by Kristie Cook
My words tapered off. “There was a guy standing in front who called me over. I don’t know if it was because something about him reminded me of you, but I couldn’t stop myself. I knew it was foolish and dangerous, but for some reason I didn’t care.”
“What? Are you kidding me? Do you know what kind of place that is?” Eli’s voice rose in outrage, sounding like a high-pitched howl. His body stiffened, and fury rolled off of him so severely I could see it.
“I already know how stupid it was, so save the lecture. Probably all the shots of tequila I had last night made me feel strangely safe with him. It was like he already knew me or something. He tried to protect me. It was the two Hells Angels who started the trouble.”
The memories came rushing back. I shivered as I recalled McNamm’s stinky breath as he straddled me, and Pock’s rough hands feeling their way down the back of my pants. I blinked away the tears threatening to flood my eyes.
“A fight broke out, and I had to defend myself. Weiss found me cracking a cue stick over one of the guy’s heads.”
Eli’s head cocked to the side and after a pause, a smile twitched his lips. “You took out a Hells Angel member with a cue stick?”
“Yeah.”
Eli laughed, shaking his head. He crossed his arms, looking at me with what looked like pride. “You really do scare the crap out of me.”
I smiled, but the memories wouldn’t stop flooding through my mind—the lights bursting, sparks going straight for McNamm, him hitting me across the face. My hands instinctively covered my face. I could still feel McNamm’s fingers there and the cuts where Pock had crushed my cheek into the broken glass. Those would heal. But I remembered how they had touched me, and how they had ground against me. I looked up realizing I had stopped talking.
I became aware of the silence between us. Eli’s amused face had shifted, becoming cold and distant. “None of them touched you, right?”
I couldn’t look him in the eye and lie, and that’s what I planned on doing. I was awful at lying. I could pretend Eli was asking about the bruises and cuts on my face, but we both knew he was asking about something more important.
“Em?” he seethed. His voice was tight through his gritted teeth. “Did any of them touch you?”
“Look, it’s over. I’d rather forget about it,” I said.
Eli’s silence made me finally dare to look up. He stood trembling, rankled by my dismissal. His eyes burned intensely with rage. I had never seen them glow this bright before; they looked like an animal’s eyes caught in the dark by a light.
“You’re not telling me everything.” He was barely able to contain any sort of appearance of calm. I stayed silent and averted my gaze, listening to him breathe deeply. “Ember, tell me.”
“No. I told you enough. Let’s call it even so I can get out of your life like you want!”
“Tell. Me. What. Happened.” Eli fumed, his body vibrating. His muscles twitched so fiercely they looked like worms moving under his skin. My silence seemed to aggravate him more, but something in my gut told me that telling him what happened or giving him names would be a mistake. “How could you be so foolish? That was the stupidest, most idiotic, dangerous thing you could’ve done. You will never step foot in that place again!”
“Excuse me?” I replied. “Are you telling me what to do? I’m so sick of people thinking they can. You don’t own me. Nobody does.”
“Somebody needs to. Not that you’d listen. You stubborn, pig-headed …”
“Pig-headed? That’s rich coming from you, the most obstinate, opinionated, and ornery person I’ve ever met.”
“Uh-oh, the three O’s. I must be in trouble,” Eli quipped. “How about this? You are insufferable, insolate, and infuriating!”
“Me, infuriating? You’ve got to be kidding me! I’m not the one with a multiple personality disorder, who should be on a high dosage of lithium. I mean, talk about mood swings. Do you even know which mood or personality you are right now?”
His jaw clenched. “See any imaginary gnomes lately?”
I stopped my mouth falling open. “W-What?” I faltered under his reproving stare. My worst fear was being thrown at me, but something about his words bothered me. “What a minute. How did you know I saw a gnome?”
“Uh—I was guessing.” His eyes darted away from mine.
“You’re lying.” He didn’t respond. I stepped forward, hitting and shoving his chest. “Stop lying to me!”
Eli grabbed for my hands but missed. “Ember, I’m warning you, stop.”
“Or what Eli? I’m curious, what will you do?” I hit him again, blind rage removing any reasonable thought. “What is your real story? Come on, let’s hear it. Could you even tell me or would you have to kill me? How many monsters do you have in your closet?” I felt raw and naked, as if he could see all my darkest fears.
“You … have … no … idea.” His voice was low and gritty.
“So give me an idea,” I screamed, shoving him once more. It was like trying to push a cement wall.
“Em, stop!”
“Should I start calling you Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? Come on, tell me the truth for once.”
In a flash, Eli was on me, his hand feeling like sandpaper as it wrapped around my throat. Surprise and shock crippled my body as he pushed me against a tree, knocking the wind out of me. A gurgled noise escaped from the scream bubbling up from the depths of my stomach. A fuzzy haze eclipsed my vision as tears filled my eyes. I twisted under his grasp, but his nails dragged against my neck’s fragile skin.
“Truth?” His voice was strangled. “Is that what you think you want? I can tell you, you don’t. Not really. And you certainly don’t want to know mine.”
My head buzzed as my lungs longed for air. I was waiting for my survival mode to kick in, to fight back. Instead, my gaze burrowed deep into his predatory, green eyes, which now had a strange glint of red in them. His eyes seized mine hungrily. Then, as if he’d received a slap to the face, he jerked back, releasing me. He looked down at his hands and turned away from me.
My hands automatically went to massage my neck. The vulnerability of someone’s hand clasped around my neck made me panic and sputter for air.
The weight of the tension between us silenced the forest around us. The trees held their breath in anticipation. “Damn you,” he whispered. “How do you do this to me?” I wasn’t completely sure he was talking to me. He looked out at the forest, a deep growl vibrating through his chest. Then he took off through the trees.
I watched him go as my body slid down the trunk of the tree, and collapsed on the ground. My brain was so jumbled I couldn’t think. My body shook with adrenaline as a cloud of heat engulfed me under my jacket, making it cling to my sweaty back. I tore it off, feeling suffocated and frazzled.
All different kinds of emotion erupted inside, making me agitated and fidgety. My neck stung. I touched the four raised scrapes down my neck, the ones created by Eli. My hand slipped off my neck and fell to the ground. I swore I had seen red flames flash in his eyes, but I knew it was the extreme emotion making me hallucinate. All this was becoming so real.
I leaned my head back into the tree, digging my hand into the damp soil. Energy from the earth zinged through my arms and legs, making my body twitch with the need to move. I felt like a caged animal. I jumped up and started walking. I shut off my thoughts and propelled myself through the forest. I wanted to scream, cry, or throw a tantrum, but I just kept walking with a determination and stubbornness which didn’t make sense to me. At least, it didn’t make sense until I was practically on him; then I realized where and to whom my instincts had been taking me. I had done it before. I simply hadn’t understood it then.
I came up behind him, remaining silent. He knew I was there. Waiting for him to turn around, I felt absolutely no fear, not of him anyway. I felt … well, I wasn’t quite sure what I felt, but I knew I had this undying need to break through to him. To show no matter how much he pushed me away, I was
n’t going anywhere, and he was going to have to deal with it.
“Brycin.” He said my name coolly. “I should know by now, you will always find me.” I continued to stand there, my stubbornness willing me to stay. He struggled to put his frustration into words. “What is it going to take? Why don’t you go away and leave me in peace?” He turned toward me.
“I could say the same for you,” I quipped, crossing my arms, trying to block his hurtful words.
A slight smile spread over his lips as he shook his head. “You don’t really want me to.”
Cocky and … true.
Shit.
It was exactly the reason I stood there now. “You really don’t want me to either,” I said, my voice quiet but strong.
Eli smirked as he turned to face me. “True.”
Our eyes locked. The amusement fell from his face as his eyes burned with a ravenous hunger, making my body tingle dizzily. He moved toward me with a steady intensity, stopping a few inches from me. My breath locked in my lungs. Looking up at him, my eyes searched his. Eli’s eyes swirled brightly with desire, no doubt mirroring mine.
“What about Samantha?” I whispered.
“Don’t worry about Samantha,” he said, bringing his hand up to my face. He softly slid his fingers over the scrapes on my cheek, and then moved up through my hair, brushing it back to expose my neck. I froze as his eyes lingered on the new wounds. For a second I feared he would turn and run again, but he stayed fastened on the cuts.
His fingers touched my jaw and slithered down, softly tracing the contours of my neck and the scrapes until he reached the top of my tank top. My eyes closed as I drowned in the pleasure of his touch. His other thumb swept gingerly across my bottom lip. My lips parted, catching his thumb in my mouth, and sucked on it. A soft moan came from his throat, making the yearning burn deeper in my body. My eyes fluttered open to see him staring down at me. For a brief time we stayed lost in everything we had left unsaid. Urgently, he slid his hands to the back of my neck, cupping my face. He concentrated intently on my lips as he lowered his slowly to mine, which ached for his touch.
A burst of electric shocks rippled through my body, sparking an intense passion completely overtaking me. There was nothing in the world I wanted more. Every touch was like fire. The taste of his lips spurred a divine hunger, a craving that was an insatiable, endless need for him. The kisses started out slow, as we took in the taste of each other, but their intensity swiftly increased as his tongue explored and tasted every inch of my mouth. I moved my hands through his hair as he breathed me in, his kiss bringing us closer. His hands dropped from my face and grabbed my waist, pressing me in closer, and meticulously moved up my sides to my back.
His hands ran over my bare shoulder blade, and intense heat attacked and burned the lines of my tattoo, sending me reeling back. Eli also jerked backwards in pain. I looked up at him. We could no longer pretend this wasn’t happening. The raw power of his touch on my tattoo was too much to ignore. We both stood there, breathing heavily. Then, without a word, Eli lifted the hair off my neck and flung it over my shoulder, exposing the lines of my tattoo the tank didn’t cover. I tilted my neck to the side, so he could see it clearly.
Something about him seeing it made my heart pound. It wasn’t because I didn’t want him to see my tattoo. That was too simple. It was something much deeper and poignant. He sucked in his breath as his finger hovered over the dark ink at the top of my neck. The instant the tips of his fingers touched my flesh, my skin ignited into a flurry of heat, making me gasp. Eli ripped his fingers away again, shaking off the zap. I felt heat, but it almost seemed to give him electric shocks when he touched it.
He dubiously reached out once more, causing a fever to crawl down the contours of my tattoo. The shock of his touch made me close my eyes. Eli held his breath as he caressed my skin. I knew it was causing him some sort of pain, but he didn’t stop, and I didn’t try to prevent him. The heat followed his touch like a shadow. He trailed down my neck until he reached my tank top strap. His fingers wrapped around the fabric and dragged it carefully off my shoulder, skimming my skin.
I bit my lip to keep myself from moaning in pleasure as his stroke sent erotic chills over my skin. I reached around and unsnapped my bra, letting it fall. He went around, facing my back and pulled the rest of my top down, revealing my bare back to him. I grew up not to be self-conscious of the human form. We didn’t run around naked, but nudity was not something I felt ashamed of. It wasn’t embarrassment making me shake like a leaf.
Eli stumbled back. A guttural sound escaped his throat, making my blood turn cold. I turned. His eyes were unfocused and distant. He wasn’t the type of guy who freaked out, or showed it if he did, but he looked at me as if my head were about to spin around and pea soup would project out of my mouth. Covering myself, I reached for him. “Eli?” He scrambled away from me. “Eli? What’s wrong? You’re scaring me!”
He sputtered out a crazed laugh in response. “Scaring you?” I started to pull my top back on, snapping him out of his trance. “No, wait.” He walked back to me. My heart thumped as he twisted me around again, his eyes drinking in every line of my tattoo. “No way,” he whispered. “This can’t be possible.”
“What?” I demanded. “What’s wrong?”
Eli spun me around to face him. “Where did you get the tattoo? Who designed it?” His voice was hard, sending me reeling again. “Are you playing with me?”
“What?” My brain tried to catch up. My irritation flared as I tried to adjust to his shift in mood. I still desired his touch, to feel him on my bare skin, consuming me. I tugged up my tank top, not worrying about the bra I had let fall to the ground. I hadn’t much need for it anyway.
“Your tattoo … when did you get it? Why this one?”
“Eli, what is going on? You’re freaking out about my tattoo.” My voice shook with fear. “You know the reason I have it.”
“Tell me again. The whole story … I mean everything.”
“Why? What’s going on.”
“Tell me the story,” he demanded, ice coating his words. His tone told me it was extremely important, but I had no idea why. “And I mean every detail.”
I gathered my thoughts. “A couple nights after my mother was killed, I had this extremely intense dream. I was walking in the woods. It was this beautiful, breathtaking place, with gorgeous ash trees, rolling hills, and streams which didn’t look real. Even now, it’s hard for me to explain … this place was indescribable, the most picturesque place I had ever seen. There were colors I could never imagine, and the forest throbbed with almost more energy than I could handle. I felt so at home there, and I knew the area like the back of my hand, as if I belonged there.” My head and heart still ached to dwell there, but I forced myself to move on.
“Someone whispered my name, and I turned around to see this person standing away from me. A hooded robe covered the face and the body, but I knew, I just knew, it was my mom … I could feel her. So, I walked up to her.”
I shook my head as the memory of the dream, still feeling so real, played out again in my mind. “She never showed her face, but she placed a necklace in my hand. It had these beautiful interwoven symbols on it, and she whispered, ‘This is who you are. It will protect you.’ Then she turned away. When I looked up she was gone, and I woke up for the first time feeling a little peace. It felt so real, so vivid.” I paused for a breath.
“I sketched out the symbols from the necklace. I wasn’t sure what they meant, if anything, but it simply felt right. It was my dedication to her and the only thing I have left that makes me feel close to her. It’s as if she will always be with me, protecting me, forever a part of me. It makes me feel safe, even when everything around me is falling apart.” Telling Eli these private painful thoughts made me feel exposed and raw.
“Holy shit …” He rubbed his hands over his face as he paced. Not the response I was quite expecting.
“What is going on?” I implored. An od
d expression flashed so quickly through Eli’s eyes, I wasn’t sure if it actually happened. Something in me trembled. His wasn’t the kind of look that made you feel good; it chilled me to the bone. “Eli?” I squeaked. "You’re scaring me.”
“You have no idea what it means?” His tone was tense as he spoke, ignoring my question.
“No …” My nerves tensed as I watched him pace. “Why?”
“I have to go.”
“What?”
“I have to go … there are things I need to deal with.”
“Are you kidding me? Eli, you can’t just leave!” I sounded more desperate than I wanted to. “I-I mean you need to explain to me what’s going on.”
“I can’t.” He stepped back.
The thought of him leaving made me step closer to him. His face hardened the closer I got, but it didn’t stop me. Reaching up, I cupped his face. His cheek felt like fire against my hand. I paused, and then brought his face to mine. He didn’t move to kiss me, but he didn’t fight me either. When my lips met his, there was even more desperation this time around. A slow burn took over me, building up until I almost couldn’t stand it. My need for him was overpowering.
“Em …” He tried to break away. I kissed him harder. He attempted a pathetic struggle at first, then gave up, and kissed me with complete abandon. The dizziness I felt as I kissed him made me finally see what all the fuss was about and how greatly girls had underrated making out. Eli kissed me so deeply, I groaned, making him even more crazed. I retaliated by tugging on his lower lip. A carnal growl came from deep within him as he pushed me up against a tree. This time I enjoyed it. The need was too great, and I knew where this was headed. I wouldn’t do anything to stop it. I would be inciting it. I lifted his shirt, but he grabbed my hand.
“Stop,” he said, stepping away.
“W-What? Why?” Hurt coated my words. I stood there, bewildered, as I tried to catch my breath.
“I really have to go.” He looked down and ran a hand through his hair frantically, letting out an aggravated moan.
