by Kristie Cook
“I love you!” I cry out. I’m on the verge of hand-wringing, like some chick in a historical novel. “I’ve always loved you, for as long as I can remember. I always will.” It’s the absolute truth. He’s got to feel my certainty.
And then my cell phone rings. It’s sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch. I stare at it, refusing to answer, because we both know who it is.
Because the screen shows us both that it’s Kellan.
“You should get that,” Jonah says after I let it ring several times. Then he hands it over.
I have to take a deep breath just to speak. “Hello?”
Kellan’s words are teasing, but I can hear just how stressed he is. “Miss me yet?”
“Of course.” As messed up as it sounds, it’s the truth.
“So, I’m going to stay another couple days. My aunt isn’t doing well. I need to stay and help her out with something.”
“Your aunt isn’t doing well?” I repeat for Jonah’s benefit.
Jonah sinks down on the couch next to me and sighs heavily.
“I can’t really go into it right now, if that’s all right.”
“When do you think you’ll be back?” I ask, my eyes on Jonah. He’s like a statue, he’s so still.
“What’s today, Sunday? Probably mid-week.”
It’ll be best to talk to him as soon as possible in person, even if it’ll kill me to do so. “Can I pick you up from the airport?”
A long pause. “Sure,” he says, but he does not sound sure.
“Kellan,” I begin, but he cuts me off.
“I can’t do this right now, Chloe. I’m sorry… But, I just can’t.”
I close my eyes and fight with the lump in my throat. “Okay.”
There is a gulf between us, deeper and farther than simply the miles between California and Maine. But he manages, far too generously, “I’ve missed you, though. I can tell you that much.”
Remorse and sadness fills me up. Jonah senses this, and despite the hurt he must be feeling at the moment, reaches out and takes my hand. It’s not enough, not by far, but I say, “Thank you,” to both of them.
“Will you do something for me?” Kellan asks quietly.
How can I deny him? “Of course.”
“Jonah and I aren’t talking, which you’ve probably figured out. It’s just … this is all such a mess.” I can hear in his voice that this is hard for him to say. “But I was wondering … this is tough for me to ask of you, especially you, but … even still …” I wait, tense and sad. “You should go talk to him. I think it’s time.”
“You want me to talk to Jonah?” I repeat, stunned. Jonah’s hand grips mine a little tighter.
“Chloe, I know I’m probably committing suicide here. Don’t think I’m not terrified of what may or may not happen. But … this is my brother, my twin brother. I love the guy, I … I love you …” he says, ever so softly, “And things can’t keep going like this.”
I am beyond queasy. Kellan’s finally said, out loud, that he loves me. And it’s done while I’m holding hands with his brother, as well as planning on how best to break up with him.
I’m pretty much back to hating Fate at this moment.
“I mean, if you’re not willing, if you still don’t feel ready, I will understand,” he continues. “But sooner or later it’s got to happen. All of us need to see where the chips lie.”
Trying to blink back the major rush of tears doesn’t help at all. They snake out and drip down in salty trails of betrayal.
“Are you crying?” Kellan asks through the static of miles.
“No,” I lie, but I figure he knows I am. I’m snuffling loudly enough.
Kellan clears his throat. “Look, I gotta go. I think I need a little more space, just these last few days, if it’s alright, so no calls, please.” Once I promise to do so, he adds, “I’ll email you my flight itinerary soon. Think about what I said. It won’t be hard to find him.”
I stare at the phone for a long time after he hangs up. Should I have told him that Jonah was here with me already? How did this get so, so messy? “He wants us to talk.” Jonah doesn’t respond, so I ramble on. “He misses you.”
The pain on Jonah’s face is clear as day. He misses his brother, too.
chapter 32
Classes don’t start for another fifteen minutes, so Jonah and I, alongside the Cousins, settle down on some benches outside. I try my best to leave some space between me and Jonah, but it’s hard. I end up sitting on my hands.
I’d initially argued that since we are a couple, we should act like a couple, but Jonah suggested we lay low until I’ve had my talk with Kellan. We eventually compromised by agreeing that staying apart at school is unnecessary, but we’d try our hardest to be on our best behavior around others. At home, well, that’s a different story.
The Cousins are studying us like we’re the main act at the circus. Graham comes over after a few minutes and slouches down next to Lizzie on the bench. He doesn’t appear to be surprised to see Jonah sitting next to me, which makes sense when Lizzie says, “FYI, I prepped Graham ahead of time about you two, so …”
Judging by Jonah’s tense wariness, I’m guessing Kellan never got around to telling Jonah about the Graham debacle.
Flipping fantastic.
Jonah turns slowly and looks at me. Expectantly. I know exactly what he’s silently asking, and it’s more than whether or not Graham cares about who I’m dating. “Well, Graham sort of knows about … us.”
“Us.”
Alex mutters something under his breath and stands up. “Good luck with this, Chloe,” he says, saluting me. And then he and Meg leave, arm in arm, which of course makes me want to ask someone about it, but since Jonah is still expecting an answer …
Lizzie’s totally panicked now. “Didn’t Kellan tell you?”
But Jonah doesn’t look at her. He’s looking at me.
Coward she is, Cora jumps to her feet. “Er, I think I’ll go join those two.” And then she flees.
Jonah sighs heavily. “What exactly did my brother fail to tell me?”
“Uh,” Graham begins, but Jonah holds out a hand.
I scratch at my head. “Just that … you know. Graham knows now, since he and Lizzie are dating and all.”
Now Jonah turns to look at Graham.
“I’m the one who told,” Lizzie offers quickly. “Not Chloe.”
Graham attempts to assure Jonah of his loyalties, which goes fine until he mentions the promises he’s already given Kellan. This prompts another question to me. “So Kel’s in on this?”
“I wouldn’t say he’s in on it. But he knows, yes.” But the damage is done. Complicity is assumed.
“To just what extent is Graham’s knowledge?”
“Pretty much everything,” I admit.
I’m met with heavy, disapproving silence.
“I won’t tell,” Graham says quietly. “I know the risks.”
Jonah’s gaze swivels to him, but he remains silent.
Graham continues, “And I had your brother make it so I’ll never be able to reveal Lizzie’s secrets. So, no worries, man. It’s all good.”
Jonah grows even stiller. I’m reminded of what an eye in a storm is like. Completely calm. Sunny, even. “You realize this is extremely risky, right? Considering everything that’s going on?”
“I know,” I say a tad defensively.
“I don’t think you do, though.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “If this gets out, no matter how much influence my brother and I have over the Guard, you’ll most likely be sent away. Lizzie will be severely punished. And that’s only the beginning.”
“What’s this?” Graham demands.
“Does Karl know?” Jonah asks me, ignoring Graham.
I shake my head. Just once.
“Jonah,” Graham tries again, “I won’t tell. I swear.”
“I know,” the love of my life says. “My brother is excellent at what he does.”
> Jonah’s presence in my math class is a fluke. It turns out he’s a freaking genius when it comes to math, unlike me, who still struggles desperately over each question.
“You’re in here why?” I ask as he perches on my desk before class starts.
“It was the only class of yours I could get into. See how I suffer for love?”
I laugh. “You are my new official tutor, Mr. Whitecomb.”
“I’ll try my best.” He pretends to sigh. “But I’ve seen how easily distracted you are whenever you’re doing math.”
“It’s sort of hard to concentrate when there’s a super-hot guy sitting nearby,” I grin.
But then, from behind us, several of the girls who have long fancied themselves in love with him begin talking about us. How it’s obvious I’m flirting with Jonah, and how disgusting it is since I’m dating his brother. The words they use to describe me are like gunfire—rapid, painful, and almost impossible to dodge.
He doesn’t look their way, but I can tell he’s listening. “Don’t do anything to them,” I say quietly.
“Why not?”
“Because what they’re saying … it’s true.”
His eyes widen. “No, Chloe. That’s not—”
I try to keep my voice steady. “I can’t hide behind you to save myself from the consequences of what I’ve done.”
He looks so fiercely protective that I blink a few tears back. “It’s nothing for me to stop them from saying something cruel like that.”
“I know,” I tell him. I want to squeeze his hand, but I can’t. Not yet. Not here. “And I appreciate it. But if this is what they think about me, then this is how it is.”
He glances back at them. The frenzied whispering hushes. “Their opinions mean nothing, you know.”
“I know,” I tell him again. And it’s mostly true. I just wish that Kellan wasn’t going to have to deal with the aftermath of my choices in such a public forum once he comes home.
Giuliana’s already waiting for us by the time we walk out the main doors. She’s so sophisticated in a black sweater dress, black boots, and black sunglasses that she looks like she ought to be back in Italy sipping cappuccinos rather than chauffeuring high-school kids. A small crowd of boys surround her, clearly flirting, and she’s good-naturedly tolerating it. The moment she sees us, though, she brushes past her paparazzi. “Ciao, bellas! Let’s get going!”
“What’s the rush?” Jonah asks as we climb into her car.
“Karl and I have a fun night planned for you two. But to do it, we must hurry. No more questions. Enjoy the ride.”
Twenty minutes later, when Karl pulls the Hummer into one of the parking spots outside of my favorite hiking trail in the woods, it dawns on me where we’re going. “Annar?” I exclaim.
Karl turns the car off. “Yep.”
“It’s about time you see your wife,” I tease, but in truth, I’m absolutely giddy over this. I’ve been to Annar once—and it was under stressful circumstances. Now, to go with Jonah …
It’ll be perfect.
The portal amazes me just like it did the first time. Some places have portals in buildings, but this one’s in a cave behind a series of secret tunnels, accessible only through high-tech handprint and retinal scanners. It’s a beautiful, comfortable room filled with couches, artwork, and plants that looks better suited to a mansion than a cave. The actual portal is similar to a large glass phone booth with two doors. Inside, a small panel appears with a single, silver switch.
“You ready for a night on the town?” Giules asks us once the door clicks shut. Karl flicks the switch and white light fills the space around us.
chapter 33
I don’t think I’ll ever get over just how cool Annar’s Transit Station is. It’s a high-tech facility, similar to a swank airport. Everything is glossy white except sleek, wooden benches with bright-red cushions and the gorgeous, flowering plants hanging above. It’s a massive building, nearly thirty stories high. Countless portals, marked by hammered, copper signs designating destinations, line the hallways. Unlike an actual airport, though, there are no delays, no cancellations. Portals are only closed by a Creator, and only then by Council decree.
Outside, Karl and Giuliana hand over a note and then dismiss themselves. We read the note together:
Guards aren’t necessary in Annar, considering it’s protected. You’ve got reservations at 7 tonight at Haven—it’s two block south of Karnach on 12th Street. We’ll see you two back at the Transit Station by 11.
“What does that mean, Annar is protected?”
Jonah folds the paper and sticks it in his pocket. “Hiders are constantly working on shielding the entire plane. Didn’t you notice during Alex’s presentation that there’d never been an attack here? The Elders probably don’t even know Annar exists, since it didn’t exist when they were in power.”
It’s just beginning to snow, just a light dusting, really—but the small, white flakes glitter like diamonds in the air as they fall around us. And, although there are hundreds of people out and about, rushing all around us, it feels like old times. Where’s it just him and me. There are no Guards, no Elders, no Cousins, no hurting Kellan … My heart, so incredibly full and content, threatens to burst.
We take our time heading to the restaurant, hand in hand, stopping every so often to window shop or to simply talk. The strain of the last year isn’t with us, and it feels so good to have my best friend back. It doesn’t matter that a ton of people keep stopping us to say hi to him, it’s just enough to be together.
After yet another girl leaves, I tease, “Cora told me you and your brother are rather well-known here in Annar.”
“Well, I’ve spent a lot of time here,” he says, completely missing my meaning. “And, if you think about it, despite there being around ten thousand Magicals living in Annar at any particular time, it’s really an insular society.”
“Did you come here a lot with your dad?”
He hesitates, just a second, really. But it’s enough for me to notice a small, fleeting slice of sadness cross his face. “Mostly with my uncle, and a friend of the family. My dad … he was here, but I never saw him much.”
“Why do you think it’s like that?” I ask. “Because my parents are the same. Do you think it’s a Magical thing? Are we all cursed to be crappy parents?”
He laughs. “No. I actually don’t think they’re the norm. There are some Magicals, like our parents, who are so completely focused on their work that they don’t see past the end of their noses. There are also a lot of Magicals out there who are great parents, too.”
I snort my disbelief. “Do you actually know any of these mythical creatures?”
“Yeah. Believe it or not, I do.”
I stop and lean against a building. “Really?”
“My Uncle Joey was very involved,” he says quietly. “For a long time, he was the only real father figure my brother and I had.”
I reach up and twist a strand of his inky hair around my fingers. “You don’t talk about him often.”
The smile he gives me is so sad it tugs at my heart. “I miss him a lot.”
“How did he die?”
“I’m assuming the Elders killed him. But at the time, none of us knew how. He’d gone out for a mission and never came home. His body was found a week afterwards, washed up on shore.” When my eyes widen, he adds, “He was a Tide, which is probably why my brother and I love the ocean so much. He’s the one who gave it to us. And we’re still able to feel him when we’re out there.”
I want to throw my arms around him and take all the sadness away. “What about your aunt? The one still in Maine?”
“She’s …” He looks away and sighs. “Let’s say that she’s never been a very involved sort of person in my life, other than making sure I don’t let everyone down. And even that’s no longer her concern anymore.”
I think back to my phone call with Kellan. “What’s wrong with her?”
“Dementia,” he s
ays.
“Can’t a Shaman do something about that?”
“I think … sometimes there are some things a Shaman can’t fix.”
I don’t know a lot about a lot of things, but I do know that a Shaman can pretty much fix anything. “But—”
He stares somewhere off into the distance. “I think Aunt Hannah very much wishes she could be a Creator and will herself out of her existence.”
I gasp quietly. “That’s horrible.”
“She doesn’t let anyone help her. She’s let herself slide into a place where she’s halfway existing—still here in body, but her mind is gone.”
Jonah’s lost so much for someone so young: his mother, his uncle, his aunt—as distant as she may be. He’s been left with a father who can’t bother himself to take an interest in his son’s life and a twin he’s fighting with because of me. My insulated, lonely life seems like heaven next to what he’s gone through so far.
I take his face in my hands. “You have me. You’ll always have me.”
It’s not arrogance when he says, “I know.”
“I just want you to know that even though your aunt is crazy and your dad sucks, you have me. And I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know,” he says again, and I wrap my arms around him, because he’s here, and he’s mine, and I finally can.
The Dwarf at the small jewelry stand near the restaurant has so many facial piercings and tattoos that he looks like a piece of art himself. He nods at us while talking to a group of Faeries, all giggling over a series of bracelets they’re looking at.
Jonah nudges my shoulder as I survey the displays. “You don’t wear much jewelry, do you?”
I am, as a matter of fact, not wearing a single piece of jewelry at the moment. “True,” I say as I pick up a bracelet to look at. “But it’s not because I don’t like it. I actually like jewelry quite a bit.” I pause. “My mother forbade me for a long time from wearing it because she said it attention.’”
He looks shocked before bursting out in laughter.
I laugh, too. “And this is the same woman who insisted on me being a cheerleader. Jewelry apparently attracts male attention, whereas a tiny cheerleading skirt does not.”
