by Kristie Cook
I knew it was true, but I wasn’t ready for him to go yet.
I pulled him down to kiss me. He was just as needy as I was, but I took as much as I gave. I pressed, he pressed. He groaned, I groaned. I dipped into him and gripped him for support, he did the same. It was torture in its truest sense. Way before I was ready, he pulled back and licked his bottom lip.
“Be cautious. Even though the Horde may not be waiting around the corner doesn’t mean that it’s safe for a girl to walk the streets at night.”
“Ok. Wait- you’re going to miss the Sweet Grass carnival,” I whined. It was only two nights away.
“And the dance.”
“I told you, I’m not going to that. But I did want to go to the carnival with you. Oh well,” I said and put on a brave smile. “It’s fine.”
“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. “If I could be here by then I would, but-“
“I know. It’s ok.”
“I’ll be back before you know it. And I’ll see you tonight in the Reverie.”
“Of course.” I accepted his kiss once more. “Please be careful.”
“That goes double for you.”
“Deal.”
“Deal. Bye, Clara.”
“Bye.”
And then he was gone. I was alone on my bed, late for school, and I felt as empty as I’d ever felt.
Chapter Eighteen
I trudged to school. Yes, trudged. I was late already so it didn’t really matter. And if someone was watching me there was no way they’d miss the dejected look on my face. It was ridiculous, really. I‘d never had someone consume my thoughts like this before. I looked at my wrist and the string was still there, as real and alive as it had been yesterday. Only now, it’s stretched out to Eli who was no longer by my side but off somewhere without me.
I sighed, but stopped in my tracks. I thought I saw something white jump out of my vision into the bushes. I looked closer, but saw nothing now. I imagined Enoch, or Angelina even, following me to make sure Eli wasn’t with me. I stood straighter and huffed my way across the street. I wasn’t about to get caught in some word play with one of them.
I made it to second period just as it started. The rest of the morning was blurry and meaningless. I sat and tried to listen but ultimately didn’t retain much of what was said. I made an effort not to look at people directly so they wouldn’t question me about my eyes all day.
I did stop by Mrs. Gibbs’ classroom and tell her I was quitting spirit squad. Of course, she’d heard all the gossip around school about everything that happened, but she was anything but sympathetic. She said she was disappointed in me for letting them drive me away from my dreams. I let her think what she wanted instead of trying to explain that it was never my dream to begin with.
Then lunch came. I made my way inside and got my tray of pizza and juice; a winning combination. As I squeezed through the kids to get to Patrick’s table, I was stopped by a big body suddenly in front of me.
Tate.
“Clara, hey,” he said casually, as if nothing had happened between us. He even smiled a little before it slid away. “What did you do to your eyes?”
“Contacts.”
“Why? Your blue eyes were so gorgeous, why would you change it?” he asked with a hard edge, like he already knew the answer.
“They’re my eyes. I think I can handle what color I want them to be.”
He shuffled his feet for a few seconds and rolled his shoulders.
“I was wondering if you wanted to go to the dance with me?”
“No,” I said and tried to go around him.
He grabbed my arm, forcing me to drop my entire tray onto the floor. I stared at him in disbelief, but he seemed just as stunned.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to grab you that hard. I just wanted to talk,” he asked and looked around embarrassed as everyone stopped to see what the ruckus had been about.
“Are you still using?” I asked quietly. His silent, hard stare was my answer. I started to walk off again, leaving my tray behind as collateral damage, but he grabbed me once again.
“Stop walking away from me!”
And just when I realized that the entire lunchroom was going to watch him grab me and spill my food and not do a thing about it, an unlikely hero abounded.
“Let her go, man,” Patrick said from behind me. I looked to see Patrick, Ike and that guy they called Buzzer all standing there. Buzzer was still chewing on his pizza. I turned back to Tate, not quite sure of what to make of the situation myself. He glanced them all over and decided they were no threat and went on.
“Go to the dance with me.”
“No, I’m not going. If I was, I’d go with Eli.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re not my boyfriend anymore, Tate.”
“You can’t be serious, Clara. Ok.” He raised his hands. “I get it, you made your point.” He stepped a half step closer and whispered, but it was harsh and angry. “You wanted me to beg, to make you feel important and desirable? Ok fine, I’m begging. Now stop being stupid and come back to our table. You’re just making a fool of yourself hanging out with these freaks.”
I had thought I was helpless. I thought I needed Eli here, that he was my strength, my protector. But in that moment, I realized that though Eli was those things, I had learned something from him that I could now do on my own; stand up for myself.
“Screw you, Tate!”
I then walked into Patrick’s congenial arm out for me and we walked back to his table with the buzz of laughter and ‘Oh snap!’s and “Shot down!’ around us. It hit me then how juvenile this place was and how I was so very ready to leave it behind.
“Wow, kitty,” Ike said and made claws at me. “Raer!”
“Bite me,” I laughed and took their good natured jabs gracefully.
The rest of lunch was spent cutting up and trying to munch down my new tray of pizza that Pat had gotten me in between questions about my eyes and where could they get contacts like that. The nose chain girl, whose name I learned was Ariel, was actually really cool. She worked at a clothing store in the mall and we both loved the same bands and foods. It wasn’t everyday you found someone else who loved Ramen Noodles and fried egg sandwiches.
They were both something my mom had gotten me started on, her growing up in the south being the cause. She had been a Georgia Peach, through and through. Then she moved to Big Timber, Montana with my dad. They’d met at college and the rest was history.
“Ok, if you say your favorite book is by Jane Austen, I’m going to throw a fit,” she said and looked really serious. I laughed and when I told her I didn’t read in my spare time she gasped and looked like she wanted to slap me a little. I inched back. When I brought up my favorite vamp shows, she settled and was once again back on my side, though she argued that all those shows were based on books and that I should read them. I respectfully declined.
Math was brutal and long. Art was a disaster without Eli there to help me. When I eventually slinked into the house to find it once again busy and unruly, I rolled my eyes. It was beginning to be so hectic around there, I could disappear and they’d never know. I stopped and thought. Maybe that was a good thing, if impending doom found Eli and I in the aftermath of everything that happened.
“Can you watch the babies tonight, Clara?” Mrs. Ruth asked. “If I don’t get out of this house, I’m going to go crazy.”
“Sure,” I answered, happy for a distraction.
They left and after a couple hours of building blocks and play dough, I put all the babies to bed. I then went to my room and got ready for bed myself, but it wasn’t sleep I was ready for. I was nervous, I realized. I hadn’t seen Eli all day and I was about to see him in the Reverie. I lay down and the second my eyes closed he was there. And we were in the sunshine in the park.
“Finally, Clara,” he said and hugged me to him tightly. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
“Sorry. I had to watch the babies for Pastor and
Mrs. Ruth. I do it once a month.”
“No, it’s ok. I was just worried. And I missed you.” He pulled back and then pulled me down on the grass next to him. I lay my head on his stomach and looked at him as he leaned back on his elbows. “Tell me all about school today.”
So, I did. Even the Tate stuff as I said, “And so Patrick came up and was going to defend my honor, but it turns out, I could handle it myself.”
“Tate is testing the limits of my patience,” Eli growled, flopping back in the grass and running his hand through my hair. “I thought we only had to worry about the Horde and Angelina, but no, your idiotic ex has to rock the boat when I’m not there.”
“I handled it.”
“But don’t you see? You shouldn’t have to handle it. I should be there to protect you.”
“But you can’t always be and I need to learn to do things for myself. I’ve always let people do my deeds for me my whole life. It’s liberating and exhilarating to tell someone to screw themselves,” I said through a grin. “I feel all girl-power right now.”
He laughed in an exasperated and indulgent way that told me he didn’t like it, but was going to let me have it this once. I thanked him with a smile and ran my hand over his chest. I felt something. I lifted his shirt up to his chin. He started to back away, but I stopped him with a hand on his arm. It wasn’t like I could physically stop him, but I was asking him to let me. He did with a heaved breath that meant a conversation was coming.
I saw the scar over his heart, the one I’d seen that day he gave me his shirt in the bathroom. I’d been curious about it ever since. I rolled to my stomach and ran a tentative finger over the large circular brand. The skin was raised and although it was healed it looked angry; like it once had been a very ugly wound.
“What’s this from?”
“A parting gift from my parents,” he muttered.
“What?” I asked horrified.
“I’ll tell you,” he said and nodded as if to talk himself into it.
“You don’t have to,” I said, but he spoke anyway, his voice haunted and shadowed with ghosts of his past.
“My parents were pretty angry at my lifestyle choices. After I left and ran away, they found out I wasn’t forcing emotions to feed anymore. Angelina told them about a Sage, or a shaman priest, who performed exorcisms, but he performed them on those of us who are evil who may have been swayed or cursed by good.” He laughed like it wasn’t funny at all. “He called it Demoralizing. Funny right?” He shook his head and put his hand over mine over the scar on his heart. “They caught up to me, dragged me back to one of our homes in Amsterdam and chained me upright to an oak tree. Angelina, Enoch, Mara, my parents … they all just stood and watched as he burned and branded me over and over. We heal fast, so he’d wait for my skin to stop bleeding and then start again. It went on for days. Finally, he said there was nothing he could do, that I was a lost cause. My parents said that I shamed them and my mother actually spit on me. They left me there, chained to a tree in the valley of the mountains near our home, hanging by my wrist for five days. Then someone … found me. He got me down and I left, was able to evade them for a few years before they found me again, but not my parents. They gave up on me becoming the prodigal son.”
“Eli, that’s-“ I sighed. “That’s terrible. No one should have to go through something like that.”
“It was a long time ago,” he said and waved my fears away. “I’m over it.”
“Really? I remember some guy telling me once that it was ok to be vulnerable with him. Well, I repeat that sentiment.”
He let his smile cause me difficulty in breathing before pulling me up to lay on his chest. He stroked my hair, and inhaled long and deep before exhaling in a groan.
“You even smell good in my Reveries.”
I let it go, he apparently wanted to change the subject. So I just said, “Eli, I just want you to know that they are the worst kind of scum for doing that to you. You and me, we’re going to leave all this behind soon and you’ll never have to think about it ever again.”
“You’re very set on leaving,” he musing. “You won’t miss it here? The Pastor and his family?”
“Of course, but I can’t stay with them forever. The court agreement was only until I graduated high school anyway. And as far as this town? No, I won’t miss it. The only good thing about being here was my parents and they aren’t here anymore.”
“Where do you want to go first?” he asked quietly.
“I’ve never been anywhere. Where do you want to take me first?”
“As long as I’m with you, it won’t matter where we are,” he answered and pulled my chin up as he seared me with a promising kiss.
Chapter Nineteen
“So who was the person who saved you?” I asked as he walked me back to my house. In the Reverie it was daylight, but we were all alone and the temperature was perfect. I marveled that I had the best dates with Eli, though we never actually went anywhere.
“Hmm?” he asked distractedly.
“You said someone saved you from the tree that day. Who was it?”
“Oh. No one. We’ll save that part of the story for another night, ok?”
“Ok,” I answered. “So … the carnival is tomorrow night.” I produced a pout that would put Shirley Temple to shame. He laughed loudly and shook his head as he sat on my porch steps and pulled me into his lap.
“You’re very good at that.”
“At what?”
“Pouting,” he said pointedly.
“Oh. Well, yeah.”
“I would be here if I could. You know that.”
“I know. I’ll just go by my lonesome.”
“No, you will not Miss Hopkins. You are on house arrest until I get back,” he ordered sternly.
“Eli, I can’t just sit at home. This is the last time I’ll get to go. I’ll go with the Pastor and his family.”
“Oh, they go to the carnival too? That should be fine then. Just stay with them at all times.”
“What are you so worried about? Didn’t Enoch and Angelina follow you out of town?”
“Yeah, they did. I just don’t want to take any chances. I don’t want you alone.”
“Is there something you’re not telling me?”
“CB,” he chided. “Don’t worry so much, love.” I gulped at that word and then took a deep breath. He slid his hand up my spine and back down again as I stared at him. “It’s my job to worry.”
“I thought I saw someone following me today,” I said, but his hand stopped moving on my back and I regretted bringing it up. “Something … I don’t know. It may be nothing, but I could’ve sworn I saw something white moving and following me in the bushes.”
“Well, more reason to be extra careful. Please, Clara.”
“Sure,” I said and was a little confused at how he didn’t flip out about it.
“I better go and let you sleep.”
“Where are you?”
“I’m not going to say, just in case. But not too far. I couldn’t go very far from you.”
“Aha. Will I see you tomorrow night? When I get back from the carnival?”
“Yep, I’ll be right here waiting . Be careful.”
“I will. You, too.”
He leaned down and kissed me, his fingers circling my wrist lovingly. His thumb rubbed my skin as his mouth moved and took mine deliciously. He then lifted me from his lap and with one final kiss to the top of my head, he turned to go.
He stopped to call over his shoulder.
“Have fun tomorrow night, why don’t you?”
“I’ll try,” I shot back. “My boyfriend’s out of town so it kind of sucks.”
He smirked and waved as he said, “Bye, Clara Belle. See you soon.”
“Bye.”
Then I opened my eyes to the plaster ceiling above my bed. After a few minutes of sulking, I fell asleep.
***
The next school day was pretty much the same, minus
the lunchroom Tate scene. I talked to the Pastor and he said they were going to the carnival and I was welcome to tag along. He was surprised I wasn’t going with my friends. I said I was looking for a quiet night out.
On the way to the carnival as we walked, I could have sworn I saw that white thing again in the bushes as we passed. I looked closer but never saw anything and it would have been suspicious to go check, so I let it go. Reluctantly.
The Sweet Grass Carnival was in full swing when we arrived. The Ferris Wheel was the main attraction as always, with the line all the way back to the funnel cakes. I followed them around for a while before needing a break from the begging for more cotton candy. I went and got myself a diet soda and leaned against the side of the booth as I sipped it.
“Hey, Hopkins.”
I turned to see Ariel and Patrick sidling up to me. It was dark by now and the pavement under our feet looked as black as dark water under the dim lights of the booths and rides.
“Hey! What are you guys doing?”
“Waiting for the Ferris Wheel to open up a little,” Patrick explained. “They really should bring two. It’s ridiculous.”
“Yeah,” I answered, “I know. I didn’t get to ride at all last year.”
“Well, come with us. Where’s Eli?” he asked looking around for him.
“He’s not here.”
“Trouble in paradise?”
“Nah. He just had some things to do out of town,” I said quietly and decided to change the subject. “So, does Mrs. May have a booth? I could chow down on some sweet potato fries right now.”
“Yeah she does,” Ariel said and looped her arm through mine, “and they’re just as good as last year.”
Patrick flanked my other side and we laughed at some mimes who were horribly impersonating a cheerleading squad. I guess that was the point. Then we passed Mike, Dee and Sarah. The dance must have been over already.
Mike was throwing rings onto glass milk bottle necks and cursing every time he missed one … which was every time. Dee and Sarah saw us and I knew an altercation was inevitable. I sipped my soda and looked away but that only made it worse.
