”
“The beginning? What does that even mean?”
“Do you trust me?” I nod, and he takes the bag from my hand. “Good, because this is going to be one hell of an adventure. But first, let’s give your bag to the porter and try your luck at the Trevi Fountain again.” He gives me a lopsided grin, and I know he’s right. This is going to be one hell of an adventure.
Hours later, my feet ache from another long trek around Rome. This time when we went to the Trevi Fountain, my coin found its proper destination. Standing in the correct position and making a silent wish to one day return to this very spot, I tossed it over my shoulder. As it sailed into the water, I knew I would be back. After we browsed through a few shops and had a leisurely lunch, we mailed off my postcard. Then Chase and I walked back to the hotel and hopped in the hotel’s courtesy car to make it to our final destination in Rome . . . wherever that might be. Chase was vague.
Our cab pulls up to the marina. The water glistens like tiny crystals being hit by light at the perfect angle. It’s remarkable. The sun sits high in the sky, and through the car window, I imagine the beams hitting my face, my body soaking up the warmth. I wonder if we’ll have a late lunch or a cocktail here before heading on our way. We step out of the vehicle, and the heat hits me instantly. It’s exactly as I envisioned. The breeze is light but enough to send my hair swirling around my shoulders.
“We grabbing a drink here before we head off?”
“Something like that.”
“I don’t see any cafes. Where are we grabbing one?”
“Right this way.” He guides me closer to the water . . . to a sleek two-mast sailboat that looks like it needs a crew of six. A light mist gathers on my brow. No, surely we aren’t going on this striking, white polished sailboat? As we continue closer toward the dock, my feet refuse to move forward. My breath has become ragged.
“Are we—what are we doing here?” My ears start ringing. It’s as though the ground is giving way under my feet. I’m having a panic attack.
“Hey . . . Aria what’s wrong?” Concern is etched on his face.
“You should have told me. I didn’t have time to prepare.” I run my fingers back and forth against my pants. My fingertips heat from the friction.
“Prepare for what?” His head tilts to get a better look at me.
“The boat, the water. Are we going on there?” I’m biting my fingernails as I speak.
“Are you afraid of the water? Can you not swim?” He doesn’t understand the full implication of his questions. The full story of my past.
“I can swim, it
’s just . . . well, sometimes . . .” The world starts to close in on me. My breathing comes out ragged, and I will myself to calm. What should I say to him? How can I get him to understand? I need Parker. Parker always knows what to say. I continue to breathe heavily as I try to figure out the best way to tell him about a part of me I want no one to know.
Chase reaches out his hand, and his soft fingers make contact with my chin—lifting my face up, forcing my eyes to meet his. My lip trembles as I simply stare at him, lost in his gaze I’m able to relax. His finger loops around a tendril of hair.
“Will you tell me what’s wrong, Princess?” Can I tell him the truth? Do I trust him enough? I’m going on this trip, and that’s a huge step for me. Am I strong enough to do this as well? Searching within myself, I will the strength to move forward. Inhale. This is a defining moment for me, a leap of faith to let him in. Exhale.
“My brother, he drowned. He drowned in the ocean and I haven’t really been in since. I’ve been in the water, pools and what not, but I just haven’t wanted to go in the ocean. I just . . . seeing it and knowing we would be on the water, it threw me for a loop. I’ll be okay. It was like the first time I went in a pool afterward, but then Parker—” Saying his name makes the tears start to flow.
“My friend Parker, he helped me.” I look into Chase’s eyes as tears stream down my cheeks. His eyes are fixed on me, but appear to not see me at all. Hollow. They match how I feel, sad and lost.
“I’ll help you, Aria. Let me help you.” He nods and stares off for a minute before he continues to talk. He seems to choose his words with careful precision. “What does Aria say in the game? ‘Promise me you will banish the darkness,’ right? I promise I’ll help keep the darkness out. Okay?” His words sear me. They are so sure, filled with so much promise. They are absolute, and I believe him.
He takes my hand in his, and then pulls me to him. I’m engulfed in his warm embrace. “There’s no time like the present to change your future, Aria.” Slowly, my tears dry up, and for the first time in over a week, I feel safe. I barely know Chase, but surprisingly this man makes me open up in ways only Parker had been able to. In a matter of days, I’ve told him so much, from the important to the most mundane. But even after all that, I realize I’ve felt the safest in his arms, as though he would protect me. I pull back finally, and his gaze penetrates me. Unnerves me. I wonder if he feels it, too.
“We all have different journeys to fulfillment. Maybe this will be yours. Come with me? I got you.” And I take the leap of faith. I reach out my hand, loop our fingers back together, and we start to walk. Getting closer and closer to the dock my heartbeat accelerates, but every time it does, Chase lightly squeezes my hand.
A gentle reminder that he’s with me.
That he has me.
We kick our shoes off and climb aboard. The boat lurches forward, and I lose my footing and fall into Chase’s arms. My slender hand grips his waist for dear life as I struggle to correct my footing. Each ripple of his perfectly defined chest is not lost on me.
“Copping a feel, Princess?” he teases, and I laugh. Chase has this way of making me feel just a little bit better. Not fully, but enough to make me believe there’s hope for this trip even after a rough start.
Shaking my head at his joke, I step aside and walk past him. As I make my way toward the middle of the boat, my eyes dart around to get my bearings, slowly taking in the surroundings that will be my means of transportation for the next few days.
“So where’s the captain?”
“You’re looking at him.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. There has to be someone else helping.”
“Sorry, Princess, I’m all you get.” I try to come up with something to say, some argument to tell him this is crazy, but I’ve been rendered completely speechless. No words seem able to leave my mouth. Nothing. I stand in front of him openly gaping.
“Relax, I’m just messing with you. Luciano will be on board to help me.”
“Who the hell is Luciano?”
“He’s an old friend. His family owns the company that chartered the boat to me. Any time I sail Amalfi, he comes with me. Honestly, you won’t even notice him. He’s like a sailing ninja.”
“That’s not comforting, at all.”
“Just trust me will ya?” He says this as if it’s the simplest thing in the world. And it might be, but I still don’t think I can do this.
“I don’t think I can do this. No, I know I can’t do this. In the past—”
“Stop. Stop, Aria. Your story is not yet written. Don’t let your past dictate your next move. Live every day with intention. And today you intend to do something new. You intend to face your fear. This boat is safe. I’ve been sailing boats this size since I was a kid, so has Luciano. You will be okay.”
“Promise?” I choke out. His eyes lock on mine. Not a hint of humor. His irises have grown and darkened, making his usual steel blue appear black.
“I promise, and I’ll never break a promise to you, okay?” His unwavering gaze penetrates, makes me believe.
“Okay.” He smiles at my answer, and my heart warms. “Um, Chase. Is there a bathroom on this thing?”
“You’re on a boat now. If you have to pee, you have to say ‘I have to hit the head.’ Got it?”
My eyes roll blatantly at him.
“Aye Aye, Captain.”
“Don’t get smart with me, or I’ll make you walk the plank.”
“For someone so cute, you have the cheesiest lines I’ve ever heard.” My words leave my mouth faster than my brain works, and I immediately clamp my hand over my mouth. Shit. He’ll never let me live that down.
“So . . . you think I’m cute?”
“Oh, good God, Chase. You know you’re cute, so shut up.”
“Well, you are not cute.” My eyes widen at his words. It’s like a sucker punch to my gut, and I didn’t understand why. Who cares what he thinks of me?
“You’re gorgeous, Princess.” My heart skips a beat, and I just stare at him, because once again he’d rendered me speechless. Who cares what he thinks of me? Answer . . . me.
I stand motionless, and his eyebrow arches suggestively at me. “So . . . you want to get out of here and start an amazing adventure together?”
“Why not? What do I have to lose?” What do I have to lose? No one would miss me, anyway. “Yeah, let’s do this. What do you need me to do?” From across the front of the boat—the bow, Chase called it—I spot an older man with olive skin and salt and pepper hair. He’s not at all how I imagined Luciano, so I wonder who he is. But as Chase points to the man across the ship and he gives a wave in my direction, I realize it’s the sailing ninja himself.
“Okay, I’m going to talk to Luciano. You stay here. We’re going to sail to the island of Ponza. It should take us an about an hour. Can I get you something from the galley?”
“The what?” My eyes go round, and I imagine the confusion is evident on my face.
“Kitchen. Would you like something from the kitchen?” His lips start to pull up, forming a sexy crooked smile.
“No, thank you. I’ll just sit here and enjoy the view.”
In what seems no time, the sun is setting, and we begin to sail toward our next destination. Colors streak across the horizon like vibrant ribbons dancing in the night. The ocean breeze hits my face as we coast across the distance. The air tastes salty on my tongue. My posture tenses as I see how vast the ocean is and fear shoots through me.
“Are you okay?” I hear Chase say and I peer up at him. His face is laced with concern.
“Yeah,” I swallow. “I guess I’m a bit nervous.”
“You know what I find helps?” I shake my head at him and he gives me a comforting smile.
“I find that if you’re afraid of something, the best way to conquer your fear is to face it head on.” As he speaks, he motions with his hand for me to come to where he stands behind the wheel.
“What?” Surely he doesn’t
mean for me to sail?
“Do you want to try?” My eyes widen in disbelief and I shake my head adamantly. “Come here. Don’t be scared.” I hesitate for a moment, before finally making my approach. “I want to show you how to sail.” He begins to back away from the large steering wheel and with shaking steps I take his spot. The wind whips across my face as my fingers graze the stainless steel. With a tight grip, I hold the boat steady. My knuckles begin to turn white from the exertion. Chase steps closer into my body, his back grazing my exposed skin as his fingers gently caress my hands. It feels like there’s a swarm of bees flying in my stomach as he touches me, small goose bumps break out across my skin.
“Not so tight.” His words tickle the back of my neck. “Point the boat into the wind.” I turn my head over my shoulder and shoot him a questioning look. “Turn the boat to the port side . . . left. Like this,” he says as he helps me steer. My grip relaxes as Chase helps guide me. Together we sail into the distance. The ocean, the waves crashing across the helm . . . and then it all begins to melt away. All the tension in my muscles dissipates as I breathe in and start to relax.
“Next time I’ll teach you how to hoist the sails,” Chase says as we continue to coast across the water. After a few minutes my legs begin to fatigue from standing and I make my way back on my perch to admire the sunset. I lose myself yet again into the bewitching colors drifting across the sky.
“Aria?”
I turn to him, and my hair whips across my face.
Snap
Snap
“Perfect. You really are a natural.” Shivers run down my body as the wind picks up. I clench my arms around myself, running my hands up and down to make myself warm.
“You’re cold. Why don’t you run below and grab a sweater?”
“I will in a minute. I just want to see this sunset. It’s really beautiful.”
“Yeah, it is,” Chase, says, but he’s not looking at the sky. He’s looking at me. I can feel his gaze on my skin. Chase thinks I’m beautiful, and I realize I want him to. Does that make me a horrible person? Yes, it does. I’m not ready for that. Not after what I did to Parker. He was always there for me, and for what? So I could crush him. I think of all the things Parker helped me with over the years. All the times he stepped forward and was there for me no matter where he was.
