by Kristie Cook
Julian doesn’t say anything. His silence enrages me even further.
A wave of disgust passes through me. Or what I thought was disgust. It turns out it’s nausea. I throw up everywhere. Everything I ate today is purged from me. Marcus holds my hair out of my face. Rio goes downstairs to get something.
Finally I have nothing left to throw up. Rio comes back; Marcus takes the water and towel from him. He wets the towel and wipes my face.
“It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay. He can’t hurt her now,” Marcus says.
“Maybe he’ll try to hurt her again. What’s to stop him?”
“Me.”
I burst into tears. He holds me. I mumble in his ear, “Get me out of here, please. I can’t stay here.” Moments later I am in his arms. He looks into my eyes and gently pulls my head to his chest and we fly away—away from Julian, away from the worst day of my life.
Marcus lands us on a mountain range that overlooks a stretch of trees.
He puts me down. I look around and nothing looks familiar.
“Where are we?”
“We’re on the Green Mountains, upstate.”
I look around again; everything is clear and beautiful.
“I come here when I need to think,” he says softly.
I can’t bring myself to answer. I don’t want to carry on a conversation. I want the last few days not to have happened.
It’s like Marcus could read my mind because he says, “You can’t undo it, Emmy. No matter how much you want to. And I’m truly sorry for that.”
I turn to tell him what I have never admitted to another living human being.
“Marcus, I’m a mistake. If I had never been born, her life would have been so much better.”
“That is not true. You’re the only good thing that came out of her experience.”
“You know what the worst part is?”
“What?”
“There is a part of me, a small stupid, crazy part of me, that has always wanted to know my father.”
“That’s understandable. It’s something you were denied in your life, and you have every right to fantasize about that.”
“My whole life is just one big mistake,” I cry. He comes closer and puts his arm around me. I pull away from his embrace.
“Please don’t comfort me.”
“Why?”
“I’m not yours to comfort.”
He is about to argue but then thinks better of it and flies away. I want to call him back. But I can’t. He’s not mine. The only thing that’s truly mine is this bottomless despair.
***
The next morning, I wake up and look at the clock next to the bed.
I throw on some clothes and head outside. The twins are at my front door.
“What are you guys doing here?”
“Your wave was that of a girl who was on a mission,” Rio.
“I’m really sorry he did that to your mom. One day I’ll tell you our Core; you’ll see that we’re not unfamiliar with pain,” Miku offers.
“The only one who’ll feel pain is Julian if he doesn’t answer my questions.”
I march out of the apartment and the twins follow.
Once we get to the house, I march up the stairs. It’s a good thing no one in the house sleeps because I would have woken them all. I call out for Julian. Everyone comes running out. Julian comes in from Rio’s room.
“You think you can just sleep in this house and be protected after what you did?”
“Emmy, let him explain,” Marcus says.
“Explain what? He was horny so he thought he’d have a nice human girl?
“Give me a chance—,” Julian starts to say.
“Shut up. You hurt my mother, and the angels are the only thing keeping me from ripping you limb from limb.”
“I never wanted to tell you this way. I didn’t want to tell you at all. I wanted your life to be free from … me.”
“How could you do that to her? How could you do that to any woman? You were an angel, how could you break her like that?”
“She’s right.” I look up to see who had spoken on my behalf. It was Ameana, of all people.
“Julian, what you did was repulsive and you should be punished. First Guardian or not,” she continues.
He looks around the room. Everyone looks at him. Marcus and Ameana look grave. The twins look sad and Jay is disgusted.
“You need to tell us what’s going on. Why did you do that to her mother or to anyone? Was it a Peel? Was someone pretending to be you?” Marcus asks.
“No, it was me.”
“Why’d you do it?”
“Why do you remember everything that the council said you would have no memory of?” Jay adds.
“And why did you pretend that you believed in that alien mess?” Ameana asks.
“We said we’d let you sleep and tell us tomorrow. It’s tomorrow. Start talking,” Marcus orders.
“Alright, take a seat,” Julian says to me.
“No.”
“Please.”
“Emmy, have a seat. It’s cool.” Jay takes me over to the sofa and sits beside me. He holds my hand and whispers to me, “Be cool, baby girl. If he says anything to piss you off, I’ll take him down.”
“Promise?”
“Hell yeah,” he says with a wicked smile. He holds my hands.
The others sit down as well. Most of them sit by me. I think they’re worried that I’ll strike Julian again. I can’t promise I won’t, but I need my questions answered. So I sit still and let the contemptuous rapist talk.
“When Atourum called the council to tell them that I had broken the rules, the council convened. Then they handed down their ruling. That part is very well known. But what the council kept quiet was that Omnis had given me a chance to say good bye to my team. On my way to say goodbye, I saw Femi at the entrance to the councils’ gate. She was being escorted by a Para angel. The council wanted to see the soul that had caused all of this to come about.
“I told the Para that I would take Femi there myself. As I flew back over to the meeting, the thought that I was never gonna see her again weighed heavily on me. Femi was also worried. She was sure she’d be punished. I told her that Omnis wouldn’t give up on a soul easily. And sure enough, Omnis fought to have Femi stay in the light. He let me take her back. That gave me a chance to say a real good bye to her.
“But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let her go. I loved her. So instead of taking her back to the light, I took her over the side and down to Earth with me.”
“You took a soul from Omnis?” Marcus asks, shocked.
“I was in love.”
“Go on,” Jay says.
“We were hunted by both demons and Paras.”
“What did you do?” Rio asks.
“We hid out in the Hun Market. We laid low and tried to go unnoticed. But that only lasted a few days.”
“I take it they found you,” Ameana says.
“Yes, on our way to what is now Gaza.”
“Why were you going there?”
“That’s where the Hun market had shifted to. We were hoping to find some kind of creation that might be able to help us.”
“Any luck?”
“We never made it there. Three Para angels came and got us. They took us back up to Omnis. When we were standing in his presence, the glow was unbearable. We needed the Paras to stand between us and Omnis to absorb the light coming from him.
“The Paras translated what he was saying. Omnis said he was very disappointed in me. He said he knew what I had been thinking when I asked to take Femi into the light. He let me do it as a test. He left me alone with Femi to see if I could follow his orders.
“He said that had I taken her into the light like he had instructed, he would have pardoned me and sent me into the light as well. But since I had disobeyed him, for the second time, his patience had run out.
“I told him that I loved her and that what I had done, I did for love
. He understood it was hard for me, but they were his orders and they were to be followed nonetheless. I had proven to be unworthy of the light. So, he was sending me back to Earth.
“Omnis said that I had to learn not only how to obey him, but how to love. He said that had I really loved Femi, I would have let her go into the light because it was what was best for her. He called my love faulty and said I needed to learn what true love was. So he sent Femi down to Earth with me. I couldn’t understand why he did that. But I was beyond happy. I would spend all of forever with the girl I had come to love more than anything.”
“What happened when the two of you came to Earth?”
“The cruelest fate awaited us.”
“She died while you were on Earth?” Jay asks.
“You didn’t love her anymore?” Rio joins in.
“Worse. Omnis let Femi come to Earth but stripped her of her memories so she would never remember that she had loved me or that I had loved her.”
“I went to the Sage for some answers. She was expecting me.”
“She? The Sage was a girl?” Ameana inquires.
“It was over a thousand cycles ago, and yes, at the time it was a girl. She said that Omnis had convinced the council that while I should keep my memory, Femi’s should be taken away. That way while I don’t remember the bridge, I’ll remember how much I love her. And if I can go one cycle and never see her, even though my love for her continues to grow, then I would have learned my lesson.”
“All you had to do is stay away from the woman you love for one cycle. That’s easy” Marcus says.
“Is it?” Julian asks pointedly.
“Go on,” he snaps at Julian.
“I was unable to tear myself away from her. Every cycle that came, I’d find her. That would in turn keep her away from the light.”
“How did you find her?”
“She is always known to me. Like a dog would know if its master walked into the room.”
“Why don’t you just move away?”
“I did, many times. Once I actually lived my whole life and never sought her out. But by the end of that cycle I was craving her more and more. I needed to be with her. To hold her hand, to kiss her.”
“So, you found the nearest girl and raped her?” I bark at him.
“Emmy,” Jay pleads with me. I pay him no mind and continue to shout at Julian.
“You rape my mother because you missed your girlfriend.”
He tries to defend his evil actions. “I hadn’t been with anyone in years. I followed her on her way home. She was so beautiful. She had this smile and her eyes sparkled …”
“Screw you and you’re sparkling-eyes B.S. You were horny and you attacked her.”
“Why would I attack her? She’s the only woman I’ve ever loved.”
“What?”
“Omnis changes her face and her circumstances every cycle, but yes, Femi is your mother.”
Chapter TWENTY: ON THE RUN
I look at him like there are bugs coming out of his face. I can’t wrap my head around it. I know what he said. I mean, I understand the words, but I’m more confused than I have ever been in my life. I have chills all over. Julian looks at me with deep regret. Marcus breaks the silence.
“Julian, are you sure?”
“Yes. I would know Femi anywhere. That’s part of the punishment: I will always know her but she will never know me.”
“We were told you were the one who lost your memory, not Femi,” Miku says.
“The council said that so Atourum wouldn’t hunt me down for taking a soul away from her.”
“But they came after you anyway.”
“Only because they know you want to question me. They don’t think I can actually help.”
“Can you?” Marcus asks.
“Yes.”
“Has everybody here lost their freaking minds?” I shout.
“I’m sorry to have to tell you like this but I wanted you to know that I didn’t hurt your mom.”
“You took everything away from her.”
“We loved each other. I told you I would never hurt her.”
“You kidnapped her, you get her memory taken from her, and stop you her from going in to the light for thousands of years. How can you say you didn’t hurt her?”
“I took her because I loved her.”
“You took her because you’re a selfish bastard who couldn’t think about anyone but himself.”
“What we did that afternoon was about love, Emmy.”
“She didn’t even know you.”
“I don’t believe that. Somewhere in her heart she knew it was me. She didn’t fight me. She knew we had a connection.”
“She didn’t connect to you; she connected to whatever weapon you used.”
“I didn’t use a weapon.”
“So, you tear apart a teenager with your bare hands. Good job.”
“She didn’t fight. She knew me.”
“How is that possible?” Ameana asks.
“I don’t know but it felt like she wanted to be close to me. It felt like she wanted to be with me.”
“You think she flashed back to your history together?” Jay asks.
“I’ve heard of Sellers who can recall things from past cycles even when they’re kids. Emmy, she wasn’t afraid. We made love.”
“Then why did she file charges?”
“Maybe she forgot after I left.”
“Why didn’t you help her? Why did you leave if you already messed up by being with her? Why didn’t you stay?”
“The longer I stay with her the harder it is to let her live her life. Every cycle it gets harder and harder to stay away. If I had been with her after that day, in the next cycle, I would not even be able to resist at all.”
“You act like its okay, but it’s not. You stopped her from being happy. She could have been in the light right now instead of living paycheck to paycheck with a child conceived through rape.”
“I told you so you’d know that wasn’t the case. I thought this would make you feel better. My biggest fear after finding out that Femi was pregnant was that you’d grow up to feel unwanted. Now you know the truth: you were a product of love, Emmy.”
“Love?” I shake my head in disgust. Warm tears stream down my face. I get up slowly and head towards the door.
“Emmy, I know you’re mad, but try and understand.” He gets up and walks towards me.
“The only thing I could count on was my relationship with my mom. But now I don’t know who she is. Everything in my life is a lie. You have ruined my mom’s life and now mine. I hate you.”
“I can understand that, Piglet.”
“You have no right to call me that!”
“Yeah, I guess I’m not going to make father of the year. But I’m also not going to allow you to risk your life by being a part of this mission.”
“I don’t know you. You can’t tell me what to do!”
“No, but I can tell the Guardians this,” he says as he look every one of them in the eyes.
“I have helped every single cycle find the Triplex. Without me, they would have been lost. You agree to keep Emmy out of this and I will practically put the Triplex in your hand.”
“You’re lying,” Jay says.
“Ask Rio,” he says, looking at the human mood ring.
“He’s not,” Rio confirms.
“We can’t keep her out of this. She’s already a part. The Council has seen to that,” Ameana says.
“Send her away to stay with her uncle upstate. If you need to question her, you can get her on the phone. Or go up to see her. She does not need to be in harms way, Marcus.”
“It doesn’t matter where she is—the Akons will find her,” Miku says.
“Well, the Akons aren’t the only ones who pose a threat now, are they? You think I don’t break Splashes? You were told to stay away from Emmy by the Sage.”
“So this isn’t about her safety, is it? You just don’t want me arou
nd her?”
“I know what it means to be a Guardian. I know that every thing you love gets destroyed. So I would appreciate it if you would stay away from my daughter.”
“We’re not together,” Marcus insists.
“Good, then you won’t have a problem letting her go.”
“She won’t be protected.”
“You’re a smart guy, I’m sure you can find away to protect her away from the action.”
“Stop talking about me like I’m not here,” I shout.
“Marcus, you know I’m right,” Julian says with a steely conviction in his voice.
Marcus looks at me. His eyes begin to fill with regret. I walk up to him.
“No, don’t listen to him,” I plead.
“So, how about it, Marcus? Do you want to find the Triplex or not?” Julian asks.
***
EPILOGUE
It’s Valentine’s Day and I planned to hang out with my mom but she got called into work. So, it’s just me and Ms. Charlotte. The two of us are protesting “V” Day by watching the most unromantic movies we can find. Halfway though Friday the Thirteenth, there’s a knock on the door.
“Who is it?”
“Jay.”
My heart races and my hands go cold. It’s been a few days since Julian gave Marcus an ultimatum. He said he needed to talk things over with the team and would let me know what he decided. I guess this is it.
I walk over and open the door. He stands there looking beyond sexy with shades and a heart-shaped box.
“These are for you.”
“Is this the Guardian’s way of saying, ‘Get lost, we found Julian, we don’t need you?” I say as I move aside and let him in.
“Nothing’s been decided yet.”
“Well, I know Ameana would love for me to be gone. But what about the twins?”
“They love you, Em. But they are very focused on the mission.”
“And you?”
“C’mon, baby girl. You know how I do: I’m faithful to the end. But that Triplex has to be found. Nothing can get in the way of that.”
“I’m screwed,” I sigh.
I open the box of chocolate and shove three pieces into my mouth almost all at once.
“Chew, Emmy.”
“Don’t start with me. I’m trying to deal here,” I say plopping down of the sofa. He sits beside me.
“It’s been hard, huh?”
